Am I asking for a broken heart?

Hi everyone and thanks for reading and responding. I met a guy online and we have been talking for about 6 months now. We have never met in person but are trying to set that up for next month. We have become about as close as we can over the phone. We have had conversations about how we like each other and dont want to date other people but we havent really made any commitments to each other. He has told me about a girl that was coming over sometimes and they were intimate, but she doesnt come around anymore. However, Im not sure I believe that. Since we havent committed to each other I dont feel that I would really have a right to say anything about it. My problem is..what if we meet and I really fall for this guy but he is actually seeing her? By the way we live in different states so visiting is hard. Thats why it has taken so long. I really want to meet and see where things go but at the same time Im so afraid of being hurt. What should I do?

Monica.

My problem is..what if we meet and I really fall for this guy

You are surely not going to "fall" for him at first meeting, or second or 20th......

Also, get your radar up so that you can see any signs of red flags, if you do meet him. And try to get some information about him if you can.

Unless one of you can move soon, why pursue this? Neither of you can make it work for an initial dats, how can you possibly see eachother in-person as a long-distance couple?

That's what I was thinking too, are you willing to move where he is or visa versa? If not, why bother? Long distance relationships are extremely difficult and no point if you don't move where the other one is.

It's a cyber relationship not a LDR.

Why would you want to start something that you're already afraid of? You will never be able to trust him out of your sight and unfortunately you appear to have fear of commitment in general. Why else would you want to start something with someone that will probably never advance past cyber?

Please stop wasting valuable dating years on a relationship that will leave you lonely and angst ridden in general while you sit in fear that he's being intimate with this woman and every other woman that he could be with and you'd never know.

You've talked with him so much now that you have false feelings for someone you don't even know. All you know of him are his words without actions to back them up as truth. For all you know, he's married or already in another relationship.

You cant commit to someone you have never met! Just because you have good phone convos doesnt mean this guy is who he says he is. He could be a married man with kids for all you know! The bottom line is you dont know him. Yes you could be setting yourself up for a broken heart. You'd be much further ahead to get to know guys where you live who you can actually see and spend time with rather than a random guy who lives far away.

Thanks for the advice. I have been thinking it over and you all are right. I dont know what I'm really expecting in the end. As of now he has stopped talking to me like he usually does. He will send a few texts in the morning and thats it and he doesn't respond to me the rest of the day...unusual. This leaves me to think I am right about the girl. He does still tell me how much he cares for me and says he is just busy and stressed.

Anyway, I think the best thing for me is to let go and move on, but it is very hard. I actually feel really broken hearted. I cant believe it hurts like this. So hard not to text or call. How do I let go?

....or you don't let go and follow your heart. This man may be the love of your life, you will never know unless you meet.

I'm about to travel to the other side of the world to meet a woman, I've talked to everyday for 6 months....... Why??? Because you soon realize that finding a genuine connection is rare and you should never let any possibility for happiness pass you by : ) ..... People move mountains for love, living in different states should be inconsequential

Thanks matt, I do still consider it. We actually have talked a lot in the last couple of days and it has been wonderful but I am still afraid of a broken heart. You can see how back and forth I am with this but I may just take my chances.

I wouldn't bother getting involved.

If 6 months have already gone by and you haven't met, how feasible is a relationship really going to be?

Ok now he is suddenly VERY into me. He wants to talk alll the time now and says he cant get enough of me. This is the way he was in the beginning, but then backed away. Maybe you guys can enlighten me here...whats up?

So confused

Monica.

Whatever other alternative arrangement he had has bailed out and you are the "fall-back".

Other possibility is that he is the switch and bait type. You never know.

Ok now he is suddenly VERY into me. He wants to talk alll the time now and says he cant get enough of me. This is the way he was in the beginning, but then backed away. Maybe you guys can enlighten me here...whats up?

So confused

You still haven't met? He can't get enough of you... pffft. He's a player who is telling you what you want to hear. Are you two having phone/skype sex?

We will be meeting very soon, arrangements have been made on both ends.

Maybe he is playing me but if so, why would he put so much time into me when he could hookup with a girl in his area?

Trying to make sense of it.

Monica. He did hook up with a girl in his area,

I dont know what I'm really expecting in the end. As of now he has stopped talking to me like he usually does. He will send a few texts in the morning and thats it and he doesn't respond to me the rest of the day...unusual. This leaves me to think I am right about the girl.

So while busy with her, or some other girl(s) he stopped paying you any attention. The other or others have now dropped out so it is back to you, at least for the moment. Of course he "finds time". Out in cyber space you can be doing a lot of things at the same time lol.

I think you can do better Monica.

We will be meeting very soon, arrangements have been made on both ends.

Maybe he is playing me but if so, why would he put so much time into me when he could hookup with a girl in his area?

Trying to make sense of it.

You, more likely then not, are just one of many. Don't have sex with him. You'll be crushed if you bring that into his "come here/go away" dynamic of dating. See if he is "all in" after you tell him you want to wait until you get to know him IN PERSON.

Just an update. We did get a chance to meet and we spent a few days together. It was wonderful. We enjoyed each others company and both felt really comfortable together. It was hard to go our seperate ways. Since our time together I can say we both feel closer. We talk more and cant say I love you enouenough. Our biggest problem now is not knowing when we can meet again. I am happy we took the chance to meet.