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Dating someone with kids


Shania1234

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I am 26 years old and I don't have children of my own. I am dating a 31 yr old who has 2 kids aged 6 and 4. My parents have disowned me for moving out with him and wanting to be with him and I'm not sure how to feel. I love my parents and I'm stressed out because I want them in my life but they don't want to accept this decision. I don't like the fact that he has children but I am already so deep into this relationship it's been four years and I can't see life without him. My parents are serious about disowning me and I know for a fact they want nothing to do with me... I don't know how to deal with it. It's stressful because I don't want his kids in my life i just want him and I want our life our babies eventually.

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I read your history. What a nightmare!!!!

 

Do your parents really believe your husband to be a good choice?

 

Are you divorced?

 

How could you expect him to abandon his kids? Does he know how you feel about his children?

 

Your demands are unacceptable and unfair. If a partner said that to me. I would be done.

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You can't handle the fact he has kids, you don't love them and haven't accepted them into your life. Unfortunately for you, they are there permanently and you can be gone tomorrow. I feel bad for this guy that he's chosen someone who is unable to accept his kids...they're children and they have done nothing wrong, they didn't ask to be brought into this world. Now that they're here, they deserve all the love and affection that their father can give them, and any partner of his should be prepared to do the same.

 

You don't belong with him because the kids are a part of the package. Your parents are right, he is not the one for you and this is not the relationship for you. I would hate to see you stay in this situation and end up mistreating the kids either directly or indirectly because of your own lack of compassion. This is truly horrible.

 

If you can never see yourself loving his children, who are a part of the life that you want to have with him, you should do all three of them a favour and walk away. Find someone else who doesn't have kids and repair the relationship with your parents - you are young enough to find someone new.

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I just read the history too... So, you left your husband and moved in with another guy that you've had feelings for since 2013? But you were not dating him that entire time because you were married? Or have you been having an extramarital relationship with the man you've moved out with for the last 4 years?

 

My answer is the same regardless, you are clearly not capable of being a stepmother to the children who already exist and you have no right to come in between this man and his kids. You should leave your husband and be single for a few years because you do not seem capable of making mature and healthy relationship decisions.

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I don't want to date anyone with kids, either... therefore, I don't! I'm selfish in the sense that I don't want kids, and I don't want to date anyone whose kids are their main priority and who has an ex-wife or a baby momma in the picture. HOWEVER, I am not so selfish that I would date someone with kids and resent the fact that they're in his/our life. It just wouldn't get that far in the first place. Your guy's first priority should be his kids, since he chose to have them. If you interfere with that, it will mess them up emotionally. He should choose a girlfriend who accepts his fatherhood, and you should choose someone without kids.

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Your parents disowening you is insignificant in this story in my opinion. Sure thing it sucks and is completely unfair.

 

You have been dating a guy for four years and You want nothing to do with his children. Yet you want to have children with him. So do you want him never to see his kids or you move to a hotel everytime they visit? What's the plan?

 

Spoiler alert: only way you can avoid the kids is that you keep dating and see each other when the kids are with mother or someone else. So no living together. He and the kids are a package deal. If you build a life together then you have to form a type of family. Of you plan to have kids together then they will be siblings. What I'm concerned about is why he is with someone who doesn't want anything to do with his kids.

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this relationship is doomed. it will be one argument after another. he is a father to kids and KIDS COME FIRST. if ou cant help him with his kids you'd better get out now. i predict, from experience, a living hell for both you and him if you dont accept his kids.

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I think you should focus on getting your own life in order first. It's not fair to those children what you are doing.

The rest of you are adults. I don't know what is going on as far as your marriage - did you divorce? And where are you living at this time?

 

As far as your parents go, you are an adult living in North America. They cannot force you to do anything without your consent. Are you financially dependent on them? Do you work? Have your own place?

 

Personally I would have reported my parents if they tried to bring a man into the country falsely. You could still report the situation. If you don't, you are part of the problem yourself.

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I have a friend whose mother died when my friend was 7. Her stepmother didn't like her and treated her like Cinderella's stepmother did. My friend tried to commit suicide at age 13 and suffered from depression for many years before getting psychiatric care and being put on antidepressants.

 

A loving, mature, decent human being steps away from a situation when it's best to do so, even if it's emotionally painful. If you are a narcissist who is lacking compassion, then I only hope that karma will interrupt your plan so that the children can be saved from such an unhappy fate.

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The guy I married is illiterate he cannot read or write. It is hell living with someone you have to take care of like a child. He doesn't want to get a license, go back to school or better himself! Basically leaving all the paperwork to me. He is a hard worker but we arent intimate on any level. Yet he still lives with my parents... I was married to him for 3 years and we arent intimate because I don't love him and I was in a relationship before I married him. I mad a bad choice to get married to please my family but then the relationship I was in got serious. I never meant for things to get this bad.

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Honestly, since your life's been hell, I'd think you'd want a carefree, easygoing relationship with a guy who doesn't have kids. At age 26, it's not hard to find a man with no children. However, I recommend divorcing and staying alone for a minimum of 6 months, and even longer to be in a better position to choose a partner more wisely. Plus, since you're so young, why encumber yourself with any man right now? Have the fun you missed while being married to Mr. Wrong.

 

Anybody who dates you while you're still married, and especially since you still live with your spouse, is nobody but trash.

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If you can't accept this man's children, how will you make a good mother to your own ? Motherhood is about love, dedication, sympathy, empathy, yet you claim to love this man and shun his kids.... the kids that are part of him.

 

Selfish, immature, would describe you perfectly. I'm not sure what this guy sees in you, but if he is willing to let his kids go to be with you, it would make him just as rotten, and man would your kids together just be diabolical

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I have a friend whose mother died when my friend was 7. Her stepmother didn't like her and treated her like Cinderella's stepmother did. My friend tried to commit suicide at age 13 and suffered from depression for many years before getting psychiatric care and being put on antidepressants.

 

A loving, mature, decent human being steps away from a situation when it's best to do so, even if it's emotionally painful. If you are a narcissist who is lacking compassion, then I only hope that karma will interrupt your plan so that the children can be saved from such an unhappy fate.

 

I was an unwanted stepchild too. The implications in my family were horrendous. You never get over that pain... even if my stepmother had not done anything particularly horrible, children know when they are unloved and unwanted! And they always feel that it's their fault. It is horrible to try and take their place in this man's life... please do the right thing and find someone else.

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