I Just Broke Up with My LDR BF

So, the title says it all. I've been with him on and off for about 1 yr and 5 months, lived together for a year, and we've only been long distance for a week, and already, we're done.

It was a rocky relationship. We met online, he lied to me about his real job, which led to the 1st break up, and then he explained himself and somewhat actually denied it. Because of that, trust was an issue for me, but we somehow made it work.

We're in an LDR because I got an summer grad school internship in my hometown. He didn't want to do it at first because he said he didn't do LDRs, and I was committed to it. He said he wanted to keep in touch, be friends, and see where things go as soon as I get back from my internship. I told him I couldn't do it. He said he didn't want it because I wasn't sure where I would go after my grad school is over. If I get a full-time offer from my internship, he wasn't sure if he wanted to move with me because of my hometown's crappy weather. It was a rough couple months because we still had to live together. Then, on my last weekend, he said he wanted to try to make it work (to be honest, it was a complete 180 and unexpected that I felt nothing, not even excitement when he said he wanted to try), but I agreed anyway.

We had been texting and skyping every other day, but I noticed that I was wanting the communication more than he did. I wanted to skype every day, but he wanted to do it every 3-4 days. Then it would take him forever to respond to my text messages, and I felt like he was ignoring me or delaying his response on purpose. Mind you, he's out of town with his family for the weekend, but still, ignoring my texts was unusual behavior. Then, he just blew it out of proportion, caused this huge argument over text, saying that he felt like I was interrogating him via text, asking him what he's doing, etc. Mind you, we text once or twice a day. It's not even hour-long conversation texts. I was trying to give him space, but I guess even that wasn't enough. I Knew right then and there what he was trying to do. So I broke up with him. I feel pissed because he was so cowardly, he couldn't even break it to me.

I guess logically, I knew it wasn't meant to be. I guess I just wanted to put this out there for people because despite everything, I still feel sad to have loved someone that much and for them not to reciprocate.

I guess I just need to be consoled...

It's alright sweetie...

You've given it your very best

He didn't treat you well at all

Seems like he wasn't committed or interested anymore

You'll soon find someone who is worthy of your love

Don't ever settle for anyone less than you deserve

Thank you for responding. I feel so alone right now. I just want this longing to go away.

I'm really sorry for what you're going through. It can be excruciating. While it will probably help you long-term to be at a distance, I have found that for myself the pain is pretty intense when I have that kind of absolute disconnection with the beloved.

I have gone through this myself -- I had an on/ off partner for a while who was very anti-LDR. While I am sure there are many differences with your relationship, she did the same thing, more than once: broke it off fairly quickly once I left thinking we were going to try to make it work.

I can only guess that for some people, they really do fear/ loathe the distance. Perhaps they see it itself as a kind of breakup. It's hard to blame anyone for that, because at their best, LDRs can be taxing. For what it's worth, though, I don't think it (necessarily) means the person is/ was not into you -- at least that's what I grew to realize about my situation. I think she was pretty into me, in fact, even though her behavior once we were apart did not reflect that, but only anger.

And based on my experience, there is probably not much you could have done to mitigate the problem. I.e., no matter how much you texted or didn't, he was uncomfortable with the situation, so was going to blow it up somehow. I certainly beat myself up for a while, questioning how I might have done things differently, but now feel that there was virtually nothing I could have done differently (outside of not leaving, which was not actually possible for me).

Best of luck dealing with it.