Husbands best friend

My husband ® and I have been married for 5 months and together for 7 years. A year before our marriage R promised me that he would stop going to Maryland to be with a couple of his childhood friends, because I found out he had cheated on me with his best-friends cousin a couple of years ago, who lives there. That was not the first time he cheated on me with someone related to his childhood best friend whom by the way always encourages my husband to cheat. the problem is that J's whole family lives in Maryland and my husband grew up with them like a family, and we used to go all the time. Even if my husband promised that he would never go back to Maryland, after we got married he continues to ask me if he can go. He always uses the excuse that his best friend and him grew up together and that they are like family. I don't know what to do because I know that he will continue to ask me and his friends have even block me from social media accusing me of being a B. Beside the people he had cheated on me with everyone in Maryland pretty much hates me because "I don't let my husband" visit. I don't know what to do because I understand that they are a part of him, but my husband has cheated with 2 of his best friends family members. What should I do?

Go with him. He can visit and you can make sure he's not doing something he shouldn't. I am amazed that you stayed with a cheater and that he chooses to continue keeping friends who want him to cheat.

I personally would dump the whole lot.

But seeing as you don't seem willing to, go with him on these visits.

Lose the husband.

Why in the world did you marry this guy, after he cheated on you twice? And what makes you believe that this cheating is only happening when he travels?

The thing is that relationships goes wrong the minute the other one has to ask for permission to do things. And you are stopping him from visiting an entire state so you can't really blame the friends for disliking you because of it.

I can understand your reasoning but your husbands only promised not to visit Maryland to make you calm down. It's a tough situation but Maryland is not the only place to cheat. It comes down to trust. If he wants to cheat then he will, where ever. It's up to your husband to sleep with other people. That can't be blamed for the friends encouragement.

So I would suggest that you calmly tell him that you don't like that he goes there for the reasons mentioned above and remind that he made a promise. Then he can explain his side. You can't control an adult and make him ask permission. You can suggest coming along or the friend visiting you. And you really need to work together with the trust issues.

Forced distancing won't change him.

The cousins aren't the problem, he is.

The problem isn't the best friend.

The problem is your husband. Preventing him from going to see his best friend doesn't begin to address your husband's propensity for infidelity and disrespect. People cannot be "encouraged'" to cheat if they don't want to.

Why did you marry a man who cheats?

I'd go along and be the life of the party for him and the b***h they said I was to them. Win win. Have fun with the hubby and torment the haters. Worst case scenario they stop inviting him 😂

My husband ® and I have been married for 5 months and together for 7 years. A year before our marriage R promised me that he would stop going to Maryland to be with a couple of his childhood friends, because I found out he had cheated on me with his best-friends cousin a couple of years ago, who lives there. That was not the first time he cheated on me with someone related to his childhood best friend whom by the way always encourages my husband to cheat. the problem is that J's whole family lives in Maryland and my husband grew up with them like a family, and we used to go all the time. Even if my husband promised that he would never go back to Maryland, after we got married he continues to ask me if he can go. He always uses the excuse that his best friend and him grew up together and that they are like family. I don't know what to do because I know that he will continue to ask me and his friends have even block me from social media accusing me of being a B. Beside the people he had cheated on me with everyone in Maryland pretty much hates me because "I don't let my husband" visit. I don't know what to do because I understand that they are a part of him, but my husband has cheated with 2 of his best friends family members. What should I do?

Why don't you have that friend come to stay with you guys instead? And why aren't you going together to Maryland?

My hubby and I go to Baltimore each year - haven't gotten a chance with the second kid just yet.

You are missing the problem here. If your husband cheats on you removing him from that environment doesn't change anything about him.

It is like a person who thinks that alcohol is the reason that everything is wrong with their spouse. Alcohol is just a result of a much deeper issue. Your husbands issue isn't his hometown, it is him. Removing him from that changes NOTHING.

I also think that trying to strictly control aspects of his life is a pointless. You obviously don't trust your husband. Do you think that not letting him go somewhere stops him from cheating? If he is going to cheat then he is going to cheat.

You can't have a healthy relationship without trust. This guy also sounds very untrustworthy.

I know you asked for very different advice but you must see how many people jumped to the real issue here. Husband doesn't sound like much of a keeper.

It is foolhardy to marry someone knowing they cheated on you - and the fact that it wasn't a one time drunk evening with someone in the bar but the cheating was "protected" and encouraged by a group of friends that is ongoing is way worse. A friend of my ex was a hardworking man and the wife was unhappy. Her family protected and encouraged her affair - the husband was even at the same BBQ with the guy and had no idea that guy was cheating with his wife. It went on for awhile before he found out. If his friends are protecting and encouraging the affair, I would bet you that it wasn't just that one off time and he is actually being couple-y with her while he goes there. Honestly, I think it would be awesome if you showed up if he won't plan a trip there with you.

Its not your fault that he cheated but you do have to take some inventory at this point for knowingly marrying a cheater who refuses to change their ways.

Yes, going to Maryland is not the real issue - the cheating is - BUT if someone was a truly penitent cheater - he would have stopped going - just like the workplace cheater will transfer to a different department or look for a new job to prove to their spouse that they are remorseful and are getting far away from their co-cheater as they possibly can and make sacrifices to do it.