Why would he act like this? I'm so confused

I've been talking to this guy I met on a dating site for 3 to 4 weeks. We had planned to meet this weekend for our first date but he text me the day of our date to cancel because he had a cold sore. I thought that was a lame excuse he could of still met him for a few hours instead of bailing.

The part that's baffling is he seemed so into me even though we hadn't met yet. Like he would text me all day everyday even at work. He said he likes me, looking forward to meeting me, he even said he has a soft spot for me and was mad about me. If my phone died he would tell me charge it just so he could talk to me. He came on really strong strong and pursued me. He was the one who kept asking me when can I take you on a date. He found me attractive, I think, because he always called me gorgeous and babe. He said if we met by now you'd probably be my girlfriend.

I don't get why he would go to all the effort of texting me and asking me out just to cancel because of a cold sore. He suggested "next weekend" again but that's a whole week away and he already couldnt meet me the weekend before because he was busy. And I already have plans with a friends birthday this weekend so I'm really put off now. His words say interested but won't meet despite asking me out? My friends think he's legit crazy, starting to wonder that myself. I should mention I'm in my early 20s and he's in his 30s if that makes any difference.

Thanks for reading, I'm not all that upset about it, I hadn't even met him I'm just curious why do guys do this?

I would say that you probably ought to ask him whether that's a truthful excuse or not. A lot of the time guys enjoy talking to women online who they aren't interested in because it keeps them interested. But they might not actually be into them. It could be truthful, especially if he's really up for it and is scared that you'll be put off by his appearance. You'd think that he'd come up for a more believable excuse if he really was lying. So yeah, ask him and see what he has to say. Under the pressure of you getting annoyed he'll probably crack if he's lying.

Just because he texts you a lot before meeting you doesn't mean is that interested. He doesn't know you, so he can't be actually interested in you to the point of wanting to invest a lot. Internet talking and texting gives this illusion of connection and that people know each other, but that can only be reach through consistent in person interaction. Also remember that he's probably multidating which is perfectly fine and normal. His excuse might be true or not, but you never know. If he didn't schedule another date then I'd say he's not all that eager to meet. Don't take it personally since you two don't even know each other.

There are people who never schedule dates but are in "internet chatting buddy" mode. If he's one of those I'd just leave it there and stop. If he really wants to meet you and you also want to, I'd just wait and see. Don't invest too much or expect too much before meeting him in person several times consistently. I'd also avoid texting marathons before you know them in person because of that false feeling of attachment that it creates.

Fair enough if he's not actually interested in me I just can't imagine myself texting a guy with the amount of texts he was texting me and not actually being interested. If I'm not interested I don't text someone and ask them out. It seems bizarre. When he was out with his friends he'd text me that he missed me/ would have been more fun if I was there and was thinking about me. He was constantly asking for snapchats too because it "made him happy seeing my face". It's the things he was saying to me make no sense if he was never interested. I know he has a Cold sore because he snapchatted me but in my opinion it's an excuse. I don't know I'm still confused.

But how could he miss you if he didn't know you? Besides guys who go through texting marathons and so romantic so soon and before meeting in person is usually a red flag or a sign of neediness. You can't judge others by how you'd act. I'm not saying he won't be interested in you when he meets you, I'm just saying that since he doesn't know you in person if he's interested is just in the image he created of you, because there are no real basis to be intesterested here.

I'm sorry, but you're looking for sanity and reason where there is none. And so romantic before they even meet you is a serious red flag of "Why are you faking intimacy with me, a total stranger, before I even get to see what you look like or verify you are who you say you are?" I have no idea why some people put in a ton of effort building up a false intimacy of constant texting, but have no interest or intent in really meeting someone. All I can tell you is it's not sane.

You'll need to do what I did when I was doing online dating - keep texting to a minimum, push for a coffee date in the middle of the day that you provide transport to, and meet them in person to decide if anything is even going to happen. And if he won't or can't meet within a maximum of 2 weeks, and that's being generous, then block and delete and move on. People who really want to meet face-to-face to see if there is potential for a relationship will make things happen to meet sooner rather than later. And they won't try to build a false intimacy or build your hopes up with over-texting and over-flattery and picking up every cheesy line from films and bad romance books. All you had really was what a guy was telling you electronically, and you have no idea who this guy really is. People can and do lie over texting all the time, it is pathetically easy to do that.

Block and delete the guy. Like I said you're looking for sanity and reason where there is none.

So I got a text from him today saying he's sorry about cancelling and he does want to see me. He asked if I would give him a second chance. He seems to want to reschedule. I'm not really sure what to think of this, not sure what to do?

So I got a text from him today saying he's sorry about cancelling and he does want to see me. He asked if I would give him a second chance. He seems to want to reschedule. I'm not really sure what to think of this, not sure what to do?

I would give one more chance and no more texting until you meet -tell him "I look forward to meeting you and getting to know you in person. Please let me know on ___ that you're definitely available to meet and please let me know ASAP if you have to cancel."

i agree with Annia - and I would give him one more chance but would understand if you've had enough.

Be cautious though. He could be multi-dating which is why he put your off with a lame excuse last time. (Something or someone better came up). And if you asked him straight out, I doubt he would admit to it. (Not that you should ask by the way).

Just be cautious and go slow. Get to actually know him and see first if he is even worth it. The cold sore excuse really does seem like a red flag to me.

Don't get caught up in his words either. Words are just words and he could be a smooth talker. Watch his actions. So far, his actions have said that he is not interested and is messing around. Him also coming on so strong is something to question. Again, it's words but it could all be bs.

Just be a smart woman and don't get led along. Wait and see if this date actually pans out and how he behaves in person, that will tell you much more than texts will.

I am being really cautious because in my opinion he's coming on really strong. That's the first thing I noticed about him. It takes me a good while to get to know someone properly and get comfortable with them so I am being smart, I don't buy all this smooth talk. Why do guys come on really strong? It doesn't make sense to me, you can't be that into someone you never met. But thanks for the advice I'm just going to wait and see does this date ever happen then I can judge him properly in person.

And regarding the cold sore he said he was more conscious about it than anything else and he wanted to kiss me.

I don't really understand the point of building such an investment in someone you've never met. Contact for 3 or 4 weeks is fantasy building. I'd skip that.

I'd use an app to set up a bunch of 20 minute quick meets for coffee with local guys to check one another out. Rules are that neither can corner the other to ask for a real date on the spot, but either can contact the other afterward to ask for a date. If the answer is yes, the other responds, and if not, no response is necessary. That takes the squirmy rejection stuff off the table.

Most people are not our match. OLD requires a resilience to roll with that and allow bad matches to pass early. Strangers are irrelevant unless you meet them and learn whether there's any real chemistry. Until then, why invest when you can just set up other meets with other guys to see who's on the level and shows up?

Hi there. I acknowledge how you feel but he may be stringing you along and building up your hopes without there being any real foundation. There can't be any foundation if he's just texting you and has not met you. If you are online dating make it fun and go for the scatter gun approach. Message lots of people and see what happens without having any real expectations. Eventually you will hit it off with someone who has the right intentions. Good luck!

Hi, I agree with what you guys are saying. We were supposed to already meet by now but he cancelled it. I don't want to keep texting someone it gets old fast. But he just keeps wanting to text everyday. I said to him already I don't think we should text much until we meet because we will run out of things to talk about and his reply was I enjoy talking to you, I'll text you unless you stop replying but I'll keep annoying you. Odd response. I don't have investment in him, I'm contacting other guys and meeting them too.

I'm not stupid enough to believe most of what he's saying it's all smooth talk and not real until we meet. I know this, but I don't think he does. He says we'll get on fine because we get on well texting but i know it's totally different in person.

If you are (rightly) this dubious about him, I would not meet him and block him. You are not powerless in this situation.

Remember, nothing really matters with dudes online until you have met. Until then it's fantasy land.

Hi, I agree with what you guys are saying. We were supposed to already meet by now but he cancelled it. I don't want to keep texting someone it gets old fast. But he just keeps wanting to text everyday. I said to him already I don't think we should text much until we meet because we will run out of things to talk about and his reply was I enjoy talking to you, I'll text you unless you stop replying but I'll keep annoying you. Odd response. I don't have investment in him, I'm contacting other guys and meeting them too.

 

I'm not stupid enough to believe most of what he's saying it's all smooth talk and not real until we meet. I know this, but I don't think he does. He says we'll get on fine because we get on well texting but i know it's totally different in person.

He sounds like an obnoxious manipulator. I'd block him.