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Thread: Dating someone with kids

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2017

    Dating someone with kids

    I am 26 years old and I don't have children of my own. I am dating a 31 yr old who has 2 kids aged 6 and 4. My parents have disowned me for moving out with him and wanting to be with him and I'm not sure how to feel. I love my parents and I'm stressed out because I want them in my life but they don't want to accept this decision. I don't like the fact that he has children but I am already so deep into this relationship it's been four years and I can't see life without him. My parents are serious about disowning me and I know for a fact they want nothing to do with me... I don't know how to deal with it. It's stressful because I don't want his kids in my life i just want him and I want our life our babies eventually.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Think alone and keep yourself in his position couple of times, see if you get some better changes...

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    I read your history. What a nightmare!!!!

    Do your parents really believe your husband to be a good choice?

    Are you divorced?

    How could you expect him to abandon his kids? Does he know how you feel about his children?

    Your demands are unacceptable and unfair. If a partner said that to me. I would be done.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 06-16-2017 at 03:41 AM.

  4. #4
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    May 2017
    You can't handle the fact he has kids, you don't love them and haven't accepted them into your life. Unfortunately for you, they are there permanently and you can be gone tomorrow. I feel bad for this guy that he's chosen someone who is unable to accept his kids...they're children and they have done nothing wrong, they didn't ask to be brought into this world. Now that they're here, they deserve all the love and affection that their father can give them, and any partner of his should be prepared to do the same.

    You don't belong with him because the kids are a part of the package. Your parents are right, he is not the one for you and this is not the relationship for you. I would hate to see you stay in this situation and end up mistreating the kids either directly or indirectly because of your own lack of compassion. This is truly horrible.

    If you can never see yourself loving his children, who are a part of the life that you want to have with him, you should do all three of them a favour and walk away. Find someone else who doesn't have kids and repair the relationship with your parents - you are young enough to find someone new.

  5. #5
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    May 2017
    I just read the history too... So, you left your husband and moved in with another guy that you've had feelings for since 2013? But you were not dating him that entire time because you were married? Or have you been having an extramarital relationship with the man you've moved out with for the last 4 years?

    My answer is the same regardless, you are clearly not capable of being a stepmother to the children who already exist and you have no right to come in between this man and his kids. You should leave your husband and be single for a few years because you do not seem capable of making mature and healthy relationship decisions.

  6. #6
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    I don't want to date anyone with kids, either... therefore, I don't! I'm selfish in the sense that I don't want kids, and I don't want to date anyone whose kids are their main priority and who has an ex-wife or a baby momma in the picture. HOWEVER, I am not so selfish that I would date someone with kids and resent the fact that they're in his/our life. It just wouldn't get that far in the first place. Your guy's first priority should be his kids, since he chose to have them. If you interfere with that, it will mess them up emotionally. He should choose a girlfriend who accepts his fatherhood, and you should choose someone without kids.

  7. #7
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Your parents disowening you is insignificant in this story in my opinion. Sure thing it sucks and is completely unfair.

    You have been dating a guy for four years and You want nothing to do with his children. Yet you want to have children with him. So do you want him never to see his kids or you move to a hotel everytime they visit? What's the plan?

    Spoiler alert: only way you can avoid the kids is that you keep dating and see each other when the kids are with mother or someone else. So no living together. He and the kids are a package deal. If you build a life together then you have to form a type of family. Of you plan to have kids together then they will be siblings. What I'm concerned about is why he is with someone who doesn't want anything to do with his kids.

  8. #8
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    this relationship is doomed. it will be one argument after another. he is a father to kids and KIDS COME FIRST. if ou cant help him with his kids you'd better get out now. i predict, from experience, a living hell for both you and him if you dont accept his kids.

  9. #9
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    I think you should focus on getting your own life in order first. It's not fair to those children what you are doing.
    The rest of you are adults. I don't know what is going on as far as your marriage - did you divorce? And where are you living at this time?

    As far as your parents go, you are an adult living in North America. They cannot force you to do anything without your consent. Are you financially dependent on them? Do you work? Have your own place?

    Personally I would have reported my parents if they tried to bring a man into the country falsely. You could still report the situation. If you don't, you are part of the problem yourself.

  10. #10
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    central Florida
    I have a friend whose mother died when my friend was 7. Her stepmother didn't like her and treated her like Cinderella's stepmother did. My friend tried to commit suicide at age 13 and suffered from depression for many years before getting psychiatric care and being put on antidepressants.

    A loving, mature, decent human being steps away from a situation when it's best to do so, even if it's emotionally painful. If you are a narcissist who is lacking compassion, then I only hope that karma will interrupt your plan so that the children can be saved from such an unhappy fate.


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