He Left My Clothes in His Yard to Pick Up

Here is a follow to my situation: After I spent four days with this guy I met online, I inadvertently left a few clothes at his place. Almost two weeks after I met him in person, I had a gut feeling that it wasn’t going to work out and he was playing games. I trust my intuition. There were some hmmmms here and there for three months. I called it off and told him that I had concerns about being in a long distance relationship and I had my reasons for not trusting him with my heart. He simply said thank you and he’s always there for me should I need anything. I asked that he ship my things to me that I left behind and he agreed to do so. A month transpired and I hadn’t received my items. I was in the city for the weekend where he lives for a graduation so I texted him that I was in town and wanted to see him. He told me that he was working that weekend and he could leave my things for me to pick up at his place. He clarified that he would leave my things in his yard for me to pick up. I was really surprised that he would do something so cold as to leave my things in his yard for me to pick up. I was so convinced at this moment that my intuition was so on point that I called off having a romantic relationship with him. My family was livid!!! The men especially were not happy at all about that! I was going pick up my things but I was out-numbered and it was a consensus vote for me not to pick them up because they felt it was very disrespectful of him. All I wanted were my things I left at his house. They told me to cut my loses. I wanted to text him and ask him if he could mail my things or if he wanted me to send him a prepaid return package to ship to me. My family was adamant and said to leave it alone and he would mail my things so don’t reach out to him again about it. A lot of the advice I was getting seemed to be about game playing. I'm not into that. I just wanted my things back. What do you think about this situation?

If they were boxed in his yard, I think it's acceptable.

What concerns me:

You "accidentally" left clothes at his place. Oldest trick in the book. A very convenient excuse to see him.

Your timeline confuses me. You were unsure for 3 months and didn't want your stuff back??

Additionally, mailing stuff isn't easy or cheap. Did you at least offer to pay for the shipping?

He probably felt played and like you didn't deserve respect.

I read your other thread about this guy.

You met online, talked for 4 hours the first convo, skyped some and over 3 months got to know each other but didn't actually meet until 3 months after the initial contact. It is long distance and you went to see him, spent a few days with him but nothing physical happened. As far as I can tell there was no talk of being exclusive (which there shouldn't be so early on anyways) but you got mad because he was still on the dating site and broke it off with him. Is that an accurate recap?

You two barely know each other, spent a few days together with no intimacy and you decided you can't trust him and end things. Unfortunately you accidently left some items at his place but he is under no obligation to send them to you. Remember you told him you can't trust him right? So he probably feels slighted and not willing to go to all the trouble of shipping your stuff to you at his cost.

Send him a message to give your stuff to a charity and then leave it alone.

Lost

Never understood why people expect exes to go out of their way to pack and ship something they "forgot" / left behind so they can enjoy the privilege if not having to leave their doorstep to get it, especially if they're expecting the ex to pay for the honor as well.

He's given you the opportunity to put in the legwork and grab your own things. Your family sounds catty and probably not the best source of advice.

Oh for heaven's sake. You left the stuff there, you want it, go and get it and stop your complaining. He did not ask you to leave that stuff there and he is under zero obligation to pack up the things that were not valuable enough for you to leave without making sure you had them in the first place.

You and your family are being massively unreasonable. It's not on others to keep track of your things and it is more than reasonable he didn't want to see you, but was going to leave the stuff out where you could come pick it up.

If I was him I wouldn't want to see you either after that. You act like this guy owes you something when yes all he owes you is what he did - to pack your stuff up and put it out for you to pick up. That's it, that's the extent of it. And be glad he did that, because lots of people won't. Go get your things, stop stirring your family up, he's not a terrible anything. He's a guy who had some girl he barely knows leave stuff at his house then pitch a fit on him when he tried to give it back.

Why did you involve your family in this anyway? They advise you to just leave your things behind, but is your family going to pay you for the loss of your clothes? I don't think is anything wrong with leaving your items in the yard for you. You should have just gone and got your things and kept the matter to yourself. chi

Should have just grabbed up your stuff where he stated he left it for you. He is under Zero obligation to do more than that and unfortunately your family made the wrong "vote" about leaving your things there because "it was disrespectful". No it wasn't disrespectful, he doesn't have to see you or send them or do things according to your plan. The onus is on you to collect your belongings. In fact after 30 days he could have tossed your stuff in the dumpster.

My family was livid!!! The men especially were not happy at all about that! I was going pick up my things but I was out-numbered and it was a consensus vote for me not to pick them up because they felt it was very disrespectful of him. All I wanted were my things I left at his house.

If someone that I barely knew left clothes at my place, they'd have a few weeks at best to organise picking them up or I'd just get rid of them. He had no way of knowing if you'd bother to come back to get them or put in the legwork of organising their return. Nice enough that he kept them and offered to leave them somewhere you could pick them up. He doesn't owe you anything. I'm kind of doubtful that they were even worth chasing after and that you couldn't have just lived without them seeing as you effectively 'lost' them when you left them behind (that's how you ought to see it if it was a genuine mistake). If they mattered to you that much, how did you forget them?

Yeah I've done the Cinderella trick before too.

If someone that I barely knew left clothes at my place, they'd have a few weeks at best to organise picking them up or I'd just get rid of them. He had no way of knowing if you'd bother to come back to get them or put in the legwork of organising their return. Nice enough that he kept them and offered to leave them somewhere you could pick them up. He doesn't owe you anything. I'm kind of doubtful that they were even worth chasing after and that you couldn't have just lived without them seeing as you effectively 'lost' them when you left them behind (that's how you ought to see it if it was a genuine mistake). If they mattered to you that much, how did you forget them?

 

Yeah I've done the Cinderella trick before too.

It was no trick at all. My outfit got mixed in with his dirty laundry in his spare bedroom where I got undressed. I don't play games. He wanted me to come back and see him the next month anyway but I felt it wasn't worth pursuing a romantic relationship.

Should have just grabbed up your stuff where he stated he left it for you. He is under Zero obligation to do more than that and unfortunately your family made the wrong "vote" about leaving your things there because "it was disrespectful". No it wasn't disrespectful, he doesn't have to see you or send them or do things according to your plan. The onus is on you to collect your belongings. In fact after 30 days he could have tossed your stuff in the dumpster.

Yeah, my family gave me the wrong advice. This is why I came to this forum to get another opinion. I will ship him a prepaid package with return label to return my things.

Oh for heaven's sake. You left the stuff there, you want it, go and get it and stop your complaining. He did not ask you to leave that stuff there and he is under zero obligation to pack up the things that were not valuable enough for you to leave without making sure you had them in the first place.

 

You and your family are being massively unreasonable. It's not on others to keep track of your things and it is more than reasonable he didn't want to see you, but was going to leave the stuff out where you could come pick it up.

 

If I was him I wouldn't want to see you either after that. You act like this guy owes you something when yes all he owes you is what he did - to pack your stuff up and put it out for you to pick up. That's it, that's the extent of it. And be glad he did that, because lots of people won't. Go get your things, stop stirring your family up, he's not a terrible anything. He's a guy who had some girl he barely knows leave stuff at his house then pitch a fit on him when he tried to give it back.

I agree with you. No one would take me to his house to pick up. I'll send a prepaid return label package where all he has to do is put items in and just drop in a mailbox.

I'll send a prepaid return label package where all he has to do is put items in and just drop in a mailbox.

Good idea. It's still a gamble getting back what you left behind. Remember, you told him you don't trust him (" I called it off and told him that I had concerns about being in a long distance relationship and I had my reasons for not trusting him with my heart.") so he may not feel like making a special trip to the mailbox.

If they were boxed in his yard, I think it's acceptable.

 

What concerns me:

 

You "accidentally" left clothes at his place. Oldest trick in the book. A very convenient excuse to see him.

 

Your timeline confuses me. You were unsure for 3 months and didn't want your stuff back??

 

Additionally, mailing stuff isn't easy or cheap. Did you at least offer to pay for the shipping?

 

He probably felt played and like you didn't deserve respect.

Absolutely, no tricks and games on my part. After I met him in person last month, I realized a few days later I was missing an outfit when I return home when I unpacked my bag. He found it and told me he would ship to me. I did tell him to send it the cheapest way possible via post office which would have been $5-$7.

My brother said the same thing that he probably felt like I was playing games him and I hurt his feeling by shutting him down so quickly without giving it a chance.

^

That one particular outfit must be made of gold.

I read your other thread about this guy.

 

You met online, talked for 4 hours the first convo, skyped some and over 3 months got to know each other but didn't actually meet until 3 months after the initial contact. It is long distance and you went to see him, spent a few days with him but nothing physical happened. As far as I can tell there was no talk of being exclusive (which there shouldn't be so early on anyways) but you got mad because he was still on the dating site and broke it off with him. Is that an accurate recap?

 

You two barely know each other, spent a few days together with no intimacy and you decided you can't trust him and end things. Unfortunately you accidently left some items at his place but he is under no obligation to send them to you. Remember you told him you can't trust him right? So he probably feels slighted and not willing to go to all the trouble of shipping your stuff to you at his cost.

 

Send him a message to give your stuff to a charity and then leave it alone.

 

Lost

Yes, your recap is pretty accurate. With a few missing things I forgot to mention (too much to mention and I didn't want to be long-winded) in my initial post like for one thing, him sending me a screen shot of a conversation between him and another woman that he's "seeing me" two weeks before I went to visit him. I think we both jump the gun and were moving too fast. My cousin said to tell him to donate to charity as well.

Start making your own decisions in relationships. You don't need a pack of extended family calling all the shots.

My cousin said to tell him to donate to charity as well.

^

That one particular outfit must be made of gold.

Actually, I've had that outfit for a few years and always get countless compliments whenever I wear it which I why I wore it on my flight when I went to visit him.

Viola.. just let it go. The articles you left were not that important to you, if they were, you would of picked them up that day regardless what outside opinions were. If I was this guy, I would of dumped them in the trash. Quit contacting him regarding your clothes. Let them go and go buy other ones.

when i stay at someone's house i remember what i have brought and then i make sure i have what i came with. If family won't take you - then take a cab/rent a car. You have involved way too many people in this.

You and your family are being ridiculous and dramatic.

Keep your dating situations between you and the other party. Rounding up the whole family to bash him is childish.

No one would take me to his house to pick up.

Okay, I thought you were going to be there and then just decided not to pick the items up. If you couldn't get over there, that's another story. In that case yeah, send him a box and prepaid label and then hope he sends them on.

It's all you can do.

I dont know why you even included your family in trying to get your stuff back. This was your problem and the guy left them where you could have gone and got them but you didnt. You involved family who dont have a dog in this fight, it's none of their business. You were wrong in not going to collect your clothes and stuff. Makes no sense to me why you just didnt go there and solve your own problem.

I agree with you. No one would take me to his house to pick up. I'll send a prepaid return label package where all he has to do is put items in and just drop in a mailbox.

There's no bus? Cant take a taxi? Not one friend with a car?

Keep your dating situations between you and the other party. Rounding up the whole family to bash him is childish.

For sure it's childish. It's very rare that I involve my family in any aspects of my life. That's why I live 600 miles away from them. It just so happen we were in a large group setting when I received his text and asked someone to take me to go pick up my things and they refused to drive me over there and told me to leave it alone. My family pretty much ripped me a new one, especially my brothers on how I mishandled the situation while dating him/getting to know him.

There's no bus? Cant take a taxi? Not one friend with a car?[/quote

No buses or taxi's like where I live in New York City and no, no one would drive me there to pick up.