Not bad enough to go but not good enough to stay

I've been with my husband for 4 years, married since October last year. We have a 2 year old and a house together. Yes we've packed a crap load in over the 4 years and this may explain why I'm feeling this way. We both work full time and having a toddler makes things busy and stressful. My husband has been suffering from depression for the last 12+ months and everything is suffering because of it. Our sex life is non existent and yet we've been trying for a second baby for a year (we use a pot and syringe - don't ask!) but I can't get pregnant which maybe is a good thing. I know my husband loves me more than I love him. He is kind, sweet and caring but he doesn't excite me like new used to. He can't even hold a conversation with anyone but me and it's so awkward when we're with friends or family. Though I miss having sex, I never really enjoyed it with him anyway. I crave other men and I feel so awful about it. I long to crave my husband but I just can't. Hugging, kissing and holding his hand feels like a chore and I'd just rather not. He is on medication and seeking help but has only just started this and I am far too impatient to wait for positive results. I do know I'm probably still in love with a guy friend who ive had feelings for since I was 16. He is I another country though and about to get married so nothing is ever going to happen there but still, the way I feel about him isn't helping the situation. I really would like some suggestions of how to help my husband get through what he's going through and how to reignite my feelings for him. Thank you.

Well given that you exchanged vows to stick with each other through sickness and in health and have brought a child into this world, I'd suggest not taking shortcuts with free and amateur online advice. As far as how he can be helped with his depression, that's between him and his mental health professionals. Your role in that should be supportive but passive. I'd advise seeking professional help through marriage counseling if you genuinely do see yourself on the brink of leaving. There's a lot of gray and a "crap load" that's been "packed" which would preclude us from offering anything terribly substantial.

Also not sure you're trying to bring a second baby into this world while your husband suffers from depression and you an unhappy marriage.

If you are still in contact with the old friend, a good way to stop those thoughts is to cut him out like yesterday.

If your husband is on medication now, your best bet is to wait things out for a bit longer. Perhaps even attend couples counseling in addition to any solo therapy that he is doing. In the meantime, stop with the whole pot and syringe thing. Adding another child isn't going to make anything better; in fact, it could make things even worse.

You say that you "never enjoyed [sex] with him anyway". Is this never as in for the duration of your relationship, or since you married, or since you had your two year old? Babies can change things, yes, but it's not good to be lusting after other men for your entire relationship. Sexual compatibility is a huge part overall of a relationship's strength.

I cant begin to fathom why you want to have another kid with this guy. I dont even care about the usage of the pot and syringe, but what is your logic? You guys need to sort yourselves out as best you can with counselling and/or meds for him before you even consider another baby.

Please, please, whatever you do, do NOT have another child right now. You two need help, big time. Marriage counselling would be a good start.

I long to crave my husband but I just can't. Hugging, kissing and holding his hand feels like a chore and I'd just rather not.

This makes me think that it is well beyond bad enough to go. This is bad for you, but it's going to be worse for him. Crushing if he knows it outright, and if he doesn't, he still probably senses it. Speaking as the recipient of this lack of attraction, let him go.

"...we use a pot and syringe - don't ask!"

- You already know the answer to you questions.

You're here looking for culpable partners for your shattered logic/life.