breaking up purely because of distance

Have any of you broken it off with your partner strictly because you did not like the distance - that you needed physical contact and his/her actual presence.

Yes. I have. It was the right choice. I have a long distance partner now (coming up on seven years together) but that only works because we are non- monogamous. Most people need touch. Unfortunately our culture devalues or sexualizes platonic touch. So sexualized touch is the main way people get touch. If you are monogamous I think distance for an extended period of time (years) is a perfectly reasonable to separate.

Strangest advice I've seen yet on this site.

I want to add that it was a very deep connection. Touch and physical presence was more important than the emotional one?

I guess with distance comes pain which in time overcomes the love.

I want to add that it was a very deep connection. Touch and physical presence was more important than the emotional one?

 

I guess with distance comes pain which in time overcomes the love.

Yep. Love isn't enough. Compatibility is WAY more important. And if you would have stuck out a long distance type thing and the other person wouldn't? That is incompatibility. If someone tells you "I can't be with you because you don't meet my relationship needs" believe them.

What gets me is she picked a guy who lives close but barely knows vs me living 45 minutes away (maybe a little more, I won't be certain for a few months). even after saying I'm the closest connection she's ever had with someone. There's also the fact that my future is unknown... timing....

I'm starting to learn about myself and if I was attached or truly in love. Nonetheless, that part still bothers me. But I wasn't in her shoes. One day I'll understand.

What gets me is she picked a guy who lives close but barely knows vs me living 45 minutes away (maybe a little more, I won't be certain for a few months). even after saying I'm the closest connection she's ever had with someone. There's also the fact that my future is unknown... timing....

 

I'm starting to learn about myself and if I was attached or truly in love. Nonetheless, that part still bothers me. But I wasn't in her shoes. One day I'll understand.

Yeah... sounds like distance wasn't the issue. Sounds like a different dude was the issue.

I want to add that it was a very deep connection. Touch and physical presence was more important than the emotional one?

 

I guess with distance comes pain which in time overcomes the love.

Not always but you need them both equally! If you are questioning if you should break up because of distance than you are obviously feeling something is missing from this relationship.

Long distance is hard, I've been there. They rarely work. I'm not saying they don't, because I've seen a few that have worked out. In order for it to work, you need both parties to be very patient and you both have to plan on a future. As in a goal to somehow be in the place eventually. If not, than yes, distance is enough to break up.

It's very difficult to have a relationship not being able to be part or knowing the other person's day to day life. It's like having a relationship just over the phone or computer. Not much human interactions.

Not always but you need them both equally! If you are questioning if you should break up because of distance than you are obviously feeling something is missing from this relationship.

 

Long distance is hard, I've been there. They rarely work. I'm not saying they don't, because I've seen a few that have worked out. In order for it to work, you need both parties to be very patient and you both have to plan on a future. As in a goal to somehow be in the place eventually. If not, than yes, distance is enough to break up.

 

It's very difficult to have a relationship not being able to be part or knowing the other person's day to day life. It's like having a relationship just over the phone or computer. Not much human interactions.

I'll know if I'll be in the same city soon. Debating whether to revisit it or just let it be. I should do what my counselor told me, stop worrying about it now...you'll know the answer when the time is right. and nothing can be done now anyway.

In your situation, distance was the excuse your ex used to rationalize why she lost interest in you. Don't be misled. She can't explain why she lost interest in you so it was unintentional.

In your situation, distance was the excuse your ex used to rationalize why she lost interest in you. Don't be misled. She can't explain why she lost interest in you so it was unintentional.

I've played with this idea, too. And I think it may be true. But she said things like she had to force herself to stop thinking about me and feeling for me because she didn't like what my future meant for the both of us. And even when the other guy was involved we reconnected within one day when I traveled to see her.

I think I'm in a place in my life that doesn't allow me to understand a reason as simple as the one she gave. I'm the one traveling, I'm the one who will be busy 24/7...i don't mind driving. Hell, I drove 45 minutes to see her almost everyday for years but rarely the other way around.

But, Careerchoice, you may be right. This pill is harder to swallow than the other one....I'm not even going to begin trying to understand this in light of what happened. No way jose.

Don't think I need to keep going on and on lol

I've played with this idea, too. And I think it may be true. But she said things like she had to force herself to stop thinking about me and feeling for me because she didn't like what my future meant for the both of us. And even when the other guy was involved we reconnected within one day when I traveled to see her.

 

I think I'm in a place in my life that doesn't allow me to understand a reason as simple as the one she gave. I'm the one traveling, I'm the one who will be busy 24/7...i don't mind driving. Hell, I drove 45 minutes to see her almost everyday for years but rarely the other way around.

 

But, Careerchoice, you may be right. This pill is harder to swallow than the other one....I'm not even going to begin trying to understand this in light of what happened. No way jose.

 

 

 

Don't think I need to keep going on and on lol

Maybe am confused but, long distance means different things to different people. I consider long distance when it's several long hours to drive to see them, or they live in another country, or it's several hours in a plane ride.

But you say you drove a measly 45 minutes to see her for years... is THAT what you mean by long distance ? Because that's not long distance, I've had job commutes that were longer than that and I did that daily.

If the case is a 45 minute drive, I would say that's an excuse and not a relationship breaker. It's more of just something made up because they wanted to break up but didn't have the heart to say something you might of thought was cruel, wanted to spare your feelings, but in truth, they are probably not attracted to you anymore, met someone they like better etc, and wanted to end things with you.

there were 3000 miles for years.

There's more to it but I think it's not good to reopen all the specifics in my head.

She said she found someone to replace me now, or at least shares some qualities as me so she is in good hands. Why replace me instead of just having me .

Anyway. Sorry for being vague. I wrote the entire story but deleted it. Didnt want to reopen old wounds too wide.

Just did a week ago, ugh I hate this sinking feeling in my chest. Hopefully it gets better guys.