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Ex gf text me out of the blue


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I guess I just want some feedback and honest replies as my head is completely gone again. Me and my ex gf have been in no contact for a few months now. The last time we spoke I said I couldn't be friends and that I needed to concentrate on myself. She didn't really fight for me and so that was that. Her reasons for breaking up with me was she didn't want a relationship right now, lost the spark, was at uni bla bla. I tried everything to make us work and told her I want to work and fight for this but she was adamant she didn't want to. A few weeks/month later I find out she has a new guy and it killed me. Feelings of being lied to, betrayed etc. I kept everything inside and continued NC and trying to move on. I completely dropped off the face of the earth to her and deleted all my social media.

 

Anyway yesterday completely out of the blue I get a text in the morning saying "hey, I'm only texting you to see if you're okay? Because I literally had a dream that you had a car crash and that" as I deleted her number I wasn't 100% sure if it was her but I thought it might of been. So I waited until I finished work and replied simply "sorry who's this?" To which I get an instant reply "(her name) but it doesn't matter now" I reply saying "I thought it might of been you, just wanted to double check though. I'm okay? What doesn't matter?" She replies "ahh good, just wanted to check up on you and that's it" so I simply replied "okay that's cool" and that was it. The reason I replied and kept it short was simply I don't want to come across as bitter and show her I'm still hurt.

 

Fast forward to around 11pm and she text me again "okay, sorry for such a random message but that dream scared the out of me so had to make sure your okay" I replied this morning just saying "no worries" and I'm not expecting nothing more from that now. I know my replies were blunt but she stated the reason for getting in contact was just to check im okay and nothing more. The reason I replied and kept it short was simply I don't want to come across as bitter and show her I'm still hurt. I have turned very cold since and I just don't open up anymore. I'm in no position to continue contact with her and ask about her as I'm still emotionally struggling. I guess I'm just wondering why after 2/3 months would she text me out of the blue like that? I don't want to start overthinking as she said herself it was just to check up on me but why? What can I take from her about her few texts and where she's at? Is that proof I'm still in her thoughts? Does she miss me? I feel like all my little progress I've made has just gone. this girl really broke me and she knows that. What would she think of my replies and how I handled it? Ahh I'm just lost. Sorry for dragging it on but any feedback would be greatly appreciated

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I would try your best to not read very much into the situation. Her reaching out does indeed show that she holds some concern for you. As far as missing you? Can't say for sure, it's hard to make that assumption with these messages. Try to keep to the no contact again, you stated she was in a relationship, I feel anymore action will result in putting you back even further than you say you already are. More contact might just lead to potentially being ignored or getting those dull replies. Again, it's so hard to assume. But just try not to read too much into, and continue on your way with the no contact. If she misses you, maybe she'll reach out more. Remember she broke up with you, if she wants more contact with you, she has to be the one to initiate it. Just keep healing in the mean time, focus on yourself man, not texts your ex sends your way. You're more important than that.

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Like she said, she had a dream about you dying and it freaked her out. I have had the same dream about someone I knew and I messaged them to check as well. They had no idea what I was on about, but it made me feel better.

 

Think of it this way, if you had a freaky dream about a friend dying in a car accident, would you contact that person even to just settle your own mind?

 

Leave it at that, do not start up any other conversation and get back on the NC wagon.

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Her actions are motivated by GUILT. She knows that she treated you in a crappy way and she feels guilty. The whole texting is about trying to make herself feel better. You need to stay no contact. She was only seeking validation that what she did was not that bad - because "if you are ok responding to her then that must mean that she did not do that much damage after all." Your replies were fine. This was all about her trying to make herself feel better. Not much to do with you really. She said it herself that she was only trying to quieten her fears (i.e. make herself feel better about whatever guilt she is harboring about you). Sadly, her guilt is absolutely worthless to you and it was actually quite selfish of her to put her peace of mind over your healing. You need to get back to healing and moving on.

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She did tell me after the break up about how guilty she felt and that she felt like she's a bad person and doesn't want to get out of bed in the morning and all that crap. But then if that's the case how can she move on to another guy that quickly and seem so happy with him. Ahh man maybe I should've just left it and not replied but the thing is that's not me. I hope I haven't shown I'm weak for replying. Would she really feel better and less guilty now after this? Is this the last time I will hear from her now

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Like Clio said, she's feeling guilty and/or lonely.

 

I had an almost identical breakup and revelation that she had moved on about 6-7 weeks later (who knows how long she had been seeing the guy).

 

I don't think you've shown weakness per se. By keeping your responses short with no followup, you are being as cordial as you should be with her.

 

The big question is whether or not you should respond if she continues to reach out. Its tough to forget that she moved on with someone else so quickly. If my ex texted me (its been almost a year), I'm not sure I'd respond, but then again, every situation is different.

 

You have to take a step back and look at what you've learned about yourself (and her) and to take an assessment of how you've grown over the past few months. If she wants to get back with you and you decide to do it, you must realize that neither one of you are truly different people at this point and all of the same things that led to the break up would still exist between the two of you without some conscious effort to deal with them.

 

It sounds like you're still healing and you should continue this process in every proactive way that you can. Just because you've "broken" no contact doesn't mean that you've undone anything or shown weakness. Just go back to it and start doing new things that make you happy and move your life forward (gym, travel, sports, therapy, church, reading about relationships, etc....)

 

You're going to get through this but it will test you every day and in every way to be stronger than you were the day before. You can do this and once you heal, you will be someone better for a wonderful woman that is everything that your ex is not.

 

i'm proof of this. It took me 9 months of no contact and all the above mentioned things to be "ready" for some one new. Until then, the "perfect woman" could have walked into my life but I would not have been available mentally or emotionally to enter, nurture and sustain a relationship with her.....and consequently this why we have "rebound" relationships and why they typically fail as quickly as they start for the person who is not ready but just is trying to fill the space in their heart and mind that their ex once had.

 

I will admit that I dated a pile of women (bad tactic for healing) since my ex and very few were that attractive to me because I was still going out of my mind over my ex. Now that I've turned the corner through time/distance/no contact (although there's still pain and questions that I have about my ex), I've met someone that has more potential professionally and as a person than my ex, has more self-confidence and direction than my ex, and seems to genuinely be very attracted and wants to grow a relationship with me. This woman is starting to tug on my heart strings despite being very different from other women that I've had in my life in the past.

 

The bottom line is that you need to keep doing what you're doing to heal and move forward. If the ex reaches out to you, remind yourself of her behaviors that led to the breakup and made it clear that she was ready to move on after your breakup without much of a "healing" period. Hopefully, when you've healed, you'll be ready to devote all of your strength and emotion to a woman that is going to bring you joy, success and support in ways that no woman you've ever known before.

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Would she really feel better and less guilty now after this? Is this the last time I will hear from her now

 

If you are asking these questions, then you are still emotionally attached to her. I recommend that you block her number (if that is an option) and do not reply to any more pointless texts such as the ones you received. Her texts are undoing your healing. You may or may not hear from her again. The thing is that hearing from her is TOXIC. Look how worked up you became over nothing. She is a selfish brat for putting you through this. You need to set firmer boundaries. Your healing should be your priority NOT accommodating the whims of a drama queen. Use this experience as a lesson. Good luck with your healing.

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If you are asking these questions, then you are still emotionally attached to her. I recommend that you block her number (if that is an option) and do not reply to any more pointless texts such as the ones you received. Her texts are undoing your healing. You may or may not hear from her again. The thing is that hearing from her is TOXIC. Look how worked up you became over nothing. She is a selfish brat for putting you through this. You need to set firmer boundaries. Your healing should be your priority NOT accommodating the whims of a drama queen. Use this experience as a lesson. Good luck with your healing.

 

Thank you for your honest feedback and time. I'm sorry to keep this dragging on but a few hours ago she literally just texted me again saying this

 

"This will be the last time that I will ever text you probably but I just couldn't stop myself from typing up this message. All I want to know if you're doing okay and what's been going on in your life lately? I genuinely miss talking to you even as a friend, and I wanna say that I still care about you even when we're not friends and I know it's not good for me to text you but I just wish that we could fix this and we could at least try and be some kind of friends. How we left everything is just not right, and I kept overthinking it since that day. If you don't want to reply then don't just tell me to off or something, but one thing I ask is just that this could stay between us just like everything else has x"

 

I would greatly appreciate your perspective and a girls mind from this. What is the best way to go about this? I really want to express how I feel and tell her how much she hurt me but I know I would just look bitter and would regret it. Maybe it's best to just ignore it. Any help would be appreciated

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She wants to demote you to being her friend.

No need to tell her how much she's hurt you. I am pretty sure she knows that.

 

I would just respectfully tell her that you've moved on and you aren't interesting in being friends.

No need to elaborate.

 

Her motives are suspect. It sounds as if she is doing this to relieve her own discomfort.

 

but one thing I ask is just that this could stay between us just like everything else has x"

And what's that about?^^ She doesn't want anyone to know she communicated with you??

If it's as bad as it sounds, I'd block her.

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She wants to demote you to being her friend.

No need to tell her how much she's hurt you. I am pretty sure she knows that.

 

I would just respectfully tell her that you've moved on and you aren't interesting in being friends.

No need to elaborate.

 

Her motives are suspect. It sounds as if she is doing this to relieve her own discomfort.

 

but one thing I ask is just that this could stay between us just like everything else has x"

And what's that about?^^ She doesn't want anyone to know she communicated with you??

If it's as bad as it sounds, I'd block her.

 

Maybe because she has a new boyfriend and doesn't want anything coming out that she has contacted me? I just don't understand her at all. She claims she still cares about me but actions speak louder than words and if she could move on that quick then she obviously didn't. Why is she messaging me all this after months and when she has a new guy. Surely she should just be into him now. I feel like she is just doing this to make herself feel better. I feel like I don't owe her anything, she made her bed so she can lie in it

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I would not reply to this message at all. The whole text is self serving and reaks of selfishness. She is trying to get you to say things that will make herself feel better (even implying what she wants to hear) and you definitely do not owe her that. While she is paying lip service to how "it's not good for her to text you" she still does it asking either 1) to friendzone you so that she can feel better (because if you accept then what she did was not that bad) or 2) to tell her off so that she can feel better (because then she will have paid for her 'crime' and she will have lowered you to her level). On top of that she is doing this behind her boyfriend's back because she knows how bad she would look to third parties for trying to take advantage of your kindness like that plus maybe she painted you as the bad guy to him/others in the past in order to justify what she did so she is trying to cover her behind. This is all about her and it's toxic behaviour. She is feeling down about having been a b1t6h to you and she is trying to make herself feel better regardless if it's on your expense. At this point, I would not answer. She doesn't deserve any kind of acknowledgement. Remember, whatever guilt she is feeling is worthless to you and she does it while she has also a boyfriend to fall back on. She is being selfish beyond words, trying to have her cake and eat it too. Imo, no answer is the best answer and you really need to let go of the hope that such a selfish individual could ever help you feel better. You need to take her off the pedestal and see her for who she really is. She KNOWS how she has hurt you, hence the guilt motivated messages. Yet she is ok hurting your healing to try to make herself feel better. Seeking validation from such a person is futile imo and even if you were to get it it would not change the end result of her actions.

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Yeah this happens with me all the time, the moment I feel like I'm getting over my ex bf, I get a text out of the blue with all the lame excuses (for example, he came across a wonderful novel and wanted me to read it) and he's in "serious" relationship, still he does this.

I think they do this when they feel lonely, the same must be the case with your ex gf or maybe she genuinely wanted to check if you are safe, watch out for her actions, if she does this every now and then, then that means she's missing you and is lonely but that doesn't necessarily mean that she wants to get back with you. If this happens often and you really wanna get over her then in my opinion you should wish her luck and block her from everywhere, otherwise it will only take away your peace of mind and you'll land nowhere.

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I was unceremoniously dumped from a 5 year co habitual relationship with my ex 5 months ago. We have known each other for 25 years. There is a story its long and not really that important. The highlights from my point of view are that she lied about some pretty heavy issues and moved directly in to a condo with her new man. I didn't know this as of the time she was moving out and made that process as easy as possible for her. Letting her take her name off our lease and assuming the full term / payments alone. Giving her things I thought she may need if she was going to be "starting over" such as TV and household goods.

 

I found out about a month later (NC from me) from mutual friends that she had actually moved in with someone I knew she had been in contact with throughout or relationship and was proclaimed a "family friend". I hit the roof as expected and texted her some pretty nasty comments. NC for 2 months. I finally wrote the I don't hate you and forgive you, cherished our friendship, time we spent together, have a nice life letter. She was able to finally answer a few questions with what I would say is a degree of honesty or as best as she can muster. The conversation was generally neutral but emotional. It set me back weeks in the healing process. She knows from mutual friends at this point, I have lost about 40 lbs and was just destroyed by the cowardly, deceitful, manor in which this all played out.

 

So anywho, fast forward a month after the letter, I'm out of town visiting family ( I moved my entire life to this place to build a life with her leaving me with little to no support post dday) and feeling pretty good for the first time since being "abandoned". This bish sends me a capture of her facebook feed of us on vacation a few years ago with the subject saying "This made me so sad" ..

 

WHAT IN THE GOOD GRAVY IS WRONG WITH SOME PEOPLE'S CHILDREN

 

I took about a week to respond. In hindsight I never should have. Pretty much let her have it all over again. "I am not your emotional tampon woman. I find it hard to believe your fleeting moment of sadness compares to 1/10th of the absolute destruction you have put me through. When you loose 25 percent of your body weight and haven't had a lucid thought in 4 months you can come talk to me about sad. If you need a confidant I suggest you take these issues up with your all so loving and supporting rebound man. Leave me the flook out of it." Did that feel good? Yep. Did it set me back another 2 weeks? Yep. Will I respond to anything this woman has to say until I am completely indifferent? Just not worth the pain my friend. Selfish people don't change.

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