Co dependant

I'm not an independent person. Being on my own freaks me out. I'm attached to either my mom or a man really. I'm in therapy had to quit intense therapy due to conflicting hours. On a wait list to rejoin a different program. But really this co dependancy thing is frustrating. Supposedly they were teaching me how not to be but that I doubt can ever truly happen. We are who we are.

Jeta. Therapy is not about "teaching" Psychotherapy is a long process, in which you are expect to "find yourself" with the help of the therapist. You have to work, hard, with the therapist. Nothing will come on a silver tray.

I'm attached to either my mom or a man really

Your mother is not a man, and no man should be your "mother".

Quitting therapy is not a good idea, and shifting to one program after another.

Results are achieved by constancy.

I'm codependent too. But it doesn't mean you depend on others per se. It means you go out of your way to please others because you believe if you don't, they won't love you anymore and they'll leave you.

I know this, so I take pains to not act this way. I do still experience anxiety if I think I did or said something to make someone mad, but I no longer act on that anxiety.

Is that what you do? Overdo things for people so they won't leave you?

I'm not an independent person. Being on my own freaks me out. I'm attached to either my mom or a man really. I'm in therapy had to quit intense therapy due to conflicting hours. On a wait list to rejoin a different program. But really this co dependancy thing is frustrating. Supposedly they were teaching me how not to be but that I doubt can ever truly happen. We are who we are.

There are definite tools that can help you to change who you are. They are called personal boundaries.

Here's a link to get you started on your path to changing yourself.

You have a repetitive and predictable cycle that you can break if you'll stay put with Mom for long enough.

Independence freaks you out because you pursue it prematurely, before you're financially stable enough to do so.

Then you seek men to rescue you, without learning that healthy men don't want to rescue a woman, they want an equal. Men who pose as rescuers are actually predators, and you take up with those because you believe their BS and get taken advantage of.

Then you end up back at your Mom's, where you won't stay long enough to stabilize financially before you repeat the same cycle all over again.

So if you want to break the cycle, stay at Mom's, get back into therapy, keep working and have a portion of your paycheck deposited into a savings account that has no debit card--or give the card to your Mom to hold onto. Stay put at your Mom's until a financial advisor of her choosing looks at your accounts and tells you that you have enough of a financial cushion to live on your own, and he or she helps you plan for the security, rent and expenses you'll be reasonably able to afford.

Head high, and learn patience.

Amen to that, Cat.

Then you seek men to rescue you, without learning that healthy men don't want to rescue a woman, they want an equal. Men who pose as rescuers are actually predators, and you take up with those because you believe their BS and get taken advantage of.

Very wise remark.