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The most difficult situation of my life


Delian

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Hi guys, I would like to make it as short as possible.So basically my story start on the high school, 4 years ago. I went to the first class and met her. I immediately fell in love with her. After the years of progress, we were like best friends. The problem was she had a boyfriend but they broke up so many times I was happy she went with me this year on January 1st on party. She was throwing up like whole night and I just stayed with her on toilet. She has Caroli disease which is rare, it damages your liver etc so she was even throwing up more things than alcohol, I was kind of horrified and started to cry, I didn't know what to do. It went better after few minutes and something important happened. She lay on me. At this moment my heart and everything you know common things happened when you're in love with someone you feel really excited. This was all, we were talking to each other about things and then we went asleep, separately. She told me she feels smth, but she is not kind of a person to cheat on her boyfriend, even when he is really treating her bad, even changed her for other girl for a few days. We stopped talking, she hated me and i hated her. But like week ago i couldn't take it anymore and i spoke to her. We went out yesterday and started to memories things that happened since we knew each other, we were having a really good time outside, sitting and smoking cigarettes for a few hours. Then we talked about what happened on 1st January, she even told her bf that she might be feeling something towards me. The thing is that she never broke up with him and yesterday she asked me: Why did you never ever kissed me when you had so many chances? Why did you not lay to the same bed as me when I was drunk? And i replied: I didn't want to take advantage of the status you were currently in because drunk people are doing different stuff than they mean to when they are sober. After I said that there was really awkward silence, she was probably thinking about it. This is my last year I will saw her, but i can travel anytime, i told her. She said it doesn't matter, that she will break up with him after she goes to university. After all the pain i went through i didn't have a force to tell her if she wants to try with me, because last time she said relationships are not for trying but i always told her i would die for her, sacrifice my liver for her if necessary and give her everything, yet she has chosen him over me. Is there anything I can do? This person was purpose of my living.(We were never together but we were really probably best friends).

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We are going out today to smoke a cigarette again because we are stressed out from graduation which is in a week or so. Then there is a holiday and even more parties but I'm scared that I will lost her, even this friendship. I want more from it really. Should I be a dic* and on the next party when she is drunk try to do something? I convinced to her many times, she knew, everyone knew, supporting me etc. but she is really difficult personality, love her more than everything though. If there is anything i can try please help me.

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We are going out today to smoke a cigarette again because we are stressed out from graduation which is in a week or so. Then there is a holiday and even more parties but I'm scared that I will lost her, even this friendship. I want more from it really. Should I be a dic* and on the next party when she is drunk try to do something? I convinced to her many times, she knew, everyone knew, supporting me etc. but she is really difficult personality, love her more than everything though. If there is anything i can try please help me.

 

Oh no. stop. Stop stop stop.

 

I didn't read the whole thing. But you NEVER. NEVER. NEVER. Do something to a woman when she is drunk. NEVER. That is RAPE.

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caroli's disease is serious, patients should not be drinking or smoking at all. that's one instance of her utterly irresponsible behavior.

the other is hoping to have sex whilst drunk and lying down on top of someone drunk

and the third is perpetually choosing the drama of an unhealthy relationship, and complicating it further by encouraging a third party to engage in another unhealthy relationship.

 

people with similar conditions may act out, as in defying mortality, or attempting to get used to it being their constant companion by deliberately self-destructing.

 

she needs professional help, not a new boyfriend.

 

you'd do well to not center your life around people whose only intent and activity is to bring you into their mess.

 

you really need to think before you entertain someone in their drinking, smoking and sexually irresponsible behavior while throwing up blood and bile.

 

and yup, you'd really get into a nasty set of troubles for having sex with an incapacitated, mentally and physically unstable woman.

 

why you would even be considering this mess is beyond me.

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Hi guys, I would like to make it as short as possible.So basically my story start on the high school, 4 years ago. I went to the first class and met her. I immediately fell in love with her. After the years of progress, we were like best friends. The problem was she had a boyfriend but they broke up so many times I was happy she went with me this year on January 1st on party. She was throwing up like whole night and I just stayed with her on toilet. She has Caroli disease which is rare, it damages your liver etc so she was even throwing up more things than alcohol, I was kind of horrified and started to cry, I didn't know what to do. It went better after few minutes and something important happened. She lay on me. At this moment my heart and everything you know common things happened when you're in love with someone you feel really excited. This was all, we were talking to each other about things and then we went asleep, separately. She told me she feels smth, but she is not kind of a person to cheat on her boyfriend, even when he is really treating her bad, even changed her for other girl for a few days. We stopped talking, she hated me and i hated her. But like week ago i couldn't take it anymore and i spoke to her. We went out yesterday and started to memories things that happened since we knew each other, we were having a really good time outside, sitting and smoking cigarettes for a few hours. Then we talked about what happened on 1st January, she even told her bf that she might be feeling something towards me. The thing is that she never broke up with him and yesterday she asked me: Why did you never ever kissed me when you had so many chances? Why did you not lay to the same bed as me when I was drunk? And i replied: I didn't want to take advantage of the status you were currently in because drunk people are doing different stuff than they mean to when they are sober. After I said that there was really awkward silence, she was probably thinking about it. This is my last year I will saw her, but i can travel anytime, i told her. She said it doesn't matter, that she will break up with him after she goes to university. After all the pain i went through i didn't have a force to tell her if she wants to try with me, because last time she said relationships are not for trying but i always told her i would die for her, sacrifice my liver for her if necessary and give her everything, yet she has chosen him over me. Is there anything I can do? This person was purpose of my living.(We were never together but we were really probably best friends).

 

Hi there.. first of all good for you in terms of respecting your friend and looking after her when she was unwell/ vulnerable. It sounds like you have both been honest with each other since and you have told her how much you care about her. It sounds like you both like each other a lot but your friend is still in an on off relationship. I think your friend now has to decide on the next step and whether she is ready to end her relationship and it will of course be hard for you because it would not be right to set a timescale or give her an ultimatum.

 

Give her time and lots of space now and during that time she will hopefully realise what a lovely,respectful guy you are and choose you. Another option is to try and go on other dates and maybe meet other girls or just keep busy with other stuff in your life. Again you may feel like there is non one else but the girl you really like/ love but it may just help you to take your mind off things. Getting on with your life and keeping busy are really attractive qualities in a person. Good luck.

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We are going out today to smoke a cigarette again because we are stressed out from graduation which is in a week or so. Then there is a holiday and even more parties but I'm scared that I will lost her, even this friendship. I want more from it really. Should I be a dic* and on the next party when she is drunk try to do something? I convinced to her many times, she knew, everyone knew, supporting me etc. but she is really difficult personality, love her more than everything though. If there is anything i can try please help me.

 

Yeah, MLD is absolutely right about this being rape. If you don't think she would do something with you sober, you should NEVER try to do that thing with her when she's drunk. That's how "nice guys" end up in prison, or at least splashed across the national media.

 

Even if it wasn't ILLEGAL and IMMORAL, how do you think she would feel about it? She would feel guilty towards her boyfriend, she would probably hate you for not respecting her wishes (and her sober wishes ARE her wishes), and you would be in an even worse position than you already are. What would you be accomplishing other than a momentary bit of pleasure (and frankly, drunk sex

 

You need to move on, bud. She's stuck on her boyfriend, and nothing you do is going to change that. If and when she decides to move on, she might seek you out but she may not.

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Nonononono you get me wrong I wouldn't do such thing. I was in so many situations with her I could, she just asked why I didn't do it and i told her that if the kiss or more is meant to be, it has to be in sober state. And caroli disease is not mental ilness lol. She is mentally fine, it's just really confusing she probably likes us both. She asked me why I didn't do it yesterday, we were really mad at each other because some things happened, it's really long story i don't want you guys to bother with. I just want to know if I should try to confess to her once again, try to do that crazy thing and kiss her today out of nowhere and maybe then she will realise or is here anything else I can do...?

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i know what caroli's disease is, and if you see a patient throwing up violently it's cause for concern,

 

and a patient with Caroli's who chooses to drink, smoke, involve themselves in unhealthy relationships and encourage people to make sexual advances on them while they're drunk is not a mentally stable person.

 

best you can do for this self-destructive woman is suggest she follow her doctor's orders and get psychological help.

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I don't care what she is, I love her and I want to be with her. When we were not talking to each other I couldn't sleep, had sleep paralysis etc. Had to smoke weed to calm myself down, yet to this day I'm using some sleeping pills from psychiatrist because I couldn't handle the pain. There is nothing else I care about I just lost the purpose and the advices about finding someone else, cmon. I know her for 4 years almost everyday together, it's impossible for me so don't come out with ways as find someone else. She is the purpose of my being.

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when anything suggestive of biliary stasis, or bleeding from esophageal varices, if there was blood in the vomit, or any acute symptom for that matter happens she should be wanting a doctor, not a fu*k. and so should you, if you "love her".

 

if you'd both rather behave this way so much, then encouraging one another to take extensive therapy would be the closest to rational you can get out of this.

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I don't care what she is, I love her and I want to be with her. When we were not talking to each other I couldn't sleep, had sleep paralysis etc. Had to smoke weed to calm myself down, yet to this day I'm using some sleeping pills from psychiatrist because I couldn't handle the pain. There is nothing else I care about I just lost the purpose and the advices about finding someone else, cmon. I know her for 4 years almost everyday together, it's impossible for me so don't come out with ways as find someone else. She is the purpose of my being.

 

Then you are as self destructve as she is. Choosing to invest and remain attached to someone who is setting themselves on fire is a self destructive act.

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Lmfao, you get it whole wrong... she was throwing up alcohol+ some white pure liquor or smth like that. Gonna explain when i come back home, apparently need to say whole story and also personalities in order to get right answers. Thanks so far tho don't lock it.

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yes, repeated heavy intoxication in congenital dilatations of intrahepatic bile ducts sounds much better.

 

i can't believe i'm reading this.

 

sure, go smoke and attend drinking parties with her hoping it gets you to third base. an act of love and care if there ever was one.

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She is the purpose of my being.

 

Please don't live your life for another person. I guarantee it won't fare well for you. Do you not have anything else in your life? Know everyone has multiple loves in their lifetime. I have and you will have in the future, just like everyone else. Although, we don't always get with them in the end, despite all of our efforts. Then, we move on to someone else who will give their heart to us in return. Search for that person who is willing to be with you, not someone else.

 

A partner should compliment your life, not be your life. Remember that.

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Please don't live your life for another person. I guarantee it won't fare well for you. Do you not have anything else in your life? Know everyone has multiple loves in their lifetime. I have and you will have in the future, just like everyone else. Although, we don't always get with them in the end, despite all of our efforts. Then, we move on to someone else who will give their heart to us in return. Search for that person who is willing to be with you, not someone else.

 

A partner should compliment your life, not be your life. Remember that.

 

None of us is intended to support someone else at detriment to ourselves. Nor are we intended to support someone else who does not support herself or himself.

 

Have you ever taken a lifesaving course? It teaches that when saving a drowning person, it is necessary to use techniques that prevent the other person from being able to hold onto you, from being able to drown you. We are taught to hold on to them in a way that is only enough to help them breathe, and that prevents them from holding onto us. We are taught techniques that allows us to release them if necessary to keep from drowning ourselves.

 

The same is true here.

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Hi all, very valid points about the serious nature of this disease and of course it would seem that this young woman is not making safe choices so colluding with that by drinking and smoking with her is not good at all. The more I have read the more it seems this is a chaotic situation. Delian could find himself in trouble if he instigates sex in these circumstances. Emotionally it sounds as though Delian may also be struggling so vulnerable as well and not a great recipe for a stable relationship.

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Gonna try the last effort, if she refuses I'm gonna commit suicide as this life has nothing to offer me anymore.

 

Right, so you were in high school four years ago. Assuming you were a senior then, you are no older than your mid-20s. You haven't made any serious efforts to live without her (and no, taking sleeping pills to help yourself sleep isn't a serious effort; therapy combined with completely cutting her out would be a serious effort), and yet you're convinced that there's no point in living without her.

 

You haven't even lived yet, Delian. You have no idea what and who is out there waiting for you. Somewhere there is a girl who will treat you with the respect you deserve, who will love you fiercely and not only when it's convenient for her. There might be your dream job, a fabulous house, wild adventures in completely unknown places. And yet you've let this girl into your head so deeply that you're convinced that she is the only thing that's worth living for.

 

Are you even considering your other friends, your family, that random dude who crosses the street at the same time as you on Tuesday afternoon? ALL of them would be destroyed if you committed suicide. This isn't a movie where killing yourself is the ultimate romantic sacrifice, or where this level of obsession will somehow make you happy in the end. The ramifications of one suicide shatter through entire communities, even when the people are convinced that they don't matter to anyone.

 

Do not hurt yourself. Cut her out and work on fulfilling your own dreams and purpose.

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Delian,

 

The years 18 - 24 can be overwhelming and are a period when we are more at risk of hurting ourselves than at any other time (in the US at least). I lost my family this way. Please keep struggling. A new day will begin to emerge.

 

One foot in front of the other. That is all you have to do, keep putting one foot in front of the other. Let people in to your pain, make them aware of it. Keep telling people about it. Some will run, let them. Others will feed you little moments of support that keep you going for another footfall. You will emerge stronger.

 

Maybe, just maybe, your ability to keep going will serve as an example to someone else, or several others, even other people on ENA. Your ability to keep going, in whatever way you can, may save other lives besides your own. Be that inspiration for someone. In your darkness, you will bring someone else light. You have a strong desire to support and to help. Keep going, and share your story as you go. You will help more people than you know, which I mean in a very literal way. Maybe me. Maybe your gf. Maybe someone else will get the message your gf misses. That might be your purpose, to help show others that they can make it through.

 

We can't walk for you, but let us walk with you. We need your example of how to get through.

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Re your question about trying something when she is not of clear mind: No. Wiseman's point is right, that is sexual assault/rape.

 

But the more immediate concern I have is that you will dislike yourself even more, once you become a participant in her self-destruction. Right now, you are being true to yourself. Help destroy her to spite her may sound satisfying, but in truth, you will hurt yourself. That is senseless.

 

Step away from her, she is toxic to you.

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