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Thread: Why do people change their mind?

  1. #1
    DCapus

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    Why do people change their mind?

    Hey all,

    I just wanted to get some thoughts on my situation.

    To give a little detail. Last year I broke up with my long term girlfriend (5 years, which is long term for me seeing as I'm 23 ), and this really shook me up for a while. However, recently I started speaking to and seeing someone who I really really liked. This was the first time since the breakup that I really thought whoaaaa there are actually other girls out there.

    Anyway we went for our first date on Saturday, and we got on amazingly. Instant chemistry, conversation was great, and we finished the evening with a kiss. I met her again this Wednesday after work, and again it went great. Chemistry, lots of touching, kissing etc. So we agreed to meet up again next week. However this morning, she dropped me a message saying she had a change in mind about us. She said she thought I was great, and that she really had a great time with me (and I believe she was being genuine), but it just wasn't right.

    Now obviously I'm disappointed as I really liked her. However, I'm not going to chase her to ask why she's had this change in mind (we went on two dates, she doesn't owe me anything). Nor, am I asking for advice on how to change her mind. If she doesn't want to see me anymore then that is her choice, if she ever changes her mind on that then hey positives. It's not for me to decide that for her. However, what I do want to know is why do you think people change their mind like this.

    Let me know your thoughts, and cheers for the advice.

  2. #2
    glitterfingers
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    It's less usual that people change their mind than that they never really liked you that much in the first place, but just liked the thought of having someone. As in, it's a lot less likely that you said or did something that made her think "I liked him so much but now that I've seen this side of him I don't want to date him".

    What probably happened was she was only lukewarm about seeing you in the first place (maybe you aren't her type for whatever reason! Not your problem, there are plenty of girls who will like you). She was probably hoping that she'd grow to like you but after she went out with you a couple of times she realised that there wasn't enough of a spark between you two to keep dating. So she "changed her mind" about continuing to date you and decided not to waste either of your time since it's obviously not going anywhere. If you're honest with yourself, you probably feel the same way about her but just wanted to test the waters

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  4. #3
    MissCanuck
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    How did you meet?

    It's possible she's dating a couple of people and simply met someone she felt a better connection with.

  5. #4
    hulahoopwounds

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    Well remember the nature of people (selfish, petty, self-absorbed) with that in mind, i would say an ex or some guy she liked came around. Oh, and people are also fake and desperate. Life is like a screen play, with bad actors, in denial.

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  7. #5
    DCapus

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    Glitterfingers: I get what you're saying but I really did feel we had chemistry. But then again that's my feelings on the situation, not hers so you could be very right. It's not the end of the world, just a little disappointing as I defo liked her. Still I did feel a spark but this is my first proper dates since breaking up with my ex so maybe I'm wrong.

    MissCanuck. Tinder (hahahahaha I know). So yeah she would most likely definitely be speaking to other people I get that, and again you could be right.

    Cheers for the messages, if anyone has other suggestions on why she changed her mind feel free to let me know.

  8. #6
    MissCanuck
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    Quote Originally Posted by DCapus [Register to see the link]
    Glitterfingers: I get what you're saying but I really did feel we had chemistry. But then again that's my feelings on the situation, not hers so you could be very right. It's not the end of the world, just a little disappointing as I defo liked her. Still I did feel a spark but this is my first proper dates since breaking up with my ex so maybe I'm wrong.

    MissCanuck. Tinder (hahahahaha I know). So yeah she would most likely definitely be speaking to other people I get that, and again you could be right.

    Cheers for the messages, if anyone has other suggestions on why she changed her mind feel free to let me know.
    I can nearly guarantee this is what happened.

  9. #7
    DCapus

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    Bit crap, but if that's the case then oh well what can you do

  10. #8
    glitterfingers
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    This is why I hate online dating... Nobody is serious because they have so many options! Connecting with someone is almost always going to be so much more special and lasting if you meet in person (an event, interest group or through friends).

    In this situation, the best way to move on is to date someone new... go figure.

  11. #9
    DCapus

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    Agree completely. Dating is tough!

  12. #10
    Tomthumb88
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    It's really anyone's guess..
    I find women are very influenced by their peer group/family so it's possible she mentioned something about you they didn't like and then she decided it was a disqualifing feature.
    Or you were misreading her attraction level and assuming she felt the same.

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