Don't know what to do

Me and my boyfriend haven't had sex in about 2 months and before that it was very sparse. It's driving me mad I don't know what to do. I've tried talking to him but he shuts off and just says he's tired that's why he's not feeling it. I know he watches porn and have con fronted him about it and he just says it's when it is hard and it won't go down. I genuinely don't know what to do. I'm such a sexual person and really missing the lack of intimacy in our relationship. He is cuddly and stuff but it's really not good enough for me. I try coming on to him and he just says no... makes me feel ugly and I just don't want to be around someone who doesn't appreciate me in a sexual way. We have been together for 3 years and I've said to him about other people being relationshipy and that we aren't. And he just says it's cos we are in a long term relationship

Oooh la la, Jojo. Not good.

However, his psychosexual problems whatever they are are not your problems. Do you think he may have other tendencies?

What do you mean by other tendencies??

Perhaps he really doesn't like women.

All his porn is women. I'm quite chubby atm and ask if he doesn't find my body attractive so I don't know if it's that

Do you think this is a rational reply, OP?

And he just says it's cos we are in a long term relationship

Not normal, OP.

Well I don't know what to do! I know he isn't gay! We was sex maniacs in the first year and he wouldn't leave me alone!

OP

I wouldn't tolerate this if I were you! He's saying BS things such as "It's hard, and that's the only way it will go down." When if it's hard he could be having sex with you to make it go down, instead of porn. Now he's saying it's because you two are long term. Something sounds very off.

He's avoiding sexual contact either because of guilt or admitting to himself about his own sexuality. Guilt could be he is having an emotional or physical affair.

Think about this and go with your gut instinct it's always right!

Well I don't know what to do! I know he isn't gay! We was sex maniacs in the first year and he wouldn't leave me alone!

I think he could be cheating on you. Does he ever leave the house at odd times? Stay somewhere longer then he should?

Or he could be falling out of love with you which is a harsh thing to imply but it happens.

Lisa

Well in all fairness it's very rare he uses porn. I use it a lot more than him. I don't think he is having an affair and we nearly broke up the other week and it would mean me moving out etc. He has a child as well and he pretty much begged me to stay. Also I've checked his phone and nothing... he leaves his phone around

I genuinely don't think he is cheating. He leaves his phone around the house when he goes for a shower. He calls me when I don't reply to texts. I've read his phone and there is no suspicious activity. We do pretty much everything together other than work! I think if anything he doesn't find me attractive or isn't in love with me!! Or I'm a push over and he doesn't feel he needs to satisfy me. I've asked if he loves and he said if he didn't he would say and we'd sort out me moving out. He's a real honest guy. I asked if he finds mee attractive and he says I'm beautiful. So I don't know

Have you always been "quite chubby?" Or is there a significant weight gain that could correlate to his lack of drive?

Well we have had a few problems and I'm just getting on track. I've had no motivation and been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. There's been a couple times where I've blacked out drunk and been arguementative while drunk cos of my meds anyway we sorted that out I've stopped drinkinh and I'm back at the gym. He's been relentlessly supportive and I can imagine he feels like I've thrown it back in his face a little?? I know he find me more attractive when I'm motivated etc. I don't know whether just to get on with my life or suck up to him a little. I got upset the other day after a convo about 9ur sex life and he did come in and comfort me and tell me I'm beautiful and etc

Me and my boyfriend haven't had sex in about 2 months and before that it was very sparse. It's driving me mad I don't know what to do. I've tried talking to him but he shuts off and just says he's tired that's why he's not feeling it. I know he watches porn and have con fronted him about it and he just says it's when it is hard and it won't go down. I genuinely don't know what to do. I'm such a sexual person and really missing the lack of intimacy in our relationship. He is cuddly and stuff but it's really not good enough for me. I try coming on to him and he just says no... makes me feel ugly and I just don't want to be around someone who doesn't appreciate me in a sexual way. We have been together for 3 years and I've said to him about other people being relationshipy and that we aren't. And he just says it's cos we are in a long term relationship

This happened to me once. I felt so desperate for attention, I found out my bf was watching porn and taking it out in the bathroom. He was upset with me during this time it was almost like he felt he could do better than me, like he didn't want to settle. I'm not sure what's going on with your bf, but in my experience my bf thought he was settling and didn't want to. Felt like he just wanted to run around stucking it in other girls.

This may be something you may have to talk seriously to him about. It's not about him getting off, it's about him no longer being interested in the relationship.

The thing is I don't really mind the porn. He isn't watching it a lot and its always when I'm not around like on a weekend and I'm working in the morning. I have seen on his phone some google searches about his head feeling funny and him feel anxious. Could this have anything to do with it??

Getting there Jojo.

"Or I'm a push over and he doesn't feel he needs to satisfy me."

What do I do about it though? Shun him? Just be my normal cuddly self?

What do YOU think Jojo? decision is up to you.

I genuinely don't know! Everything is near perfect other than lack of sex! I don't feel I should punish him for having no sex drive but also I feel it's too long without sex

Well we have had a few problems and I'm just getting on track. I've had no motivation and been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. There's been a couple times where I've blacked out drunk and been arguementative while drunk cos of my meds anyway we sorted that out I've stopped drinkinh and I'm back at the gym.

He's been relentlessly supportive and I can imagine he feels like I've thrown it back in his face a little??

I suppose its quite recent. I had depressed for at least a year before being diagnosed. And literally only just getting better. I was drunk 4 weeks ago and not out of control but made him angry and upset we've talked to since and we are making concious effort to be better people in the relationship. I'm stopping drinkin until I'm off my medication. And he is working on himself. He has saI'd when I drunk I am very unattractive and its my personality when I am drunk that makes him off woth me. But like I said we have spoke. I feel like he thinks I'm throwing his support in his face cos I can say bad things when I'm drunk. I've really tried to be cuddly and supportive to him atm and he responds great l. He keeps cuddling up to me and we watch tele holding hands etc. Just no sex

There was significant weight gain but have lost 2 and a half stone since Jan and got 1 and half to go but now I'm back at the size I was when we met

I'm stopping drinkin until I'm off my medication. And he is working on himself......I've really tried to be cuddly and supportive to him atm and he responds great l. He keeps cuddling up to me and we watch tele holding hands etc. Just no sex

This is a good sign! Looks like things are getting better.

If I were you I would take things slow, since he probably needs more time to recover from previous fights. You two already sorted things out and are doing great now, so don't rush things, stay positive and supportive!

It sounds like the other problems in your relationship have contributed to him losing interest in being intimate with you.

You're doing the right things to get back on track, but it will take time. If he's not willing to meet you half-way, then you have a bigger problem. Most young and healthy men want sex, particularly with their partners. The fact that he doesn't is troubling and symptomatic of more significant cracks in your relationship, I believe. You say everything else apart from the lack of sex is perfect, but your posts don't paint the same picture.