Blast from the past

Hello,

I haven’t been here for a while, but I guess now is that time again when I would appreciate a lot your opinion.

Long story short:

1. boy meets a girl

2. boy and girl go o a few dates

3. they become a couple

4. he is 23 she is 17

5. they go out for a year

6. they break up

7. they don’t have contact for 10+ years

8. After 10+ years they find each other on FB ( or one finds another )

9. Limited contact

10. They ran into each other 1.5 year ago, good vibe, all good,

Here comes June 2017 and our paths cross again. She needed some contact info from my field of work so I did her a favour and helped her out. We start talking again and arrange to meet.

We went out, had a few drinks, talked, laughed, good vibes, no pressure. It was really nice seeing her, she still looks awesome and is currently single. So am I.

As far as background goes, I did have a few relationships, haven’t thought about her for years, but when I come to think of it, she is the one that I met at the wrong time ( her being a teenager and we all know what we were like as teenagers ).

So, after a meet up, I told her that this was really fun and it was great seeing her and that we should do this again, She agreed and we parted ways.

Now, we have been texting a few times, but when you are in your 30s things are different than they were when we were first together obviously, so I am not trying to come on hard and be all intrusive.

So after a few days I texted her how the event, that she was organising, went and then I told her that when she has some free time we should definitely repeat our previous meet-up over drinks, since it is hot summer here and refreshment is very welcome.

She agreed.

But we did not set exact date.

So I guess now I should wait for her to initiate it, since I do not want to come off as intrusive ( here is that word again ). But how long, Because I certainly don’t want to wait forever

The thing is, I am overthinking what I do or say post meet-up, I just don’t want to f*** it up. Yes, I am eager and sometimes I can come off as too aggressive and I certainly do not want to do that.

Any thoughts?

The ball is in her court. Just leave her alone. if she is interested, she will contact you. If its too weird, she won't. Don't look at her interest as anything other than professional at this point. You are very different people now.

The ball is in her court. Just leave her alone. if she is interested, she will contact you. If its too weird, she won't. Don't look at her interest as anything other than professional at this point. You are very different people now.

Yes we are, I mean we are in our 30s, me closer to 40. So yes, I agree that ball is in her court and that expectations should be zero to none.

But like I said the meet-up was fun, no pressure, good times, we certainly didn't talk about the past or anything. Just like on a date, we could say. Just that I do not know if it was or wasn't

Well....that's just it...you aren't a blushing teenager anymore but a grown man. So if you want a date, be clear, don't beat around the bush with "let's hang out", call her up, tell her what you are after, set up a date and nail down day, time, activity if she is interested in that.

Speaking as a woman, I hate it when men beat around the bush and ask to hang out and leave it on me to arrange that for them and otherwise leave me to read between the lines what their intentions might be. I'll simply go out with and prioritize the guy who is more assertive and clear about what he wants from me. Less confusing that way.

Well....that's just it...you aren't a blushing teenager anymore but a grown man. So if you want a date, be clear, don't beat around the bush with "let's hang out", call her up, tell her what you are after, set up a date and nail down day, time, activity if she is interested in that.

 

Speaking as a woman, I hate it when men beat around the bush and ask to hang out and leave it on me to arrange that for them and otherwise leave me to read between the lines what their intentions might be. I'll simply go out with and prioritize the guy who is more assertive and clear about what he wants from me. Less confusing that way.

I get it, go for what you want, but don't you think that after so many years not seeing each other that would scare a woman off?

I get it, go for what you want, but don't you think that after so many years not seeing each other that would scare a woman off?

Well that's the thing....if she is interested in you the way you are in her, then it won't scare her off and she'll be happy to accept the date. If she is not interested, then it really doesn't matter what you do, because....she was never interested in the first place. When a woman is into you, you have a whole lot of room for mistakes and instead of running away screaming, she'll find them endearing and cute and it will make you that much more human and attractive in her eyes. Regardless, it's pretty nice and flattering to know you are wanted so you really can't go that wrong with going after what you want.

It only changes from assertive to aggressive if you don't take no for an answer or if you have a nasty reaction to rejection and lash out. I'm presuming that you do neither of those.

Well that's the thing....if she is interested in you the way you are in her, then it won't scare her off and she'll be happy to accept the date. If she is not interested, then it really doesn't matter what you do, because....she was never interested in the first place. When a woman is into you, you have a whole lot of room for mistakes and instead of running away screaming, she'll find them endearing and cute and it will make you that much more human and attractive in her eyes. Regardless, it's pretty nice and flattering to know you are wanted so you really can't go that wrong with going after what you want.

 

It only changes from assertive to aggressive if you don't take no for an answer or if you have a nasty reaction to rejection and lash out. I'm presuming that you do neither of those.

As far a reaction goes, I don not have nasty reactions But the way I look at this situations is that maybe we should take it slow, get to know each other all over again and not overwhelm her, you know?

All that you have said makes sense and I am down with it, it is just that this girl, for some reason is the one that it took me some time to get over, and I feel like I might be scaring her away if I come off as to aggressive.

As far a reaction goes, I don not have nasty reactions But the way I look at this situations is that maybe we should take it slow, get to know each other all over again and not overwhelm her, you know?

All that you have said makes sense and I am down with it, it is just that this girl, for some reason is the one that it took me some time to get over, and I feel like I might be scaring her away if I come off as to aggressive.

"we should take things slow"... This is all one sided and not a "we" - you know that, right? You are projecting into the future with "getting to know eachother all over again". You may have gotten all the getting to know that you will get. You invited her to see her again and she has not taken you up on it again. Ball is in her court. You won't scare her off by leaving things be and let her come to you if she is interested in seeing you again.

I agree with both Dancing Fool and abitbroken.

You had the opportunity to ask her out, but instead you put the ball in her court.

If you could have a do over, you should have straight up asked her, but the moment has passed and going back again after leaving it up to her might be awkward.

No harm in giving it a few days to see if she does anything about it.

I get it, go for what you want, but don't you think that after so many years not seeing each other that would scare a woman off?

Dude seriously call/text her, set a date a take charge. Speaking from personal recent experience, if you get a second chance at something like that after that many years, take the bull by the horns and step up!!! I was in a situation much the same, hadn't seen my current gf in 9 1/2 years after we broke up, saw each other a couple times last summer, lost contact for a few months then got back in touch early spring, spent the weekend together and neither of us have ever been so happy. Some times you meet the right person at the wrong time, then they come back around at the right time. DO NOT LET THE CHANCE PASS!!!

You have to take charge and set something up. If she can't make it on a certain date she will give another date. I did that once and it worked. just recently, I put the ball in her court and have yet to hear from her. I should have just set a date that way I know rather quickly if she's interested or not. I'm also in my 30s and just think I don't have time for these types of games of going back and forth. I learned my lesson for sure.

Thanks for the replies, just to put a timeline out:

- we first met last Thursday, after we finally agreed on a day that works for both of us, since we have different working schedules + other activities.

- On Monday I texted her about the event ( which was Saturday )

- On Tuesday was my last proposal that I have sent.

So since I put the ball in her court, I am in a little doubt that it will come off as too aggressive if I don't wait at least a little longer ( few days ) if I decide to ask her out myself.

Don't want to be too pushy.

I definitely don't want to play games, I am too old for that.

I mean, I did show interest since I suggested to repeat the first one, didn't I? :s

Sure give it some days and give her a chance to respond, but don't hold your breath that she will. Us womenz simply tend not to take charge when it comes to that stuff, so you do need to keep that in mind always. Other than that, in your mind you are expressing romantic interest, but she doesn't actually know this. All she likely heard if that you are up for another beer and chit chat session about the past. Just being friendly for all she knows. That's why we are all telling you that if you really want this, you will need to grab that bull by the horns. Honestly, even if she says no to that, it's better than torturing yourself with what if and what could have been.

So after a few days I texted her how the event, that she was organising, went and then I told her that when she has some free time we should definitely repeat our previous meet-up over drinks, since it is hot summer here and refreshment is very welcome. She agreed. But we did not set exact date.

Op, from your update, I do not see any reason why you need for her to contact you. You asked about meeting again, and she agreed. Now, it's up to you to take the initiative and contact her with a date/place to meet.

How fast she responds, and what she does will show her interest level in you (which is what this is all about).

Op, from your update, I do not see any reason why you need for her to contact you. You asked about meeting again, and she agreed. Now, it's up to you to take the initiative and contact her with a date/place to meet.

 

How fast she responds, and what she does will show her interest level in you (which is what this is all about).

Yeah, after some thought, that could also be the understanding of the message from here side. So yes, I guess I will just go for it.

Yeah, after some thought, that could also be the understanding of the message from here side. So yes, I guess I will just go for it.

Update asked her out today for this weekend, but she said that she is occupied. I thought she would be, since it was short notice I can understand. So I told her next week then and she agreed, but we haven't set the day yet. We'll see. I will probably get in touch Tuesday or something.

Update asked her out today for this weekend, but she said that she is occupied. I thought she would be, since it was short notice I can understand. So I told her next week then and she agreed, but we haven't set the day yet. We'll see. I will probably get in touch Tuesday or something.

Set the date and put it in stone

Set the date and put it in stone

i know, i know. will do that. i don't know , maybe I am overthinking, but I am getting a feeling that this is not so promising situation.

I agree with Capttrae.

Tell her you made a reservation/booking for whatever where ever on such and such date and organise where to meet/pick her up.

just do it, take charge in a non aggressive way, I think you are over thinking it.

Good luck and have fun!

i know, i know. will do that. i don't know , maybe I am overthinking, but I am getting a feeling that this is not so promising situation.

You are way over thinking it. I did the same thing at first.

i know, i know. will do that. i don't know , maybe I am overthinking, but I am getting a feeling that this is not so promising situation.

Plus you are being wishy washy they do t like that

You are way over thinking it. I did the same thing at first.

I am, and it certainly is not helping.

and wishy washy, guilty too, but just for a second let me explain my actions:

Since it has been so long and i putu myself into her shoes, how would I react, I too might be a little restrained, I don't know. I just don't want to be the "aggressor", if you know what I mean.