Pregnant and blocked ex

One of the nastiest break ups I've ever had. I'm an older woman who got knocked up by her younger man. I was bad and lied that I had an abortion but I was still pregnant. I went to the abortion clinic and walked right out. I don't think he believes me but I don't really care, as I am prepared to raise this child alone. Although I'd never keep this child from him, I don't expect anything either.

He went no contact for a few weeks then he sent nasty text calling me a liar, which I did admit to lying. He wanted me to take a blood test, which has been completed and verified a progressing pregnancy.

I sent him the results and then blocked his immature ass from everything. There is a lot more but giving the short version.

I met a wonderful man who is prepared to stand by me through this.

My lawyer said I don't have to notify him of the birth or list him as the father. I haven't decided yet. I will never keep him from his child. I am willing to co parent and be civil.

He's ignored all my texts leading up to me blocking him so I just feel he's washed his clean of me and the baby so I moved on.

I feel so much better when I blocked him. We had an amazing relationship up until I lied about having the abortion.

What the hell should I do and what is he thinking? It's been 6 weeks since our breakup.

I'm ready for all your comments, criticisms and suggestions.

The only thing you can really do is tell him his child is available to him should he want to be involved and leave it in his court.

Just do well by your child by making good decisions for their life and yours.

I hope you will pursue for financial support.

Wait what?

You get pregnant by your bf, breakup 6 weeks ago and now have met a wonderful man that wants to stand by you through all this?

Why are you dating at all 6 weeks after the breakup?

Why are you dating when you need to focus on the unborn child?

You need to get your priorities straight is the first thing so your mind can be clear on what is important.

Lost

Give him some time to process what happened, I can't imagine how confusing and unsettling this must be. First he thought you aborted and came to accept that, then he found out not only that you lied but that he's now going to be a father to a child with someone who he can't trust. I think that will take some processing. I'd be pretty upset about it too, were I in that position

Try contacting him again later on in the pregnancy (preferably by phone so you know he has received your communication) and let him know briefly but clearly the date your child will be born, and the sex if you find it out, and that you would be happy for him to be a part of the child's life but he should let you know sooner rather than later - and that if he doesn't, then you will move on with life until or unless he contacts you.

"I am prepared to raise this child alone".. I hope you still make him pay. He is going to block, make it hard for you to reach him and he is going to treat you like dirt and call you names and be mean to you so you throw your hands up and say "I want nothing from you"

You can take him to court and file to have him be financially responsible.

Wait what?

 

You get pregnant by your bf, breakup 6 weeks ago and now have met a wonderful man that wants to stand by you through all this?

 

Why are you dating at all 6 weeks after the breakup?

Why are you dating when you need to focus on the unborn child?

 

You need to get your priorities straight is the first thing so your mind can be clear on what is important.

 

Lost

I agree! You run from man to man. Not healthy. Why so dependent/needy on male companionship? And, how do you even know someone in 6 weeks? Very poor judgment.

Focus on your baby!!!

He told me he was moving on and does not want me to contact him. I'm not allowed to date because I'm pregnant? My first and foremost priority is this child.

I only blocked him because he stresses me out.

I would never keep a child from the father, ever.

The fact that a man is interested in me while pregnant with another man's child is a testament of his character.

I'm taking things slow. Not jumping into anything. This is a life long decision involving a child. I just won't let anyone be a part of

the child's life.

Give him some time to process what happened, I can't imagine how confusing and unsettling this must be. First he thought you aborted and came to accept that, then he found out not only that you lied but that he's now going to be a father to a child with someone who he can't trust. I think that will take some processing. I'd be pretty upset about it too, were I in that position

 

Try contacting him again later on in the pregnancy (preferably by phone so you know he has received your communication) and let him know briefly but clearly the date your child will be born, and the sex if you find it out, and that you would be happy for him to be a part of the child's life but he should let you know sooner rather than later - and that if he doesn't, then you will move on with life until or unless he contacts you.

I've tried giving him time, perhaps he needs more than 6 weeks. There is no excuse for lying to him. We found out about the preganncy together at the DOc's office. He kept pushing me to have the aboriton. I shouldnt have lied.

I just want a clean break and if he wants to be involved then I will welcome that if not then it's fine too.

I'm financially independent and I put a lot of thought in this when I decided to keep the child.

I will give him time and space. I don't want a romantic relationship with him anymore, he showed me his true colours when we broke up. Very vindictive. Thank you for your advice, I will take it and give this time and space.

"I am prepared to raise this child alone".. I hope you still make him pay. He is going to block, make it hard for you to reach him and he is going to treat you like dirt and call you names and be mean to you so you throw your hands up and say "I want nothing from you"

You can take him to court and file to have him be financially responsible.

I don't want or need anything from him but he has an obligation to the child. If he is capable of an adult convo then we can work out the details, if not the courts can decide.

The only thing you can really do is tell him his child is available to him should he want to be involved and leave it in his court.

 

Just do well by your child by making good decisions for their life and yours.

I've informed him he can always be a part of his child's life. He's been silent since I've confirmed I was still pregnant via blood work.

He said whatever and not to contact him again. I've left him alone. I'm not one to beg and I certainly have better things to do then sit around hoping he would contact me.

I've informed him he can always be a part of his child's life. He's been silent since I've confirmed I was still pregnant via blood work.

 

He said whatever and not to contact him again. I've left him alone. I'm not one to beg and I certainly have better things to do then sit around hoping he would contact me.

I understand that. ( I am a mom)

I understand that. ( I am a mom)

I've tried so hard to do what's right. I didn't want to saddle him with a child but I couldn't go through with the abortion. I don't expect him to welcome my decision. I've asked him to be civil and if he can't then be silent.

We got pregnant on the IUD. All I do is cry and now the man I'm with, he's kind, patient and understanding. I may not deserve kindness for lying to him but I do deserve happiness.

I've offered for my ex to attend appointments with me but all he said was "DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN"

I gave him his wish, I blocked him too!

If your ex knows about the baby then there's nothing more you need to do regarding him, other than pursue child support ONCE the baby is born.

And dating someone new when you're 6 weeks out of a relationship and pregnant is a really poor decision. Someone decent doesn't decide to "standby you through all of this" after only a few weeks. I'm telling you, this is the wrong sitiation. You need to focus on a steady, dependable career, a safe and stable home to raise your child, and becoming a parent. You do NOT need to be focusing on a new relationship.

Maybe I'm in the minority.

You're calling him immature, yet you blatantly lied about being pregnant and terminating it.

You jumped to a new guy who, mere weeks in, thinks he wants to help you raise a child.

You say you're taking it slow, but that isn't slow.

I find your behavior more immature than anything.

Maybe I'm in the minority.

 

You're calling him immature, yet you blatantly lied about being pregnant and terminating it.

 

You jumped to a new guy who, mere weeks in, thinks he wants to help you raise a child.

 

You say you're taking it slow, but that isn't slow.

 

I find your behavior more immature than anything.

No you are right. There is no excuse for lying. I should have talked to him and voiced my objection to an abortion.

As for moving on, we all cope differently. I didn't think about this and it just felt nice to be with someone who cares about me and the baby.

I did tell the new guy I need time. He said he understands and just wants to be there for me.

I know maybe blocking him isn't mature but it's helped keep the stress down. At the end of the day, he will always be a part of the child's life should he chose to be.

I'm just tired of him constantly telling me to get an abortion when I don't want to.

Instead of telling me not to contact him again, I'm going to give him time and space. I hope we can at least be civil and co parent.

I know time will help.

You don't have to get an abortion if you don't want to.

You don't have to get an abortion if you don't want to.

Yes I realize that. I was so torn between keeping it, getting rid of or put it up for adoption.

Our age difference is so great that I can't even imagine how we would make things work. I broke up with him before I found out I was pregnant.

It was poor judgement all around on my part.

I'm still early into this pregnancy and I can't stomach the fact that I have to deal with this vindictive man if I have this child.

I've just been spending time with my family and trying to relax. I'm out of tears and I can only focus on me and the baby.

If your ex knows about the baby then there's nothing more you need to do regarding him, other than pursue child support ONCE the baby is born.

 

And dating someone new when you're 6 weeks out of a relationship and pregnant is a really poor decision. Someone decent doesn't decide to "standby you through all of this" after only a few weeks. I'm telling you, this is the wrong sitiation. You need to focus on a steady, dependable career, a safe and stable home to raise your child, and becoming a parent. You do NOT need to be focusing on a new relationship.

My career and Homelife is secure. I've always been able to process my emotions in an instant and when I decide I'm done I don't look back.

It's been my downfall.

I don't need to be in a new relationship, it feels wonderful to be with someone who cares about me. Six weeks isn't anything significant so I will tread with caution. I'm just everywhere and there are days when getting out of bed is an accomplishment.

He's made no move to contact me and I'm more than ok with it. I actually prefer it this way, I know I'll have to deal with him eventually.

You don't have to get an abortion if you don't want to.

I agree with this, mamatobe. I don't fault you for keeping the baby when you realised that you couldn't go through with the abortion. I am just understanding of his turmoil at being lied to, but then again the fact that he was pressuring you to abort helps me understand why you felt the need to do that. And why he's running in the opposite direction now. Probably feels trapped.

I personally wouldn't chase him for money or contact with the child unless it's necessary, but that's because I hate conflict and legal battles. They are so incredibly draining, emotionally, mentally and often financially. I don't know that meagre amounts of child support from someone who you don't want in your life is worth that if you're able to handle this on your own. But obviously, things might change in the future (or perhaps your child becomes ill, god forbid) so it might not be a bad idea to have things in place just incase they do. You could always bank the child support for college/travel expenses later on

I think you are doing the right thing by moving on, but I do still think you should give him one more chance in the future to decide if he wants any part in the child's life once things settle down a bit. It is a good thing to do for your child, to try and leave the door open a little

I don't want or need anything from him but he has an obligation to the child. If he is capable of an adult convo then we can work out the details, if not the courts can decide.

You dont trust this man. You have an adult convo and you still take him to court. The court order will protect the child and you will have the law on your side if/when he fails to provide what is right. I have seen many agreements only to fizzle because the guy thinks its all BS, unfair, Im not the father, I cant pay, or whatever reason. With a court order, the court can garnish wages without one, you cant. Let the court decide and that way everyone is on the same page

Yes I realize that. I was so torn between keeping it, getting rid of or put it up for adoption.

Our age difference is so great that I can't even imagine how we would make things work. I broke up with him before I found out I was pregnant.

 

It was poor judgement all around on my part.

 

I'm still early into this pregnancy and I can't stomach the fact that I have to deal with this vindictive man if I have this child.

I've just been spending time with my family and trying to relax. I'm out of tears and I can only focus on me and the baby.

Then you contact him to ask him to sign off his rights to the child. You won't get child support - but you will also never have to deal with him again unless your child seeks out who their father is after they are an adult. I know someone who did so so that the child's stepdad could adopt the child. If he does that, you are free to raise the child or put the child up for adoption. If he feels that strongly about not wanting the child and you - then that may be the best option.

You dont trust this man. You have an adult convo and you still take him to court. The court order will protect the child and you will have the law on your side if/when he fails to provide what is right. I have seen many agreements only to fizzle because the guy thinks its all BS, unfair, Im not the father, I cant pay, or whatever reason. With a court order, the court can garnish wages without one, you cant. Let the court decide and that way everyone is on the same page[/quote

 

He will never be kept from seeing his child. Whether he does right by his child is up to him.

 

I'm sure him not contacting me is his way of saying, you want to keep the baby then you are on your own. I'm perfectly fine with that. If he magically appears after the baby is born then I will also welcome it. He can be a part of the baby's life. I've just moved on and I don't want anything but a civil co parenting relationship with him. The baby will always come first.

Then you contact him to ask him to sign off his rights to the child. You won't get child support - but you will also never have to deal with him again unless your child seeks out who their father is after they are an adult. I know someone who did so so that the child's stepdad could adopt the child. If he does that, you are free to raise the child or put the child up for adoption. If he feels that strongly about not wanting the child and you - then that may be the best option.

I will not contact him. I have to no reason to. He knows where I am. Although I've blocked him for my own sanity, it's not hard to find me.

I've put the breaks with this new guy. He said he will be here with me and I can take it slow but he's not going anywhere.

My ex says do not contact him again and that was six weeks ago. I've blocked him and I'm done.