Who do I believe? Ex or New Partner?

Hi all, I hope you can help with some advice on what to do in this tricky situation...

The background to this issue is that me and my ex partner split approx 2 years ago, we have three children who I provide for and see regularly on a weekly basis. Me and my ex have remained close friends throughout the period and managed to get on well even to the point of having days out with the kids and spending regular time together as friends. We have slept together after the break up numerous times. I instigated the split and I do have a feeling she was/is still very much in love with me.

Around the beginning of this year we decided to see if we could give things another go. We opted to go too counselling and try to act like we were a couple without giving the title of being together. During the process and after 2/3 months I decided that I didn't feel the same as she did and stated we should go back to being parents and friends. She didn't take the news too well and things went a bit cold between us and we didn't talk as much which i understand as she was hurting and I take responsibility for that.

Shortly after I met my now current partner. I didn't plan on meeting her, i wasn't on any dating sites etc, it was a chance meeting and we hit it off and it proceeded very naturally. We dated and courted for some time and it was all going very well. One weekend my ex called me and asked me where i was very quizzically. It wasn't my scheduled day to have the children and I wasn't working so had taken the opportunity to spend some time with my new girl (not girlfriend at this stage). I admitted to my ex that I was with this new girl at that time. She demanded that I come to see her to discuss the matter. We talked about it and she was hurt that i had not mentioned anything to her about my new girl but i explained that it wasn't serious at this stage so i didn't necessarily feel the need too but had it become more serious. My ex decided that because of my actions i would have my access cut to the children.

Several weeks on from this my ex sat me down to warn me about my new partner. I was confused as too what she meant but apparently she had received several calls from her telling my ex that she is going to take me away from the children, use me for my money (which i don't have) and several other malicious threats. I confronted my new girl on this and she denied all doing. My ex then called me on Monday to state that she had had another call from my new girls work, telling my ex i had been in an accident and needed to go to the hospital (sick if true). I asked my ex to prove via screen shot that this had occurred and she sent me one just of her call list, not the actual call and length etc. The call came from a landline apparently but it showed it as being called from a mobile even though the number was a landline number....confused!

I thought enough is enough i need to get too the bottom of this now. so i said that if she had spoken to my new girl on the phone she would be able to recognize her voice. I played her several voice notes of her and she confirmed 100% that it was her she spoke too!!!!

Still not convinced, I then called my new girl and we had a three way conversation (very awkward) about the situation and unfortunately still no further to finding out the truth. Neither my ex or new girl has actual proof or evidence too disprove the stories being told . I told my ex i believe my new girl because i genuinely don't think this is something she would do.

Two days later I was visiting my children and my ex confronted me again about who I believe. She then told me she had facebook messages from my new girl and proceeded to show me. The messages do very much look like its from my new girls account, the messages seem to flow but my ex only showed me screen shots of the messages not the actual ones on messenger. The messages are from an account with her name on it but it does have an old profile picture on it?? My girl has given me access to her facebook to show her the messages she has from my ex because my ex decided to message her. But obviously the ones from my new girl to my ex are missing but i know why. From my ex's perspective to her it seems like this new girl has come along, stolen me and wants too take me away from her and the kids. But this isn't the case.

My new girl has protested her innocence throughout, she has provided me with her facebook logins and deleted her app etc to prove that any further messages my ex might state will not have come from her. She knows my colleagues and other people in the company I work for having met them so if it was her and it came out her reputation wouldn't be very good. She has treated me so well and while i know its still honeymoon period etc she has been literally perfect.

I'm stuck in the middle, do I believe the girl I love who i want too be with but cannot 100% prove it isn't her? Or my ex who i've known for over 10 years who never did me wrong and has "some" sort of evidence to state it is my new girl? Or is it a third party playing games and trying to start trouble?

The other issue I have is that my ex has obviously taken an instant dislike too this girl and has stated too me unless i end things with her i can only see my kids one day a week, if i do end things i can see them two days??

Please help! If you want too know any other facts or details let me know!

Get an official custody order with visitation for your kids. They are the priority here. The rest of the mess is high school stuff. Decide who you want to believe. Proof is not going to come until time passes.... Pick a story and roll with it.

Meanwhile I am not fond of using kids as a bargaining tool. Get a court order with official custody and visitation rights to see your kids at a set schedule.

Your relationship status doesn't determine your access to your kids nor does it give her the right to stop you from being a dad.

My husband is horrible to me and he sees his son daily. I don't use my kid to determine the father son relationship. That's just cruel and sick. He tried to stop paying child support because he said I was seeing someone. We have been separated three years and all was amicable until he thought I was dating someone. I didn't argue with him. I took him to court and made the child support official. He's not going to use my son and his care as some kind of bargaining chip? That is not going to happen.

One things you should NOT ALLOW... Do not allow your children to be a pawn in anyone's game! That is just not fair to them or to you and it's not right!

Agree with Dominque, you need to go to court and get custody and visitation rights worked out through the courts or you have no legal standing. I don't know how many times I've seen/heard that and had the protesting parent be told, "Too bad, you did not go through a court, so you cannot say he/she kidnapped/is not allowing access to your kids. GET A COURT ORDER."

Seriously.

As to the rest of it, it sounds like both women are a problem to me. And you've put your current GF in a horrible situation in that you yourself caused a large portion of upset with your ex by trying again, then changing your mind, then right after bringing someone else into the picture. All while you have continued to enjoy the benefits of your previous relationship. It's also not good at all that your colleagues do not have good things to say about the new woman. You need to make your kids a priority and people with a bad reputation should not be anywhere near your family, period, end of story, regardless of how much you like them.

So my advice is this:

a) Let the current girlfriend go. Tell her you need to fix the mess with the ex and your kids are the priority. She should have already run a mile anyways, if what you say is even half true. You are simply too much drama for a normal person to put up with frankly, so I question this woman's sanity in sticking around. That makes me suspicious, because most of us would not put up with that if it's your ex no matter how much we like the guy.

b) Go to court and get official custody/visitation/child support ruled on by a court of law and enforceable by the law. This will mean she can't withhold your kids or use them and you can't either and any woman you date has zero fricking say in the matter.

c) Give your ex wife enough time and space, meaning it's now only about the kids and you let her get free of you long enough for her to heal and learn to move on.

d) When your ex has calmed down and finally healed with you no longer being a part of her life beyond the kids, you have court orders in place and maybe have had to use a court a time or two to assert your rights as a father, then and only then you can look at dating. And then be very picky about who you are bringing around your kids.

Personally, I think both women are causing some of the trouble. But really you can also point the finger back at you, because you cannot sleep with your ex, do things as a family, go so far as to say "let's try again," change your mind, and then right after that bring in a new woman. What did you think was going to happen. And I know you didn't do this on purpose, but that doesn't matter. The right thing to do, the proper thing to do for everyone involved is settle the custody issues with the kids, establish boundaries with the ex and yourself, allow her time to get over that and then you are free to pursue other relationships.

And until then you let this other girl go, who frankly I am weirded out did not dump you and run for the door when this all started. I think there is something strange with that one for even being a part of this and neither one of these women are offering you solid proof of anything. All it would take is a simple, "Here's my phone bill for my cell phone and my landline so you can see I haven't called your wife." So why hasn't that happened?

The fact that your ex told you she would limit your access to the kids when she first heard that you were dating makes her suspect.

From that moment on these events started happening. My question would be, is your ex capable of these type of things?

You know her best and were together for years. Is there anything in her character that would lead you to believe she's this diabolical? There ought to be something

else in her character that would lead her to go to this extreme?

Same goes for the new gf. I understand this is new, but is there any sign of a lack of integrity in her past?

I think you need to follow your gut on this one.

Which of the two is the more likely suspect?

Your ex is spiteful and vindictive talked about it and she was hurt that i had not mentioned anything to her about my new girl but i explained that it wasn't serious at this stage so i didn't necessarily feel the need too but had it become more serious. My ex decided that because of my actions i would have my access cut to the children.

I agree with ParisPaulette that I'd have run a mile from this entire situation, but we're rather older and more battered by life than you lot so, to give your new girl the benefit of the doubt:

- How was she supposed to have obtained your ex's number?

- If you played a short burst of your current girlfriend's voice, and asked if this was the mystery caller - of course your ex is going to say yes!

- It's very easy to fake a FB page; if it was a genuine one then your ex should have been able to show it to you.

- Your ex never did you wrong while she was convinced you'd be coming back to her and would be a family once more, but I don't think you can point to this and say she never did you any wrong:

The other issue I have is that my ex has obviously taken an instant dislike too this girl and has stated too me unless i end things with her i can only see my kids one day a week, if i do end things i can see them two days??

Your ex sounds as though she's fine when everything's going her way, but unless you want her to rule your life until the kids are adults, you'll need to get the legal side of this sorted out - regardless of who you're dating.