The damage ghosting does.

You find yourself jealous of people who were dumped because at least they were given the respect of being told 'its over'.

 

A person who's is dumped can face reality and begin to heal immediately if they choose to, ones who are ghosted are bombarded with second thoughts, questions, confusion, the door is never actually closed.

 

Its not even about the person, for me at least, an act so selfish and cruel makes you think 'Really? I'm not even worth being dumped?' its a mind trip. I have a lot going for me, I'm a catch and I know it, but man... ghosting really knocks you down.

 

This phenomenon has got to end.

Ghosting is fine for short term things. Longer than maybe 3 dates? I agree.

Agree. The most respectful thing to do is to tell a person why it's not working and end it properly. Anything less is bs.

Ghosting is fine for short term things. Longer than maybe 3 dates? I agree.

 

Says who?

 

I went on a date recently, didn't feel it. He on the other hand wanted to see me again. I felt bad and it would have been so easy to just block him but instead I was honest, which he appreciated which allowed me to hold my head high.

 

I don't think there's any excuse. Were all human, we all have feelings and it takes two seconds to say 'I'm not interested'.

 

Its cowardly no matter the length, but yes I will say I am baffled by anyone who can do it after months, but it happens.

 

Why?

I agree, ghosting is terrible.

 

I had one guy, after a first meet, email to tell me that he just didn't feel the spark. It was a nice email, and he just wanted to let me know why he wouldn't be calling. What did I do? I emailed him back, thanking him for his honesty (and for the meal), and that I wish that he finds a beautiful, special woman.

 

Another guy scheduled a first date (after a first meet that went so well), and then he called the next day to cancel it, telling me that he had been multi-dating, and decided to become Exclusive with someone else. Again, thanked him for his honesty, and wished him well.

 

If either of these guys had ghosted, I'd have been really perplexed, as I thought things went so well.

 

A little honesty goes a long way.

Says who?

 

I went on a date recently, didn't feel it. He on the other hand wanted to see me again. I felt bad and it would have been so easy to just block him but instead I was honest, which he appreciated which allowed me to hold my head high.

 

I don't think there's any excuse. Were all human, we all have feelings and it takes two seconds to say 'I'm not interested'.

 

Its cowardly no matter the length, but yes I will say I am baffled by anyone who can do it after months, but it happens.

 

Why?

 

I personally don't ghost. But I absolutely do not take it personally if someone I've just met ghosts me. We owe each other nothing. So it's fine.

I personally don't ghost. But I absolutely do not take it personally if someone I've just met ghosts me. We owe each other nothing. So it's fine.

Agreed. Rejection is rejection either way. It really speaks more about you than the ghoster if you're willing to hang up your life over the obvious, particularly when it's pretty recent into getting to know someone. That said, I likewise don't ghost.

Agreed. Rejection is rejection either way. It really speaks more about you than the ghoster if you're willing to hang up your life over the obvious, particularly when it's pretty recent into getting to know someone. That said, I likewise don't ghost.

 

Ahhhh, the typical 'I owe you nothing' excuse pathetic men use to excuse their cowardice....

 

Harsh? But I don't know you so I don't owe you anything right?

 

See how this mindset leads to the downfall of human decency? I do!

 

(p.s. that comment was made to make a point. I am in no way seriously attempting to be insulting to you)

 

Hang up my life over the obvious? Google 'ghosting'. Very rarely is it 'obvious' to the person being ignored.

 

Its careless, callous, cowardly and shows ones lack of maturity.

 

In case you were wondering my timelines of ghosting - 7 months and 9 years. I don't know what its like to be ghosted after 1 date but I doubt I'd like it.

Ahhhh, the typical 'I owe you nothing' excuse pathetic men use to excuse their cowardice....

 

Harsh? But I don't know you so I don't owe you anything right?

 

See how this mindset leads to the downfall of human decency? I do!

 

(p.s. that comment was made to make a point. I am in no way seriously attempting to be insulting to you)

 

Hang up my life over the obvious? Google 'ghosting'. Very rarely is it 'obvious' to the person being ignored.

 

Its careless, callous, cowardly and shows ones lack of maturity.

 

In case you were wondering my timelines of ghosting - 7 months and 9 years. I don't know what its like to be ghosted after 1 date but I doubt I'd like it.

 

Well. I'm a woman.

 

I'm not saying getting ghosted is peaches and roses, but I don't let it hurt me. If anything, it's like "good riddance, you're a coward."

 

Now, getting ghosted after the timeframe you speak of? That's something totally different.

 

And they don't owe me anything. It's not a lack of human decency. But after just a few dates, no - nothing is owed. As there was no relationship.

Well. I'm a woman.

 

I'm not saying getting ghosted is peaches and roses, but I don't let it hurt me. If anything, it's like "good riddance, you're a coward."

 

Now, getting ghosted after the timeframe you speak of? That's something totally different.

 

And they don't owe me anything. It's not a lack of human decency. But after just a few dates, no - nothing is owed. As there was no relationship.

 

Man, woman, alien, in my eyes it is indeed a lack of human decency.

 

Lets say you see a car wreck. Are you going to stop? Take a few seconds to call 911? Check and make sure everyones ok or are you going to keep on driving and say 'I dont owe them anything'.

 

You'd stop right? Why is the mindset so different when it comes to finding the man or woman you want to spend your time with? Why is the standard lowered? I'm honestly asking.

 

Whats with this carelessness when it comes to dating now a days? Does dating even exist anymore? Or is it just two people avoiding catching feelings or showing any weakness and being 'cool' with any kind of behavior and treatment?

 

 

I don't think I can ever lower my standards enough to think its ok. Maybe because of what I've gone through... I will admit I've gone through more than most so my tolerance is nada at this point, lol.

Woah. I would never compare ghosting to helping someone out in a car wreck. That's an absurd comparison.

 

What I do compare it to is not talking to someone you don't want to talk to. Do you reply to 100% of your texts? Call back 100% of your missed calls?

 

I sincerely doubt you do.

 

and those are people you know and like and care for.

 

Ghosting isn't gross human indecency. At worst it's maybe rude.

 

IMO you're way too passionate about this.

Woah. I would never compare ghosting to helping someone out in a car wreck. That's an absurd comparison.

 

How so? Do you not put time and effort into finding a life partner? Why the lax attitude when it comes to something so important? Is it somehow not important? Please expand...

 

 

 

What I do compare it to is not talking to someone you don't want to talk to. Do you reply to 100% of your texts? Call back 100% of your missed calls?

 

If someone calls me ~expecting~ a response, why would I not respond?

 

 

 

Ghosting isn't gross human indecency. At worst it's maybe rude.

 

IMO you're way too passionate about this.

 

Have you seen my ghosting timelines? But lets say I was upset over 1 date or 2. What is it with this trying to shame me for...*gasp* having feelings?!?

 

Again, honest question...

How so? Do you not put time and effort into finding a life partner? Why the lax attitude when it comes to something so important? Is it somehow not important? Please expand...

 

 

 

 

 

If someone calls me ~expecting~ a response, why would I not respond?

 

 

 

 

 

Have you seen my ghosting timelines? But lets say I was upset over 1 date or 2. What is it with this trying to shame me for...*gasp* having feelings?!?

 

Again, honest question...

 

Q1: I'm lax about a casual rejection after a short time period. Not about finding a partner. Those are not the same things.

 

Q2: so you've literally never ignored a call or text? EVER? I find that hard to believe.

 

Q3: you can have feelings. But to be this upset (after a date or two) points to deeper issues. I would never post an angry thread about being cut off while driving, having my parking spot stolen at a busy supermarket, experiencing a rude customer service agent, etc etc - because they are inconsequential. So, too, is ghosting - after a date or two.

 

Frankly, I find your tone incredibly rude and condescending

 

(Oh, but I imagine you're still a decent human - funny how that works).

 

You can have feelings. But to be this upset (after a date or two) points to deeper issues. I would never post an angry thread about being cut off while driving, having my parking spot stolen at a busy supermarket, experiencing a rude customer service agent, etc etc - because they are inconsequential. So, too, is ghosting - after a date or two.

 

 

I find it odd you assume I'm upset, I'm not. I'm simply debating you on our opposing beliefs, it seems to bother you that I'm standing my ground on my feelings on this topic. I must say I wonder why.

 

Once again, I find it odd you keep trying to subtly shame me for feeling the way I do. For having feelings, for allowing something/anything to bother me, is that not my right? Is this not a forum titled " healing after a breakup or divorce" are there limits to what I'm allowed to be healing from? Please enlighten me

 

To say that i have 'deeper issues' for being bothered by something.... That's a bit much isn't it? Especially considering you don't know me or my tone... to make an assumption that 'rude and condescending'...again odd...

 

(see what I did there)

 

And why are you assuming I'm 'this upset' over a 'date or two' please point to where I said that. Are you reading what Im saying or are you too busy trying to insult me?

 

(To be completely honest, that's why I limit what I say about my situations here, people are so quick to use your history against you, its sickening.)

 

 

Frankly, I find your tone incredibly rude and condescending

 

(Oh, but I imagine you're still a decent human - funny how that works).

 

Again, not sure how you know what my tone is but I don't owe you anything so it shouldn't bother you should it? Funny how that works...

 

You know what I think is really bothering you right now?

 

That your 'get over it, you're being too sensitive,something must be wrong with you' comments aren't changing my statement.

 

I still think ghosting is a cowardly move and since its a topic started by me.........

That's fine, we each have our opinions.

 

I'm not bothered in the least by your opinion.

 

And your tone is rude/condescending. But I won't elaborate on that further.

 

Enjoy, I'm out.

figureitout...There's no need to be rude to members who are trying to be helpful. It appears you're directing your anger towards the people whom you're seeking advice from.

 

Please keep it respectful...Thank you.

figureitout...There's no need to be rude to members who are trying to be helpful. It appears you're directing your anger towards the people whom you're seeking advice from.

 

Please keep it respectful...Thank you.

 

Please point out where I'm being disrespectful, moderator. I'm not angry, simply responding to someone being incredibly inconsiderate to me. Please read the whole thread, Thank you.

That's fine, we each have our opinions.

 

I'm not bothered in the least by your opinion.

 

And your tone is rude/condescending. But I won't elaborate on that further.

 

Enjoy, I'm out.

 

We do each have our own opinions and I think your tone is as rude and condescending as mine has been so I will also leave it at that.

 

Peace

I admit - I have ghosted on a guy.

 

It was the easy way out of a very tough situation for me. I was close to have a major surgery (life altering), I was not fully healed from somewhat recent breakup, the guy wasn't putting in a lot of effort but expected me to become the perfect girlfriend with out the label, I wasn't really feeling it with him after the first month, and I was under a major amount of stress between 2 jobs. We had only been seeing each other for about 2 months, he didn't bring up being exclusive or dating and neither did I.

 

I won't make excuses or try say "he didn't deserve a reason," but I did what I had to do get through those tough months with my head still on straight. I didn't need him to try and get me to stay and contacting me on regular basis to 'catch up,' which I know he would have done, as he could be very persistent. It may have been unfair and unkind, but I decided to put myself and my own sanity first. Call me a coward, but I don't regret doing it. I regret possibly hurting him, but I had to make sure I didn't add another layer of stress.

 

To those who have been ghosted, from a ghoster, it wasn't you. It was in fact them. For whatever reason, they felt like they couldn't handle the act of telling you they didn't want to see you anymore. It is cowardly and unfair, most are likely sorry to do it, but you should not take it as a reflection on you.

I personally don't ghost. But I absolutely do not take it personally if someone I've just met ghosts me. We owe each other nothing. So it's fine.

 

I don't ghost either. Years ago I ghosted people I had just met once. They didn't contact me much either, so I think it went both ways. But nowadays regardless if it's the first date or de 20th I don't ghost. If someone ghosts me after one or two dates I don't take it personally anymore though as I said nowadays I don't do it.

 

However, I was once ghosted by a guy I had been consistently dating for almost 5 months and the feeling was awful. It's coward and it says a lot about the person who does it.

As a former ghoster, I admit it was cowardly and immature. The easy way out. However, I did it when I was much younger--teens and early- to mid- twenties. I wouldn't do it now. I've learned the importance of respecting other people.

Ghosting is without a doubt rude and selfish. But there is a positive twist, you are finding out that the ghoster is in a state of dysfunction and not ready for an adult connection. Its a harsh way to find out, but better to know now than later.

Ghosting is without a doubt rude and selfish. But there is a positive twist, you are finding out that the ghoster is in a state of dysfunction and not ready for an adult connection. Its a harsh way to find out, but better to know now than later.

 

This is very true. If someone ghosts us, though it is bad we can be sure with "no ifs and no buts" that this person is definitely not suitable for a mature and healthy relationship with us. We dodged a bullet for sure.

My brother just ghosted on his ex...they dated three years. Over that time he tried to break up with her several times but she would go into fits like a toddler, crying, begging him not to leave...threatening suicide. Eventually he just became so unhappy and couldn't stand her anymore that he blocked her number and moved on. She called his manager at work begging the manager to get my brother to call her...she was a basket case at the end. I'd ghost too.

 

I've also ghosted in the past...I've had a few men swear at me and threaten me for ending things with them, so depending on their temperament I sometimes ghost. Generally though things like having a bad temper are discovered in the first month or two of dating, so it's not as hard on a person to ghost in that time period.

 

Idk, I think there's a time and place for ghosting. Sometimes you have to.

 

Eta: I've never really been ghosted on...but I don't consider anything under like 10 dates to be ghosting. Anytime a guy has disappeared, it's been in the beginning.

 

If you find that it's happening a lot in later stages (like 2 and 9 years), it might be worth thinking about why they felt like breaking up with you wasn't an option. Do you debate with them (like you do on here) when they've talked about ending things? That might be seen as being emotional...and a lot of people don't want to deal with someone really emotional. It's hard to deal with someone else's emotions, especially if you've already checked out. Just a thought anyway.

Why didn't he break up with her for real, endure her fits and block her number and everything after breaking up with her? I think it's on him to go back with his word of breaking up and then ghosting her. I can get that she was psycho, but it's still possible to break up clearly and keep it without resorting to ghosting. Just my opinion though.