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Should I Break No Contact for her Birthday?


Jigga

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I'll do my best to keep this short. So I broke up with my girlfriend of 8 months earlier this year. The breakup went pretty well considering she broke up with me, there was no begging or groveling and I accepted her decision but left the door open. After a small period of LC so we could exchange our belonging etc. I decided we couldn't be friends and have been in strict no contact. Since then I've been busy trying to move on with my life and generally have been doing really well. In the last couple of months have been dating a bunch of new girls but nothing too serious. Even though we aren't communicating we have multiple mutual friends and from time to time she does come up in conversation. So I'm right at about 5 months no contact and her birthday is coming up. Do I maintain no contact or send her a short message? I'm pretty sure I know the answer already but despite my best efforts she's still on my mind.

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What's your real goal?

 

If I'm being honest see if we still have a chance to get back together. Which is probably exactly why I should stay in NC. Aside from her liking stuff on my social media she has made no effort to get back in touch which speaks volumes.

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If I'm being honest see if we still have a chance to get back together. Which is probably exactly why I should stay in NC. Aside from her liking stuff on my social media she has made no effort to get back in touch which speaks volumes.

 

There's your answer! You want her back but it's not going to happen. Dont ruin 5 months of NC by sending a b'day greeting or anything else. You'll set yourself back those 5 months. Keep moving forward.

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If you're going to keep wondering though, better get it out of the way and find out for sure. She might be in the same position as you, maybe she's afraid of contacting you because she thinks you wouldn't want to speak to her since she dumped you. Or maybe she really doesn't feel the need to be in contact with you anymore. Whatever the case, I'm a fan of knowing things for sure, it makes things easier instead of being stuck in some weird limbo. Good luck.

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If you're going to keep wondering though, better get it out of the way and find out for sure. She might be in the same position as you, maybe she's afraid of contacting you because she thinks you wouldn't want to speak to her since she dumped you. Or maybe she really doesn't feel the need to be in contact with you anymore. Whatever the case, I'm a fan of knowing things for sure, it makes things easier instead of being stuck in some weird limbo. Good luck.

 

It's not a weird limbo. She dumped him five months ago, he left the door open and she hasn't been in contact.The problem is that by contacting her now it would tear the scab off all the healing he's managed to do, and set him back. Especially if she doesn't respond - which seems likely in view of her lack of contact for the last few months.

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If you're going to keep wondering though, better get it out of the way and find out for sure. She might be in the same position as you, maybe she's afraid of contacting you because she thinks you wouldn't want to speak to her since she dumped you. Or maybe she really doesn't feel the need to be in contact with you anymore. Whatever the case, I'm a fan of knowing things for sure, it makes things easier instead of being stuck in some weird limbo. Good luck.

 

Agree with this 100%. Because it's very possible (not saying "likely" or "probable")...but possible that she might be thinking about you and is hesitant to contact you for reasons listed, or other reasons. People say "oh, if she wanted back with you she would be contacting you...blah blah blah". Eh, think about it. How often does that really happen? - someone throwing themselves back at you after dumping you? It usually doesn't. Usually it takes SOMEONE to initiate contact doesn't it? Again, she MIGHT (emphasis on "might") be pining away for you and regretting her decision..she may even be hoping you reach out to her because she's scared to reach out to you. The point here is that YOU DON'T KNOW.

It seems like most everyone on here has only ONE piece of advice and that's "NO CONTACT"!. Well how is anyone supposed to ever reconnect with someone if neither party is in "contact"? No contact is for healing, but it's most importantly (in my opinion) for gaining key distance from the other person so as to obtain perspective. It's not a "be all end all" thing, and certainly doesn't apply in all situations.

 

It's all about YOU and YOU feel about things at this point, 5 months post break up. Are you strong enough to contact your ex for her birthday.... without any expectations? ..and without the potential to be hurt by whatever response she might give you...even if she doesn't respond at all? That's the key here. Where are your at emotionally and what are your intentions and expectations???

 

When is her birthday? And if you do reach out to her, I would suggest keeping it very light, friendly, upbeat...etc..etc.."short and sweet". Do NOT bring up the topic of the former relationship. Reach out as more of a friend than anything else. You will be able to gauge where she is at regarding how she feels about you, and if she has any interest in revisiting the relationship; by her response.

 

Boils down to where you are at in your healing. Are you strong enough to reach out and are you strong enough to handle the response (or lack of) whatever that might be.

I would say do it. What do you have to lose? If you still entertain any thoughts of reconnecting then I would say DO IT! - as long as you can handle it. Don't automatically assume what she might be thinking or where she is emotionally...because you really never know until you make the effort and the attempt. If she is worth it, then reach out. IMO.

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I agree with the last two comments.

 

If I was you I would repeat myself: "she does not feel anything for me anymore" "she does not feel anything for me anymore" "she does not feel anything for me anymore" "she does not feel anything for me anymore" "she does not feel anything for me anymore" until you really think that.

 

Then, you write your message and take what it happened like you are ready for the worst

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I agree with the last two comments.

 

If I was you I would repeat myself: "she does not feel anything for me anymore" "she does not feel anything for me anymore" "she does not feel anything for me anymore" "she does not feel anything for me anymore" "she does not feel anything for me anymore" until you really think that.

 

Then, you write your message and take what it happened like you are ready for the worst

 

OR... the OP could just get on with his own life without torturing himself with what might or might not happen!

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My exes bday recently passed and I've been no contact for almost four months. Don't do it! I've read how so many send a message only to get no response and regretting it. I wanted to contact her so bad but didn't do it and I was actually proud of myself. Just continue to heal and focus on yourself. For some reason her bday was some sort of milestone but I'm heading toward Indifference.

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I think if you want to see if there is a chance to get back together, send her a light and airy birthday message maybe with something a little funny. See if you can text back and forth a little with the intent of eventually trying to meet up face to face. Don't say anything over text about feelings/wanting to get back together.

 

If in the last 5 months you have been working on yourself and you have decided that the relationship was healthy and in your best interest in the future I see no harm in trying. That is assuming that rejection won't leave you wrecked.

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I will say.. I'd like to get back with my ex and if she just sent me a messsge that said "happy birthday" I'd assume she was just being friendly and probably just say thanks or give it a like (if it was FB). So unless you add a little to the message to make clear you are trying to reopen communication what you receive back might not tell you much

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I think if you want to see if there is a chance to get back together, send her a light and airy birthday message maybe with something a little funny. See if you can text back and forth a little with the intent of eventually trying to meet up face to face. Don't say anything over text about feelings/wanting to get back together.

 

If in the last 5 months you have been working on yourself and you have decided that the relationship was healthy and in your best interest in the future I see no harm in trying. That is assuming that rejection won't leave you wrecked.

 

If you do choose to contact her. I would suggest sending her an actual birthday card..in the mail. No cop out lame text message or email in this case. NightLily is right - keep it light, airy, ..funny, with NO talk about the relationship. Just wish her "Happy Birthday" and find a card that will make her laugh and that will give her positive remembrance of YOU. Nothing serious or "relationshippy". And then see how she responds.

 

By doing this I don't think you are going to somehow "ruin" 5 months of healing, and will somehow be "set back" by reaching out to her on her birthday. And if you really do still care about her, sending her a birthday card would be the RIGHT thing to do. Just think if she is harboring some feelings for you still, and maybe thinking "I wish he would reach out to me"...and then you let her birthday pass without a word... How is she going to see that? She'll see it as a major slight. So I would just send her a friendly birthday card and don't overthink it too much. See what happens.

 

I think after 5 months you should be secure enough and in a comfortable enough place emotionally to do this.

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Agree with this 100%. Because it's very possible (not saying "likely" or "probable")...but possible that she might be thinking about you and is hesitant to contact you for reasons listed, or other reasons. People say "oh, if she wanted back with you she would be contacting you...blah blah blah". Eh, think about it. How often does that really happen? - someone throwing themselves back at you after dumping you? It usually doesn't. Usually it takes SOMEONE to initiate contact doesn't it? Again, she MIGHT (emphasis on "might") be pining away for you and regretting her decision..she may even be hoping you reach out to her because she's scared to reach out to you. The point here is that YOU DON'T KNOW.

It seems like most everyone on here has only ONE piece of advice and that's "NO CONTACT"!. Well how is anyone supposed to ever reconnect with someone if neither party is in "contact"? No contact is for healing, but it's most importantly (in my opinion) for gaining key distance from the other person so as to obtain perspective. It's not a "be all end all" thing, and certainly doesn't apply in all situations.

 

It's all about YOU and YOU feel about things at this point, 5 months post break up. Are you strong enough to contact your ex for her birthday.... without any expectations? ..and without the potential to be hurt by whatever response she might give you...even if she doesn't respond at all? That's the key here. Where are your at emotionally and what are your intentions and expectations???

 

When is her birthday? And if you do reach out to her, I would suggest keeping it very light, friendly, upbeat...etc..etc.."short and sweet". Do NOT bring up the topic of the former relationship. Reach out as more of a friend than anything else. You will be able to gauge where she is at regarding how she feels about you, and if she has any interest in revisiting the relationship; by her response.

 

Boils down to where you are at in your healing. Are you strong enough to reach out and are you strong enough to handle the response (or lack of) whatever that might be.

I would say do it. What do you have to lose? If you still entertain any thoughts of reconnecting then I would say DO IT! - as long as you can handle it. Don't automatically assume what she might be thinking or where she is emotionally...because you really never know until you make the effort and the attempt. If she is worth it, then reach out. IMO.

 

Look it this way, if she doesn't care enough to risk contacting you,she simply doesnt care enough about you.

 

Othervise,tell me when will this thinking stop? You contacted her now,she doesnt reply, a month later you think "well maybe she's afraid to contact me",and it repeats again and again.

 

5 months is a big step,for me personally it took about a year to get over my ex, so let's say it takes you a year to get over your ex, are you willing to throw half of it away?

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Look it this way, if she doesn't care enough to risk contacting you,she simply doesnt care enough about you.

 

Othervise,tell me when will this thinking stop? You contacted her now,she doesnt reply, a month later you think "well maybe she's afraid to contact me",and it repeats again and again.

 

5 months is a big step,for me personally it took about a year to get over my ex, so let's say it takes you a year to get over your ex, are you willing to throw half of it away?

 

My advise to the OP is based on the assumption that he is an emotionally healthy grown man who shouldn't be fearful of the trivial and minute act of sending a birthday card to his ex-girlfriend. After 5 months it shouldn't be a big deal, and I think he has more potentially to lose with his ex by blowing her birthday off than he does any risk of somehow being "set back" in his healing. She could still care, but he's never going to know if he's scared to reach out, and her birthday is a perfect and convenient way for him to do this. Don't let the opportunity pass because he'll most likely regret it.

 

It's a friendly birthday card greeting, and nothing more. I'm not suggesting he include some kind of "love letter" or anything "deep" whatsoever connected it with it. He's not "throwing away half" of his healing by sending her a birthday card. I doubt the OP is that fragile. Reach out, and see what happens. Would you rather blow off her birthday and regret doing so after the fact?

 

I would send her a birthday card. Again, with NO EXPECTATIONS.... Life's too short. Take the risk!

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Yeah man, I'd say leave it. I broke NC and went back on mutual social media 5 months in, and suddenly he was all over my page and sent me a gift for my bday. What did that change? Absolutely nothing, and I am pretty positive he's back with his ex right now. What I didn't realize when he first started contacting me was, if he'd really wanted to get back, he would've tried harder when I went dark for 5 months (he never once tried).

 

Let it go. I know you probably won't - I sure didn't, but I'm here in my pain to let you know it's better to let her hunt you down if she really wants to find you. The ball is in her court. You know this deep down. Don't chase someone who doesn't want to be found.

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