Thoughts, Rants, and Musings

You are a lone star girl all the way back! You have the independence in your blood :)

 

Interesting that some of your ancestors were civil engineers. They say we inherit genes up to seven generations back, so your love for architecture is no surprise.

It really does get me thinking about nature vs. nurture.

So fascinating, Jib!

Work has been ok. Still stressful. I try to talk myself out of the stress, and sometimes it works. But most of the time, I want to punch Shannon and Jason in their throats. They just suck at managing.

Shannon tries to be nice, but that falls away fast when the stress builds up. And she'll throw you under the bus in a heartbeat. I have no idea why. It's not like she'll get fired for making a mistake. Sometimes I just want to say, "Face the music, you freaking coward. People will respect you more for it."

I get fed up with Jason a lot, too. Last week, he totally threw me under the bus for something I was not even involved with. I found out only because Shannon sent me a terse email which forwarded a response from Jason that read, "Jibralta was working on it, but I haven't heard from her in a while."

Both of those statements were complete B.S. Yes, I was working on a part of the project, but my part was a staircase and had nothing to do with the electrical plan in question. And Jason and I had just talked about that staircase two days before, so all that business about him not hearing from me was complete crap.

(side note: all of this happened via email because they were both out of the office)

I forwarded an email to both Shannon and Jason that proved that Jason had misrepresented the situation. Shannon then emailed back, basically asking Jason "What are you not understanding?" That at least made me somewhat happy.

When Jason got back into the office on Friday, I was pissed. But I didn't jump on him about it because I knew that would be a bad idea. I waited for him to broach the topic, and once we discussed the particulars of what needed to get done, I said, "I'm a little confused as to why you told Shannon that I had been working on the electrical plan."

I let Jason worm his way through that with seemingly plausible excuses and then I said, "But why did you say you hadn't heard from me in a while?" Jason tried to say that we hadn't discussed the staircase since last Friday, but I was able to prove that we'd discussed it as recently as Tuesday. He finally said something stupid like, "Well, that's just a few days difference." And I let it go because I have to work with the guy and there's no use grinding him into the dirt.

Five minutes later, life moved on and things were back to normal. Jason does try to make nice, and that's important. I just don't want to make it easy for him to run me over.

Lately, I've been waking up in the middle of the night, around midnight - 2AMish. I lie there for about an hour, trying to fall back to sleep. Then I finally reconcile myself to the fact that I am not getting back to sleep and I get up so that I don't bother Arnold.

I don't know if it's due to work stress, or if it's just a phase I'm going through. I do think of work a lot while its it happening.

Last night, it happened again. Then I looked over at him and I felt so happy and grateful. Yeah, I'm dealing with all of this stress, but I'm waking up next to him and I can snuggle right in.

When I come home at night, he takes care of me and gives me room to myself to relax.

Lots of times, we will sit on the couch together, not talking, just doing our own things next to each other.

Just recently, he's been encouraging me to have my own 'TV time' to myself. Not so much with words, but by not getting involved with the show. Letting it be mine.

I don't know if that makes sense. But I think it's very sweet and wise of him.

My dad died ten years ago today. I can't believe so much time has flown by. I tend to remember him on Valentine's Day, but it doesn't make it a sad day.

I literally came on the site to see if anyone else was thinking of a parent today. Today has me thinking of my folks, but it doesn't make it a sad day, I'm just remember the sweet things they did.

Wow!

Have both of your parents passed away?

I literally came on the site to see if anyone else was thinking of a parent today. Today has me thinking of my folks, but it doesn't make it a sad day, I'm just remember the sweet things they did.

interesting. . My parents have been on my mind more so in the last two days.

I'm at work and just got done chatting with coworker who's mother in law probably won't make it through the weekend.

I got a little emotional when he spoke of his family and everything they are currently going through.

My mom used to (loosely) believe in that old adage `pennies from heaven' She'd come across one and smile, saying it was Dad. Lately, every time I turn around, a penny is front of me. Today, coming to a satellite office to use a hoteling space. Front and center, in front of the monitors was a single penny to greet me this morning.

Happy Valentines, Ladies

Wow!

 

Have both of your parents passed away?

Yes, I was 14 when my dad passed away, it's been a few years now without mom.

I liked your story, reinvent. Happy Valentine's from me too.

Yes, I was 14 when my dad passed away, it's been a few years now without mom.

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm glad you have such fond memories of them.

Sweet story, Reinvent.

I hope you both had a Happy Valentine's Day :)

Up again at the midnight hour. Definitely work-related this time.

I worked the whole holiday weekend and will probably work again this weekend.

I have an unrealistic deadline. I know it's unrealistic and yet I feel compelled to try and make it.

Why?

It won't get me any recognition, just more work.

But I guess, in a way, that's what I want: more work. More experience. More learning--even if it's learning what not to do.

But it's so grueling and thankless.

My manager now is 1000x better than Catherine and Frank were. But she's still an assh*le 50% of the time.

The work is much more meaningful, much more valuable to my career path. But I don't know how much more of this I can take.

One day I feel intense stress. Then I relax and feel almost euphoric. Then I feel intense stress again.

I know there are less stressful places to work, but I don't think I can get the same experience in those places.

In this place, I am responsible for every aspect of each project, except for scheduling and budgeting. (I wish scheduling and budgeting were my responsibilities because I see a lot of room for improvement!!!)

If I go to another place, I will most likely be assigned one aspect of many projects. It would be less stressful and more repetitive. But I wouldn't learn as much.

Unfortunately, the way things are at this job, you learn as you go. There's literally no training. You are expected to know everything, which is completely ridiculous.

Unsurprisingly, there are mistakes everywhere.

In fact, when I first started in my department, my job was to fix all of the mistakes made by other people. They just threw projects at me and told me to handle whatever the issues were.

I think it's so stupid to hand off problem projects to someone who is brand new to your department. Unless you are looking to perpetuate the problems into infinity--if that's your goal, well done.

Problem projects should be handled by veteran members of the department who are familiar with the particulars. That way they are handled correctly, the mistakes can be learned from, and future mistakes can be avoided.

Here is where I go down the rabbit hole of W T F. This problem can be solved. But it's beyond my power to resolve it. Instead, I'm stuck in this cyclical eddy of stupidity. Voluntarily stuck!

Am I doing the right thing by staying here? I think so... 51% yes, 49% no.

It's very uncomfortable, I'll tell you that much.

I had a conversation with Shannon this morning. I told her that I didn't think I could meet next Friday's deadline.

She didn't hit the roof or anything, but she expressed concern that I wasn't performing up to snuff.

I wrote some notes out to myself after this conversation (as is my habit), but I left them at work. Here is what I remember off the bat:

I said, "If I'm not performing up to snuff, you should talk to Mark [the owner]."

She said, "I already have."

I said, "What was the outcome?"

She said, "I don't know yet. I'm still trying to figure that out."

I said, "Do you think that I am incapable of learning or understanding this work?

She said, "Not at all. Far from it."

I said, "What do you think is the problem?"

She said, "I think maybe you lack confidence. Or maybe you're just too thorough."

I said, "When you say 'lack confidence,' if you're referring to me asking questions, I don't think that asking a question shows a lack of confidence. In fact, it shows that I am not afraid to admit when I don't know something."

She agreed. I suspect she is aware of this nonsensical syllogism in the architecture world, where if you admit to being uncertain about something, you're somehow simultaneously admitting to being incompetent, or admitting to cowardice.

There is a lot of bad logic in this industry. Another instance is where people are more concerned with pointing out a perceived shortcoming than they are with actually providing answers and streamlining a process.

Many times, when I ask a question, the response is something flippant and thoughtless, like "look it up in the code," when I know they actually have the knowledge to give me the answer I need. And this statement is delivered with a tone that suggests I should have all 1200 pages of the book memorized. It's a form of deflection, and Jason and Shannon are very guilty of it.

I didn't say that to Shannon, though. Instead, I said. "As for being thorough, if I don't know something and can't get a quick answer from you or Jason, I have to put in time to figure it out. When I ask questions, I am trying to avoid spending that time. A quick answer can make a big difference."

She seemed to agree.

I continued, "I think you know how many extra hours I put into work."

She said she did. "But," she added, "No one else needs to put the extra hours in to meet their deadlines."

I said, "They've all been doing this for two years or more. This is actually my very first 'typical project' for this department."

She seemed dubious of that. I reminded her that with the exception of the retail shell building, I'd just been given bits and pieces of other peoples' projects to clean up. I told her that I felt like I often didn't get a lot of support.

I also reminded her that the retail shell building was completed on time. She conceded that all of this was true. But then she said that everyone else in the department had basically hit the ground running with their first 'typical project;' that they were all able to pull it off in two weeks.

I happen to know that this is not true. I talk to my department-mates (apparently unbeknownst to Shannon!) and their experiences were a lot like mine.

There are three other people in our department besides Shannon, Jason, and me, and they are all miserable! They each told me that they learned everything through repeated mistakes and subsequent reprimands. Two out of three of them expressed a desire to quit.

One poor girl (Sarah) made a huge mistake on her very first project that nearly got her fired. More recently, Sarah made a big mistake on a staircase drawing, which I recently fixed.

But Jason hid this from Mark (and possibly Shannon), instead blaming Pratima for the mistake. Pratima was fired months ago and no one but me could prove that Jason was lying. I only knew was lying because I'd spoken to Sarah about the error and took the time to explain to her how her drawing didn't make sense.

I didn't tell anyone that Jason was lying. What's the point?

I also didn't challenge Shannon on her claim that everything was crystal clear to everyone else. Again, what's the point? Instead, I just reaffirmed with her that she saw how hard I worked, and that she believed that I was completely capable of doing the job.

I agree that I can be faster, but as I explained to Shannon, I'm not going to be lightning fast the first time I do something. I said, "I don't want to cause a problem like there was with that Charlotte project that I had to clean up, where the county had 40 code comments for architecture alone."

Shannon said, "Well, that was because of the person who did that set."

I said, "Yeah. I don't want to be that person!!"

The conversation ended on a positive note. And for a little while, I felt better.

Jason came in a little later, and he and Shannon met. I knew they were scheduled to meet since yesterday, but after learning that Shannon had complained to Mark about me, I worried that they might be meeting with Mark about me!

So, I did what any rational human being would do and emailed the architect (Bill) I moonlighted for two years ago. Subject line: So.... Are you guys hiring?

I included a brief message about my frustrations at my current job, said that I was starting to put feelers out.

I'd reached out to him back in July when I was frustrated by my job, under the pretense of saying "Hi." I'd stopped short of inquiring after a job.

This time, I had no such qualms and hit "send" before I had time to think twice about it. Then I put it out of my mind and got some work done.

Shannon and Jason had not met with Mark after all. They came out from their meeting smiling and laughing. Jason came over to me and said, "Shannon tells me that you feel like you're not getting support on your current project. Can we meet?"

I agreed and we had a 30 minute meeting in which he pledged to help me with various things. I don't know how much 'support' I'm actually going to get, but I appreciated the gesture and felt slightly bad for contacting Bill for a job.

I checked my email around noon and Bill had responded. He said that if I could hang on a bit longer, he could probably make me an offer. He asked what I was looking for in terms of salary and benefits. The email had an enthusiastic tone and he sent it only 6 minutes after I'd sent mine.

I am now feeling a lot more amenable to changing jobs. Obviously, I am still having trouble sleeping, still stressed by work, but alternate futures are starting to take form in my mind. Time to dust off and update my resume. I wish I'd remembered to print out my project list before I left work today (yesterday).

I had facet injections this morning, so I have the day off from work. I've been processing my work situation all morning, and it made me particularly grumpy on the way to my appointment.

I'm mostly aggravated by the way that Shannon went directly to Mark with her complaint about me without ever first coming to me. It shows such a lack of respect.

On the other hand, I don't take it personally. I can't. I don't think it has anything to do with me, not really..... Although, I do admit that I am not 100% certain about that.

There's a part of me that worries that it has everything to do with me, that I really do come up short as compared to others, and that to think otherwise is simply wishful thinking.

I question myself about it. I feel that it's my responsibility to hold myself to a standard and be accountable. I heartily fear the complacency of arrogance and conceit. I see it as a long term career-killer.

That being said, I believe in my heart of hearts that this sorry state of affairs is the result of a leadership failure.

A good manager can take any intelligent, willing employee and make something out of them. A bad manager will simply pass the blame.

And that's what happens in this place: blame-shifting. It's absolutely pervasive.

All day, I hear Shannon complaining and insulting people.

She badmouths coworkers behind their backs.

When she gets off the phone with clients, contractors, code officials --anyone-- it's almost always followed by some derogatory statement, like, "What an idiot." or "Why are people so stupid?"

Like Frank, when something doesn't go as planned, Shannon's first concern is, "What am I supposed to tell Mark?"

She's in constant self-preservation mode.

I don't understand why. Mark will never fire her. Despite her poor management skills, she's actually quite talented and intelligent. She is truly a great asset in some ways.

I think she's operating from a place of irrational fear. But I don't think she is the kind of coward that Frank is. I think there's a chance that she will grow out of it. But I will be long gone by then.

I'm sorry it's worked out this way because do I respect her intelligence and capability. But I don't respect her management style, which is abysmal. What a disappointment.

It's such a weird thing to be disappointed by someone else's failure to attain what you think they're capable of. I think she can be so much more, and I feel so bad that she isn't.

Why??

I'm going to be fine, and she's going to be fine. The business will limp along as usual, I'm sure.

Maybe it's a form of mourning. Not a for a physical death, but perhaps for the death of a potential at a certain point in time? What could have been. Something that would have been nice to see.

I wish I could say all of this to her, but I know that she is totally shut off to it. Better left unsaid.

Anyway, I think back to that email I wrote to her a couple months ago. I'm glad that I sent it to Shannon and not to Mark. I think that was the right thing to do.

If I had sent that email to Mark and gone over her head, I would not feel the same clarity that I do now about Shannon's recent actions.

Yesterday, I wrote a big long email to Mark, detailing my frustrations and concerns. I felt a lot better after I did that. I am so fed up with Shannon and Jason and their bullsh*t unfairness. I tried to play fair and they have no respect for that.

Well, I have no respect for them. I will gleefully throw my monkey wrench in their corrupt machinery, even if it means my demise.

When I got home last night, I realized that the best possible outcomes here would be for Mark to denounce my input and send me packing. That would free me up to look for a new job while collecting unemployment.

The second best thing would be for Mark to acknowledge that I am right, but effectively do nothing to improve it. Then, I wouldn't feel bad about leaving when I do.

Ironically, the worst thing would be for Mark to take everything I said to heart, declare me absolutely correct, and commit himself to really improving things for me. If that happened, I would have a lot of anxiety because I am resolved in my decision to leave, and I would feel bad for leading him on in a way.

But too bad, too sad.

I slept like a rock last night. This morning, I watched the rest of last night's movie with Arnold, then I prepared to come into the office. I paced around the apartment, unable to commit to leaving. It was anxiety, but the good kind. The pumped-up adrenaline kind. I feel like I'm back in the fight, no matter how this goes.

My heart was leaping and pounding as I pulled into the parking lot. And now I'm here, writing this. I still haven't checked my work email. I'm savoring the suspense.

His response was terse. Something like, "We will talk tomorrow morning." Meaning this morning.

I decided to clean out my desk instead of work on my project. I figured I needed to do it either way. Best to do it without the whole office watching!

Paul came in the office as I was in process. I assumed he'd been sent a copy of the letter I wrote to Mark.

When I wrote my complaint against Frank and Catherine a year and a half ago, Paul had obviously been given a copy. I know this because he came up to me and told me that he agreed with everything I said!

I didn't know if he would think anything about me cleaning out my desk. I do it from time to time when I am there on the weekends.

I felt a bit paranoid, and wondered if he would avoid me because he knew that I was getting fired and felt awkward about my demise. I couldn't tell if he was behaving differently or not. My situation was making me project my fears.

Joe the structural engineer came in towards the end of the morning. He saw the boxes around my desk and was like, "What the hell are you doing?"

I said, "I wrote a letter...." and gave him a quick breakdown of the situation.

As I was talking, Robert, one of the owners, came in.

I semi-panicked because Robert most likely did know about my letter, and I didn't really want him to see me moving out!

But Robert didn't seem to take too much note of what was going on beyond where Joe stood. He went right to his office.

Joe went to his desk and Robert came back out and asked me if I knew Excel. I was like, "Hell yeah."

He asked me to help him with a printing issue, but the issue seemed to have resolved itself by the time I got there. That was weird.

Soon after that, he left. On his way out the door, he made some mild complaint about doing a life cycle cost analysis for a bunch of boilers and we got to talking about different types of analysis. I told him about the flood modelling that I had done. He told me that he'd worked on a lot of the same regional projects that I'd worked on.

Robert generally doesn't talk much, so I wonder if I might be getting transferred to his department. That wouldn't be the worst thing. He's supposed to be a huge pain in the ass, and most of his project managers quit. But I've had to interact with him a few times and he seems pretty knowledgeable.

Might as well round out my experience at this place by working for every single department, right? lol.

Well, let's not get too ahead of ourselves here....

It took me a couple hours to get my desk to a place where I could pretty much grab my last few things and leave, should I be fired. Then I balanced my checkbook and did my taxes. One thing I will miss about this place is being able to come into the office to do little tasks like that.

Before I left, I stopped at Peter's office and asked him if he was aware that I'd sent a letter to Mark. He wasn't aware. But he did know that Shannon had written a letter to Mark about me.

I said, "Oh, it was an actual 'in-writing' letter? I thought it was just a conversation."

He said, "Yeah, it was an actual 'in-your-HR-file' letter."

I was like, Wow.

I gave Paul a rundown of the situation, and he said, "When you talk to Mark, tell him everything you just told me."

I said, "I get the impression that Mark just gets angry and tunes things out. I honestly don't know what to say. I think he's just going to get pissed off."

Paul said, "You have to give him your opinion on the matter." He also said that Shannon's a lazy b*tch and that all she wants to do is space plans all day and not solve problems.

lol

Anyway, it's about 6AM here and I guess I'll be meeting with Mark soon.

I slept pretty well last night, even though my anxiety level was higher than it had been the night before.

Even though I am half checked-out, I still want to finish my project on time, and I want to do it well. Most of all, I want to do it well. Isn't that bizarre?

I wish that I'd had the time to work on it this weekend, but I had a me-first imperative. I had to do some internal housekeeping.

I'm excited and anxious to see what they day brings :)

I realized that the best possible outcomes here would be for Mark to denounce my input and send me packing. That would free me up to look for a new job while collecting unemployment.

 

The second best thing would be for Mark to acknowledge that I am right, but effectively do nothing to improve it. Then, I wouldn't feel bad about leaving when I do.

 

Ironically, the worst thing would be for Mark to take everything I said to heart, declare me absolutely correct, and commit himself to really improving things for me. If that happened, I would have a lot of anxiety because I am resolved in my decision to leave, and I would feel bad for leading him on in a way.

I didn't get fired, and nothing really happened.

Mark didn't acknowledge that I was right. So, the outcome is actually almost good. Long-term good, of course. Short-term hellish and extremely aggravating.

I've avoided judging Mark too much on here because I didn't want to pollute my own outlook. But he is a stupid boobie-starer.

Stupid, because he doesn't think for himself. Once he gets something in his mind, that's it. It's like talking to a wall.

A boobie-starer, because, well, he stares at boobies.

He stares at my boobies right in front of my face, like I don't have eyes. And that's another form of stupidity, by the way.

I called Mark a boobie-starer to Arnold yesterday. Then I went on about how the discussion I had with Mark was crushing my heart in my chest.

Arnold said, "And he was looking right at it because he's a boobie-starer."

That made me laugh.

Mark didn't actually stare at my chest at all during yesterday's discussion. It was actually somewhat pleasant. But it was ultimately frustrating because nothing was resolved.

He has no specific example of what is wrong. He just listens to Shannon, who also doesn't provide examples.

How can I address a problem if I don't have any idea of what the problem is?

I knew the source of this company's dysfunction started at the top. But I held out hope that the company was trying to change.

Looking back at all the things I've written about this place over the last two years, I see the reality. I see the deep, deep denial.

It now makes sense that Mark would have an idiot like Frank running things.

Shannon is not an idiot, but she is just as much of a manipulator/ yes-man as Frank is. In fact, she is scary-good. Someone actually referred to her as a 'demon' yesterday, when I told them what was happening.

I've been speaking pretty openly at work about what is happening. No one is surprised. They've seen it all before. Shannon is well known for this sort of move. Everybody knows that she is the neck that turns Mark's head.

Everyone but Mark, of course.

Yesterday morning, after my meeting with Mark, Ivan wrote an email to me, Mark, and Shannon:

Jibralta: Mark brought me up to speed. When you experience lack of direction please see me and I will provide the guidance that should help. Shannon, I’m not stepping on your toes. Perhaps your impatience has surpassed mine. :)

I've never seen Ivan use a smiley before.

Interestingly, Ivan recently held a mandatory, office-wide QC meeting. He exclusively used the errors that came out of Shannon's department as examples. Shannon was not too happy about that. lol.

All the same, I probably won't go to him for guidance. He gets derailed too easily and I have deadlines!!

The last two days have been a bit of a daze. It's tough to concentrate when things seem so uncertain. That project deadline is still looming, and due to all of this distraction, I'll now have even less done than originally planned. That's not going to help my case! lol.

I care, and I don't care. I'm going in super-early (again) today so that I can get a jump on things. But I know it's a losing battle. Well, the job is a losing battle, but not my career.

I'm doing the project for my career. That's why I still care about it.

I am stressed out, but I am sleeping better.

I finally spoke with a financial adviser last Friday. In terms of savings and retirement, I am doing great. I also have enough savings to float myself for at least six months, should I somehow get stuck without an income.

It's nice to have a financial adviser. Last year, I considered having my accountant manage my savings and his response really turned me off. It was a combination of hard-sell and mysticism. I don't like that. I want people to help me understand things, not make them more confusing.

So, I thought about it for a year and finally decided to go with a regular financial institution. I'm glad I did. The guy actually answers my questions!

I slept pretty good again last night.

Yesterday morning was crazy. My coworker, Paula, copied me into an email for one of Frank's projects. Naturally, I assumed that I was being transferred back to him.

At first, I had a philosophical outlook about it. But within an hour or so, my mood changed and I started to get stir crazy. I remembered all of the aggravation he caused me and felt a desperate need to escape.

I texted Arnold and asked him to email me my letter of resignation (he was home for the day). I'd drafted the letter last Friday.

I was actually hell-bent on walking out of the office right then and there.

But some rational part of my brain implemented an emergency plan and I texted my mom my intention. Then I got up from my desk like an automaton, and walked to Paul's office. I shut the door and b*tched to him about my state of mind.

He was sympathetic. He called Shannon a b*tch and Frank a piece of sh*t. He strongly advised against me quitting abruptly. He also said I was still in Shannon's department, and not Frank's.

I went back to my desk feeling better.

A little later, Paula told me that she'd copied me into that email accidentally. I was like, "I almost quit because of you!!!" She hates Frank, too, and she knows what is going on with me and Shannon. But she was still surprised.

It was a lively walk later in the day, as I related the whole experience to her, Lisa, and Alice.

Something's occurred to me, actually. I wonder if Frank has had a hand in this debacle. This whole situation with Shannon happened so abruptly, almost like someone flipped a switch.

Yes, I was busy and overloaded. But everything was fine. And then boom. There was a problem.

I remember back to when Lisa and I first started walking with Alice and Paula during lunch, and how Frank randomly showed up. He's so sneaky and filled with intrigue that I figured he'd view our friendship as some sort of threat. I mean, you should see the way he rallies when he thinks a social "in" can be exploited. He's always trying to start a coup so that he can ride the crest of it.

These last few weeks, Frank has been wandering into Shannon's department more and more, flirting with Shannon and Jason. I've actually remarked on it to myself in my work-journal (yes, I keep notes on things like that, much like the character of Joseph in Amelie).

When I first moved to their department, Frank stayed well away.

It could just be coincidence, but the more I think about it, the more I doubt that it is.

Well, I'm up at midnight again.

Yesterday was rough. No particular reason. I think my feelings are going to be fluctuating a lot for the remainder of my time here.

I haven't had any follow up with Mark or Shannon. Mark suggested that the three of us meet, but it seems he is going to drop the ball on that, which (unfortunately) is fine with me.

I said to Damien (the print guy) yesterday, "Working here feels like an abusive relationship. Everything is going great, and then he loses his mind and hits you. And then he pretends like it's your fault that this happened. And you're supposed to be ok with that because if you're not, then you don't deserve him."

Damien agreed and told me that he had a similar experience during his second year here (he's worked here for about 20 years). His experience was very ugly--a near-physical altercation with Ivan.

I guess that's what you have to do in this place to get some respect: kick the sh*t out of someone.

But this is only a part-time job for Damien. He makes his own hours. So, things are different for him.

I am supposed to go to a site visit tomorrow with my coworkers. No work needs to be done; the bosses just want us to see one of these buildings under construction. The site is an hour and a half away and honestly, I'd rather focus on getting my project done.

I told my coworkers I wasn't going to go. Jason overheard. A couple hours later, Shannon said, "So everyone is going to the site visit tomorrow, right?" I suspected that this seemingly innocent question was the result of Jason telling Shannon that I wasn't going and that she was preparing for attack.

It so happened that I was walking away as she asked the question, so I pretended not to hear it.

I had a dilemma on my hands because I was leaving for the day in 15 minutes. I needed to go back to my desk to shut my computer down and grab my stuff. But Shannon sits right behind me, and was probably waiting to confront me.

I grabbed Damien and asked him to run interference for me with Shannon so that I could make my escape. He was more than happy to oblige That little operation was the highlight of my day.

And it just goes to show how stupid it for a manger to be an abusive jerk: Everybody will just team up on you behind your back.

I can relate to your work experiences on so many levels, Jibralta.

Don't get me wrong. I've had some amazing managers and I sing their praises. But the bad were oh so bad. What I noticed though is that my best managers loved their jobs, where the worst managers absolutely detested their positions.

Are you applying for other jobs at the moment? Will be interesting when you hear from that Bill you worked for previously and whether or not their job offer is something that appeals to you.

I think it's safe to say that I was pretty naïve when I first entered the workforce after my schooling. At first I for whatever reason assumed that my employer would always have my back, but man, did they prove me otherwise. It's like being in a one-sided relationship. All give, with nowhere near the same level of reciprocity. The things I've seen, heard....ugh. But being that they're the employer, they basically always have the upper-hand. We're kind of at their mercy; unless of course we're independently wealthy and have no worries about losing our jobs and income. I'm definitely looking out for myself more nowadays.

I know your end goal is to one day work for yourself, though, so good on you!

. But he is a stupid boobie-starer.

 

Stupid, because he doesn't think for himself. Once he gets something in his mind, that's it. It's like talking to a wall.

 

A boobie-starer, because, well, he stares at boobies.

 

He stares at my boobies right in front of my face, like I don't have eyes. And that's another form of stupidity, by the way.

 

I called Mark a boobie-starer to Arnold yesterday. Then I went on about how the discussion I had with Mark was crushing my heart in my chest.

 

Arnold said, "And he was looking right at it because he's a boobie-starer."

 

That made me laugh.

 

Mark didn't actually stare at my chest at all during yesterday's discussion.

I am sorry you are having such a rough time at work. I seriously don't know how you done this. . or versions of this for as long as you have.

Not to make light of your discomfort but I had to include the above because it made me laugh :) At least they can't take your sense of humor.

I was laughing at this too, reinvent! So funny.

Sounds like a Seinfeld episode. Lol

I'm glad you guys found that funny. I have to find ways to laugh or I'll go crazy. I'm sure I'll laugh about this whole experience a lot more once it's over.

I snuck out of work 15 minutes early today

Well, I can actually leave whenever I want, but I wanted to leave unnoticed so I left early and stealthily and with a big smile on my face. Maybe they'll fire me

The deadline for my project is today. I don't want to send out what I have, because it's not ready. If there was ever a week where my work was not up to par, this is that week.

I don't want to have to argue that with Shannon, or anyone. I'll just put in time over the weekend. It still won't get done, but it will be better.

Shannon was weirdly nice today. She didn't ask me about the project at all

When she came in and saw me at my desk this morning, she said, "Oh, I thought you were going with everyone else to the site visit. Why didn't you go? I think it would have been good for you. You would get to see the staircase you designed."

She was speaking so sweetly you'd think I was her favorite employee.

I said, "I wanted to stay and put in time on this project. It's no where near where I wanted it to be. I just couldn't concentrate this week."

She let it go at that. She didn't ask any questions about how much I had done, or if it would be ready. I think that stressed me out even more than it would have if she had jumped down my throat. It was a total mindf*ck.

There was some levity in our department today, maybe because it was Friday. I felt slightly better, too. But mainly I just wanted the earth to open up and swallow me whole.

My coworker, Joe, plans to quit as well. He may actually put in his notice on Monday. That'll be a disaster!