Thoughts, Rants, and Musings

Thanks :)

I was actually working remotely yesterday and today, so tomorrow will be my first day back in the office. I feel that somehow puts some distance between me and anything I may have done wrong at the party!

I just read a post where someone with a FWB relationship said, "It was just casual so No Contact doesn't apply." Like there's a rule book or a user manual.

I saw another post on here where someone was asking how No Contact helps you win back an ex--like there's an internal mechanism inside of No Contact that triggers an involuntary reaction in those who aren't contacted.

There's something really funny about all of this. I can't quite put my finger on what it is.

I heard this on the way to Crossfit this morning. I really liked it. Lyrics are cool, too.

The Joke

Brandi Carlile

You're feeling nervous, aren't you, boy?

With your quiet voice

and impeccable style

Don't ever let them steal your joy

And your gentle ways

to keep 'em from running wild

They can kick dirt in your face

Dress you down, and tell you that your place

Is in the middle, when they hate the way you shine

I see you tugging on your shirt

Trying to hide inside of it

and hide how much it hurts

Let 'em live while they can

Let 'em spin, let 'em scatter in the wind

I have been to the movies, I've seen how it ends

And the joke's on them

You get discouraged, don't you, girl?

It's your brother's world

for a while longer

We gotta dance with the devil on a river

To beat the stream

Call it living the dream, call it kicking the ladder

They come to kick dirt in your face

To call you weak and then displace you

After carrying your baby on your back across the desert

I saw your eyes behind your hair

And you're looking tired,

but you don't look scared

Let 'em live while they can

Let 'em spin, let 'em scatter in the wind

I have been to the movies, I've seen how it ends

And the joke's on them

Let 'em live while they can

Let 'em spin, let 'em scatter in the wind

I have been to the movies, I've seen how it ends

And the joke's on them

When I first heard I was going to be working with Frank again, I marched into Ivan's office and said, "Is it permanent?"

He said, "Well, nothing is permanent. I'm slow on work; he says he's very busy. So, it makes sense that you work for him. Do you have an issue working for him?"

I said, "Listen, I like Frank." I realized as I spoke the words that they were true. I continued: "But he thinks I'm an imbecile. He'll never give me challenging work because he thinks I'm incapable."

Ivan said, "I know you had that one... unfortunate project. But no one feels that was your fault."

I said, "Well, that's a whole nother thing. I really don't have a lot of confidence in Frank after that whole mess. I'm trying to develop in this career, and I have to make sure I'm always learning. I can't do that if Frank's constantly hovering over me like a mother hen. I can't be spoon fed like that. I need to be challenged. "

Ivan said, "Well, that's just how he is. You can't really take it personally."

I said, "Well, I'm gonna kill him. I don't want to kill him."

Yes, I really said that. And yet the conversation ended pretty well. Ivan told me to let him know if anything really unbearable started to happen. And for the first week or so, I caught him hovering nearby when I talked to Frank or other project team members. He even blatantly leaned in once when Frank was giving me instructions.

So, I do appreciate that.

Also, on Friday, Ivan made a big deal right in front of Frank over a couple of drawings that I did. Right under his nose, in fact. This was particularly good because it was something that I knew Frank was itching to criticize me on.

The thing with Frank is, he's very insecure and uses the smallest error as an opportunity to showcase how I suck and he is awesome.

God, I'm opening a can of worms here. There's so much about 'Frank as a boss' that is bad. I could go on and on....

But I won't. Back to the story:

Since I knew Frank was looking for his window into superiority, I spent hours on these drawings outside of work. I didn't want to give him the slightest opening to make his criticism.

The funny thing is, Ivan saw them and complimented them before Frank even knew they existed. So, any negative comment that Frank could have made was effectively negated by Ivan's approval

Anyway, working for Frank has been frustrating, but not completely horrible.

Oh, and yet another of my projects got placed on HOLD. What the heck?

When I was in college, I often worked as a temp during the break between semesters. One year, when I was about 20, I worked for my mom's friend's temp agency. They employed people from Newark and Elizabeth, mostly immigrants who spoke very little English and a couple people out of halfway houses. It was a totally different demographic than I was used to. As a result, I have a lot of interesting and enjoyable memories from that summer.

I was still a kid, very introverted, suspicious of adults, slightly impressionable, pretty self confident, and very non-committal. Being a young woman, I received a lot of unwelcome male attention. Being non-committal, I barely welcomed attention from the guy that I did actually like.

Among the people that I worked with during this particular summer was a guy named Johnny. He was a lot older than me, but I don't remember how old. At 20 years of age, even 25 seems old. He had a girlfriend who looked even younger than I was. But she stopped showing up for work soon after I started.

Johnny was handsome, outgoing, and funny. He was bilingual and helped everyone in the group get along by translating between us. His gregarious nature chipped away at my steely demeanor. I was attracted to him, but I was also repelled at the same time.

I felt that way about most guys I dated in my teens and early 20s. I liked them, but I also felt overwhelmed and I often felt an almost desperate need to escape. Sort of like the cat in the Pepe LePew cartoon.

....A lot like that, actually!

Anyway, in the beginning of the summer, we worked at a Six Flags theme park. One day, Johnny and I decided to stay after work to go on the rides. One of the rides we went on was called the Log Flume. At a certain point on the ride, there was a camera that took your picture. You could buy a copy of this picture when the ride was over.

Johnny wanted a picture. I did not. I was actually infuriated and horrified by the idea of him buying a picture of the two of us. I didn't even know if I liked him or not, and I felt totally pressured. I told him "No." But he wouldn't hear it.

When we approached the camera, he was like, "Get ready for the picture!" So, I lowered my head, crossed my forearms in front of it and flipped the camera off with both hands. I felt very satisfied with myself after that.

When we got off the ride, we inevitably went to the kiosk where the stupid pictures were exhibited and sold. To my great relief, my middle fingers were displayed prominently across my face and obscuring it, thus neutralizing Johnny's desire to buy the picture.

But alas, there was some unforeseen collateral damage: It didn't occur to me that the people in the seats behind us would want a copy of the picture! It was a father and a young son, and there I was in front of them, middle fingers blazing!

My elation was subdued when I recognized the father standing next to me. I apologized to him. And actually, he didn't really care! He bought the picture anyway... but Johnny did not ;)

I met my little nephew on Christmas Eve. He is so tiny and cute. And quiet! He barely fusses at all. It's impossible not to love him.

My sister had a difficult delivery, but is recovering well. She seems totally prepared for the task of motherhood.... so far!

I spent Christmas with my sister, my mom, and my step father. It was not a disaster--but then again, we only stayed for three days!

An interesting illustration of our different humor-styles and reasoning-patterns occurred as we all sat around the Christmas tree opening cards. My mom is big on cards. So is my sister. I am sort of indifferent to cards. Actually, I think they are a pain in the ass. But I make sure to give them because I am expected to. And, I admit, it is nice to receive a card from someone.

Anyway, it was Christmas. My nephew was born a week before. We were all sitting around the tree opening cards. My sister said to my boyfriend and me, "I apologize for the genericness of your cards. Due to 'unforeseen circumstances,' I was not able to get out and shop the way I'd hoped." She said "unforeseen circumstances" with a bit of tongue in cheek irony since we all knew she'd just delivered a baby.

Before I go any further, I should tell you that I couldn't give less of a sh*t about the card she gave us. There was nothing wrong with it, but also there's just no way I'd ever be offended by a greeting card. Another thing: my sister is generally a bit uptight, but she is actually a very funny person sometimes. Like, she can really hit the nail on the head about some things.

In this case, I felt that "unforeseen circumstances" was an obviously absurd overstatement and there was no way that I could take it seriously. We all knew Christmas was coming. It comes every year. We all knew she pregnant. We all knew months in advance that she was going to be induced a week before she was due. We even knew that the C-section could be a possibility. And we knew that she was wandering through stores on the day before she delivered, so that she could get one last 'hurrah' as a solo, baby-free shopper. So, the supposed 'genericness' of the card could not have resulted from 'unforeseen circumstances.'

How could I not bust her balls over this ridiculous joke?

So, without really thinking about it, I said, "Unforeseen circumstances...?"

My sister snapped, "Yes, I delivered a baby....?! I had an unscheduled C-section...?!"

I had rebuttals to all of those 'questions,' but I censored myself. She was obviously not feeling very jovial.

Later, during brunch, my sister talked about how lucky she was that she went into the hospital when she did. She said that when she went in, the maternity ward was pretty much empty. But when she was leaving, it was full. Plus, her doctor was completely overwhelmed by the amount of inducements that had turned into C-sections.

Because of my sister's arduous delivery experience, I did not feel a lot of affection towards this doctor. My mom and my sister sang his praises, but I had my doubts. Now, upon hearing that many more of his inductions had gone to C-section, I felt anger towards him. I said, "Wow, it sounds like this doctor has a real pattern!" My sister leapt to his defense: "Oh, no! Everyone knows that a high percentage of inducements become C-sections!"

So, two things:

1) My sister as over-protector (nothing new), and

2) (going back to my ball-busting!!!) If you knew there was a high percentage of C-sections, then I guess it really wasn't an unforeseen circumstance! (Of course I didn't say this, but I thought it!)

Happy New Year, Jib!

Catching up on your journal. So sorry you're having to work with Frank again. But I like how you have handled things with your new boss - and how he has supported you.

Congrats on your new nephew!

As far as your sister, just go with the flow. Her hormones are going to be wacky for a while yet. She had a c-section, so that is history now. Can't go back and change that. And apparently she and your mom like the doctor enough to stick up for him...

Congrats on your new nephew!

Thank you!

As far as your sister, just go with the flow. Her hormones are going to be wacky for a while yet. She had a c-section, so that is history now. Can't go back and change that. And apparently she and your mom like the doctor enough to stick up for him...

Yes, I know all of that. But they are so uptight sometimes that it's oppressive!

Today was my first day back at work after almost a week and a half's vacation. I practically forgot what I was working on before I left. I was annoyed when I saw an email from Frank to our client, promising elevations by the end of today. How did he expect me to get that done in a day?

I looked through the project folder and saw that nothing had been updated since Friday, the 21st. That was fine with me. When I opened the drawing, I saw that I had already completed most of the elevations and only some minor tweaking needed to be done. So, I was less annoyed with Frank. I was also relieved because I was able to get working without having to interact with him.

I finished the elevations around 130pm and left them on Frank's desk. When he returned from lunch, he came to my desk and said, "I saw you left the elevations on my desk, and we're probably going to use those. But I'm sorry, I should have told you this: I outsourced the job to another firm while you were away. And I had Felicia do the layouts, so that's all done. And the guy from the other firm is doing a good job, so I'm going to leave it with him and you can tie it all together when all the elements are done. Oh, and I gave your other job to Johnny...."

I had to interrupt him here because he was getting into random, irrelevant details about the work that Johnny and Felicia were doing. I said, "That's fine. What would you like me to work on."

He said, "Well, that's why I'm rambling on like this. I'm trying to figure that out. I'll tell you what. I'll go talk to some other groups and see if they have any work for you. I'm sorry, I just forgot about you."

Ugh! I was totally aggravated.

Anyway, I held my breath and prayed he wouldn't go to Catherine. And he didn't. After maybe 15 minutes or so, he came back and said, "I think I have something for you. But I want to wait for Ivan to come back from vacation before I get ahead of myself. Why don't you come to my office and we'll chat."

Frank told me that he was trying to find a more permanent situation for me, one in which I would be happy. He said that he felt I was doing a lot of little jobs, and that I would prefer bigger jobs. He said that he felt that most of Ivan's work consisted of little jobs, and that people who worked with Ivan tended to be more like Ivan's caretakers than anything else. He said that there were a couple of groups that wanted to pull me in. Then he laid on the flattery pretty thick. He's good like that.

But the bottom line is, he wants to make me a part of one group in particular. He asked if I was open to working for them. I said that I was. I'm no idiot. This group is run by a woman who is one of the best architects in the firm. She knows her stuff and I would definitely benefit from working for her.

Then Frank said, "Well, I have to talk to them and a couple other people. Make sure everyone's ok with it." I was thinking, didn't you just say that they were one of the groups that wanted to pull me in? Were you just blowing smoke up my ass with that whole thing? Probably.

I said, "Ok."

Then Frank said, "And I can't figure out what's going on with Ivan. Do you have any jobs with him or not? He didn't give me a clear answer on that." I told Frank that I had two jobs with Ivan which were currently on hold.

The whole thing was confusing but not necessarily bad. I'm interested to see what happens next.

In the meantime, I'm helping him with some scheduling. Well, he calls it scheduling, but it's not really scheduling. It seems like everything he does is a half-measure. He wants me to schedule the project, but he doesn't want me to talk to any of the other disciplines about how long their tasks will take. And if I do talk to them, he wants to be present (because apparently I can't be trusted to do the task he assigned to me lol). It took like 10 minutes to draw out from him what he meant by "scheduling." Scheduling is really the least of the tasks. The whole project needs to be organized.

Frank is frustrating, but I still think he is probably a good dude.

Looks like I'm back working with Ivan for a couple of projects. Which is fine with me. I don't know what is going on with the group that Frank wanted to make me a part of. I'm guessing he talked to the people he needed to talk to. Maybe the move wasn't approved.

That's ok with me, too. I woke up yesterday morning feeling a sense of dread for expressing interest in that position. Frank proposed it to me as a more "permanent situation." But that group does the same thing over and over again. Do I really want to be with them permanently? I don't know if that would be a good move.

As the morning wore on, I talked myself back into it somewhat. There are good points and bad points, as with any situation. I think the good could outweigh the bad. I just don't know, though. I guess the trick is to make the best of whatever situation I end up in.

Today I finished up the "scheduling" task--the one that didn't involve any actual scheduling. I think Frank has a bin in his brain for anything that isn't design. It all gets mixed together in there, and he labels it with whatever word comes to mind when he starts talking. The 'scheduling' task that I completed today was actually coordinating existing project information with a design and scope revision.

I delivered Frank some bad news about the status of the new Revit Model. I organized this information carefully, and I'm pretty sure it's correct. But he said, "I just can't believe that xyz person would do something like this. Maybe we should ask someone with a little more Revit experience than you to help out. Maybe Kasey or Johnny."

Kasey could probably help, but Johnny's an idiot. I think Johnny is Frank's pet project, actually. And I suspect Johnny is the one who caused the problem we were facing.

Anyway, it's really annoying to me when an uninformed person makes snap judgments. But there's nothing I can do about it. I said, "I have a lot of Revit experience."

Frank actually reached out, as if to soothe me: "I know you do..."

I was like, "Listen, definitely get a second opinion. Definitely do that." And we left it at that. I went back to my desk and double checked a few things, just to be certain--it's jarring to be doubted like that. I'm not used to it.... But unfortunately for Frank, it looks like there's no way around this extra work unless someone finds a third model where the stuff hasn't been deleted.

I get the feeling that Frank would be my cheerleader if I let him. But for that to happen, I'd have to contort myself into a minion and let him do all of my thinking for me. I just can't do that. There's no appeal to me in being cheered along for conforming to another person's ideals. I have my own ideas that I want to explore. I'd rather work for an unrelenting (but hands-off) task master than for someone who seeks validation through having others march in lockstep to his vision.

I started to respond to this on the thread it was posted on, but it got too off-topic.

No but I love Alain De Boton even though I haven't read him in years, and honestly, when I read Pride and Prejudice and Jane Eyre this past year (I am not sure if I read them in high school/college -probably at least one of them) I found the way it made me think, the insights (especially Jane Eyre) were really valuable. I practice a lot of self-help techniques and if I had more time I'd probably read one or two of them. I also like Martha Beck's column in Oprah's mag and would buy one of her books if I had that kind of time. And when Dr. Joy Browne was alive I used to listen to her show regularly. Hope that helps!

Jane Austin and Charlotte Bronte were both extremely insightful, though at opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of setting and theme. The language has changed a lot since their books were written, so it can be a challenge to extract their insights. But I think it's well worth the effort.

Margaret Mitchell was another outstanding author. Unfortunately most people associate her book, Gone With the Wind, with the Civil War, southern aristocracy, and racism. But in fact if you read the book, you see that it's a very keen social commentary. No one escapes her scrutiny. And at the very end of the book, you realize that after all that happens Scarlet is still very young, still operating under childish assumptions that she is just beginning to question. Unfortunately, I think the movie poisoned the public mind against the book.

Oh... and another fantastic author, fantastic book with massive insight: Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird.

I talked with a friend of mine today on the phone for about 90 minutes. I am not much of a phone person at all. Most of my phone conversation average about 4 minutes. But with Cathy, I can talk for a long time.

I think there are a couple reasons for this. First, we don't talk on the phone like this often. Maybe twice per year. Second, we just have good conversations. We don't have to pull any punches. We just BLAH say what we're thinking and see where it goes.

But it's not like we only communicate twice per year. We meet for dinner every few months, I float in her pool for a few hours here and there over the summer, etc. During these times, we have good conversations, too.

At least, we used to.

For the last two or three years, I've been getting very annoyed with her. She's become dismissive and almost rude. Every time we hang out, I think, "Maybe that last time was an anomaly." But then the outing concludes and I am left feeling annoyed again.

I'm not annoyed enough to say anything about it, though. I think the conversation would go nowhere. So, what I've been doing is distancing myself. I don't invite her out because I don't want to invite annoyance. But if she invites me out, I give it a shot.

Last time we hung out I felt more annoyed by her than ever. I didn't even reach out to her for the holiday season.

It sucks, because she really is a very good conversationalist and a great food buddy. But life's too short to put myself in annoying situations for the sake of what once was.

Anyway, Cathy texted me on Christmas and after a brief volley we established that we should get together in the near future. I planned to delay indefinitely, but I ended up calling her on the way home from horseback riding this morning. It was a long drive and I wanted entertainment.

We had a good conversation. I think better than it's been. But maybe that's me getting my hopes up again.

Oh well. At least I'll get to enjoy another good meal soon.

I woke up last night feeling aggravated about Frank, knowing I was going to see him again this morning. I wish he would just keep his dumb mouth shut.

I understand that I'm relatively new to the company and that I am untried in some ways. I don't blame him for having doubts or wanting to get a second opinion. I blame him for his lack of restraint. He has diarrhea of the mouth. When he gets stressed, sh*t comes out of his mouth. His fears become words, even when they are not grounded in reality.

And speaking of reality, I also blame him for his lack of due diligence. He is a lazy thinker, resistant to research, and is constantly dumbfounded by project constraints. This adds to the stress that causes his verbal incontinence. The man is constantly running around putting out fires. He should have been a fireman.

Anyway, when I got to work this morning, there was an email from the girl who created the two models. Her name is Amy. Amy is good. The problem is, she's no longer with the company. Fortunately, she left on good terms and we can reach out to her for things. That's what I did in this case.

I should mention that on Friday, when Frank was grilling me about the missing project info, he said, "I can't believe Amy would do something like this [meaning delete the information]. She's too good." This left me wondering if he thought I had deleted the information. He asked me twice, "How did this happen?" Both times, "I said, "I don't know." I thought about saying, "I didn't do it," but I didn't want to go there if it wasn't necessary.

It bothered me that he might think that I messed up the models, even though I knew I could prove that no files had been deleted since October. It's just the fact that he has a tendency to put forth bad information--it can be so damaging. You never know what people will run with.

Back to the story....

I got an email from Amy this morning, explaining why she deleted the information (take THAT, Frank!!!), and proposing a solution. When Frank came in, he made his circuitous, nervous way to my desk and told me that he didn't understand Amy's email. I said, "Basically, she explained why she deleted the files* and then she proposed a solution. Her solution is doable, but I think she should do the work. If you want me to do the work, I will, but I think it will be faster if she does it since she made both models and is familiar with them. I would have to study both models first and that would take additional time."

To my surprise, he was amenable!

God, he's annoying.

You know, I think he was really worried about that project. The dude is just a bundle of nerves.

____________________________________________________

*did you hear that, f*ckface? SHE deleted the files. One of the 'awesome' ones did a stupid thing.

I wonder if that will even register with him.

Arnold and I have been together for about six and a half years. But we've known each other for most of our lives. In fact, it's possible that we first met when we were five, which is more than 35 years ago! But we haven't always been close. For much of that time, we were merely friendly acquaintances who were friends with a lot of the same people.

We became actual "friends" when we were in our early 20s, after we ran into each other at a local bar. We would hang out when I was home from college. I can say with confidence that we both liked each other in a "more than friends" way. However, we were never single at the same time, so things never progressed beyond friendship.

Usually what we would do is get a 12-pack of beer, go to a local park, sit on a bench, drink, talk, smoke cigarettes, and grapple. Yes, grapple. We both liked martial arts, and Arnold was learning jujutsu. We purportedly grappled in order to learn about and practice various techniques. It was also a way for us to get close to each other without violating any relationship-boundaries (although I doubt either of our significant others would have approved if they knew).

Years later, Arnold informed me that he'd suffered an unfortunate consequence for those grappling sessions. Apparently, around the same time, I'd had a conversation about jujutsu with a bouncer at the bar. In the course of this discussion (and I vaguely remember this), I showed this bouncer the scrapes and bruises I'd incurred during my wrestling matches with Arnold. I was always ridiculously proud of my scrapes and bruises.

Little did I know that this bouncer was Arnold's jujutsu instructor! And, unfortunately for Arnold, he was so incensed that Arnold had 'injured' me that he taught Arnold a lesson during Arnold's next class. I don't know the blow-for-blow account of what happened, but it consisted of Arnold getting thrown, pinned, and locked A LOT. Arnold says that any time he got pissed off, the guy would just pin him.

I feel bad about that. I really do. But it's also sort of hilarious.

You know, I had no idea that would happen. Nor do I remember hearing about it after it happened. I was surprised when Arnold told me.

Anyway, Arnold and I were laughing about this again last night. But I think Arnold is still a little pissed off at the guy. I probably would be, too. I don't think it was fair. I wasn't injured. I was having fun with my friend. The dude butted in just to be a tough guy.

Still makes me giggle though.

I know that I complain about my job a lot on here, but the truth is, I really like it. Even though I am not exactly where I want to be, the potential is there.

When I first started, the guy that did my orientation kept saying things like, "If you last...", "If you're still here...", "If you make it...." And during that first week, people would greet me and say things like, "Still here, huh?" or "We haven't scared you away yet?"

I didn't get any impression of hostility from them. but I was like, Jeez guys, lighten up.

But since I've been here, I have to say there is a surprisingly high level of turnover. Some people don't last a week!

I am not sure exactly what goes wrong. It can be stressful. It can be very challenging. My own first 3 - 4 months was definitely a nightmare... but I still really like it here.

I like my coworkers. I like the extremely inappropriate sense of humor that everyone there seems to have. I like the way that the place is run, and I even like the fact that a lot of other people apparently don't like it! Let em leave.

Yesterday, I asked one of the administrative assistants to print me up some business cards. She said, "Oh, I'm ordering you real ones!"

I was like "Oooooooh."

The printed ones actually look pretty good, so I'm not sure what the hubbub's all about.

As she was leafing through the layouts, she said, "Yeah, some people just get printed ones, but others get real ones."

I wonder where that line is drawn.

I'm glad I'm getting the 'real' ones.

My boyfriend's dad got four free tickets to see the Jets play a couple of weeks ago.

I've never much been into football (or baseball or basketball, etc.), but this year I joined a fantasy football league at work. My boyfriend pretty much managed the whole thing, but I learned a lot about football in the process. So, when the tickets came around, I took one.

It was the first football game I've ever been to. The seats were awesome. We were probably 8 rows away from the field, right in the endzone.

At one point, I inexplicably started watching the game on one of the huge monitors in the stadium. As I was watching, it looked like a fly flew across the screen. Then I realized it was the football!!

I found that to be really funny. Why the hell was I watching the monitor when they were literally playing right in front of my face?

Another interesting facet of the game was the cheerleaders. I don't know how they manage to look so happy all of the time! I could never smile like that at a crowd of obnoxious fans.

We were amused at the way the cheerleaders were obviously not allowed to walk like normal people. They had to march, skip, gallop, or chasse every time they moved from one area of the stadium to another.

Towards the end of the game, Arnold's dad said to me, "Jibralta, that's the way that you should be walking around when you go food shopping, cook dinner, and do the laundry."

I thought it was funny, but for some reason Arnold got a bit irate. He responded to his dad by saying, "If anyone should be walking around like that, it's me. She has two master's degrees and is a licensed architect. I'll do the food shopping and the laundry."

That made me laugh, too. Even though I was also like, holy sh*t.

I love that guy.

All in all, it was great experience. But the Jets are a pretty terrible team. I think the Jets fans are even worse. They booed the sh*t out of the players. I felt bad. With fans like that, I would lose every game, too!

We were amused at the way the cheerleaders were obviously not allowed to walk like normal people. They had to march, skip, gallop, or chasse every time they moved from one area of the stadium to another.

oh jibs I howled at that .....

I have walk issues of my own ..I call it the * thankyou walk *... so I don't drive , so am always at the side of a road waiting for a gap to cross lol ...when a car stops for me and waves me across , the thankyou walk begins . You can't just do a leisurely walk because they have stopped , that would be ungrateful ..... you can't run because you will be at the other side of the road by the time you get your bounce on to be able to run ....so you are left with .....the thankyou walk ....so that consists of a fast walk to show your appreciation , while waving your thanks at them , with the occasional dip of your knees to show you are prepared to run if you need to ...looollll you watch now jibs ...you will notice it now hahahaha

oh jibs I howled at that .....

It was really funny. I felt sort of bad for them, actually. But I guess it would look almost more stupid if they just walked.

I have walk issues of my own ..I call it the * thankyou walk *... so I don't drive , so am always at the side of a road waiting for a gap to cross lol ...when a car stops for me and waves me across , the thankyou walk begins . You can't just do a leisurely walk because they have stopped , that would be ungrateful ..... you can't run because you will be at the other side of the road by the time you get your bounce on to be able to run ....so you are left with .....the thankyou walk ....so that consists of a fast walk to show your appreciation , while waving your thanks at them , with the occasional dip of your knees to show you are prepared to run if you need to ...looollll you watch now jibs ...you will notice it now hahahaha

Oh, I have done it!! The fast walk can be very challenging. My back hurts just thinking about it right now (but I have a back ache at the moment so my imagination is extra-sensitive).

Oh, I have done it!! The fast walk can be very challenging. My back hurts just thinking about it right now (but I have a back ache at the moment so my imagination is extra-sensitive).

ohh ouch , hope you feel better soon ...but kinda glad you appreciate the thankyou walk for what it is lol

That's weird.

 

Straight guys simply do not message other guys with "I miss you". I haven't said that once to anyone ever in my life of the same sex. Not once. I can't even draw up a scenario in my mind where any of my friends would say it to me.

 

I'd either ask him to explain, or install a keylogger on the computer and find out if it's innocent or not.

Actually, my boyfriend and at least one of his friends joke around like this all of the time. They try to see who can get most uncomfortable first (at this point, they're both numb to it but they still carry on). It's just their sense of humor and some pretty funny stories have come out of it.

There is this story my boyfriend tells which makes me laugh. I've been trying to figure out how to tell it because it requires some background. But I'll try. Here goes.

Arnold has a friend named Dave. They've been friends since elementary school. When we were kids, Dave was a little chubby. At around 16, he started working out, riding his bike everywhere.

By the time he reached his early 20s, Dave had an awesome physique. By 2009, he was focusing on bodybuilding competitions.

Around this time, Arnold was living in a small studio apartment. It was basically a tiny room with a bathroom and Arnold's bed served as a couch.

One day, he and Dave had plans to go out. Dave came straight from the gym to Arnold's apartment. When he arrived, he used Arnold's shower to wash off.

Now mind you, Dave was in the final stages of training where he was just flexing every day to get the correct striations.

Arnold says that Dave came out of the bathroom dressed in a hot pink thong and nothing else. He says that Dave walked up to the couch and sat right next to him so that their thighs were touching. Then Dave put his hand on Arnold's leg and said, "Hey buddy."

It was an extremely awkward situation for Arnold for many reasons, not the least of which was that Dave was a gigantic, hulking bodybuilder who could overpower Arnold pretty easily.

But he tells the story laughing.

That day, Dave won the game of Awkward Chicken.

Actually, Dave was over the other day and they talked about that incident. Dave said he actually pulled that stunt on a bunch of people.

On the way to work this morning, I heard a song by a guy named Tim Buckley. His voice reminded me a lot of the voice of the guy who sang Time in a Bottle, but I wasn't 100% sold that it was the same guy. It was the same key, and the same extended monotonous delivery. I really liked it.

Fortunately for me, the DJ came on right after the song and announced that the singer was Tim Buckley and the Song was Song of the Magician. The DJ also made a remark about how sad it was that both Tim and his son, Jeff were both dead. Those names didn't ring a bell with me, so I made a note to look them up when I got home this evening.

Tim died in 1975, of a heroin overdose. His son, Jeff, died in 1997. It was an accidental drowning. Jeff had also been a musician, and I have to say: Holy sh*t. He was really good.

This song is called Grace, and Jeff is performing it live at some BBC venue. He has a crazy vocal range.

Catherine was fired today, just after 12PM. She was practically ejected from the building.

I watched it unfold. It happened quickly and quietly, so it took a while for me to put two and two together. Even after Justin walked by my desk with Catherine's computer tower under his arm, I didn’t suspect.

Justin had gone to her desk around noon. It seemed like a friendly, everyday IT visit.

However, the timing was very weird.

Just moments before he visited Catherine, Justin had paged Mark on the intercom. I overheard Justin say, “We need to talk. Wanna meet in Melvin’s office?” I noticed some urgency in Justin’s voice. A no-nonsense, You Need to Address This Right Now tone.

Melvin's office is directly adjacent to Ivan’s office, which is where Mark was at the moment. Ivan's door was closed. There is a door between the Melvin’s and Ivan’s respective offices, so Mark could enter Melvin's office without exiting Ivan's office. I assume that is what he did.

Justin's meeting with Mark was very brief. Mere moments passed between Justin putting down the phone, talking to Mark, and walking to Catherine's desk. He spent five or ten minutes there. I glanced up from my work frequently to see what was going on.

Usually, I would tune this sort of thing out, but I was trying to figure out if Justin's visit to Catherine had anything to do with his meeting with Mark. I was surprised that what seemed to be an urgent issue (judging from the tone of Justin's voice) had been resolved so quickly.

Anyway, Justin's visit was very normal and professional. Zero indication of conflict. Justin even smiled and laughed at something at one point.

When he carried Catherine's computer into his office, I just figured there was something really wrong with it. I expected him to return to her desk any minute with a new or repaired tower.

I had no idea that Catherine had been fired. It did briefly cross my mind in a wishful thinking sort of way, like "God, why don't they fire her already?" but I dismissed the idea as absurd. It was lunchtime on Tuesday, for crissakes.

After Justin made off with her tower, Catherine fussed around at her desk. I figured she was just cleaning and keeping busy while her computer was gone. I just wished she would sit down because when she stood up, it put her in my cone of vision and increased the danger of me making eye contact with her.

I started to think about the way she'd been acting all day, and that's when I started putting two and two together. Yes, there had been a little more activity from her this morning. She'd needed Justin's help with something, and then I actually heard her on the phone with a client. After the call, she reported to Frank's office. I think she also made a couple more trips to engineering than usual.

Then I remembered some other things that had happened this morning.

About 45 minutes to an hour before Justin took Catherine's computer, Frank had a closed-door meeting with Ivan. That was weird thing, because Frank never talks to Ivan. Frank brought a laptop with him to the meeting, which is also weird. Frank then exited the building. Since he didn't have anything on his calendar, I figured he was going for lunch.

In retrospect, I realize he knew what was coming and was trying to lay low.

Shortly after Frank's meeting with Ivan, Catherine went into Mark's office. Closed door.

Shortly after Mark's meeting with Catherine, Mark went to Ivan's office. Closed door.

Then Justin’s page to Mark/meeting with Mark/computer removal occurred.

Considering all of these closed-door meetings, I realized Catherine might be cleaning her desk for the last time. I was afraid to hope.

Then Catherine went and got Peter and brought him back to her desk.

Then she went to the kitchen/bathroom area and Peter was just sort of standing around….

Then Peter walked out with Catherine and came back alone.

I hardly dared to hope, but it really seemed as though Catherine had been fired.

When my coworker, Alicia, came back to her desk, I told her of my suspicions. She confirmed them. She must be tapped directly into the building because she gets news fast!

I'm still afraid to believe it. I’ll probably feel slightly sorry for her when it finally sinks in. But I think I’ll mainly feel relieved.

Oh my goodness, re: Catherine!

There is probably some final straw there that precipitated the sudden exit. And I say that mostly because she was not let go on a Friday or even the last day of the month. Just - in the middle of the day in the middle of the week. Glad you won't have to deal with her any more.

There is probably some final straw there that precipitated the sudden exit. And I say that mostly because she was not let go on a Friday or even the last day of the month. Just - in the middle of the day in the middle of the week.

Exactly what I thought. Tuesday afternoon is way weird.

God, I wish I knew what it was!!!!!

I'm so curious!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I suspect it had to do with her performance (lack thereof). But something significant must have happened for them to let her go on a Tuesday. And that thing with Justin taking her computer.... I think I can guess what happened there. She was probably downloading company files. Being the IT guy, Justin would have seen the massive transfer occurring, possibly received an alert.

I know she's done that sort of thing before, because she gave me and others access to TONS of details and files that she brought with her from other jobs. She passed it all off as her own work, but after working with her for months and witnessing her non-existent work ethic and lack of technical knowledge, I know it's the work of others.

Plus, some of that stuff is in a program that she doesn't know how to use. So.....

Glad you won't have to deal with her any more.

Thank you. Me too!

Yesterday, during our regular lunchtime walk, my coworker Lisa said that she feels bad for Catherine because she's transgender and it will be hard for her to find a job. I found myself vehemently opposed to this statement and wanting to argue it.

I said, "Catherine worked as an architect before she was transgender and has worked since she became transgender."

Lisa said, "I know, but there's still discrimination"

I said, "Nobody in our office discriminated against her. Everyone was extremely welcoming and understanding. And I think if you are transgender, you can't do much better than to choose architecture as a profession because people in this profession tend to be very open-minded."

I really have to shut up, though. The climate in this country is such that people can no longer tell the difference between bigotry and a one-off opinion. I feel a witch hunt a-brewin. They're hunting bigots this time, instead of pagans or commies. The irony is (as usual) that the hunt is fueled by oversimplistic, bigoted thinking.

People think they learn, but they don't. History repeats itself.

My coworkers aren't brandishing their pitchforks or anything, but they are affected. People everywhere are affected to some extent. They trade their rational minds for emotional reaction when they hear certain words or phrases. They can't help it. We're all susceptible to zeitgeist.*

A lot of people in my office do feel sympathy for Catherine. If they heard my rant against her they would probably leap to her defense based on her transgenderism alone. They never worked for her, though. They didn't lose three months worth of nights and weekends trying to compensate for her ineptitude. They didn't watch as she TOTALLY dismissed her principal role in an unequivocal failure as some sort of victimization and continued to assume an aura of leadership which she was continuously unable to actually live up to.

There is something offensively immoral about her entitled lack of responsibility.

-----------------------------------------------

*By the way, if you google that word and see that there is a movie by that name, don't bother watching it. Maybe it does include SOME facts, but I stopped watching when they said that structural steel was heat-proof. They are either bald-faced liars or they simply don't know what they're talking about. Either way, they are passing off false statements as truth. Crazy how film gives frauds an air of legitimacy.