He doesn't know when to leave...literally

My boyfriend of about six months is a great guy, but he is not great on picking up unspoken cues, and this particularly comes out when it is time to leave, or rather, when I think it is time to leave. Whether it is a party, an evening with his parents or mine, just a hangout, or even a conversation in a parking lot, he always seems to draw out the ending much longer than it should be. He doesn't seem to pick up on signals like me standing up, picking up my purse and putting it on, moving closer to the door, glancing repeated at a clock, etc. We have ended up as the only ones in a parking lot after an event on more than one occasion (me standing next to the driver's door, his car across the lot), his mother has explicitly told him "you need to take your girlfriend home now" the last two times I have been at their house, and my family has commented on his lingering as well, (It was well after midnight when he left my sister's graduation party... almost an hour after the other guests had left), so I know this is not just in my head, although as a highly introverted person, I am probably more sensitive to it than most.

Usually, when we go out together, it's not too much of an issue, and when I drive myself somewhere, I CAN always say "Okay, I'm heading home now," although frequently he doesn't give me a "natural" exit when I am signalling I am getting tired. But I find it a much stickier situation when he has driven me somewhere or he is at my place. I don't want to be the kind of person who orders their boyfriend to take them home, and I have never known how to politely tell anyone to leave. Like I said, I am a very introverted person who usually finds it easier to deal with things I don't like than to make a fuss. Any tips for how I can (kindly and respectfully) let my boyfriend know when it's time to go?

Instead of giving cues, why don't you say something? I don't understand.

Because I don't want to be rude? Like, if we are at his parents, I don't want to say "Okay, I want to leave now," because I feel like that comes across as rude to his parents (like I don't enjoy their company) or like I am telling him what to do, and if he is at my house, how do I tell him "You need to leave to now" (because I am tired of being around people)? If I have a "legitimate" reason to need to go, like someplace I need to be or something I have to do, I will say that. I do realize this is a communication issue on my end as well, which is why I am asking for suggestions on how to tell him nicely that I want to leave.

He doesn't seem to pick up on signals like me standing up, picking up my purse and putting it on, moving closer to the door, glancing repeated at a clock, etc.

You go through all this but won't simply say something like "hon, I'm ready go call it a night, can we head out?" You don't have to be rude or demanding but if you expect him to read your mind or your 'cues' clearly he's not catching the hints. Talk to him about it before you walk out the door to go wherever. You're making this more difficult than it needs to be.

What kind of cues do you throw at him when he's at your place and you want him to leave?

Because I don't want to be rude? Like, if we are at his parents, I don't want to say "Okay, I want to leave now," because I feel like that comes across as rude to his parents (like I don't enjoy their company) or like I am telling him what to do, and if he is at my house, how do I tell him "You need to leave to now" (because I am tired of being around people)? If I have a "legitimate" reason to need to go, like someplace I need to be or something I have to do, I will say that. I do realize this is a communication issue on my end as well, which is why I am asking for suggestions on how to tell him nicely that I want to leave.

No. It does not. Why would you think that? Everyone I know says it. It is not rude.

Why don't you say, I'm sorry, but I have to get up early tomorrow. Or, I must get home, I have things to do etc...... You need to get out of this mindset.

You need to speak up, OP.

Next time, tell him you had a great time and that you need to get to bed now and are going to head home. I don't see what is difficult about that.

What kind of cues do you throw at him when he's at your place and you want him to leave?

Standing up if we are sitting, going to fetch things that he brought with him or was intending to take, clarifying immediate future plans (ie, "So, I'll see you tomorrow for dinner?"), physically moving towards the door...

Learn to speak up. People are not mind readers.

It feels rude to me, but I will try it.

I am used to wanting to leave social situations well before everyone else does, so I think I have kind of "trained" myself to wait for those natural ending points. With most of my friends and social situations I find myself in, that has usually worked, but not with him.

Are there phrases that are good for suggesting to someone that they leave? Sometimes it is late at night, but what if it is not really that late and we both know I am not going to go to bed that early. I don't want him to think I don't enjoy spending time with him; I just get "peopled out" pretty easily.

OP, I would much rather have someone tell me they need to go home etc.., then be messing with there purse , inching towards the door etc. people can't hang around forever, as we all have responsibilities.

Everyone I know says they need to go, when they need to go.

What's wrong with "I'm ready to call it a night. Can I walk you to your car?"

Nothing rude about speaking up. You can even make fun of it;

"Hon, I can hear my bed calling my name. It needs me. It's time for me to go"

"I would love to stay here all night, my legs in the other hand had called it a night. Let's head?"

1) your boyfriend obviously loves to be around people, he never wants the party to end so in his mind why should he go.

2) People are not mind readers and I'd say at least half of the human race do not get "subtle" social cues - although it's probably more like 90 percent at times. I've certainly done it on both sides of the equation from the "Jeez, can we leave already" to the "I never want this night to end" only to later realize there was a reason everyone was yawning and staring at the front door while giving me one-worded answers at 3:00 in the morning. No, I do not always pick up on social cues, I've gotten better, but nope. Sorry. I'm kind of dumb that way sometimes.

So this is where you have to master the art, of not being rude, but assertive. And there is a difference. Rude would be, "Honey, stop your yammering, can't you see your boring everyone to death?" That would be rude, which you are not going to be. But being assertive is to simply state, "It's getting late, I/We have to be up early tomorrow" or "Honey, our hosts need to get some sleep and so do I, we're calling it a night, thank you for a lovely time," and then you get up and walk out while thanking the host.

Besides you'll be doing him a huge favor. A guest who never leaves and has to be told to do so, often times eventually isn't invited back. If you want to go home chances are really good whoever you all are visiting does as well, so it's also somewhat rude not to speak up and keep other people's time from being monopolized or letting your boyfriend overstay the welcome for both of you. So keep that in mind if you're worried about rudeness, that they will see you as part of that problem as well since you aren't speaking up and setting any boundaries either.

I feel like guys tend to do that with their girlfriends'. I dont think it is wrong to ask to leave if you all at an event. Instead of "we need to leave now" try "babe I am getting tired. Can we head out soon?" When he is at your place say "honey i think i am going to sleep in a bit" or anything else you had planned on.

1) your boyfriend obviously loves to be around people, he never wants the party to end so in his mind why should he go.

What's weird is that I would consider us both to be strongly introverted (and my siblings tell me that we are both very socially awkward), but you are right, when he is enjoying himself at a hangout he just stays and stays. He did this before we were dating, too, I just thought it was because he was trying to spend more time with me, lol.

I am working on this, and I think I am getting a little bit better, although the "getting him to leave when he's at my place" thing is still tricky. Thank you guys for all

the help and advice.