Jump to content

She went cold, should I text and confirm our date?


yeahyeahyeah

Recommended Posts

Got talking to a girl from an online dating app. Exchanged numbers, started whatsapping. All seemed to be going well, she had asked me last week if I wanted to meet up for a coffee tomorrow. I agreed.

 

On whatsapp we were discussing all sorts of things, she always responded, then the discussion switched to careers, she told me that she was planning to switch jobs at the end of the year, I told her that I was planning to as well, how I was thinking about moving into the public sector from the perks being good. I had also asked her given that she is a language teacher what languages she taught, after that she stopped responding. Normally whenever I asked open ended questions she would respond.

 

Anyway date is on tomorrow, not sure if I should confirm since I feel like she has suddenly lost interest. She has read the messages because whatsapp has the blue ticks next to them, it's been more than 7 hours now and I can also see that she has been 'online' recently.

 

I think that if I text her to confirm the date tomorrow she will agree to turn up, but I do not want to waste my time unless she is enthusiastic about meeting me.

Link to comment
Perhaps she's waiting to reply to your question in person, as it sounds like a good question (from you for her) to spawn date conversation?

 

Don't be discouraged. My vote is confirm. Good luck!

 

Right If that is the case, why doesn't she just tell me that? Feels like I have been deliberately ignored.

Link to comment

Don't relate loss of interest to the last topic that was being discussed. It could be the one before that. So yea, there could be two things why she lost interest, a) you switching jobs while she's switching jobs too, makes her feel insecure. Usually girls look for stability and security in a mate. Maybe she's ready for a family, and thinking that while her career can be wishy washy, her partner's needs to be solid and cemented. b) She heard back from/progressed things with someone she likes better.

 

I would nonetheless confirm the date, and while on the date try and raise the topic of careers. You'll need to be paying close attention to her face.

Link to comment
Don't relate loss of interest to the last topic that was being discussed. It could be the one before that. So yea, there could be two things why she lost interest, a) you switching jobs while she's switching jobs too, makes her feel insecure. Usually girls look for stability and security in a mate. Maybe she's ready for a family, and thinking that while her career can be wishy washy, her partner's needs to be solid and cemented. b) She heard back from/progressed things with someone she likes better.

 

I would nonetheless confirm the date, and while on the date try and raise the topic of careers. You'll need to be paying close attention to her face.

 

Crossed my mind too, I don't think we are very compatible if that was the case - not dating a woman who is going to leech off me, but someone who is independent in their own right.

Link to comment
'Hey, how's it going? Just checking to see if you would still like to meet up tomorrow, if not let me know and I will make other plans.'
What compelled you to throw this in?

 

Talking shop is boring enough in person, let alone over email / SMS. I don't see any reason she would be thrilled to go back and forth. You two had a day and time lined up. In your shoes, I'd simply assume she's not the type to get to know someone new through text messaging.

 

Don't overthink and don't put too much stake in texting. In the future, set a day, time, and place, and get to know each other there-- as you both agreed to.

Link to comment
What compelled you to throw this in?

 

Talking shop is boring enough in person, let alone over email / SMS. I don't see any reason she would be thrilled to go back and forth. You two had a day and time lined up. In your shoes, I'd simply assume she's not the type to get to know someone new through text messaging.

 

Don't overthink and don't put too much stake in texting. In the future, set a day, time, and place, and get to know each other there-- as you both agreed to.

 

To tell her I'm busy, and need to know my schedule. Which is true.

Link to comment
To tell her I'm busy, and need to know my schedule. Which is true.
I'd say that's a pretty basic adult characteristic. Probably one best not implying the other person doesn't respect-- particularly given she was the one to organize the date to begin with.

 

Chill a bit.

Link to comment
I'd say that's a pretty basic adult characteristic. Probably one best not implying the other person doesn't respect-- particularly given she was the one to organize the date to begin with.

 

Chill a bit.

 

Not sure if it is a cultural thing, but in Britain that's a common thing to say to someone when you do not know what their plans are. That said, it annoys me generally with anyone when you have made plans and they disappear.

Link to comment
Not sure if it is a cultural thing, but in Britain that's a common thing to say to someone when you do not know what their plans are. That said, it annoys me generally with anyone when you have made plans and they disappear.

 

So she responded with a joke:

 

'Oh I've got completely off the idea...just joking '

 

Then tells me what time she finishes work asked what time works for me.

 

Will set it up. Feel a bit depressed these days, had a bad argument with my ex gf a couple of days ago leading her to block me on Whatsapp.

Link to comment
To tell her I'm busy, and need to know my schedule. Which is true.

 

Um, you just told her your plans with her wasn't important. Never add in "if not let me know and I will make other plans." You sound like a man who definitely doesn't care about her in any sense.

 

I overlook messages ALL the TIME. Not because I'm careless - I just get caught up with work, my kids, or something else. She invited you, you made plans, but now sound like you are trying to blow her off. Insecurity is a time-waster and opportunity killer.

Link to comment
Um, you just told her your plans with her wasn't important. Never add in "if not let me know and I will make other plans." You sound like a man who definitely doesn't care about her in any sense.

 

I overlook messages ALL the TIME. Not because I'm careless - I just get caught up with work, my kids, or something else. She invited you, you made plans, but now sound like you are trying to blow her off. Insecurity is a time-waster and opportunity killer.

 

We are meeting up, everything has been arranged. Yes, I do not want to act to interested.

 

To be honest, from experience if women like you they don't care that much how you phrase things. I've used that line many times before and always ended up going on a date.

Link to comment
Feel a bit depressed these days, had a bad argument with my ex gf a couple of days ago leading her to block me on Whatsapp.

 

This doesn't sound like you're ready to be dating. It sounds as though you're not over your ex. Going on this date when you already are depressed and have your back up, does not seem like a good idea.

Link to comment

This is all the beginning stages where you are seeing if you guys are even compatible, give it a few dates, if you feel like you are the one initiating all the contact and she's just going with the flow or not responding to your texts, then throw this fish back into the water and go fishing at another pond.

 

Let us know how the date went

Link to comment
This doesn't sound like you're ready to be dating. It sounds as though you're not over your ex. Going on this date when you already are depressed and have your back up, does not seem like a good idea.

 

Catch 22 - don't date get depressed from being lonely and start threads on enotalone about how girls don't like me.

Go on dates and risk pushing people away from break up coming through.

 

Inbetween a rock and a hard place. Sometimes you just need to push through.

Link to comment
Heal from your last break up and work on self esteem and when you feel much better then you'll be in better shape for a new date? Seems more fair to both you and the new woman.

 

Trouble is that my self esteem and confidence is linked to women dating me for the reason I mentioned.

 

I feel as though I am very ugly right now. Latest girl showing interest has given me a boost I had been looking for.

Link to comment
Trouble is that my self esteem and confidence is linked to women dating me for the reason I mentioned.

 

I feel as though I am very ugly right now. Latest girl showing interest has given me a boost I had been looking for.

 

I can see how sexual confidence and confidence with women is tied to how many women accept you and want to date you. I mean, how can you be confident with women if they reject you ?

 

However, overall confidence in yourself will get you further.

 

You are talking to random women, you may or may not share anything in common with them, don't take it personal if they reject you or aren't answering your texts, if they seem disinterested long enough, cut your loses and move on to the next person. Your ultimate goal is to meet a woman you can date long term with, someone you actually enjoy spending time with and whom you are also attracted to, it helps if you see eye to eye on major topics too.

 

You will definitely go through some duds before you find one that you are compatible with, this is NOT to say anything about your self worth or attractiveness level, because attractiveness is quite subjective and what's hot to me may not be was hot to someone else, good thing there is variety !

 

So... don't take a rejection personally, just because she doesn't feel you guys click doesn't mean you are worthless or ugly, don't dwell in your misery over one person and keep moving to the next one. Especially since you aren't even in a real relationship with this particular woman.

 

Also, going to the gym, working out, looking your best will help you feel more confident too. It's hard to feel ugly when you have a six pack.

Link to comment
I can see how sexual confidence and confidence with women is tied to how many women accept you and want to date you. I mean, how can you be confident with women if they reject you ?

 

However, overall confidence in yourself will get you further.

 

You are talking to random women, you may or may not share anything in common with them, don't take it personal if they reject you or aren't answering your texts, if they seem disinterested long enough, cut your loses and move on to the next person. Your ultimate goal is to meet a woman you can date long term with, someone you actually enjoy spending time with and whom you are also attracted to, it helps if you see eye to eye on major topics too.

 

You will definitely go through some duds before you find one that you are compatible with, this is NOT to say anything about your self worth or attractiveness level, because attractiveness is quite subjective and what's hot to me may not be was hot to someone else, good thing there is variety !

 

So... don't take a rejection personally, just because she doesn't feel you guys click doesn't mean you are worthless or ugly, don't dwell in your misery over one person and keep moving to the next one. Especially since you aren't even in a real relationship with this particular woman.

 

Also, going to the gym, working out, looking your best will help you feel more confident too. It's hard to feel ugly when you have a six pack.

 

Gone through 5 duds so far, sigh really was content with my ex the idea of settling with someone terrifies me.

 

New girl in some photos look pretty, others not so much. Also wondering if she is overweight , cant tell - all face shots

Link to comment
Gone through 5 duds so far, sigh really was content with my ex the idea of settling with someone terrifies me.

 

New girl in some photos look pretty, others not so much. Also wondering if she is overweight , cant tell - all face shots

 

Photos don't say much, some people post old pictures, some people photoshop theirs, some people are not photogenic and then in real life is like, "Where can I get a tissue for my drool ?"

 

She may not be what you are physically attracted to in person, or she might be the hottest thing you have ever seen in person, go on your date and afterwards you can make some decisions.

 

It's hard to find match because what I find is the people you like don't want you and the people you don't want, want you. I guess that is what makes it more rewarding when you finally do find the right match, and you also do learn a bit from each person you talk to and go on a date with, things to change for next time, or just things you learn about yourself and what you are looking for.

 

you were content with your ex ? Well, I was content with staying 25 forever and yet here I am... 27 I was also content with an ex of mine who well, wasn't what I needed.

 

Some things are out of our control and the more you think about it, the worse off you will be for it, especially if you can not change the outcome.

 

So, go on this date, be positive about it, if it works out great ! if it doesn't then there will be others.

 

I mean, there's good and bad in a lot of situations, sometimes being single is fun, you have no one to answer to, you move out where you want to without taking in anyone else's considerations, you are free.

I think it's only our need to feel physical connection to another person and finding someone we can be ourselves with and talk about anything with, the reason we bother at all with this whole dating thing.

But if you realize, more or less, we all want the same thing ultimately, so don't get bent out of shape if someone doesn't think you are their idea of a boyfriend, because I'm sure you have turned down women that you didn't find that connection with too.

Link to comment
Got talking to a girl from an online dating app. Exchanged numbers, started whatsapping. All seemed to be going well, she had asked me last week if I wanted to meet up for a coffee tomorrow. I agreed.

 

On whatsapp we were discussing all sorts of things, she always responded, then the discussion switched to careers, she told me that she was planning to switch jobs at the end of the year, I told her that I was planning to as well, how I was thinking about moving into the public sector from the perks being good. I had also asked her given that she is a language teacher what languages she taught, after that she stopped responding. Normally whenever I asked open ended questions she would respond.

 

Anyway date is on tomorrow, not sure if I should confirm since I feel like she has suddenly lost interest. She has read the messages because whatsapp has the blue ticks next to them, it's been more than 7 hours now and I can also see that she has been 'online' recently.

 

I think that if I text her to confirm the date tomorrow she will agree to turn up, but I do not want to waste my time unless she is enthusiastic about meeting me.

 

A quick "just confirming we are still on for tomorrow?" Sounds courteous, not needy. All will be revealed.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...