Is it possible for someone like me to ever find love?

Hi there, I'm a 26 animator from Canada and there has been a series of issues I've been facing for almost 5 years

Both in high school and college I found it impossible to get a relationship partner, and I am desperate at this point, this story dates back all the way to high school when I was closed in and immature to relationships and how to start one

I would literally be open to anyone, as long as I had a relationship, but everyone I tried to build meaningful relation with either didn't accept me when I took it to the deeper level of love partners or either had a boyfriend

At college, this point was when nearly all my friends who were females had boy friends and the rest who became lesbian and continued with their lives, so I eventually just gave up with those relations and moved on to my college life

And to my surprise, nothing had changed to that point on aswell, I remember everyone I tried to form a relationship with (most of them were very mature about these kinds of things) but alas, no one agreed, I'm not saying that I didn't spend quality time or romantic hints with them or tease playfully, I did all of that, and it seemingly worked, usually people would giggle and hit back with a response in the same manner

But when it came down to serious relationships, all of them just outright labeled some excuse

All except one girl, who was very studious in the same field I was in (animation) and agreed for a relationship at that moment was the first time I felt appreciated for a long time, until the very next day when she said she rushed a response and wasn't really all that into me, aswell as suger coting the entire conversation

I was left wordless as she left, on the verge of crying and giving up but still, that one experience gave me hope, I kept trying to build meaningful relationships with others until college was finally over, and I had realized that it was all over for me, it seemed as though everyone had a girlfriend, all my close friends and all the other females had boy friends or girl friends

I was left in absolute despair after college ended, but it's a lot better over these years, I just stopped caring as much now

Though today, a stroll in the park made me realize how truely lonely I am, I tried dating websites and all of the sort, people just generally don't like talking to me or skip me

I don't know what I'm doing wrong, my mother's getting worried more and more about my life and if I'll be spending it alone

Any advice..?

It is hard to tell by your post alone, but it seems you don't have any problem attracting women in general. Maybe it's something within you.

I'm going out on a limb here, but do you smell nice, have good breath, take care of yourself? Do you think you have an interesting personality and can talk and make girls laugh?

I don't know man, it could be their problem, or yours. Try and be honest with yourself. There's a variety of reasons this could be happening.

Or maybe you just been having really bad luck

Do you have friends? I would start by asking them why they think you don't have a girlfriend. They will know you well enough to know.

i think it a little excessive to be in a constant, intense pursuit of a partner since as early as high school as if your life depended on it. and i would imagine people pick up on the desperation and run.

it is telling you have narrowed the definition of meaningful relationships to romantic ones.

this level of dependency, when it does attract a codependent, doesn't end in fulfilling relationships, and is hence predestined to reinforce the negative beliefs of ppl about their worth, and their value as partners, and as humans.

i know it's not what you want to hear, but it would be reasonable to take therapy for this. especially since you're still fairly young, and acquiring balance in these matters amps your chances of happiness on your own and with others sooner rather than later.

apart from that, i would open up my mind about the value of non-romantic interactions, relationships and pursuits.

At the time of highschool I wasn't desperate as compared to college, high school was more of a realization stage for me

I don't know anymore, it seems as if no matter how hard I try, no one wants to form a serious relationship with me, at this point I'm willing to accept anyone, anyone at all, even if it's a one sided relationship and they're the only one who's side love is on, I'm ready to accept it

I'm a very clean person as well

But it is one thing I never had mentioned is that I have a few physical disorders but I didn't find that important to mention, it's the person inside that truely matters

I've always ignored that fact but it seems now as though it's all connected to this physical appearance that I have

I'm going to give up at this point..

But it is one thing I never had mentioned is that I have a few physical disorders but I didn't find that important to mention,

 

I've always ignored that fact but it seems now as though it's all connected to this physical appearance that I have..

Can you elaborate please? It will give us a better understanding of what you're talking about.

You're only 26. I wouldn't make it such a big deal. This is the age of getting to know yourself, your hobbies and interests. Meeting and making friends in community groups of interest, etc. Generally, dating, flirting, going with groups of friends or being a date in a group & having a good time socializing.

If anything, a relationship forms, like a friendship, it's not defined by until it's more serious. It's like a series of perpetual dates. It takes a lot of practice. So, go practice and enjoy the company or many dates until one of those continue.

If you start applying definitions of relationships too early, it's feels claustrophobic. It becomes an obligation and makes you sound needy. No one wants to date needy.

For example, I have two guy friends and one guy officially asked if I'd like to have a relationship with him... (If you have to ask, then ? Creepy!) I'm sure he was a nice guy, but I was catching up as a friend & he knew that I was already dating someone whom I didn't know where or if the dates would lead to anything serious, but we've kept dating and dating and dating. If he wants to stop seeing me, I'll have to be fine with that too.

Practice, practice, practice!

i don't see what you look like- i don't have to. i can guarantee that no matter what a beautiful person one was inside or out, i would run for the hills from anyone who so desperately sought fulfillment through a relationship. it is like having a huge tick, imbibing on validation, attention, affection, care, it is depleting and it lands the giving party physically and mentally ruined, often situationally, financially, socially and career-wise as well.

i would steer clear of the pity hole that is blaming your single status on the physical impairments. people with prosthetic legs, people without legs, people with acid burns, and quadriplegics form meaningful relationships because they offer something as partners, even if it is just inspiration, a light spirit, perseverance, resourcefulness, kindness, conversation, humor, stability, wisdom, emotional intelligence, and whatever degree of independence is attainable to them (even when independence on the whole seems unattainable in their situation). a focus on reciprocity, on one's power and resources and qualities one can extend onto the environment, is a choice. likewise is the focus on endless receiving.

nobody wants their existence, value, and purpose reduced to being nothing but a life source another sucks dry. people's energy, emotional and otherwise, is not intended as an endless transfusion for others.

no offense, but it's your attitude.

if your physical impairments are affecting your self-esteem, than that is another reason to seek professional support. life is challenging enough as it is, when you have additional circumstance that make it harder, you deserve and need professional support. it is also far more appropriate than placing demands on others to fill the bottomless pit of your emotional needs.

the neediest of people can learn to feel worthy and fulfilled, and to have balanced relationships.

but they have to want to. if we would rather insist on finding a codependent, then we barter the right to complain about the dis-satisfactory results of that choice.

I find your phrasing about "finding someone willing to form a relationship with me" kind of awkward, but also revealing. Your mentality is largely putting the cart before the horse. Focus instead on talking to and meeting women and getting that first date--online or elsewhere--rather than "finding someone who wants to form a relationship with you." Slow down, relax, and stop trying to rush to the finish line. That will scare away any girl.

Also--and this may seem like superficial advice, but I disagree--I would do a complete overhaul of your physical appearance. Some people get dealt a better hand in life in that regard, no question, but you have to do your best with what you've been given.

So, to that end, I'd start with a good fitness and nutrition program. Yes, it will probably help your body look better, but it also just helps your self-esteem and overall attitude. A good diet also helps your complexion.

Try a new hairstyle out. If you have some scraggly neckbeard, shave, please. However, if you are really baby-faced and can grow decent facial hair, that may help.

Also, invest in a new wardrobe. There are online clothing subscription services (Bombfell, Stitch Fix, Trendy Butler, etc) that are good for guys who aren't good at picking out clothes for themselves.

So, give yourself a new look, and stop being so focused on a "relationship." There may be more work to do on yourself, but those two things can certainly get you on the right path.

So i was in your situation few years ago. Well after some time i realized that what i was missing out was a pair of @@ (if you get me). I could initiate conversations with girls, make them smile, make them laugh, going out and stuff (as friends), but i couldn't do the move. So whenever i talked to them more romantically they would cut it off making sure i realized that we are just friends.

All of that changed when i toughed to myself that having a pair of @@ actually helps. So next time i met a girl who at the time was having a long term relationship i was right straight to her "I really like you and i just don't see you as friend". We kept hanging out till she broke up! We ended dating for a while but it wouldn't work out due to her suffering from depression, so she didn't wanted to be in a relationship.

Well since then i just ask a girl out for coffee a couple of times and on the 3rd or 4th date i just lean towards them and kiss for good buy, till now worked all the time. Not even once got slapped. I even tried this on girls that we were friends for couple of years, then eventually one day i confessed that "You know what, i don't see you as a friend" and since they still kept hanging out with me i made the move and it worked out nice! But not everything last for ever so since we weren't a matching couple with those girls, i am still single, but now i know what to do!

Be honest to your intentions towards people, and don't chat about it, just make sure you go out couple of times and if you see that she is having some good time then do the move, if you fail you fail, otherwise you are a winner!

Good luck!

Thank you for all your responses, very very very helpful advice opening my eyes

I'd never want anyone to be in my situation because it really hits hard on the mental state of your mind after going through the same thing for so many years, you start think differently is what I've finally realized

I'll try to follow your advice and maybe a faithful day would come when a relationship finally starts