Feeling confused after 4 day vacation

Not sure how to even start but going to simplify it as much as possible. I would like feedback from outsiders.

Been planning a 4 day vacation for several months now.. saved money (even though I'm poor) to go.. The vacation happen to be in the same town my best friend lives in.. so you can imagine my excitement!

The trip included my boyfriend of 2 yrs, his sister (which is my other best friend), and his male cousin that we shall call... Jelly (my phone auto-corrects his name to this and it seems fitting) I'd been tagging them on Facebook with all the different activities that were going to be going on in this city. Of course I didn't expect to get to all of these activities but maybe 1 or 2 in hopes to be able to meet up with my friend for a couple hours..

My travel companion's seemed excited to do these things and so the trip began! My boyfriend cousin, Jelly wanted to be the driver and we just needed to pitch in for gas. If we drove straight through without stopping it's a 8 hr drive, but I knew we were going to stop frequently..

First day... 12 hours of driving.. stopped at every landmark visited every historical site we could think of. Jelly is a very heavy overweight man and doesn't like to walk so the visit's were short lived and some we had to pay money to see...He would normally take a pic from his cell phone and immediately post on Facebook that he was there.

We stopped in a town midway to our destination and booked a hotel. Ate dinner turned in early.

2nd day of vacation: 12 hrs of driving, lots and lots of driving. This day Jelly wouldn't stop at all.. he would just tell us to look out the window as we drove by these places... ok, let me stop to add that we drove 5 hrs out of our way to see this landmark and he wouldn't even stop to let us get out and see it.. 12 hrs later he drove 20 miles past the town my best friend lives in to book a hotel for 2 days. I said, all the fun activities are in the other town why are we staying here? Jellys response, " I'm not a partier so if you want me to drop you off that's fine with me".. i thought to myself..are you effing kidding me right now...I looked at my boyfriend and he didn't say a word.. I said, can we at least meet up with her for a few minutes so I can say hi and give her a hug? Jellys response... Eh, probably tomorrow. Ok, so I text my friend and said I'm sorry I'll meet with you tomorrow. So my thought process is... I'm not going to ditch my travel partners and boyfriend cause we are in this together... right??

Day 3: Jelly gets us up early and wants to go look at a lake... the name of the lake has the same name of the town friend lives in.. I said yes sweet then we'll head over to the car show meet up with my friend.. going to be a good day! So I'm a bit sleepy from waking up so early... I dozed off in the back seat.. I woke up and noticed we are on a interstate 50 miles away from the American boarder!!! OK what is going on... I close my eyes for which seemed like 5 minutes and we are almost to Canada???? Dear lord give me the strength to not freak out. I said, where are we going? My boyfriend turns and looks at me and said that lake jelly wants to see... I said, I thought we were seeing a lake close by and our plan was to go to spend the day doing these activities we all agreed on.... ya know what I got?!?! Silence from everyone! !! So we reached our destination (4 hrs later) and it included 50 miles of winding roads that eventually gave me extreme motion sickness! The worst part... we didnt the even STOP.. jelly wouldnt stop so we could look at this lake!!! We just drove by. OK I'm holding back tears.. sick, frustrated, angry, confused.. we just spent 24 hrs driving to spend another 8 hrs driving?! Boyfriend didn't ask how I was feeling with the car sickness at all... even though I mentioned it a few times. We got back to the town my best friend lives in... my boyfriend asked if I wanted to call her to meet up with us... OK 8 hrs later I call her... well she can't meet up now.. it's late and she's been drinking and doesn't dare drive.. naturally I didn't blame her.. my boyfriend and jelly said they could drop me off and I could find my own way back to the hotel... first of all... how? The stupid hotel is in a different town 20 miles away. Had I known we were taking a 8 hr road trip to a lake we couldn't even get out and look at then I wouldn't have went! I could have stayed behind and spent time with my friend...

Day 4: departure day... yep you guessed it... jelly didn't want to walk 10 feet from his truck so we could have lunch on a dock with my friend that was waiting for us... we left... drove to the Canadian boarder so jelly could take a pic.... from his truck so he could post on FACEBOOK THAT HE WAS THERE.. 15 hr drive home..

I'm really upset, I felt like a little kid on vacation with my grandparents..

My boyfriend and jelly all knew how excited I was to see my friend. I wanted to meet her man. I resent my boyfriend for not sticking up for me... I don't even know if I should just get over it or be angry like I am.. I spent $500 on this trip and not once did I see my friend. Are my feelings justified? I expressed my disappointment to my boyfriend and he said he felt bad that i didnt see her but yet he didn't take my side at all the entire trip.. I want to slap jelly in his fat lazy face and now I'm looking at my boyfriend of 2 yrs very differently

So... don't ever go on a trip with that dude again.

Why do you need your boyfriend to stand up for you? Why can't you stand up for yourself?

I get that it's disappointing. What I don't get is why you didn't actively change it and why you are now blaming your boyfriend.

Personally I would be very annoyed and upset. Jelly seems like a horrid travel companion. But when you realized on day one that he wasn't going to have the kind of vacation you wanted to have why didn't you speak up?

It wasn't from the lack of trying... I did speak up to the point of annoyance. It was 3 against 1. I'm upset because I felt my boyfriend should've had my back. Jelly would've listened to him.

Oh hell no, I'll never go on vacation with Jelly ever ever ever again

It wasn't from the lack of trying... I did speak up to the point of annoyance. It was 3 against 1. I'm upset because I felt my boyfriend should've had my back. Jelly would've listened to him.

Why didn't you stand up for yourself?

It's not your boyfriend's job to stand up for you. You were the person missing out by not seeing your friend. I mean... I guess you were all missing out because this guy is terrible to travel with. But the only people you should be upset at is him and yourself. You could have made that trip better for yourself but you didn't... what I don't get is why you are now angry at you boyfriend.

If it was three against one then it sounds like you should have bailed and made your own plans.

How exactly? I had no control over any of the plans made. Yes, I am mad at my boyfriend. I absolutely would have had his back in this situation. If I knew something was important to him and having his back would have made the difference.. you bet I'd tell my cousin to let him see his best friend for a minute...

How exactly? I had no control over any of the plans made. Yes, I am mad at my boyfriend. I absolutely would have had his back in this situation. If I knew something was important to him and having his back would have made the difference.. you bet I'd tell my cousin to let him see his best friend for a minute...

It's your job to take care of yourself. It's your job to stand up for yourself. If you wait around for someone else to do it you'll end up on more vacations like this. You wanted something. You needed to push to get it because you were with this controlling selfish lazy dude... and you didn't push. This has nothing to do with your boyfriend. You planned a vacation to see your friend and then you let someone else ruin it. You absolutely have control over plans made. You could have opted out. You could have researched where the lake was. You could have bailed on the lake trip and met up with your friend. You had a lot of options.... why didn't you take any of them? Why didn't you make this dude hang out while you had lunch with your friend?

What do you mean that your boyfriend didn't have your back? What did that look like?

Rosephase, we are miles away from home. I can't throw a huge temper tantrum and look like a crazy person.. jelly was my ride home. He was in control cause he was driving. Like I said.. if I knew about the 8 hr road trip I would've stayed behind. I can't jump out of the truck 100 plus miled away when I realized we weren't doing what I thought and take control..

Been planning a 4 day vacation for several months now.. saved money (even though I'm poor) to go.. The vacation happen to be in the same town my best friend lives in.. so you can imagine my excitement!

Op, you need to look in the mirror. You were the one who planned for the trip, and saved money for it. So, you should have been in control (leader) of the trip. The more people you include, the more problematic it can be.

As for your bf's actions, if it bothers you, then it needs to be discussed and resolved. If it isn't, then you need to re-evaluate the relationship.

Rosephase, we are miles away from home. I can't throw a huge temper tantrum and look like a crazy person.. jelly was my ride home. He was in control cause he was driving. Like I said.. if I knew about the 8 hr road trip I would've stayed behind. I can't jump out of the truck 100 plus miled away when I realized we weren't doing what I thought and take control..

What did you do? What did you do when you realized he wasn't going for the vacation you wanted? Because it sounds like form day one you knew you didn't like the way Jelly was road tripping.What did you want you boyfriend to do? If you were so helpless in the trip why do you think he wasn't?

It was disappointing. I get that. I would be annoyed and disappointed too. What I don't get is you blaming your partner.

Your bf should have had your back! It sounds like the trip from hell!

You also should have been more vocal. Honestly, after day 2, I would have separated from the group and done my own thing. There was no reason that you had to go on those ridiculous road trips with the others. You Re not attached at the hip.

Be more pro active, next time.

Rosephase, we are miles away from home. I can't throw a huge temper tantrum and look like a crazy person.. jelly was my ride home. He was in control cause he was driving. Like I said.. if I knew about the 8 hr road trip I would've stayed behind. I can't jump out of the truck 100 plus miled away when I realized we weren't doing what I thought and take control..

Who said anything about throwing a temper tantrum? You or your boyfriend could have offered to take over driving or could have sat down and talked to Jelly. You could have asked him to stop off at the rental car place if you are of age and you could have gotten a car to see what you wanted to see or could have gone home in it. Jelly was only there for the gas money = you weren't out any money the three of you chipping in for the rental car vs paying Jelly for gas.

Next time go somewhere with just your boyfriend or the friend who is the sister.

Whose trip was this? Certainly not yours. No more "group collective" trips.

The trip wasn't my idea.. it was jellys. I asked him while we were there if we could see my friend and he said of course. I just suggested activities because nobody had a plan. I made the best of a crappy situation. My boyfriend knew I was upset that he wasn't taking 5 minutes out of this trip to let me say hi to my friend.. is that so much to ask? Is it so much to ask that my boyfriend maybe encourages his cousin to allow me to see my friend if it would please me? We drove a long ways.. and I'm very sad that I didnt get to see her and I'm sad my boyfriend didn't once have my back. So say what you will about this being all my fault for not taking control. He mentioned how bad he felt when we got home... it's bull.. so I guess after hearing these responses Im not going to be sorry for how I feel... I would have had his back or anyone's back to make sure everyone got what they wanted out of this trip. Not just 1 or 2 people. So guess I have some thinkin to do. I don't want they be with someone that won't stick up for me when I would stick up for them. Thanks for all your responses. I appreciate you taking time out of your day...

I think your boyfriend more or less realized that "Jelly" was effectively the captain of the ship. He could raise a stink all he wanted to, but at the end of the day, what's to be gained? A crappy trip just gets more crappy.

To be quite honest, and while I know there are plenty of overweight folks out there who enjoy being active, depending on how "very heavy overweight" this guy is, I would've assumed right off the bat that he's going to be cutting corners and being relatively inactive. Not in a cynical way, but in a, "OK, if this trip sucks, I'm gonna have a backup plan to just hang out with my friend the whole weekend." Or, between you and your boyfriend, brought enough cash to rent a car if need be. After getting fooled the 9th time, you were well into "shame on me" territory.

The trip wasn't my idea.. it was jellys. I asked him while we were there if we could see my friend and he said of course. I just suggested activities because nobody had a plan. I made the best of a crappy situation.

As you said, it was three against one. It's possible that you were the only one who was having a crappy time. The others may have enjoyed road tripping. Maybe they weren't interested in your suggested activities. Maybe they didn't want to meet your friend. Not to be mean, but maybe you were annoying them with your gigantic agenda.

How exactly? I had no control over any of the plans made. Yes, I am mad at my boyfriend. I absolutely would have had his back in this situation. If I knew something was important to him and having his back would have made the difference.. you bet I'd tell my cousin to let him see his best friend for a minute...

 

Been planning a 4 day vacation for several months now.. saved money (even though I'm poor) to go.. The vacation happen to be in the same town my best friend lives in.. so you can imagine my excitement!

Your updates are confusing. Please explain how you went from planning the trip, to not having control over it. If wasn't you, then you should have been more clear on the details of this 4 day vacation.

I would have just taken the offer to be dropped off in the town where I wanted to stay. From there, I could rent a car and either bunk with friend or stay in my own hotel room. BF could decide whether to join me or stay will Jello. Whichever he chose would be fine with me, but I'd get the trip I wanted, even if I'd need to book a flight home afterward.

I don't try to 'plan' trips with friends. I either join them and do whatever they want to do, or I arrange my own trips and run those however I wish. If someone wants to join me, then we agree up front that I'm the driver of the trip, and any deviations they want to make are on their own.

It makes no sense to blame anyone else for our own acquiescence. Either run your own plans on your own, or tag along with others, but trying to control anyone else is a wasted effort.