Sad

Hello

It's a quiet long story, my dad died when I was in belly 24 years ago, my sister have different dad and I have a twin brother. It was really hard childhood as my mum was single mom. When I was young my sisters dad was approaching us saying that we are his kids, but my mom told me to ignore him because they were not together then anymore, ( he was very popular with woman's and with kids before and after, he cheated on my mum so she left after my sister was born)and my mum was telling me about our real dad, his name, what happened and so on. Telling me story's about him when I was younger. So moust of my life I have been angry to god for taking him away from me ( as my mum said it was car accident), I was always eager to see his grave but my mum always had excuses and no pictures of him and time went on and I grow older moved away and loved him in my heart.

Just recently went back home for holiday, and talked about it with my grandad and my sister and couldn't ignore the things they said.

So I went back to my mum and asked her to tell the truth ( the one I hoped to hear) but she breaked out and said the truth after 24 years that my dad is my sisters dad, the one I have met and talked. I was socked as I wanted to cry but I couldn't because my 9 year old brother was watching me and didn't understand what was going on.

My mother asked me what the big deal? Why are u so concearnd ? It's not important

When I was dying inside ,loving person that does not exist , hoping every day that I could see his picture and find some relatives from his side , and just being very hurt- all she could say I didn't want you to know that he is your father ( was it anger for him cheating or whatever)

When she told me is him I didn't say anything but I did not believe her, she laid to me for 24 years and gutted me deeply, now I want to do DNA test to find out if it true, and if she is lying again I would not really care who is the one then. I just need to find some closure , I been so sensitive about it all my life . I never told her how I felt and what I really thought about it because I didn't have a courage.

My mother asked if I could forgive her, I don't hate her but I don't know what to say maybe one day .

She don't see any reason why would I care about it as she knows who her father is and always been there for her.

Just wanted to share and take it off my heart and maybe somebody have same stories to share.

Hello. It must be very hard for you right now. I have a similar story, in some ways, but no real wisdom about it.

I was raised by my dad and someone I thought was my mom. She was very loving towards me. She disappeared when I was 5 years old. I remember crying, convinced she was dead - that she wouldn't leave me otherwise. My dad was very angry with me for crying. I was hysterical, really. He allowed me one hour to cry, and then I was never allowed to mention her again.

About a year later, my dad told me my mother was coming to visit me. He said this was my "real" mom, my birth mother. I didn't know I had another mother...I was excited, as I missed having a mom so much. My birth mother sent an outfit she'd sewn for me and asked that I wear it when I meet her. She was supposed to come at Christmas. So I wore it the day she was supposed to arrive...it was wool and velvet, and so very hot for my southern Georgia weather. I walked outside around our house over and over all day. She didn't come. I wore it again the next day, and the next...every day for 2 weeks. My father never said anything. At the end of the 2 weeks, I threw the outfit away. I hated this woman who promised to come meet me and never did.

I didn't meet her until I was in 4th grade. She just plunked herself into my life one day, said she was my mom, and expected me to love and obey her. I hated and obeyed her.

Years later, my birth mom told me she'd cancelled that trip, and told my dad. It seems he never told me...but I can't verify that. He died when I was 16.

Without dragging this on, my childhood consisted of these types of crazy events. My father married 5 times, and my mother 4 times during my first 16 years. Every time they married or divorced, I had to move, change who I was, and never have an emotional reaction to any of it. Several of my step-parents were abusive, so I ended up with every type of abuse before I was 17.

So, yes, I understand what it feels like to be lied to by those we are taught to trust. I know what it feels like to be a pawn to your parents. I understand struggling with forgiveness and pain and betrayal...and I understand it as the victim, and the perpetrator.

Forgiveness is not easy, and it takes a long time. Give yourself that time. When your mom asks, tell her you're working through it. You don't owe her forgiveness, but you do owe it to yourself. Also, forgiveness doesn't mean you forget. It only means you aren't walking around with the pain, resentment, and agony any more.

It's very tricky, complicated stuff. We forgive for our own good. We remember, also for our own good...so we don't allow them to do it again. And we accept their shortcomings, also for our own good.

I would expect you are grieving for the father story...and our stories ARE our reality. It doesn't matter that the story of the dad you loved wasn't true - you loved him, and the loss is real. It's ok for you to mourn that loss.

At the same time, your physical father is alive, and tried to claim you. It sounds like he wants a relationship with you. Is this something you might want, too?