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How should i approach my FWB?


kb87

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So, i met a guy online and we both agreed to be ongoing FWBs from the start. We messaged here and there for two weeks before meeting. During that 2 week time, he seemed really busy and sometimes wouldnt msg back for days, so I would just delete him and he would email me back and say, "i was so busy! im sorry! add me back and so i added him back lol. We decided to meet up after that.

 

When we met, we both were extremely nervous and it was kind of awkward, but immediately after leaving he texted me letting me know he enjoyed our time together! After a couple days, I tried to be flirty and suggest meeting up again, to which he seemed to be humoring the idea. i think his exact words were "sounds super fun." to which i said, "i thought so. let me know " he never messaged me back for days after that, my feelings werent hurt i just wanted to move on and so i deleted him again. he emailed me back again saying he was sorry etc. and that he was open to talking more.

 

After i added him back that last time, we were trying to see if we could hang out again and he seemed very interested and made loose plans. but then on the day of our plans, i texted him to confirm, and he told me he couldnt make it after all. so i asked if he could another day, and he didnt reply.

 

A couple days later, he posted online that he was downtown at a festival the same time i was (and I had posted about going earlier too, which i know he saw because it was on my snapchat story lol)

I messaged him saying "you should have hit me up! we could have grabbed a drink or something and again, no reply. so im extremely confused.

 

I want it to work out with the FWB but at the same time I dont like to be ignored.

My question to you guys is how i should proceed. I have 3 ideas (and open to suggestions lol

1. delete him again, no need for an explanation.

2. messaging him saying "are we still fwbs 🤷🏻♀️"

3. send him a sexy picture (ive sent him tons before) and see how he responds

 

 

What do you guys think i should do? I know this is not going anywhere lol, I just was hoping this would work out and idk if i should put myself out there (to potentially just be let down again) or just delete him and find a new fwb? 😏

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Delete and keep rolling.

 

FWB requires making a friendship. Otherwise, it is casual sex. Two weeks on line => casual sex. FWB is actually a rare success story. If we are friends, and we have sex, why aren't we dating? Sometimes it works. Usually, a lot of time has to be invested first so that the friendship is established as well as the reasons you are not well matched as a couple.

 

Sorry this live and let live situation didn't work out. He was less than sincere with you, it seems. Or, he changed his mind. Either way, don't waste your time being angry at him (I would be), recognize your part in it by trusting him as a friend when he hadn't earned that from you yet, focus on something else so that he can fade away. Not worth more than that.

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Firstly, I don't believe in FWB. But I would say logically, there is an F part in Friends with Benefits. It means you are Friends and have sex. There is no commitment. It does not involve finding a stranger and agreeing to be a FWB up front - its not like you decided to get coffee with a guy and one thing led to another.

 

This guy is not a friend - he is someone you met on the internet and decided upon an arrangement that doesn't exist.

I think that the bigger question is why are you devaluing yourself like this?

If you don't want a relationship - go out on dates with different people.

If you established a friendship with a guy - had a one off intimate encounter and decided to continue with no strings attached sex - then whatever.

 

I think that you should not "find a FWB" - you should go on dates and be upfront with what you are looking for and if he is looking for a girlfriend don't see him again - though why not be open minded?

You can't even really manage to meet up with this guy. For something that is "no strings attached" you are attaching strings. He should be able to contact you when he wants and you are expecting him to maintain a relationship with you.

 

So --- what the heck to you really want? Do you want a stranger to meet up with in a hotel room and have anonymous sex? Or do you really want a real relationship but don't value yourself enough to put yourself out there?

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You say you want a FWB, but then you get upset if he takes days to respond back to you and treats you indifferently.

 

Sounds like you want someone to spend time with in AND out of bed, someone to go places with, text, talk, meet up, have sex with, have conversations with..... and THAT, is actually part of an actual relationship.

 

Why don't you just forget about this guy altogether as he seems uninterested in you and only communicates as a last option when all his other plans with other people have fallen apart, and instead respect yourself enough to look for a guy that actually wants to spend some time with you, get to know you as a person and have an actual relationship. FWB is sexually risky, one partner ALWAYS ends up caring more than the other and get hurt in the process, they are relationship fillers that just waste your time from finding someone much better suited for you.

 

So, block this guy, don't look back, only give men with good intentions, the time of day.

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You are kinda chasing him down, and letting him choose the rules. You should have more than one FWB, so you are not solely just relying on him for your rendezvous. When he is not available you have many more men to play with.

 

Secondly, he does not seem that interested. What was the first sexual encounter like?

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Thanks for all your insight everyone. Thats why i wanted advice, i totally feel like im chasing him down and he is blowing me off. oh well

 

Our first encounter was awkward at first. But by the end we both loosened up and like i said, he texted me almost immediately letting me know how he loved it and wanted to meet again asap! when i have brought it up to him that he seems uninterested, he pulls me back in by saying he is so interested and wants to meet again asap. lol. i will just delete him and move on

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I don't think you need to delete him fully, he is only a FWB. He is just now one of many.

 

If you are not looking for a relationship, then you don't need to blow him off. The only thing that is lacking, is that he is not jumping through hoops to sleep with you again, which is his own fault. So go find more men! (For FWB purposes)

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He is a FWB? Then you can't expect much.

 

So, I'm not sure why you're adding him/ deleting him all the time?

 

Sounds like YOU want more out of him. But, if a FWB situation, it's basically 'meet up', then carry on. With NO expectations.

 

So, if this is what you're happy with.. then lay off the rest with him.

 

If you are wanting more out of this now, then you better speak up and admit that.

 

So often though, the women are the one's who get too 'emotionally involved', but guys don't. So, it's much easier for them.

 

Best think again on these fwb idea's.

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I don't think you need to delete him fully, he is only a FWB. He is just now one of many.

 

If you are not looking for a relationship, then you don't need to blow him off. The only thing that is lacking, is that he is not jumping through hoops to sleep with you again, which is his own fault. So go find more men! (For FWB purposes)

 

If she's suffering from this then yes, it's better to delete. If she's ok with how things are now (she doesn't seem to be though) then yes, it's not necessary to delete him fully. However, seeing the different levels of interest of each other they are obviously not in the same page, and this is very one sided, so I don't know if it's a good idea to keep in contact with him if she wants to feel good and have whatever it is that she wants.

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I dont mind if im not "relationship material" because i am not looking for a relationship with him.

I was in it purely for sexual satisfaction, exploration, and nsa fun.

I only was curious how i should approach him now because we both agreed we would be Friends with benefits, not just f*** buddies. ive had FWB before and it was awesome. I told this guy at the beginning that I dont expect him to treat me like a gf, but i didnt want to feel used so i expected both of us to put in a little more effort than just texting to plan a meetup. he was 100% on the same page at the beginning. Part of the benefits was also also sexy pictures, flirting, lunch, etc. not just sex. but it seems like he lost interest so I just deleted him and moved on 🤷🏻♀️

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