Mum boyfriend inapropriate

My mums boyfriend ( of 18 months) moved into our home after around 14 months of them being together. At the beginning he would be kind to me, buy me nice gifts, make me dinner and give me harmless complements on my outfits. However things have changes, and now he often says and does inapropropriate things around me... For example just today he was looking through a magazine, and told me that one of the models on there had the same ass as me. He seemed to expect some sort of a response from me but i completely ignored him, as im tired of him doing this constantly. In return I was told by both him and my mum that Im being rude and theres something wrong with me. Another example of things hes done are actual physically touching me. Hes touched my boob before and slapped me on my bum more times than i can count. I always shout at him and tell him to stop, but he seems to get some kind of amusement out of me reacting. This makes it harder for me to figure out what response i should be making. He often talks about how he wants to slap my bum, or makes a comment such as 'your nipples are erect' or 'your bum looks well fit', It makes me really uncomfortable and I feel like i have to be covered all the time. I try to stay away from him in the house and often get told that im rude and anti social. I haven't told many people about this as Im worried of their response and feel they will judge me. I know him and my mum are happy together and after my mum and dads breakup im relieved that she has finally found someone who loves her. But at the same time I know theres something strange about him, and I get worried that she will soon be hurt by him in some way too. I have no idea what I can even do to resolve any of this.

Just wanted to add that I am 18

You need to tell an adult you trust that you are being molested, touched by mom's bf. Can you tell your dad? A teacher. This needs to stop. It is not right and it is grooming behaviour that child molesters use. Tell another adult that you trust exactly what is happenning or tell your school. You can also phone children's protective services .

Im 18, this is why i feel like i wont be taken seriously. I feel like as im no longer classed as a 'child' its not something I can get help with. I would never talk to my family about something like this as my family is quick to judge my mum and point fingers due to their falling out after my mum and dads divorce

I'm not sure of your age but yes, you do need to tell (as Sera suggested) a trusted adult, ASAP. Please don't hesitate to address this, as you've done nothing wrong, and have nothing to be ashamed of.

Thanks for replying to this. Im 18, which makes me feel like i wont be taken seriously. As im no longer a 'child'. My mum is aware of the things that he says/does, and argues with him a lot over it. He says that he will change but he doesnt.

Then if he touches you again you tell him you will call the police.

Ive told him before that I will report him, he seems to think its funny. I know that if idid report him, my mum would be heartbroken, as shes very attached to him. This is why ive held off reporting it for so long.

Well ,your mom can be heartbroken if she likes. But really what kind of "great guy " mauls his girlfriend's daughter? That is no great guy . Put a lock on your bedroom door .

your mum should be heartbroken over her daughter being molested.

 

report this excrement. right now.

 

i get such.murderous.rage reading stuff like this.

 

school counselor and social services.

your mum should be heartbroken over her daughter being molested.

 

report this excrement. right now.

 

i get such.murderous.rage reading stuff like this.

 

school counselor and social services.

 

Exactly your mom should I have him by the nuts by now . I think you need to tell the police and your father .

also, have all your devices recording all the time. make sure you also record yourself explicitly telling him you have told him to stop touching you and his response.

 

are there more children involved? does he have any?

No other children are involved. Ill do my best to take voice recordings of further things he says

report with or without recordings. they come awful handy though.

 

NEVER be alone with him.

 

the pulsating vein in my forehead

 

i can't believe women have their daughters go through this right under their nose...and like...let's hope he'll change because i really want a boyfriend?

Put a lock on your bedroom from the inside. Trust me call the police. As horrible as this is it will get worse . He will progress beyond but butt slapping and talking as awful as that is . I'm sorry that your mom is not protecting you . Please talk with your father .

 

As someone who has been molested I can tell you you need to be out of the situation .

Totally agree Seraphim!! What kind of Mother ignores her daughters plea's and let's the boyfriend put his hands on you? This not okay OP, and you do not need to allow it because you're worried about your Mother.

Your Mother should be worried about YOU.

 

If she isn't going to take this seriously and isn't going to stop it, then you need to take care of yourself. Tell this man in no uncertain terms that you will report his behaviour to the police next time he touches you.

Do you have a Father in the picture whom you can speak to? Or a trusted relative? They can support you in reporting this man.

 

He is a pervert and it does not matter what age you are or what age he is, he as a man has NO right to touch you...ever! Not a quick slap or a quick poke or a quick grab...no right EVER.

If he will not back off and if your Mother will not protect you, bring in other people who will make this man know that this is no longer a laughing matter and he can keep his hands to himself!!!

I can partly understand why she hopes he will change. My dad used to show no care or love towards her at all. But i also know that she needs to understand how i feel and take better action.

i fear the father was not a safe person either, and is probably not told about this for that reason.

Can you please answer Victoria's question of whether you've informed your father what's going on? Assuming your father is a safe figure, is it possible to move in with him?

 

I hope neither you nor anyone else will misconstrue that as me suggesting it's your responsibility to remove yourself from the situation, but that if it's possible, it's probably the most sure way to immediately ensure your own safety. Unfortunately, despite your mother's arguing with him over it, the fact she keeps him around shows where her priorities lie and I would not trust her to corroborate your claims should you involve the police. Again, not saying you shouldn't involve the authorities, and you should definitely notify your school counselors, but if you can get assistance from your father-- or even extended family from your mother's side, you absolutely should. It's not your fault if they then point fingers and judge your mom. That's on her for keeping a man who molests her child in her home. I'm judging the **** out of her right now and I'm not even ashamed to say it.

I can tell you that shady behaviour coming from him a lot of the time leads to rape. It did for me.

hanna, have another talk with mom and record that too. i know you want mom out of trouble. but at some point having an adult admitting this was happening might be crucial.

Ive not informed my dad on this. Ive never spoken to him about things like this before, and i feel hes not the right person for me to tell, i dont have enough trust in him in this sort of situation. It wouldnt be possible to move in with him really. Only option id have of moving, would be to my boyfriends. My boyfriend is aware of what mums boyfriend does, and isnt afraid to confront him about it. Do you think he should confront him?

Hanna.

 

"My dad used to show no care or love towards her at all"

 

 

Did he show kindness and care towards you, his daughter?

 

I expect you have spent some of your time with your father. Would you not tell him what is going on?

 

My boyfriend is aware of what mums boyfriend does, and isnt afraid to confront him about it. Do you think he should confront him?

 

Do you think he should confront him, Hanna?

I am so sorry to hear, Seraphim It's absolutely heart breaking.

Ive told him before that I will report him, he seems to think its funny. I know that if idid report him, my mum would be heartbroken, as shes very attached to him. This is why ive held off reporting it for so long.

 

You need to tell your mother exactly what's going on with that guy and that you are tired of it. It's too bad if your mother will be upset but she needs to know what kind of creep she's allowed to move into her house with her teenage daughter living there.

I can tell you that shady behaviour coming from him a lot of the time leads to rape. It did for me.

Indeed. One thing that concerns me about involving the authorities without securing some form of egress for herself is that switch being flipped. If she could trust the mother to use that as an opportunity to get him out, I'd be a lot more confident in taking legal action.