Seemingly great date, plenty of postive indicators from her but got the cheek?

I went on a first date with this girl last night.

In the week leading up to the date, she would text me very detailed responses but would take hours to reply. She told me she's not big on her phone and that she's bad at texting. An example was that I replied back Thursday morning but didn't hear anything back until Friday 11pm where she said she'll see me tomorrow, etc.

Anyway we had our date, broke the ice playing mini golf, had a drink at the bar and then went to this nice restaurant.

She was so talkative it was hard to get a word in edgeways, but she kept asking me lots of questions and seemed very interested in me. We spoke about careers, funny past dates, our family, etc. She laughed and smiled a lot.

As we were walking, she asked me if I wanted a lift home in her car, so we walked and talked. 2-3 times during the walk she whacked my arm to get my attention about some places we were passing.

In the car, the joking and talking continued. No awkward silences at all and we pulled up where I lived. At the end I went for the kiss and put my hand on the side of her face, but she turned and gave me her cheek. I still went for her lips but she gave me a peck and pulled away. Anyway I left her car and said I hope she gets home safe.

Half an hour later, I texted her that I had a great night and hope she got home safe and replied saying "Thanks for wondering if I got home safe Yeah I enjoyed it, thanks for planning it! xx".

So I said I was going to sleep and made a joke about dreaming of her beating my ass at mini-golf again and she replied within 5 minutes. Her response time was much improved compared to before the date.

I plan to ask her out later the next day to see when she is free, I'll get my answer then.. But what do you think?

Some women are slow movers with intimacy..take that as a good sign, it means she doesn't sleep around or jump on the first mans lap who dates her.

Take you time, get to know one another, it sounds like it's going good to me.

Sounds like a normal first date.

Some people dont like other peoples saliva that soon. Dont worry about that,it seems like she had a good time.

Just next time if somebody gives you cheek, take the hint and dont go for lips.

People hace different "rules" on what they are comfortable with on first dates. She might not like to kiss on first dates. Sounds like you guys had a good time so don't over think it. Next time when the girl clearly gives you the cheek, go for the cheek. Still going for the lips might make you look like a jerk to her.

People hace different "rules" on what they are comfortable with on first dates. She might not like to kiss on first dates. Sounds like you guys had a good time so don't over think it. Next time when the girl clearly gives you the cheek, go for the cheek. Still going for the lips might make you look like a jerk to her.

Never thought about it like that. We gave each other a peck on the lips and that was it, then we both pulled away. I definitely wasn't forcing myself on her and respected her wishes when she didn't want to kiss, but I probably should have just kissed her cheek. Guess I got caught out in the moment and felt panicked, hopefully it hasn't ruined anything and she doesn't see me as a jerk!

Never thought about it like that. We gave each other a peck on the lips and that was it, then we both pulled away. I definitely wasn't forcing myself on her and respected her wishes when she didn't want to kiss, but I probably should have just kissed her cheek. Guess I got caught out in the moment and felt panicked, hopefully it hasn't ruined anything and she doesn't see me as a jerk!

She texted you back after the date so I'm sure it is fine. And I'm sure you were not forcing yourself and in general you seem like a decent guy. Just wanted to give a hint for the future that some may feel like it is pushing the boundaries when offered a cheek.

Personal rule-- I never go in for a kiss on a first date. All risk, little reward. Hug if you like her, handshake if you don't. But you do you... just saying what's worked pretty well for me.

She rejected your kiss, but other than that, everything sounds fine. Don't make it a big deal and go a bit slower. It's also perfectly fine to ask her out again the day after. Good luck and have fun.

Given she says she's a bad texter most of the time, when I reinitiate later today, should I go straight for the kill and ask her out again or build up to it? Usually I'd build up to it after 2 or 3 messages but wondering if it's worth just asking her out again from the go?

Given she says she's a bad texter most of the time, when I reinitiate later today, should I go straight for the kill and ask her out again or build up to it? Usually I'd build up to it after 2 or 3 messages but wondering if it's worth just asking her out again from the go?

Don't think too much. Ask her out.

Given she says she's a bad texter most of the time, when I reinitiate later today, should I go straight for the kill and ask her out again or build up to it? Usually I'd build up to it after 2 or 3 messages but wondering if it's worth just asking her out again from the go?

If she likes you, she will want you to ask her out right away. You already know she doesn't like to text, so why would you draw it out? You won't be building anything up. Rather, you will be losing momentum.

Good texter or bad texter, you should be getting straight to the point anyway. I'm sure she's got girlfirends she could hit up for SMS conversations if she wanted to. She's dating for a reason-- to meet guys.

 

Don't think too much. Ask her out.

Got it. I'll say "Hey, hope you're having a great day. Are you free this Thursday at 7? We should go and solve one of those escape rooms in town, will be fun".

Usually I'd ask her what days she's free but I'm working all lates other than that day, unless I met her late at the weekend. It's more to see if she offers me an alternative day really, or a busy wishy washy excuse.

If she likes you, she will want you to ask her out right away. You already know she doesn't like to text, so why would you draw it out? You won't be building anything up. Rather, you will be losing momentum.

Fair point, especially if I might not hear from her until tomorrow. At least if I have to wait that long, I'll be waiting for her answer to my date request.

So? did it work out and are you going on another date?

She ended up replying at 10am this morning and it was exactly as feared..

Her text said "Morning! Sorry for the late reply! Was in town all of yesterday..... I had a really good time on the date but don't think for me it would be anything more than friendship. You're lovely and you're a good looking guy, to be honest you remind me so much of my best lad mate from uni! I'd really it if you wanted to be friends but understand if you don't".

I guess because we talked a lot when having a drink and over dinner. We had a laugh and there was some touching, some teasing, etc. I basically did what I usually do with girls which has gotten me relationships in the past so didn't feel I needed to change things, but over dinner I did get the thought to myself "What if she just sees me as a friend?".

It's weird because our interaction over dinner was exactly like my first date with my ex, so I thought maybe it could have gone well.

We played mini-golf and had a drink, but maybe I'm best avoiding dinner dates as a first date in the future.

I mean if I THINK about it, I feel like this is the same situation I was in a couple of months ago with a girl who was the same age 28, had her own car and her own place but told me we're in different stages of our lives and stopped seeing me. Maybe she feels the same, I don't own a car, I still live with parents, I don't go travelling on holidays like she does, I don't go to festivals or gigs like she does. Maybe we were just too different or I wasn't where she wanted me to be, anyway who knows.

How should I respond to her text? The rejection hasn't hit me as bad as I thought it would as I was expecting it from the cheek turn. I kind of want to be friends with her as I did enjoy her company, she was great to talk to and for once a girl was really honest about not feeling it rather than stringing me along. I would only consider being friends if I were to hang out with her and people she knows though, as it could lead me to her introducing me to one of her girl mates. Don't worry I know this is dead in the water and I'll be pursuing other girls, but it would be nice to keep her as a friend if it meant she'd want to hang out as friends. Enjoyed talking to her about things and it was only one date, so I have no "feelings" invested in her.

She kind of reminds me of a girl best friend I had at college, my only worry is if she gets with a guy down the line, will I feel jealous.. I just don't know.

You hit the nail on the head, you are too different. It's not your fault or her fault, but your differences.

Don't feel bad. I know it can feel like rejection but just look at it objectively, your differences would have started causing problems eventually. You can still find someone whom you are more compatible with.

If you want to keep her friendship, just reply back that you understand but hope that you can keep in touch. But do not keep in touch with any kinds of hopes that she and you will one day be together, because you are only setting yourself up for more hurt.

Every single one of us has had rejection at some point, it's a part of life and no, it doesn't feel good. Just dust yourself off, realise it was probably for the best and find someone more suited for you.

You hit the nail on the head, you are too different. It's not your fault or her fault, but your differences.

 

Don't feel bad. I know it can feel like rejection but just look at it objectively, your differences would have started causing problems eventually. You can still find someone whom you are more compatible with.

 

If you want to keep her friendship, just reply back that you understand but hope that you can keep in touch. But do not keep in touch with any kinds of hopes that she and you will one day be together, because you are only setting yourself up for more hurt.

 

Every single one of us has had rejection at some point, it's a part of life and no, it doesn't feel good. Just dust yourself off, realise it was probably for the best and find someone more suited for you.

I can't decide if I should be friends with her. I feel we are both creative and have enough in common to be friends as she does remind me of an old college girl I was best friends with and I missed that. But then would she actually still want to hangout as friends? And if she met someone new on a date would she drop me out the blue?

I'm just wondering if I stayed friends, I'd always be thinking what if, but then I'm worried about losing a potentially great friendship.

I can't decide if I should be friends with her. I feel we are both creative and have enough in common to be friends as she does remind me of an old college girl I was best friends with and I missed that. But then would she actually still want to hangout as friends? And if she met someone new on a date would she drop me out the blue?

 

I'm just wondering if I stayed friends, I'd always be thinking what if, but then I'm worried about losing a potentially great friendship.

I'd pass. I've made only a small handful of friendships from people I've met off of a dating site. More often than not it's usually a time filler. Not always the case, but even in my best "we both would rather be friends" scenarios, once they (or I) met someone, the friendship really took a backseat and was widdled down to mere acquaintances or "a friend I once had..." stories.

If I'm even going to try and embark on a friendship I ask myself if I would have accepted another date offer. If the answer is no, then I'm

more willing to proceed, but any time it hasn't been "no" it means that I was seeking friendship in hopes to maybe turn into something else. That is setting yourself up for failure.

Okay, I'm going to reply to her and politely reject the offer of friendship saying I'm looking for more than that and I'd always be thinking what if and be lying to myself, and if she changes her mind she knows where I am, then say glad there's no hard feelings and good luck with the future.

At least it shows I'm decisive, assertive and confident in what I want. I do think I'd always be trying to impress her and hope she likes me as more down the line and my time is precious already that could be better spent meeting other girls.

I read an article saying it's best to politely reject the offer as it helps you in the long run but it goes "against the norm" of other guys accepting her offer. My time is valuable, I'll spend it on a girl who does feel the same way.