Helping my low-income mother survive

Context: My mother is a very insecure person and has been unable and unwilling to find work for a few years now so she lives with me. It's temporary because luckily she has some retirement savings and does own a home. She couldn't afford to live in that home so she rents it out. The income from the house rental is her only source of money.

She's going through the process of trying to find a new living situation. In general it's probably a difficult process. One of the problems she's facing is that she's scared of looking for a job and she's realizing that she needs more monthly income than she already has.

She's had some practice with looking for employment over the past few years but it's evident that she has a lot of emotional baggage that makes the process very uncomfortable for her. One of her fears is a "mean" employer. She's also scared of most authority figures (professors). She has no marketable skills so her options are often limited to industries that can take advantage of workers.

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Question:

I'd like to help her discover casual, inconsequential, job situations. I'm open to suggestions on types of jobs to look for that might be easy for a 50something woman. Something that might help her deal with her fear of employers. Or I'd like to also help her find land available--west of Texas, USA--that she can put an RV on and live affordably. I'm open to any leads.

Are there no career counselling places near her where people can help her find a job that suits her?

How about places like coffee shops, McDonalds etc?

She could probably use some help to get over her irrational fears too as they will hold her back more than anything else.

Context: My mother is a very insecure person and has been unable and unwilling to find work for a few years now so she lives with me. It's temporary because luckily she has some retirement savings and does own a home. She couldn't afford to live in that home so she rents it out. The income from the house rental is her only source of money.

 

She's going through the process of trying to find a new living situation. In general it's probably a difficult process. One of the problems she's facing is that she's scared of looking for a job and she's realizing that she needs more monthly income than she already has.

 

She's had some practice with looking for employment over the past few years but it's evident that she has a lot of emotional baggage that makes the process very uncomfortable for her. One of her fears is a "mean" employer. She's also scared of most authority figures (professors). She has no marketable skills so her options are often limited to industries that can take advantage of workers.

 

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Question:

 

I'd like to help her discover casual, inconsequential, job situations. I'm open to suggestions on types of jobs to look for that might be easy for a 50something woman. Something that might help her deal with her fear of employers. Or I'd like to also help her find land available--west of Texas, USA--that she can put an RV on and live affordably. I'm open to any leads.

Depending on where you live, I would look into Substitue teaching. Pretty easy to get into and no one bothers you. I find students to be nicer than most adults.

At minimum, you'll need a high school diploma, some even require an AA degree/ 60 credit hours. Check your local district's website .

Are there no career counselling places near her where people can help her find a job that suits her?

 

How about places like coffee shops, McDonalds etc?

 

She could probably use some help to get over her irrational fears too as they will hold her back more than anything else.

I have not considered career counseling. That might be worth looking into. She does need to get over her fears and that's certainly the first thing she should focus on. I'm hoping there's an easy type of job out there that might help her with that. Not sure.

Depending on where you live, I would look into Substitue teaching. Pretty easy to get into and no one bothers you. I find students to be nicer than most adults.

 

At minimum, you'll need a high school diploma, some even require an AA degree/ 60 credit hours. Check your local district's website .

For a second there I was thinking, "Yeah!" but then I realize that my mother is... endlessly insecure. Substitute teaching is technically accessible to her. I think. Do they accept GEDs? However I know she would be scared of having to improvise and follow a lesson plan in front of students. I'll consider bringing that up to her.

You stated Oscuro:

"She has no marketable skills so her options are often limited to industries that can take advantage of workers.

Meaning?

I don't think there is such a thing as an easy job. Some places will give some training before launching the person into the job.

50 something is quite young, considering that there are 70 (and 80) year olds working out there.

You stated Oscuro:

 

"She has no marketable skills so her options are often limited to industries that can take advantage of workers.

 

Meaning?

 

I don't think there is such a thing as an easy job. Some places will give some training before launching the person into the job.

 

50 something is quite young, considering that there are 70 (and 80) year olds working out there.

Well, I have jobs where I can call off and not immediately worry about being fired. I have jobs where no one is in a position to literally yell at me. Honestly I do have easy jobs but there's reasons for that.

I think the sort of work opportunities she faces, as do many others, is there are probably many conditions in which an employer would be open to firing her and I think an employer would not hesitate to yell at her. I'm wondering if there's some easy, part time, field out there that would be quiet and non-stressful. Like stacking books or petting a dog or watering plants or refilling a container.

The reason I cite her age is because she's getting to an age where she's not able to engage in much physical labor either but this may not be common for every 50something woman.

She could work in retail. I did that for a while before I went back to school even though I had a degree. Retail is really friendly and fun and low-stress. It usually pays minimum wage or slightly above so Im not sure if that work for her. TJ MAXX, Target, Old Navy, Fry's, Linens and Things, Home Depot or another sort of clothing store or something. They usually hire with very few restrictions except that you are friendly and honest.

Thanks

She could work in retail. I did that for a while before I went back to school even though I had a degree. Retail is really friendly and fun and low-stress. It usually pays minimum wage or slightly above so Im not sure if that work for her. TJ MAXX, Target, Old Navy, Fry's, Linens and Things, Home Depot or another sort of clothing store or something. They usually hire with very few restrictions except that you are friendly and honest.

 

Thanks

 

Well, thank you for that suggestion. I sort of assumed they were stressful but I'll take your opinion into account. I'll look into that for her. Thanks.

Check out your local school district's website, it will have more specific information that will help you ( look for the substitute teaching tab).

Essentially it's a babysitting job. However, it's very flexible and your mom will be able to make her own schedule . She could work a few days a week to get comfortable again. I would definitely look into this .

Check out your local school district's website, it will have more specific information that will help you ( look for the substitute teaching tab).

 

Essentially it's a babysitting job. However, it's very flexible and your mom will be able to make her own schedule . She could work a few days a week to get comfortable again. I would definitely look into this .

Very cool. I had completely forgotten about this field. I have an ex who did that for a while. I will look into it. Thanks.

I think you should encourage her to move back into her home and to take in a roommate. That could be one of her sisters, another woman in her situation, etc., whatever. Or find her a studio apartment somewhere. You are not responsible for being her parent. Living is not encouraging her to find another situation. Is she buying groceries or paying her own bills at all? If she has no health issues and her problem is confidence, perhaps she needs counseling. You are enabling her by letting her live with you while she has a home.

Also, what about if she sells her home? Uses the money to buy something that is more manageable to her, like a condo or a small flat? Can she buy one outright for half of what the home would bring and put the other half in the bank to live off the interest to supplement a job?

Check out your local school district's website, it will have more specific information that will help you ( look for the substitute teaching tab).

 

Essentially it's a babysitting job. However, it's very flexible and your mom will be able to make her own schedule . She could work a few days a week to get comfortable again. I would definitely look into this .

She cannot substitute teach in many districts without a bachelor's degree. It doesn't have to be in education. I think some accept associate's degree in some cases, but she can't go there and state "well I was a mom..." and get a job like that. Some subs are *NOT* just babysitters but in fact teach for an extended period of time in the same classroom (a week to up to months for a maternity leave or surgery recovery). She can get a job in the lunchroom, etc, with no degree.

I take it you are pulling my leg Oscuro.

"Like stacking books or petting a dog or watering plants or refilling a container.

"

And if you find an easy, stress the word easy, part-time field out there, please contact me and let me know at once..

Physical labour? What does that mean? She will not be required to break rocks along the roadside. Has she got some physical disability? No it is not common for 50 year old women not to be able to work.

As for the piece of land you mentioned earlier, surely there are organizations where you are where you can find out this kind of information.

You remarked:

"I think an employer would not hesitate to yell at her."

In what alternate reality is that behaviour allowed towards employees, I ask.

And I agree entirely with Abit's two posts above.

 

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Question:

 

I'd like to help her discover casual, inconsequential, job situations. I'm open to suggestions on types of jobs to look for that might be easy for a 50something woman. Something that might help her deal with her fear of employers. Or I'd like to also help her find land available--west of Texas, USA--that she can put an RV on and live affordably. I'm open to any leads.

An RV is a home with wheels and a cab attached to it. You know that's not a mobile home, right? You are talking about a travel trailer. Travel trailer living is for confident people who like to move around - its not a place to retire a timid mother who is afraid to speak up. you can't just plop one on a piece of land - there is no waterhookup nor place to waste dump. RV parks are more like it - but she would have to move periodically because most parks only let you stay for so many months. What if the A/C conks out or the engine dies? That's a big bill and mom might not know what to do.

I say that's not a good plan. She needs to get a job and move back into her home until she can retire or she needs to live somewhere safe where she doesn't have to worry about running water or waste removal.

Right, at some earlier time you remarked she had a back injury.

And you said this:

"I have encouraged my mom to try to go out and make friends. Including group events that exist. She's refused to. So that's that. She is however trying to date guys through some online dating service. My mother has issues that will never, ever be resolved--she seeks the approval of men very often."

So, regardless of the type of job available, and leaving aside the physical aspect such as a bad back, the issues she has may make it difficult for her to work at anything, unless she gets help, and from what I gather this would be unaffordable.

Well, I have jobs where I can call off and not immediately worry about being fired. I have jobs where no one is in a position to literally yell at me. Honestly I do have easy jobs but there's reasons for that.

 

I think the sort of work opportunities she faces, as do many others, is there are probably many conditions in which an employer would be open to firing her and I think an employer would not hesitate to yell at her. I'm wondering if there's some easy, part time, field out there that would be quiet and non-stressful. Like stacking books or petting a dog or watering plants or refilling a container.

 

The reason I cite her age is because she's getting to an age where she's not able to engage in much physical labor either but this may not be common for every 50something woman.

Oh please. I know 50 something women who are pretty fierce - they are farmers, they work in stock rooms, they run marathons. 50something is the new 30something. People are eager to hire 50something woman over college students as nannies because they aren't going to leave when their degree is finished, i know many who are hired for medical reception over working around college schedules, etc. You need to stop enabling mom. Her age is not stopping her.

Not her age, Abit, obviously. But as the OP remarks she has serious psychological issues, and possible employers will notice at once.

I take it you are pulling my leg Oscuro.

 

"Like stacking books or petting a dog or watering plants or refilling a container.

"

 

And if you find an easy, stress the word easy, part-time field out there, please contact me and let me know at once..

 

Physical labour? What does that mean? She will not be required to break rocks along the roadside. Has she got some physical disability? No it is not common for 50 year old women not to be able to work.

 

As for the piece of land you mentioned earlier, surely there are organizations where you are where you can find out this kind of information.

 

You remarked:

 

"I think an employer would not hesitate to yell at her."

 

 

 

In what alternate reality is that behaviour allowed towards employees, I ask.

 

And I agree entirely with Abit's two posts above.

I think my girlfriend's grandmother had a part time job at a plant nursery. I actually have no idea what that entailed and it likely involved more than watering plants but I know that was a part of it and I was told that it was a manageable job for her. Stack books? I guess I wonder if that's a job a person might find at a book store or library. No idea. It may be more complex than that. Of course I am describing minimum wage jobs.

Regarding land, she is looking but it's difficult and it's the kind of process that sometimes requires luck and knowing the right people.

Regarding yelling, I worked in fast food as a teen up until I was 18 and yelling at employees was regular behaviour. That includes yelling at adult employees.

Now I readily admit that my mother's fear of "yelling" is mostly due to my her intense insecurity. Obviously there are many employers out there that don't do that but I _fear_ that employers can more easily take advantage of low-income workers like my mother and she's proven herself to be barely able to handle stressful environments any longer.

Not her age, Abit, obviously. But as the OP remarks she has serious psychological issues, and possible employers will notice at once.

he said "she is getting to an age..." so that's what my response was based on - but i agree - she has other issues. Sometimes when people have confidence issues manual jobs like assembling small things at a workshop or working outdoors helps the mind, however.

There has got to be a way that he can stop parenting her, though. Counseling to me would be the only thing i would think he should direct her towards and the rest - she has to come up with some things on her own.

Agreed, Abit.

I think however the OP's mother has more deep-seated issues with fearfulness and whatever happened in the past. It really is rough, and very hard to know what work would suit her.

Oh please. I know 50 something women who are pretty fierce - they are farmers, they work in stock rooms, they run marathons. 50something is the new 30something. People are eager to hire 50something woman over college students as nannies because they aren't going to leave when their degree is finished, i know many who are hired for medical reception over working around college schedules, etc. You need to stop enabling mom. Her age is not stopping her.

Okay, in that case her age is not necessarily related to her weak physical condition. I thought it might be.

Regarding her psychological issues... I don't think its that bad that an employer would immediately notice major problems. She's just a very insecure person but she doesn't necessarily give off terrible vibes with initial conversations. In general you don't realize the baggage she has until after a few conversations with her.

A lot of people remark that maybe I am not doing the right thing for my mother. You are suggesting I am enabling her. I'm not convinced that's the case but okay. She did not have any place to live when I decided to allow her to live with me. It was always under the condition that she would look for a new place and make a plan to move on and she has but it's proven to be difficult. She is looking for new places to live--new property to buy with her savings. She's just been slow to also look for a job.

"She did not have any place to live when I decided to allow her to live with me. It was always under the condition that she would look for a new place and make a plan to move on and she has but it's proven to be difficult. She is looking for new places to live--new property to buy with her savings. She's just been slow to also look for a job."

Yes she did, OP. You said so yourself. She had a home, but chose to rent it out.

Re a job. An employer might not notice anything on day one, but if your mother is as you describe her, then there could be problems in employment.

In truth OP what is worrying is this one-man NGO you are running. It is good to help people but not let them take advantage of you. You are not a charitable organization. A day or so ago you described your household, and having taken in this cousin, who also has problems. And you took her in because of pressure from your partner.

She cannot substitute teach in many districts without a bachelor's degree. It doesn't have to be in education. I think some accept associate's degree in some cases, but she can't go there and state "well I was a mom..." and get a job like that. Some subs are *NOT* just babysitters but in fact teach for an extended period of time in the same classroom (a week to up to months for a maternity leave or surgery recovery). She can get a job in the lunchroom, etc, with no degree.[/quote

 

 

That's completely false. THAT IS WHY I ASKED HIM TO CHECK HIS LOCAL DISTRICT's WEBSITE. I just graduated with my B.A. However, I subbed two years prior to graduating, the district I worked in only required a High School diploma. Best thing for him to do is check his local district.

 

Some subs have to have special qualifications to take long term jobs. However, subs generally aren't regarded as much. Regardless, this beats retail by a long shot.

My step mom is a substitute teacher and she only has a GED. Thats in WIlliamson County, Texas