Should I be concerned about my GF and her friday night "business" meetings?

I am wondering what to think here. Without going into many details, I'm dating a girl I used to date years ago. She was unfaithful then. We did not speak for nearly four years. We've been dating for about seven months now. I'm trying to trust her but not only was there the past but she does a number things now that are counter productive to rebuilding trust. She is very attractive and is one of those girls who walks in a room and becomes the life of the party.

But my question is a bit generic perhaps, but perhaps with this backdrop: She works from home doing what she says is "business consulting." Thus far whatever she is doing is not making her a lot of money. She is 34 and lives on the top floor of house shared with three other roommates and she says she's not making much money. I ask her what she does and she is a bit evasive.

Today she told me she is having meetings in orange county (an hour or so from where we live here in LA). She tells me she is having multiple meetings. She tells me she tries to bring people together, businesses and investors she says.

She left around 10:00 a.m. this morning and around 4:30 p.m. calls me and says she will spend the night in Orange County as she has a hair appointment in the morning. I express to her that I had made plans for our Friday night [dinner and a comedy club], particularly as she is leaving this Sunday for two weeks to go back home and visit her family. I ask her what she will do tonight, assuming her meetings end around 5 or 6.

She then says she has a meeting at 7:30. I am thinking this is odd. I am an attorney and I've worked in house for companies and frankly I don't recall taking business meetings at 7:30 p.m. on a Friday night. Most people I know want to leave work early on Friday and start their weekend. (Eg., "TGIF!")

So I guess my question is this: Is it odd to be taking "business" meetings on a Friday night at 7:30 p.m.?

I called her at 7:20 and she did not answer her phone, which doesn't really boost my morale here.

Should I be concerned?

Yes you should be concerned. She's very evasive about everything and no wonder you are here asking for opinions. I think she's got something going on the side with someone else. Yeah, I doubt she's having a business meeting at 7:30 pm on a Friday! You need to think long and hard about this relationship and if you want to continue it.

I'm trying to trust her but not only was there the past but she does a number things now that are counter productive to rebuilding trust.

I'm not sure what else we can tell you friend. You've been advised multiple times on this board that what your partner is doing crosses the line in your relationship, but you seem to be determined to be in denial about it. You already know that she's fooling around behind your back, playing games with you, etc., otherwise these threads would not exist. But you keep hanging in there and going back for more. I will say this. Knowing what you know, you can no longer blame her for her actions since you are the one who fails to call her out on it or leave her.

So instead of advice, I will offer you a prediction. You will continue to let her do whatever she wants to do with no consequences. Then you will come here and vent about it as if you are a helpless victim. She will eventually lose interest in you and leave you for another.

I'm not sure what else we can tell you friend. You've been advised multiple times on this board that what your partner is doing crosses the line in your relationship, but you seem to be determined to be in denial about it. You already know that she's fooling around behind your back, playing games with you, etc., otherwise these threads would not exist. But you keep hanging in there and going back for more. I will say this. Knowing what you know, you can no longer blame her for her actions since you are the one who fails to call her out on it or leave her.

 

So instead of advice, I will offer you a prediction. You will continue to let her do whatever she wants to do with no consequences. Then you will come here and vent about it as if you are a helpless victim. She will eventually lose interest in you and leave you for another.

Thank you for your thoughts and I appreciate what you're saying. But putting that aside for the moment, and speaking generally, would this situation described above be "normal" or cause for concern? I called her at 8:30 p.m. and she did not answer her phone. During our last phone conversation she was being reassuring. Saying how she is "with me" and "I am not sleeping with anyone else" and how I should be "supportive of her work."

Thank you for your thoughts and I appreciate what you're saying. But putting that aside for the moment, and speaking generally, would this situation described above be "normal" or cause for concern? I called her at 8:30 p.m. and she did not answer her phone. During our last phone conversation she was being reassuring. Saying how she is "with me" and "I am not sleeping with anyone else" and how I should be "supportive of her work."

Deep down you already know the answer to this.

Deep down you already know the answer to this.

Careerchoice I am asking in general terms. Careerchoice assume I started dating a new lady. Speaking generally, what do you think about an attractive 34 year old taking a "business" meeting at 7:30 p.m. on a Friday night? (Let's put aside the part about her getting a hotel and not coming home and her past infidlelity for the sake of this question).

Careerchoice I am asking in general terms. Careerchoice assume I started dating a new lady. Speaking generally, what do you think about an attractive 34 year old taking a "business" meeting at 7:30 p.m. on a Friday night? (Let's put aside the part about her getting a hotel and not coming home and her past infidlelity for the sake of this question).

And I'm going to answer in very specific terms. Your partner is most certainly cheating on you. There's nothing I can say to prove it to you so don't even ask for that. But the relevant question is "What are you going to do about it?"

And I'm going to answer in very specific terms. Your partner is most certainly cheating on you. There's nothing I can say to prove it to you so don't even ask for that. But the relevant question is "What are you going to do about it?"

Ok. Reality here is my question is more general. In part, I want to know I am on firm ground that I am not being neurotic or having a caveman mentality. Hence the general question of whether or not it is odd to be taking a "business meeting" at 7:30 pm on a Friday night.

Yes it indicates that infidelity is occurring. Anything else?

You've posted multiple times about issues with this same woman.

"Is my GF subconsciously trying sabotage our relationship?"

"GF tells me she doesn't know the name of the hotel she is staying at???"

"Can a relationship work where there is a lack of empathy or understanding?"

" Is my GF being insensitive by posting this on Facebook on my birthday?"

Everyone's advised you to leave this relationship. Everyone's advised you that it is very possible she is an escort. I do know you said she cheated on you the first time you dated, but you decided to take her back. You also mentioned you were giving her money (although I'm unclear if you still are).

Why do you continue to put yourself through this???

And this is not a "new lady". This has been going on for months (this time anyway...the first time was back in 2012).

OP, you keep posting the same concerns over and over.

This is nothing different than the previous threads. You keep allowing it and playing dumb, so I honestly don't know what you are searching for on this board.

It's odd that she is not being straight forward with you on what her 'business' entails.

But the thing is OP, you have already learnt this lesson, or should have. She is not trustworthy, she will lie and betray you. I am trying to understand why it is you think it will be different this time.

The saying.."Once a cheater, always a cheater" arose for good reason. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life wondering what is real and what are lies?

There has got to be better options than a known cheater and liar.

You know the answer, you just don't want to accept it.

"Trust is the hardest thing to find and the easiest thing to lose"

you have reasons not to trust her (u said she was unfaithful in the past), I know people can change and maybe this time she might be faithful but think of it, if she really has changed now then you would know, her actions would have made you trust her and you wouldn't be here asking for advice. Somewhere deep down you know that you can't trust her and trust is the foundation of any relationship! Love without trust can't last.

I think you should communicate your insecurities with her and if she's really in love with you then she'll understand you and will cooperate with you and she'll try hard to win the trust back and if not the she's not worth it, you don't wanna waste your precious time and emotions on a temporary relationship.

Trust your intuition. If you feel something is "off" you're probably right to be suspicious.

As far as your outward attitude, it should be "okay, have a good meeting," but don't show ANY jealousy. Don't follow any advice here about communicating your insecurity; this is horrible advice and it will make you less attractive in her eyes. Don't show weakness here. She needs to understand that you're a secure man that can walk away any time.

Let her understand if she crosses the line that you'll have to walk away; make this super clear.

When you make plans with her, make sure she keeps them. If she constantly makes excuses, I'd consider moving on from her.

Your continuous threads about her are making me want to throw up. Sorry to be blunt.

Here are the facts:

- She is cheating on you, literally all the time

- She doesn't love you

- She's most likely an escort or something similar

- She is unable to be in a relationship let alone in a healthy faithful relationship

- YOU have zero respect for yourself otherwise you wouldn't keep putting up with this bull

I'm not feeling sorry for you anymore, at this point you have NO rights to complain anymore. You KNOW what she's like, you KNOW deep down that shes cheating, but I guess she's soooo hot that you force yourself to stay with her, or are you really just that desperate for a relationship?

There are terms to describe what your "gf" is but I'd get banned if I wrote them here. Do you enjoy being with a ____ ?

You've posted multiple times about issues with this same woman.

 

"Is my GF subconsciously trying sabotage our relationship?"

 

 

"GF tells me she doesn't know the name of the hotel she is staying at???"

 

 

"Can a relationship work where there is a lack of empathy or understanding?"

 

 

" Is my GF being insensitive by posting this on Facebook on my birthday?"

 

 

Everyone's advised you to leave this relationship. Everyone's advised you that it is very possible she is an escort. I do know you said she cheated on you the first time you dated, but you decided to take her back. You also mentioned you were giving her money (although I'm unclear if you still are).

 

Why do you continue to put yourself through this???

 

And this is not a "new lady". This has been going on for months (this time anyway...the first time was back in 2012).

I think in a nutshell it's this: When you love someone you actually want to believe them when they tell you things that are reassuring.....and absent actual proof (such as catching them doing the opposite of what they tell you) you give them the benefit of the doubt(s).

It isn't love, Informed. Real love is not a place of constant doubt, pain and cliff-hanging.

Rather than love perhaps you may, for some reason, be obsessed by this woman

I think in a nutshell it's this: When you love someone you actually want to believe them when they tell you things that are reassuring.....and absent actual proof (such as catching them doing the opposite of what they tell you) you give them the benefit of the doubt(s).

Hey, so there's nothing we can tell you that's going to change your mind. Why even bother asking for advice? It's a waste of everyone's time.

I think in a nutshell it's this: When you love someone you actually want to believe them when they tell you things that are reassuring.....and absent actual proof (such as catching them doing the opposite of what they tell you) you give them the benefit of the doubt(s).

But you don't believe her. No one would.

"When you love someone" doesn't mean you blindly accept their lies. You have to know when it's time to walk away from a toxic situation, instead of using the excuse of "love" to stay with someone who clearly is using you for their own purposes.

I think in a nutshell it's this: When you love someone you actually want to believe them when they tell you things that are reassuring.....and absent actual proof (such as catching them doing the opposite of what they tell you) you give them the benefit of the doubt(s).

I agree with this. I trust my partner to have meetings at strange hours in strange places. But I also know what my partner does. I know what his job is. He talks to me about it. I've met people he works with. I actually know him. You don't know this woman. She doesn't tell you WHAT SHE DOES FOR A JOB. That isn't normal.

You tell yourself you are sitting around waiting for some magic "proof", but that isn't it at all. You are clinging to hope instead of opening your eyes. You are keeping yourself in a painful place with a person who doesn't respect you. This "relationship" is hollowing you out from the inside and you are looking for anyway to justify staying in it. Do you have a therapist? Maybe you should get one.

No one is in a relationship with someone and doesn't know what they do to make money. That's first date stuff.

I really don't get it. What is so GOOD about this relationship that you are willing to stick it out when she keeps lying to you and can't even tell you what she does for a living?

You really need to re-think your definition of "love", OP.

It's not gonna work without trust, sooner or later it is going to end. So it's better to end it now.

OP: Get back anything of yours that she has and go get checked for STDs. She's not throwing straight with you and you know it.

You've already heard the same answers to what you know deep down inside so many ways. Do something positive and get checked. Then drop her like the bad habit that she is.

There are other women out there that will not deceive you like this.