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Thread: Major life decisions

  1. #1
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    Major life decisions

    This will require some history.

    When I was finishing up college way back when (1992), I sent in postcards to find out more about the Peace Corps. I sent them in twice and never heard back. Went on with life. Jobs, house, got married. Thought about it once in a while but never was in the position to join again.

    I got divorced a year ago, sold the house, bought another so I could keep the dogs. Meanwhile, I meet someone I really like and can connect with like nobody else. Early on he tells me he applied to the PC but was rejected the last time he tried. After a couple months he tells me he's been accepted and will be leaving in April (this year). I go on with spending time with him knowing he's leaving, trying to tell myself we're just enjoying each other's company until he's gone. I wish I could say it was that easy but I miss him like crazy. We're still able to chat but after next week, when his training is done, we'll probably lose almost all contact electronically.

    He renewed my interest in the PC so I applied. I have some debt from being married and the house sale and purchase. I'm working two jobs to take care of that. Originally, I applied and interviewed for a position in Zambia but that departs in Feb. I withdrew my application because I wouldn't be quite ready with the goal of paying off debt. I applied for a position a couple months later which is in the same country as him but likely not close enough to see each other (it's an island nation). We've talked about many options where we could be together again.

    1. I join in Apr 2018 as planned. Service is 3 months training, 2 years service. He'd be done in Jul 2019 and would rejoin in a year with me with a couples position. He'd have a year gap. Possible snag: he decides not to rejoin. He has talked about teaching in Thailand.

    2. I wait until he's done and we apply as a couple in 2019. Possible snags: something happens between now and then. Right now I have the momentum to do this. I'm afraid of getting stuck in a rut like I have been. The benefit would be more time to get things in order before I leave.

    3. He quits and tries to rejoin with me. Snag: he's not sure of the consequences of quitting. He is having second thoughts about being so isolated at his service site. He will be the only volunteer on a tiny island with a small village. He doesn't want to quit if it means he can't reapply.

    I'm having a hard time deciding what to do. I really want to be with him again.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Option no 2 sounds the best. Based on what you wrote, even if you joined earlier, you woud be long distance. Option no 3 should be solely his decision, not yours to make or be held accountable for.

  3. #3
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    Yes. Option 3 is dependent on what he wants to do but would affect what I decide to do.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    The question is, if he said he didn't want to go forward with you at any point, would you still want to join the Peace Corps and be happy doing so, even if the relationship fell apart? He sounds like a nomad I know, who is never happy in one place for too long, and is constantly on the move. His partnerships with women never seem to last too long, which leads to my next question. What is this guy's relationship history? Has he ever been in a longterm relationship, and how long ago did that one end? You should think about if he has the capability of long-lasting love, or if short-lived romance goes along with his on-the-move lifestyle.

    Also, if what you see is what you get, and he never wanted to stay in one place for more than 2 years, are you willing to spend the rest of your life without a permanent home? Just some things to think about.

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  6. #5
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    I would still join the Peace Corps without him.

    He was married for 16 years. Divorced/sepated for a few years. I don't think he's the nomad type. He hasn't moved around a lot, job hopped, etc.

    I think we're very similar in what we want. Both have had it with the "American dream" myth and materialistic nonsense. I've considered alternatives to the PC in case I'm not selected.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I'd probably go for option 2, and get your finances in order, and then get a good nest egg in case you need it in the future for any expenses. You can see over the next few years how much effort he puts into staying in touch and continuing a relationship with you, knowing that communication will be spotty, but should be at the maximum he can manage. Good luck.

  8. #7
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    Unfortunately, applying as a couple isn't an option. I've looked into the rules for applying and you have to be in a "committed relationship" or married for one year. They define committed relationship as living together.

    I'm sticking with the current plan. I haven't gone very far in the process for the Apr 2018 departure so I can still withdraw at any time.

    I was chatting with him last night. He's second guessing his decision to leave but wants to try to get our lives in sync at some point.


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