LordRorek Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 My EX having a new boyfriend is old news to me. So I long ago worked through the feelings of being "replaced", how quickly she found someone else, etc etc. But I don't hate the guy or am I jealous of him at all. I honestly mostly feel sorry for him because he has no idea how messed up her family is, how miserable they are going to make him, and how she is so weak that she will just let them treat him like dirt. So I'm wondering if a lot fo you guys feel this way and is this a normal reaction to this situation? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 Maybe, you should stop obsessing and focus on your own life. Honestly, who cares! Move on! Link to comment
LordRorek Posted May 21, 2017 Author Share Posted May 21, 2017 Maybe, you should stop obsessing and focus on your own life. Honestly, who cares! Move on! Oh I am working on that as much as possible but I had a momentary relapse yesterday and that got me thinking about this. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 Don't! It's a waste of time, and nothing you can change. Focus on you Link to comment
WombatShadow Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 I mean, if you have a passing thought about it, that's not too big of a deal. I had similar instances when I "broke up" with my best friend in high school and watched her form new friendships; I wasn't focused on her by that point, but I did feel a pang of sadness when I realized that these new friends had no idea what they were getting into. Focusing on the new guy's problems, on the other hand, isn't particularly healthy. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 So I long ago worked through the feelings of being "replaced", how quickly she found someone else, etc etc. It's now time to work through the things you can't change, yet by the same token have the ability to change how you react. This is no longer your cross to bear. One day at a time... Link to comment
LordRorek Posted May 21, 2017 Author Share Posted May 21, 2017 I mean, if you have a passing thought about it, that's not too big of a deal. I had similar instances when I "broke up" with my best friend in high school and watched her form new friendships; I wasn't focused on her by that point, but I did feel a pang of sadness when I realized that these new friends had no idea what they were getting into. Focusing on the new guy's problems, on the other hand, isn't particularly healthy. Yeah that's kind of how it is I mean I am not focused on him or her. I try my best to think of him or her as little as possible. But when I do think about him I feel so sorry for him that I almost feel like writing him a warning letter. But then I remember that it's not my place to get involved nor should I be worried about or focus on thier relationship. She is his problem now and it's none of my business. I just hope he wises up faster than I did. Link to comment
Vicky89 Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 Yeah that's kind of how it is I mean I am not focused on him or her. I try my best to think of him or her as little as possible. But when I do think about him I feel so sorry for him that I almost feel like writing him a warning letter. But then I remember that it's not my place to get involved nor should I be worried about or focus on thier relationship. She is his problem now and it's none of my business. I just hope he wises up faster than I did. You say all that, but if she showed up butt naked in your bedroom, you would probably fall to your knees and thank your lucky stars she's back. If you didn't want her, you wouldn't even be thinking about how "unfortunate" her new boyfriend must be, anything involving her would be of no consequence to you, yet, its not and it bothers you. Cheers, here is to unrequited love. Link to comment
Brokenheartedm Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 I hear ya in a way but i agree who cares move on dont write warning letters youll look like a pathetic a$$. My exes family was messed up the mothwr was a widow and thered be times that i reminded her of her husband and a couple times she flipped out on me!! Calling me a lazy pos this and that i did everything for her! I did everything to make her daughter happy but wasnt good enough ever Link to comment
Dominique Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 I don't know if it's "normal". I will say this though.... If my ex husband started dating someone, I would feel very bad for her. He's abusive and he hasn't healed or gotten help. So he will probably abuse her too. I don't want to see anyone go through what I went through. But I can't do anything about that. She wouldn't be a friend to me and she wouldn't listen to me if I tried to warn her. It would all seem like I was jealous. At the end of the day, I would pray for all of them...that they be safe and treat each other well. That's all I could do. I wouldn't spend too much energy on it. Link to comment
LordRorek Posted May 21, 2017 Author Share Posted May 21, 2017 I don't know if it's "normal". I will say this though.... If my ex husband started dating someone, I would feel very bad for her. He's abusive and he hasn't healed or gotten help. So he will probably abuse her too. I don't want to see anyone go through what I went through. But I can't do anything about that. She wouldn't be a friend to me and she wouldn't listen to me if I tried to warn her. It would all seem like I was jealous. At the end of the day, I would pray for all of them...that they be safe and treat each other well. That's all I could do. I wouldn't spend too much energy on it. Yeah that's exactly how I feel and what I do. I just meant that sometimes I feel like warning him but I know he wouldn't listen to me therefore I don't even try. He is just going to have to learn on hia own. Link to comment
Dominique Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 Yeah that's exactly how I feel and what I do. I just meant that sometimes I feel like warning him but I know he wouldn't listen to me therefore I don't even try. He is just going to have to learn on hia own. I know exactly what you mean. I totally get it. Link to comment
Tomthumb88 Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 I'm thinking this is part of you not being fully over her.. it's ok that's this the case but it's probably better to be honest with yourself about it Link to comment
LordRorek Posted May 21, 2017 Author Share Posted May 21, 2017 I'm thinking this is part of you not being fully over her.. it's ok that's this the case but it's probably better to be honest with yourself about it Oh no I don't dispute that fact. I know that indifference is the goal and until I reach that goal I'm not fully healed yet. I don't want to be with her anymore and I have accepted that we aren't getting back together again. But that doesn't mean I don't still have issues that need to be worked on regarding her. Link to comment
LonelyJedi Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 I understand how you feel. There is nothing you can do other than block her & him out of your life, literally. Luckily for you, she took longer than my ex did. When you get another moment of weakness, talk to me. Let us help each other. Link to comment
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