Scared to tell him I'm pregnant.

After many symptoms and a late period I tested multiple times positive. I'm definitely feeling anxious as I am early 20s and third year in Uni, mind you I've always wanted to be a young mom and have my own baby. The thing is the man I am with. He is not ready. We've been together almost three years and it has been rocky..about a year ago I got pregnant. At first he handelled it well. He is 4 years older and finishing his last year of uni at the time. However he expressed he wasn't ready and wanted me to get an abortion. I said no and at first he protested, than apologized and was good about it. Right before three month mark I miscarried .

It was devastating but we obviously got over it together as it was unplanned. I didn't take my BC religiously as he moved an hour away and due to our schedules we see each other once a week.. So having sex about 3 days out of a month in actuality . I used an ovulation calenser and my period is normally regular to track. Apparently I miscalculated.

I know he is going to freak if I tell him . I'm scared he is going to think I did this on purpose or something . I know he's not ready and I know it will impact our relationship . sadly that is what I'm most scared for. I don't know if I should wait to tell him a month or two but we are close and talk everyday I fear it will break me .

At this point I'm just wanting to salvage our relationship and not make him feel like he's in a corner..but I will not have an abortion. Its against my belief and I know I could not go through with it. How can I soften this blow?

I don't think there is a light and fluffy way to tell someone they are going to be a father.

You just do it.

Preface by letting him you that you are totally aware how he feels about it and it wasn't your intention, but this is the fact.

Why on earth would you not take your bc pills consistently especially in light of this happening before? You don't need to

answer that. It doesn't change the outcome.

Just be brave and tell him.

@reinventmyself I know I just am unsure if I should wait a while or break it to him as of now .

I don't take my Bc because I don't like how I feel when I am on it and had much spotting on it. I preferred doing natural planning however I believe I got pregnant two days after my calendar said I ovulated. I was under the impression you were only super fertile the week before or at most risk then and I have used this method many times vefore. I know its not foolproof but I dont like the pill

Both of you are equally responsible for the use of BC. With that said, what type was he using, and what was the plan should this result in an unexpected pregnancy?

He's an adult who played a part in this, therefore I wouldn't be afraid of letting him off easy. Either way, I hope you can work this out, and come to a fair agreement.

You can't soften the blow and I don't think that you should wait to tell him.

Do you have close family? Do they know about the pregnancy and are they willing to help you?

And I agree with the others in that it's both of you responsibilities.

I hope everything turns out well.

I don't see how you are only 21 or 22 and already have gotten pregnant two times, that's carelessness. Also, him being older than you and he is still not ready to be a dad, is possible he may never be, so why take the risk of getting pregnant from a guy that has no desire to be a dad ? Are you purposely trying to be a single mom ? Him telling you to get an abortion the first time should have been clue enough to get on good birth control or leave him.

All you can do now is tell him that you are pregnant and wait to see what he says.

Sorry, it's not going to go away, you will need to just tell him.

There is nothing to prepare for telling someone life changing news like this.

Be considerate, make sure it's somewhere he's comfortable (like his personal space) let him process after you drop the bomb. Don't justify what happened with excuses... just tell him and let him process.

(I'm sorry I agree with Vicky89 - cannot understand how multiple accidental pregnancies occur, there are so many different types of birth controls out there that are easy to take - like injections and iud's etc)

Wish you all the best.

If you already miscarried once, why were you not on birth control, plus a condom or just dumped the guy if you were not sure of him? The best birth control when you are unsure you want to be tied to someone for life is abstinence.

After many symptoms and a late period I tested multiple times positive. I'm definitely feeling anxious as I am early 20s and third year in Uni, mind you I've always wanted to be a young mom and have my own baby. The thing is the man I am with. He is not ready. We've been together almost three years and it has been rocky..about a year ago I got pregnant. At first he handelled it well. He is 4 years older and finishing his last year of uni at the time. However he expressed he wasn't ready and wanted me to get an abortion. I said no and at first he protested, than apologized and was good about it. Right before three month mark I miscarried .

It was devastating but we obviously got over it together as it was unplanned. I didn't take my BC religiously as he moved an hour away and due to our schedules we see each other once a week.. So having sex about 3 days out of a month in actuality . I used an ovulation calenser and my period is normally regular to track. Apparently I miscalculated.

 

I know he is going to freak if I tell him . I'm scared he is going to think I did this on purpose or something . I know he's not ready and I know it will impact our relationship . sadly that is what I'm most scared for. I don't know if I should wait to tell him a month or two but we are close and talk everyday I fear it will break me .

 

At this point I'm just wanting to salvage our relationship and not make him feel like he's in a corner..but I will not have an abortion. Its against my belief and I know I could not go through with it. How can I soften this blow?

Even if you plan to have sex once a month you cannot miss a pill!!! It doesn't work like that where you only take a pill the day you want to have sex because when you skip - you could end up ovulating right away!. Do you know how it works? if you were pregnant a year ago and he wasn't ready - it could be that he feels differently now because the scare has made him have to consider it.

Yes - its going to impact your relationship. It will change with a baby. Every relationship even if they want a baby, changes. He may propose or want to stay together in a different way and raise the baby. He may dump you and want to sign his rights to the baby off to lead the way for adoption. He may beg you to get an abortion. Who knows what he'll say. I think you need to tell him in person, though.

I know you're not asking for this advice but you might want to consider an abortion here. 3rd year of university, this isn't a good time .

Unless of course, you are financially stable. Your education is at risk here, tread carefully.

I'm definitely feeling anxious as I am early 20s and third year in Uni, mind you I've always wanted to be a young mom and have my own baby.

...

I didn't take my BC religiously as he moved an hour away and due to our schedules we see each other once a week.

Something tells me that this was done deliberately.

You should of taken a huge step back on deciding to become a parent. Babies are not cheap, and neither is childcare. You don't have your degree or any job training to financially secure yourself and your future family.

I used an ovulation calenser and my period is normally regular to track. Apparently I miscalculated.

The rhythm method? Hell, I got pregnant from the withdraw method. None of those are highly successful of preventing a pregnancy. This is taught in Sex Ed... Come on.

You tell him. He deserves to know because he played a part in this. If you don't want an abortion, then don't. There is always the adoption option if you feel that you cannot support the child with your current situation. But seriously, don't have sex until you are in a solid relationship (and use protection next time!!!).

I wouldn't like someone tell me to abort like your boyfriend did if I wanted to have a baby, but there's something that I don't understand here... Does he not want to be a father now because you haven't even finished your degree and it would be very straining and hard to finance this kid now, or he doesn't want kids, period?

Because if it's the first one it's perfectly understandable since neither of you seem to have stable work conditions and are so young. It's not very wise to have kids without having solid means to provide for them. If it's the last one, then you two are fundamentally incompatible.

I also don't understand how you got pregnant twice at early twenties, all from unplanned pregnancies... and you say you want to have a kid when you're young, and then you don't take the pill everyday? It seems to me that you were taking the pill but not taking it the right way? But then you were using the calendar method + the pill not taken right? That would change your ovulation I think and therefor turn the chalendar method very unsafe, which already is by itself. Or were you not taking the pill at all and just using the chalendar method? Are you trying to get pregnant by purpose even though he doesn't want to? Are you considering raising it alone because you really want to have a kid at this age no matter what?

I got curious.

I'm sorry about your first miscarriage, but I don't have much sympathy for your current predicament. You chose not to use birth control while having sex with a man who you know does not want kids right now, so don't act surprised that you're pregnant and in a bind...again. Did he believe you were taking your bc?

You need to tell him - face the music. Then grow up and act responsibly. You're going to be a mom.

After many symptoms and a late period I tested multiple times positive. I'm definitely feeling anxious as I am early 20s and third year in Uni, mind you I've always wanted to be a young mom and have my own baby. The thing is the man I am with. He is not ready. We've been together almost three years and it has been rocky..about a year ago I got pregnant. At first he handelled it well. He is 4 years older and finishing his last year of uni at the time. However he expressed he wasn't ready and wanted me to get an abortion. I said no and at first he protested, than apologized and was good about it. Right before three month mark I miscarried .

It was devastating but we obviously got over it together as it was unplanned. I didn't take my BC religiously as he moved an hour away and due to our schedules we see each other once a week.. So having sex about 3 days out of a month in actuality . I used an ovulation calenser and my period is normally regular to track. Apparently I miscalculated.

 

I know he is going to freak if I tell him . I'm scared he is going to think I did this on purpose or something . I know he's not ready and I know it will impact our relationship . sadly that is what I'm most scared for. I don't know if I should wait to tell him a month or two but we are close and talk everyday I fear it will break me .

 

At this point I'm just wanting to salvage our relationship and not make him feel like he's in a corner..but I will not have an abortion. Its against my belief and I know I could not go through with it. How can I soften this blow?

Honesty is the best policy. You need to tell him as soon as possible - I think it is selfish to delay telling him because you fear his reaction, and also a betrayal of trust. He deserves to know that he will be a father soon. How do you imagine he will feel when he finds out not only that you are pregnant and that he feels unprepared, but that you waited months to tell him because that was easier for you? Particularly since he doesn't feel ready for a baby, please tell him now so that he has as much time as possible to prepare for this huge change in his life - and so that the two of you have as much time as possible to prepare for this change together.

I also think it would probably serve you best to be really honest with yourself about your intentions here. Perhaps you didn't get pregnant on purpose, but the previous pregnancy, spotty use of birth control and desire to have a child young rather paint a picture that this wasn't a complete accident. I'm not saying this to be harsh, but perhaps recognizing how careless you were (and perhaps unconsciously, if not consciously, hoping to get pregnant) will help you understand better if/why your boyfriend is upset, particularly if he didn't know how careless you were being with birth control. If he knew you were using "natural planning", then I can only assume he understood the risks and can't blame you there.

I'm very sorry that you are in this situation. Your priority now needs to be a healthy pregnancy, including seeking appropriate medical care ASAP, as well as laying a foundation for good co-parenting with your boyfriend, regardless of what happens with the relationship.

Sperm can hangout for 7 days. So even if the sex doesn't happen when you're ovulating, you can still get pregnant if you ovulate within 7 days.

Natural family planning was your go-to? Did HE know that? Or did he think you were taking your birth control religiously?

Furthermore, if you don't like a method, why not change it?

I agree your partner has a hand in this - to an extent. If you have been lying to him about your bc practice, I think that pushes the responsibility more on you.

You just have to tell him. But I don't understand why you haven't learned after a miscarriage. I tend to think this was intentional, too - so be prepared for your partner to get mad. If a stranger thinks this, he almost certainly will

Natural family planning was your go-to? Did HE know that? Or did he think you were taking your birth control religiously?

 

Natural family planning should only be for couples who are married, would be okay if they had a kid but are trying to space out their kids or delay having a child until later. Taking the pill on and off screws up your normal ovulation cycle if you are trying BOTH BC and charting your cycle and besides, women in their teens and very early 20s take awhile to settle into a somewhat regular cycle. It requires openness and communication on the part of both people. It does not work for people who are living apart if - or only if they are super committed and mature and are both okay with having to skip sex if their once a month chance to have it because they live apart falls within the fertile time period according to taking daily ovulation tests and basal body temperature. Women have reported when they get off the pill, they are super fertile. After all, if you haven't ovulated in all those months your body could be rarin to go. But you might not be "regular" yet so you might not realize that.

I think i would expect him to be angry if he trusted you to use birth control - but he should have been using a condom as well! Or no sex.

Natural family planning is only for the couples to whom having a baby is not a disaster. Have you mutually agreed that you will not be taking the pill or did you decide it without telling him? Obviously the one that does not want a baby takes care of the bc so he should be using a condom. But in long term relationship if you have agreed a bc method then the partner should be able to trust you.

Anyways I wish you the best of luck. Just pull the bandaid and tell him in privacy so that he can have a reaction. Once he has calmed down then have a real conversation about it. Just be prepared to do this on your own. Good luck!