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My 8 year old won't go to sleep or stay asleep 😣😣


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Feel like I am losing my mind.

 

My 8 year old just won't go to bed.. or she at least won't stay in bed. She is still up now at 9.45pm (after being put to bed at 8) shw is stood on the landing whining.. keepingher younger sister awake.

 

Nothing works. Nightlight.. letter off the dream fairy.. lavender pillow spray.. fairy stories.. meditations.. nothing works.. every night she has something new to be scared about "am scared of bad dreams... scared of a poster I saw in my friend's house 6 months ago, scared of the scary peppa pig picture i saw in the paper... scared of zombies.. "

 

So tonight she went to karate and she came back knackered.. played in the garden until 8pm and then we went upstairs.. had a story with some warm milk and she asked if i would play gentle music on the landing whilst she did the 'spell meditation' that the dream fairy had given her.

 

I sat there playing clasical music.. 20 minutes in as I am about to turn it off and sneak downstairs she started squealing loudly and I go in the room to find her younger sister practically smothering herself with a pillow to get to sleep. My 8 year old is stood up saying "i am scared of a book i found in the library at school about a boy who got eaten by a lion!!!!" Crying loudly nothing I said could settle her or get her to be quiet.

 

Ive sent my husband up to her now because I am just getting cross... its 5 nights out of 7 and its been going on for months. I am P

Pulling my hair out and I feel depressed. I get 2 hours to myself a day as a stay at home mum of 3 and my evening is rapidly disappearing dealing with her. I feel like I have no life and I don't know if its 'normal' behaviour for an 8 year old.

 

Any advice or even just experiences shared would be helpful.. 😢😢😢

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It's probably not what you want to hear right now. . but you either train her or she trains you. She's being rewarded for her bad behavior.

Unless there are other stresses in her home life or school, there is no reason for her behavior other than it works for her.

 

Children get attention 2 ways, be being good and being bad. Be sure you acknowledge and reinforce good behavior.

 

If she happens to be a child who doesn't need a lot of sleep, then you come up with some parameters that she can stay awake and read or play quietly, but she is not permitted to disturb anyone else. If she does, there are consequences.

 

She won't believe in it unless you are committed to it. She senses your weakening and takes advantage of it.

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I suggest now that its lighter out longer, you make her bed time a little later. Always 9:45 instead of just sometimes instead of 9, etc., It sounds like she is attention seeking. maybe counseling is in order or asking her pediatrician? Its not normal for an 8 year old to think about a story they read at one point and start bursting into tears about it. Also, I think you need to - if you can - separate the girls at night so your other daughter can get to sleep. She has the right to sleep. I think you need to put your foot down. Do not play light music if she demands it. Cut food off 4 hours before bed especially sugary snacks.

 

My niece goes absolutely crazy when she has foods with red dye in it - make sure she is not eating those nasty additives. It may help.

 

After talking to someone about it I think publishments are something you should role out. That if she prevents her sister from sleeping she has priveleges taken away. She can read in bed, etc but if you have to come in every night and you get this fairy BS all the time, that's it.

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In any event, OP, it might be a good idea to consult a paediatrician for this problem, and there are those who specialise in sleep disorders in children.

 

Also, this:

 

 

 

I agree a visit to a paediatrician is a good starting point.

 

every night she has something new to be scared about "am scared of bad dreams... scared of a poster I saw in my friend's house 6 months ago, scared of the scary peppa pig picture i saw in the paper... scared of zombies.. "

 

When reading the above I do not believe she is simply attention seeking. She sounds genuinely distressed and terrified and it must be like a nightmare for her when she is so frightened. Whatever she is "seeing", it is really spooking the hell out of her and she needs someone to understand. Some professional advice, paediatrician or child psychologist may help for better insight.

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Yup take to her to the doctor and get her checked out. That alone may make her stop this if she is indeed faking it for attention. I know it would have worked on me as I hated/feared doctors, still do.

 

I think you are rewarding bad behaviour and that she knows how to manipulate you. Take away privileges, toys, a computer or tv if she has that in her room. Tell her to read a book, quietly.

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You need to stop, and reassess what is going on. I take it this is not something she's always done, right? What it sounds like she's trying to tell you is that someone or something has scared her, and it's so big she can't say that thing, so instead she focuses on smaller things.

 

But what comes through loud and clear in this post is that your child is terrified of someone or something, so you need to take her out when it's just you two, engage with her, then start talking to her about what might be bothering her. Reassure her you won't be angry or upset or disbelieve her. Also start looking at what happened just before this change or who came into her life just before that. Any new adults, new friends, a new teacher or someone else? You need to stop a second and take a really hard look at when this started and who was and is around her now.

 

If none of that makes sense and nothing comes of it then take her to the doctor for physical issues, which is a good idea anyways. But what you describe does not sound like normal bed time resistance. This sounds like a child scared to sleep, scared to be alone in her own bed, why?

 

That kind of behavior just doesn't happen for no reason. Take a hard honest look, no matter how much you may not like or believe the truth of something. She is really trying to tell you something.

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You need to stop, and reassess what is going on. I take it this is not something she's always done, right? What it sounds like she's trying to tell you is that someone or something has scared her, and it's so big she can't say that thing, so instead she focuses on smaller things.

 

But what comes through loud and clear in this post is that your child is terrified of someone or something, so you need to take her out when it's just you two, engage with her, then start talking to her about what might be bothering her. Reassure her you won't be angry or upset or disbelieve her. Also start looking at what happened just before this change or who came into her life just before that. Any new adults, new friends, a new teacher or someone else? You need to stop a second and take a really hard look at when this started and who was and is around her now.

 

If none of that makes sense and nothing comes of it then take her to the doctor for physical issues, which is a good idea anyways. But what you describe does not sound like normal bed time resistance. This sounds like a child scared to sleep, scared to be alone in her own bed, why?

 

That kind of behavior just doesn't happen for no reason. Take a hard honest look, no matter how much you may not like or believe the truth of something. She is really trying to tell you something.

 

Totally agree.

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So here's my take on it. I have an 8 year old boy. He slept well from age 10 weeks till almost 7 years old. At that point he started with the bad dreams/fear of dark/stomach issues in the middle of the night (just saying it hurt -no symptoms, no fever, not "sick") - waking us up more than once a week, needing us to sit with him till he fell asleep (never needed that after 10 months old -he self-soothed).

 

So - good news is, it was a phase (although a long one). Here are the things that worked:

If he was super scared in the middle of the night one of us sat with him in his room till he fell asleep again.

If his stomach hurt I would give him a mint or a tums sometimes and sometimes sit with him till he fell asleep.

He was allowed to play/read/write quietly in his room if he couldn't sleep but without waking us up.

We sometimes just switched him to sleeping on the floor on an old mattress in his own room -sometimes flipping the pillow over or switching the sleep environment worked.

Bribery -he earned 25 cents/night towards his school's monthly "store" if he stayed in his room/slept through the night or one pokemon every three days.

 

In the last 6 months or more he's woken us up maybe once every 2 months on average instead of twice a week or more and we faded out the bribery (he knows how that works -we told him it was just to help him remember how to sleep through the night)

 

I do still sit with him -usually 10-15 minutes at most -at night because I pick my battles and it's ok with me. He is allowed to sleep with us if he is legitimately sick. I also highly recommend an earlier bed time -your child might be overtired/overstimulated and getting a second wind. My child got home from karate at 6:30, he had a snack and wound down for about an hour and then we did the tooth brushing etc - he was asleep 35 minutes later including story time, nightly blessings, a second drink, etc. Not bad.

 

I don't think you need a doctor but that is up to you. I did call the doctor about the stomach issue and mentioned the sleeping issue -she said all her smartest patients are poor sleepers lol. I'd also read Ferber's book on sleep issues in a child who is your child's age.

 

As far as talking about what's going on, you can try that of course -depends on how your child expresses herself, etc. I think part of my son's issues had to do with anxiousness about school last year and then as you know sleep issues can just take on a life of their own even if the concerns are resolved (he had a great second grade year, for example).

 

One thing I did wrong was put him back in his room repeatedly when he was super scared from a bad dream. I realized he needed someone to sit with him for awhile (as long as he stayed in his room and also tried to go back to sleep).

 

I wish you all the best- it's so hard because even if you're a loving, patient parent, you're just not going to be at your best after a long day or in the middle of the night. I feel for you. Feel free to PM me or post here of course if I can give more input. I hope it was somewhat helpful. Every child is different of course.

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You need to stop, and reassess what is going on. I take it this is not something she's always done, right? What it sounds like she's trying to tell you is that someone or something has scared her, and it's so big she can't say that thing, so instead she focuses on smaller things.

 

But what comes through loud and clear in this post is that your child is terrified of someone or something, so you need to take her out when it's just you two, engage with her, then start talking to her about what might be bothering her. Reassure her you won't be angry or upset or disbelieve her. Also start looking at what happened just before this change or who came into her life just before that. Any new adults, new friends, a new teacher or someone else? You need to stop a second and take a really hard look at when this started and who was and is around her now.

 

If none of that makes sense and nothing comes of it then take her to the doctor for physical issues, which is a good idea anyways. But what you describe does not sound like normal bed time resistance. This sounds like a child scared to sleep, scared to be alone in her own bed, why?

 

That kind of behavior just doesn't happen for no reason. Take a hard honest look, no matter how much you may not like or believe the truth of something. She is really trying to tell you something.

 

She has done it on and off since she was 4.. with big breaks in between bouts. She slept through perfect from 6 months to 4.5 years and then it started with the bad dreams waking in the night.. that went on (on and off) for 2 years. Then it stopped for a year then she started waking us in the night again..

 

She is really good in school and wins award for behaviour and work. She is very bright, in all the top sets for maths and English. She has lovely friends and no troubles at home.

 

We often wonder if she is on the autistic spectrum. She has never been tested or diagnosed but she is our most difficult child, prone to huge tantrums over tiny things and sometimes I feel so low.. 😣

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Thankyou very much Batya hun. I will try being more gentle and reasuring.. i feel that all ran out long ago and now i am just angry and annoyed and i often wonder if i buy that she is really scared or if ahe is just desperate for my attention all the time.. I will try sitting with her tonight and being extra gentle instead of cross. Xx

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Thankyou very much Batya hun. I will try being more gentle and reasuring.. i feel that all ran out long ago and now i am just angry and annoyed and i often wonder if i buy that she is really scared or if ahe is just desperate for my attention all the time.. I will try sitting with her tonight and being extra gentle instead of cross. Xx

 

Well I would be gentle but still firm -you are the parent, you make the limits. But also I found if I got annoyed of course that vibe is not sleep inducing for the child lol. Every night can be different, too. Also the less words the better -even hand signals that are done calmly work better in the middle of the night.

 

She also might need something to sleep with . Mine hugs a large pillow and for awhile a few years ago he liked to have things from his baby days under his pillow (only soft stuff of course ;-)

 

Good luck! Sleep deprivation is the worst. I typed my first post to you while sitting with him last night, post-karate so we you and I were totally cyber-bonded. And because it was on my iphone I lost that first, brilliant post entirely. The sacrifices we make....

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Francis:

 

I totally agree with what Capricorn says (and I have never found Capricorn to say anything that was less than sensible):

 

When reading the above I do not believe she is simply attention seeking. She sounds genuinely distressed and terrified and it must be like a nightmare for her when she is so frightened. Whatever she is "seeing", it is really spooking the hell out of her and she needs someone to understand. Some professional advice, paediatrician or child psychologist may help for better insight.

 

Could I urge you to take your child to see a paediatrician. Please.

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My son is on the autistic spectrum and I can tell you he won no awards for behaving. Very consistently they have extreme issues with self-regulation across all social platforms . They won't be perfect at school and then a nightmare at home . Very consistently most autistic people have problems sleeping. My son never slept a full night in his life till he was about seven years old and they started medicating him to sleep . Maybe she has anxiety? I would take your daughter to a paediatrician though. Rule out medical causes first .

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Well I would be gentle but still firm -you are the parent, you make the limits. But also I found if I got annoyed of course that vibe is not sleep inducing for the child lol. Every night can be different, too. Also the less words the better -even hand signals that are done calmly work better in the middle of the night.

 

She also might need something to sleep with . Mine hugs a large pillow and for awhile a few years ago he liked to have things from his baby days under his pillow (only soft stuff of course ;-)

 

Good luck! Sleep deprivation is the worst. I typed my first post to you while sitting with him last night, post-karate so we you and I were totally cyber-bonded. And because it was on my iphone I lost that first, brilliant post entirely. The sacrifices we make....

 

Thankyou sweetie. Wow we really were cyber linked last night!! Hope we have it a bit easier tonight! X

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No harm in seeing a doctor and sounds typical to me at that age meaning yes it is something specific, no it's nothing atypical -and if she won't/can't share with you when you're both calm, alert/not bed time then sure she might share with someone else.

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Once again, what Capricorn said:

 

"She sounds genuinely distressed and terrified and it must be like a nightmare for her when she is so frightened. Whatever she is "seeing", it is really spooking the hell out of her and she needs someone to understand. Some professional advice, paediatrician or child psychologist may help for better insight."

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Once again, what Capricorn said:

 

"She sounds genuinely distressed and terrified and it must be like a nightmare for her when she is so frightened. Whatever she is "seeing", it is really spooking the hell out of her and she needs someone to understand. Some professional advice, paediatrician or child psychologist may help for better insight."

 

Once again, in my experience as a parent and having consulted with my doctor etc kids often have nightmares and even night terrors and professional advice can't hurt of course but most often isn't needed. It's a typical occurrence and need not mean there is something serious -middle of the night stuff is often far more dramatic/exaggerated because the child and often the parent are half-asleep, disoriented, emotional, etc. Certainly if there was sleep walking combined with destructive behavior or breathing issues or physical pain or a recent trauma of some sort of course. Definitely not wrong to consult a professional and definitely fine to assume it's not serious and use home remedies and talking with the child -who is 8 years old and likely can articulate far better than, let's say, a baby or toddler.

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