Jump to content

Does he really think I'm trolling him/can't trust me or is just an excuse?


Bumblebee303

Recommended Posts

Met a guy last summer. I broke it off with him 3 times in 6 dates, over concern about distance, but kept apologizing. The last break off he said he couldn't do it anymore. I apologized profusely and he said he'd think about it. Then, I broke it off again. I realize what a mistake I made.

 

I reached out again this year. Long story short, I got angry and fed up and I told him I was troIIing him the whole time, getting away with it because there are no repercussions. I also said he's dumb, ugly, smells, bad in bed(we fooled around) his penis was not big like I had said, it was average, etc. I was just furious.

 

 

I came back again a month later and I said I'm sorry and didn't mean those things. I was hurt. He said he wasn't sure he could trust me.

 

He finally asked to see me again. We met but he seemed snappy. He kept passive aggressively bringing up things I said like "*oh you troIIing me now?" *And "*I'm just the dumb guy remember?" *Etc. he took my virginity at my insistence. I actually teared up and he asked if I'm ok and I said it was pleasure(it was). I moaned his name cuz I couldn't help it. He watched my face the whole time and kissed me here and there. It was really intense for me. I don't regret it. He told me he'd come up to see me and ask when he could see me again. I said we'd figure it out. We kissed bye.

 

 

I came home and texted him a bit much. He said my amount of text overwhelmed and freaked him out. I'm going to omit that, because it's long, but I came on STRONG. This isn't about that, though. Please interpret this text dialogue??

 

----------

 

Me: Do you think something went wrong last night[when we had sex]?

 

Me: I had an orgasm but tbh I don't think you went in completely. Am I wrong?

 

Me: I had 2. But I feel like there was some force stopping you(elastic Hymen)?

 

Me: Is this not cool to talk about

 

**Him: Ok im done. BIocking you now. I tried**

 

Me: no wait please

 

Me: I'm sorry. I'll stop. I just wanted some constructive feedback. I wasn't assuming things..just wondering

 

**Him: I cant take you seriously. I feel like you're "troIIing" me**

 

Me: Please let that ridiculous comment I made go. I'm no troII! I let you have something I'd been keeping for yearsssss. I just have questions.

 

Me: Stop threatening me with bIocks

 

*a while later*

 

Me: U think u might wanna see me again?

 

**Him: Yea**

 

Me: awesome

 

Me: u need to relax and not be so paranoid. Yea the d*ck is rly good, (says the girl who has only had yours) you are rly good, no doubt...but not every girl is gonna lurk in the bushes for it[sidenote: this was a joke I made since he had made a joke about girls having done this and how I'm coming off clingy/needy with my texts since losing my virginity ]This girl certainly isn't. id fire off 5 consecutive texts w my lightening fast fingers for it.but u hate it n I'll respect u so ima stop

 

**Him: Yea this isn't going to work**

 

Me: . What'd I do now?

 

Me: Will you at least tell me? That was the last text I was gonna send for like a week.

 

Me: I'm sorry ok? Before you say goodbye will you at least tell me what I did? I can't text you at all?

 

Me: or just stop with the weird stuff?

 

**Him: I just cant**

 

Me: Will you explain why? I mean you took my v plates. Don't I deserve at least a reason?

 

Me: Is it things I said before?

 

Me: I was just trying to be funny. Guess it failed

 

**Him: I feel like you're always trying to low key clown. Maybe i don't get your sense of humor...idk? Really shouldn't have said you were troIIing me because thats all i think you're doing now. Sorry i cant help it**

 

Me: I shouldn't have said that stuff. I'm still so ashamed I acted that way and threw out random insults. That's not me

 

Me: I don't know how you could think that tho. My attraction to you, how wet I got for you, thinking about you and remember the kind of drink u like. I can't fake bad

 

Me: Just give me a chance, plz!

 

Me: I'll never pull that stuff again.I felt horrible for being bad like that. I trusted u wouldn't revenge sleep with me and never talk to me again...(starting to second guess that now) cant u try to trust me?

 

**Him: Idk Sarah **

 

Me: We've seen each other like 7 times and it's all like this...but I wanna try. Cuz like 90% of all this drama is my fault, for acting so immaturely from the jump

 

Me: I don't "troll". I got hurt in a way I hadn't before n thought u were a complete jerk. I acted in a crude way I'm ashamed of and won't repeat. I'm a little feisty when I'm mad, but the stuff I have said is cringe...

 

Me: I'm not owed another chance by you but I hope you'll give me one, I somehow doubt you will.

 

Me: I'll keep things light from now on and text you rarely.

 

 

Can anyone please interpret the text? Is he serious about thinking I'm messing with him becuz that dumb stuff I said or is he just using that as a lame excuse to put the blame on me & bounce? I've caught him in lies before.

 

I'm giving him space for a week or more. If things work out, fine. But if they don't, I'm cool with that too. I'm not incredibly invested, but I'd like to do the best with the hand I have now. I'm just trying my best to figure it out his angle. Why he flipped out when I said those things, specifically. I can't take back what I said in the past but I'm not sure it's even that. I've asked him if he wants out/we aren't compatible and he said no, it's just too much texting.

 

Thank you for your time

Link to comment
I am surprised that he has anything to do with you. You have been cruel and all over the place. You are far too immature to be dating anyone. Grow up and learn how to treat others.

 

I was cruel, holly. And I have grown up. I can't take back what I said now. I can't undo words that have been spilled. How have I treated him wrong since? I'm just wondering why my messages set him off? Thanks

Link to comment

People do not overcome/forget the type comments that you made. They were mean and unnecessary.

 

My question do you say these types of things to people? I don't care how mad you were. You need to look internally, as you clearly have a mean streak.

Link to comment

I agree with HollyJ. You've acted immature and callously rude. Not only by the constant break ups and frankly abhorrent comments, but then harassing him with a torrent of text messages and not respecting his boundaries. He doesn't owe you anything just because he had sex with you-an explanation for anything or otherwise.

 

Let him go and remember that your words and actions will always have consequences.

Link to comment

Hmmm, you broke up w/him 3 times within 6 dates?

 

Afraid he wanted "revenge" sex?

 

Bombarding him with text messages?

 

He blocks you, you beg for forgiveness. He forgives (reluctantly), rinse repeat.

 

This stuff sounds eerily familiar, a combo of two different relationships actually, and fairly certain I have advised you about him previously, at least re the guy you broke up with 3 times, 6 dates.

 

Interpreting your actions, and then your text message exchange, it sounds to me like YOU are the one who doesn't trust HIM.

 

What are you hoping to happen here?

 

Didn't you break up with him all those times because you didn't trust him and thought he was "playing" you?

 

So what's changed? You still don't trust him.

 

So what do you want? Another chance? For what? To break up with him yet a 4th time? Think about that, about HIS feelings, not just your own. Your actions (and words) have been very hurtful.

 

I get first time sex can be intense and emotional, but a pattern I have noticed with you from reading all your stories is that you are completely incapable of putting yourself in another's "shoes", understanding how your words and actions affect others, and that you are very manipulative.

 

I think for now, let it rest. Become calm and centered.

 

Personally, I think this is done, but if you want to try reaching out again in a week or so, do so, but quit the histrionics, and just talk to him, honestly and sincerely, IN PERSON.

 

Stop with all the games and manipulations, and texting..

 

If after you talk, you both want to give it another shot, then you need to TRUST him, and vice versa, stop imagining he is some sort of player who is "using" you for "revenge" sex or anything else.

 

That is the only way this is going to work, so think about that long and hard before you take any further action.

 

Stay centered, honest, sincere. Make an effort to control unhealthy impulses.

 

Good luck, hope it works out for you.

Link to comment
Hmmm, you broke up w/him 3 times within 6 dates?

 

Afraid he wanted "revenge" sex?

 

Bombarding him with text messages?

 

He blocks you, you beg for forgiveness. He forgives (reluctantly), rinse repeat.

 

This stuff sounds eerily familiar, a combo of two different relationships actually, and fairly certain I have advised you about him previously, at least re the guy you broke up with 3 times, 6 dates.

 

Interpreting your actions, and then your text message exchange, it sounds to me like YOU are the one who doesn't trust HIM.

 

What are you hoping to happen here?

 

Didn't you break up with him all those times because you didn't trust him and thought he was "playing" you?

 

So what's changed? You still don't trust him.

 

So what do you want? Another chance? For what? To break up with him yet a 4th time? Think about that, about HIS feelings, not just your own. Your actions (and words) have been very hurtful.

 

I get first time sex can be intense and emotional, but a pattern I have noticed with you from reading all your stories is that you are completely incapable of putting yourself in another's "shoes", understanding how your words and actions affect others, and that you are very manipulative.

 

I think for now, let it rest. Become calm and centered.

 

Personally, I think this is done, but if you want to try reaching out again in a week or so, do so, but quit the histrionics, and just talk to him, honestly and sincerely, IN PERSON.

 

Stop with all the games and manipulations, and texting..

 

If after you talk, you both want to give it another shot, then you need to TRUST him, and vice versa, stop imagining he is some sort of player who is "using" you for "revenge" sex or anything else.

 

That is the only way this is going to work, so think about that long and hard before you take any further action.

 

Stay centered, honest, sincere. Make an effort to control unhealthy impulses.

 

Good luck, hope it works out for you.

 

Yes , you have advised me before I think. I should have listened. May I ask why you say it is over? When I reach out to him what do I even say? Do you know why he keeps flipping out on me when I want to talk about the sex?

 

What about reaching out in a few weeks? Like 3? Thanks Kat

 

I want to add this exchange incase. It was shortly before this

 

Me: sorry for so many texts

 

Me: I understand

 

Me: What do you think about maybe meeting up again later?

 

Me: I'm just trying to figure out if I should move on completely. Cuz I care about you, but maybe you don't feel we're compatible. Even sexually?

 

Me: It's ok. It happens. You don't know until u try. which is unfortunate 😕but I'd appreciate honesty.

 

Me: You always get quiet when I ask which causes me to keep asking. lol. Are you just divided or you don't wanna hurt my feelings?

 

Him: No its your bombardment of text. Its overwhelming and it freaks me the out

 

Me: Oh my gosh

 

Him: Like is this how its always gonna be? No thank you

Link to comment

Walk away, this is so toxic there is no "relationship" or "happily ever after." Once you use someone as your verbal punching bag they never will trust you or forget. If they stay it's because they also have psychological issues, but that does not make it right.

 

And no, he can't trust you. You are verbally abusive, blow hot and cold, and just treat this guy in a way I would hope you wouldn't even stoop to treat an enemy. And no you can't trust him, because he still went ahead and had sex with a girl who is verbally and emotionally abusive to him. When he should have been running the other way, so that level of desperation isn't a good sign either.

 

What you've done is be abusive to someone, don't care what your reasons are or that you're a woman. Abuse isn't one gender only, so yeah you need therapy. And I know you won't want to hear that and it will wound you, but I'm sincerely telling you this now so you can get it addressed and not ruin your life and that of others.

Link to comment
When reading your post I can totally understand why he thinks you are trolling him. I would think the same, because you pretty much were (imo).

 

Learn from this and hopefully never repeat that appalling behaviour. Leave him be and move on.

 

I was not trolling!!! I don't see how any one could interpret it that way. I read over it multitple times. It was my first time so I had questions.

 

He will not discuss it with me at all.

 

How am I supposed to learn when I don't even know what I did!!!

Link to comment
I was not trolling!!! I don't see how any one could interpret it that way. I read over it multitple times. It was my first time so I had questions.

 

He will not discuss it with me at all.

 

How am I supposed to learn when I don't even know what I did!!!

Serious question-- not trying to be mean. Do you have a personality disorder of some kind? If you can't see how he couldn't take you seriously after you a) pretty much spammed him and b) with the worst subject material you could, that sounds like a legit problem you might want to sit with a professional to explore the possibility of. I mean I know people who have ****ed up and sent some awkward exchanges but looked back and said, "damn, that's embarrassing." But the fact you're digging in is a bit worrying.
Link to comment

Bumble, I don't think you were "trolling" not sure I even know what that means in this context.

 

You DO however sound very lost and confused.

 

You don't know what you did? Put yourself in HIS shoes and imagine having a man do to you what you did to him.

 

Can you try? I keep emphasizing this, in my other posts to you too last year. But you seem incapable of it for some reason.

 

Sweetie, you broke up with him three times within six dates! For things you were imagining in your own head.

 

You disrespect his boundaries by continuing to bombard him with your obsessive thoughts

(via text message).

 

You speak before you think about the negative impact your words will have on him.

 

You have said very very cruel things to him!

 

You fail to even try to understand his point of view, and his feelings.

 

Give the man some space!

 

Waiting a few weeks to re-connect sounds like a good plan.

 

Then like I said before, communicate with hm calmly, rationally, honestly and sincerely.

 

LISTEN and absorb what he says to you.

 

Try to see it from HIS side. And control your unhealthy impulses to negatively react when those crazy thoughts start creeping in.

 

Recognize those crazy thoughts are a result of YOUR own insecurity, anxiety and trust issues.

 

Maintain that attitude even if you both decide to try again.

 

All that said, I agree with other posters who said he has issues too.

 

I know of no man in his "right" mind who would tolerate all this.

 

So you both sound a bit dysfunctional. Which results in the toxic relationship you have now.

 

BUT I am a big optimist and believe where there is love, there is always a way.

 

So you can try. One more time, but if it's still the same ole shyt then walk away.

Link to comment
I was not trolling!!! I don't see how any one could interpret it that way. I read over it multitple times. It was my first time so I had questions.

 

He will not discuss it with me at all.

 

How am I supposed to learn when I don't even know what I did!!!

 

He's getting revenge at this point and he doesn't trust you. I think he planned to go along with the date and see how far it went. It went pretty far so now that he knows you're into it he's decided to show you how it feels to like someone and have them show you uncertainty. I don't see how you were trolling this time. Even if you were before, now that you've slept with him you should tell him that this is serious and it should be clear that previous times were just uncertainty.

Link to comment

The whole "trolling" thing aside, you've just been very cruel -- not to mention inconsistent, which is in itself a type of cruelty -- to this guy.

 

I'm not sure how old you are (you "sound" pretty young, but I can't be sure), but at some point, you have to realize that you can't just say awful things to people and have it NOT have a permanent effect. It doesn't matter how much you apologize; cruelty like that can't be taken back. Once things are said, they're out there, and all the apologies in the world don't "fix" it. Yes, someone can decide to forgive you, but....chances are, depending on what was said, it will stick with the recipient of the words. In your case, calling him "ugly," "stupid," and telling him his penis is small, he's not good in bed, etc. (btw, not sure how you would *know* how "good" he was since you were a virgin and hadn't been with anyone else for comparison, but..OK) is practically abusive. I'm actually shocked that he came back for more, honestly, after what you said to him. I suspect he suffers from low self-esteem to put up with that.

 

As for the bombardment with texts, again, your behavior was inappropriate and disrespectful; I can understand why he was bewildered by it all. Reading that text exchange, it was clear he was trying to NOT react to you, but when you kept going, he had to threaten to block you. If someone's threatening to block you, or does block you, there's usually a legitimate reason for it.

 

The big issue here, though: Why do you do these things? Why did you say such awful things to him to begin with? Why were you so inconsistent with him? Why did you bombard him with all of those strange texts demanding answers to your questions? Why do you think you can do all these things and still expect someone you've been on 5 or 7 dates with to just forgive and forget, just like that? And, why are YOU "hurt" when he's the one who has been on the receiving end of all of this?

 

I think it's time for some soul-searching on your part, apart from him and this situation. You say you've "grown up," but...you couldn't possibly have in such a short period of time, and it's a good idea to take a step back, look at your pattern of actions, and try to get to the bottom of WHY you act this way, rather than trying desperately to get him back.

Link to comment

Are you simply looking for hook ups, or a relationship?

 

If you are seeking a relationship, then why are you having sex so early, and having so much sexual convo. A relationship should not start with talk about sex, or that is all it will be.

Link to comment
The whole "trolling" thing aside, you've just been very cruel -- not to mention inconsistent, which is in itself a type of cruelty -- to this guy.

 

I'm not sure how old you are (you "sound" pretty young, but I can't be sure), but at some point, you have to realize that you can't just say awful things to people and have it NOT have a permanent effect. It doesn't matter how much you apologize; cruelty like that can't be taken back. Once things are said, they're out there, and all the apologies in the world don't "fix" it. Yes, someone can decide to forgive you, but....chances are, depending on what was said, it will stick with the recipient of the words. In your case, calling him "ugly," "stupid," and telling him his penis is small, he's not good in bed, etc. (btw, not sure how you would *know* how "good" he was since you were a virgin and hadn't been with anyone else for comparison, but..OK) is practically abusive. I'm actually shocked that he came back for more, honestly, after what you said to him. I suspect he suffers from low self-esteem to put up with that.

 

As for the bombardment with texts, again, your behavior was inappropriate and disrespectful; I can understand why he was bewildered by it all. Reading that text exchange, it was clear he was trying to NOT react to you, but when you kept going, he had to threaten to block you. If someone's threatening to block you, or does block you, there's usually a legitimate reason for it.

 

The big issue here, though: Why do you do these things? Why did you say such awful things to him to begin with? Why were you so inconsistent with him? Why did you bombard him with all of those strange texts demanding answers to your questions? Why do you think you can do all these things and still expect someone you've been on 5 or 7 dates with to just forgive and forget, just like that? And, why are YOU "hurt" when he's the one who has been on the receiving end of all of this?

 

I think it's time for some soul-searching on your part, apart from him and this situation. You say you've "grown up," but...you couldn't possibly have in such a short period of time, and it's a good idea to take a step back, look at your pattern of actions, and try to get to the bottom of WHY you act this way, rather than trying desperately to get him back

 

Thank you kat. Your advice id helpful as always.

 

Short story is He was being wish washy because I had told him I no longer wanted to continue 3 times and so he wasn't sure he wanted to continue when I came back the 4th time.

 

 

But there's no why to justify what I have done. I feel horrible for it but I know I'm not owed forgiveness even if they are capable

 

The texts were all sent within a matter of minutes. No longer than 10 minutes for all the texts. I did text him way too much and crossed his boundaries. He has said at various times

"I said I was working. I cant reply to all of your text"

"THIS IS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT"

"Chill out!"

"You give me no time to respond and you start assuming!"

"Again...you're giving me no time to respond. I was driving to work😑"

 

It's incompatible texting style. I either text a lot like a chat or I don't text. I break up my thoughts so I have many texts instead of one wall

 

But even with that said I will repeat I do not see how my text to him were strange.

 

I texted him about the sex we had because it was my first time and I don't know what is normal - that set him off

 

I made a poor joke about how he doesn't need to be freaked out because unlike other girls he mentioned I will not hide in his bushes just because I like him and text a lot - set him off

 

I asked him if he could just be straight forward and let me know if I should move on - not a strange request in my opinion. I don't want to waste my time if he is not interested but will give him space if that's what he needs.

 

 

I am going to lay low as Kat says and in a week or few I'll reach out and calmly see if he's interested. I still don't see how those particular text were bizarre or trolling just too many

Link to comment

I knew this reminded me of another thread. Lady, is this you?

 

 

 

If so, not trying to get you in trouble for multiple accounts or anything, but I just gotta say.... you gotta stop. For real.

 

If it's not you, then give it a good read through and hopefully you can see how, frankly, crazy you look. You can also read through all the advice given there as well. It's eerily similar.

Link to comment
I knew this reminded me of another thread. Lady, is this you?

 

 

 

If so, not trying to get you in trouble for multiple accounts or anything, but I just gotta say.... you gotta stop. For real.

 

If it's not you, then give it a good read through and hopefully you can see how, frankly, crazy you look. You can also read through all the advice given there as well. It's eerily similar.

 

In reading the attached thread, it appears I did respond.

 

Long story that I don't care to go into now (the mods know), but those posts were not written by me.

 

I don't think the OP on the attached thread and Bumblebee are the same person. I could be wrong though.

 

I advised her on a different forum.

Link to comment
**Him: Yea**

 

Me: awesome

 

Me: u need to relax and not be so paranoid...

 

I didn't realize it before because of the side note but then I realized you didn't text the sidenote, that was just for this forum. Without this

[sidenote: this was a joke I made since he had made a joke about girls having done this and how I'm coming off clingy/needy"

 

It is not obvious that you're joking. It never really is in texting but given your history of moving forwards and backwards, this comment would be perceived as a step back. He didn't see it as a joke and unless you communicated this side not to him the main issue in this relationship is that he probably feels expendable. Even after being with him you said "this girl isn't waiting for you", in fact "this girl can fire off 5 texts about that". It didn't accomplish you coming off as less clingy, it accomplished you not being as interested still.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...