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Thread: Boyfriend gets really angry over trivial things

  1. #11
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I read some where recently, that when you find yourself trying to explain the concept of empathy and minimal decent behavior to an adult, it's time to get out.
    It shouldn't have to come to that and if it has, it's gone too far.

    (I too felt crazy when I was trying to explain empathy. . never again. They either have it or they don't)

  2. #12
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    It's over, OP.

    Neither of you has officially pulled the plug, but the love and care and respect left this relationship long ago. Yes, it's hard to walk away from a few years together, but it's a lot harder to walk away after 10 or 15 or 20 abusive years. Get out now before he seriously hurts you.

  3. #13
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    I get that after four years invested in a relationship, you don't just want to up sticks and leave. But continuing to stay in a relationship where you feel this unhappy is a bit like a gambler who's already lost a fortune, but keeps on gambling because they want to win back everything that's been lost.

    It's a loser's game.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Mimiconfuzzled
    It will more than likely end. I can't spend another precious year with this person if he can't even say "I'm sorry" for these like-type scenarios without me asking him to apologize.
    Not an excuse, but he had a horrible marriage and exacerbated separation so it's hard when I try to break his walls down to show empathy.
    Lately I have been saying to him, " If you acted like this on our first date, I wouldn't have given you a second. Would you act like this on a first date?"
    It's hard. 4 years committed. I know the answer is on the wall.
    Does it occur to you that his marriage ended so badly because he is the ahole and the problem???? Given his behavior, he is not the victim, he is the perpetrator and he is doing to you what he has done before to his other relationships. You've lost 4 years of your life already, please please don't waste any more. Time is the one thing in life we never get back.

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  6. #15
    Member M1973's Avatar
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    It's definitely not easy, especially if you love someone. You can't make people "feel" the way that you do or have them respond the way that you would. It's either in them or it's not. Lots of people have gone through some pretty rough crap in relationships and divorce but not all of them act like a total jerk in the next relationship. Some of them actually are thankful that they have found someone that is nothing like their ex.

  7. #16
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    Well, the one bright spot is that he's reading that book. At least that's an acknowledgement he has a problem.

    Jerks tend not to change unless they experience loss. Maybe the loss of you will be the push that puts him in the right direction.

    I have to admit, my partner requiring a TV be on to fall asleep would get old for me VERY quickly, he obviously handled it wrong though.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Mimiconfuzzled
    It will more than likely end. I can't spend another precious year with this person if he can't even say "I'm sorry" for these like-type scenarios without me asking him to apologize.
    Not an excuse, but he had a horrible marriage and exacerbated separation so it's hard when I try to break his walls down to show empathy.
    Lately I have been saying to him, " If you acted like this on our first date, I wouldn't have given you a second. Would you act like this on a first date?"
    It's hard. 4 years committed. I know the answer is on the wall.
    An apology does not make the behavior good. If you had a weak heart, a smack to the chest could have killed you. He is abusive. And did you ever wonder why his marriage was horrible? Did it ever cross your mind? I bet you can figure out now that it mostly had to do with his abusive behavior. When you leave him and i hope you do, it will likely be that he will say he had an inconsiderate girlfriend who wasted electricity, screwed up the sleep timer on the tv, etc and so forth. This man deserves none of your empathy nor your time

  9. #18
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    Oh, the best as of last week is that he has accused me of taking some "pot"ted plant from his yard. Ruined the entire weekend.
    He hasn't apologized and said that he will not apologize for this because his property was violated. Add to that he said some pretty hurtful things like "every time you're around everything turns to ".
    How do you even begin to blame your partner of 4+ years??? Every time something of his goes missing, I immediately get blamed!
    I haven't spoken to him since.
    His priorities are elsewhere if he's nurturing a stupid plant over nurturing our relationship. Everytime he had to go to his house to "cut the grass" for hours on end, or "check his mail", now I know what he really been up to.
    Also, why keep secrets from me as well?? Another thing I can't accept after so long of a relationship.
    I've made known to him for years how much I have wanted to further our relationship. This is just selfish, petulant procrastination.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Mimiconfuzzled
    Also, why keep secrets from me as well?? Another thing I can't accept after so long of a relationship.
    I've made known to him for years how much I have wanted to further our relationship. This is just selfish, petulant procrastination.
    You've had plenty of time to evaluate his worth as a long term partner, and it's clear that you are likely to have a very unhappy life if you do commit yourself to him.

    This is not a relationship you should be looking to further. You can't change him. Hopefully there will come a time when you realise that his "selfish, petulant procrastination" is a blessing in disguise and means you can walk away from him without a whole legal mess to untangle.

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