Thoughts, Rants, and Musings

Oh, I love your paintings! I do think the first one is the best.

Thank you!!

I started taking a painting class a couple weeks ago. Turns out I can paint!

 

The image in the top right corner is actually the first one I painted in my very first class. I was just as surprised as everyone else.

 

I didn't have any of the correct colors (I used blue for some reason, and it worked!) and my brushes were busted up hand-me-downs, but I somehow got the painting to represent the apple pretty accurately.

 

The one on the lower left is the last one I painted (also in my first class). The paintings got progressively worse as the teacher gave me more and more advice, lol!

 

The teacher's favorite artists tend to paint with large chunks of color, so she instructs the class to paint in a similar way. But I don't know how paint works yet, so I take tentative strokes and sort of scratch things into the canvas, adjusting as I go.

 

During the second class, she was all over me to plop more paint on my canvas and I did try, but I didn't understand the results I was getting and I didn't like what I saw.

 

I find her over-involvement ironic, because it's a timed painting class, designed (according to her) so that we didn't get 'too precious' about our paintings. Paint for 10 minutes and move on to the next.

 

But she kept hovering!

 

During the second class, I got really frustrated. Two of my four pear paintings looked like sht because I took her advice.

 

Yesterday, I asked her to kindly F off. I explained that her chunky paint technique wasn't working for me and that I had to approach my learning experience my own way. She was very amenable to that and I was able to save my pumpkin painting from certain doom.

 

Looks like you're a natural, Jibralta. I love seeing other people's artwork.

I've been wanting to get back into painting for years now, and seeing this inspires me.

Hoping you post more of your paintings/art. Would luv to see them!

Wow, those are really nice J. I admire you wanting trying new things. Gives me something to think about.

Keep it up!

Thank you, Milly and Reinvent! I have a few ugly pears which I'm probably not going to post, and some pumpkins which I probably will post if I get around to it. My next class is tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to it!

The Last of the Mohicans came out when I was 15 and I probably watched it about a million times. I don't know if it was a good movie or not--I liked it then--but I'm sort of afraid to watch it again and find out how it aged.

Certain movies from that time aged well, like Terminator 2, Dances With Wolves, Total Recall, The Silence of the Lambs, etc. But some did not.

I suspect The Last of the Mohicans probably did not age well, as it was adapted from a very old novel and most likely updated to meet the ideals of the 80s/90s transition. The world has changed a lot since then....

Anyway, I really liked the soundtrack for that movie, in particular this one fiddle piece called The Kiss. I made a lot of people listen to it with me, including a past love-interest of mine named Dave, and my now-boyfriend Arnold. At different times, of course.

Funnily enough, both of them remembered the song when we were in our thirties, long after I'd almost forgotten it. Arnold learned it on guitar and played it for me when we first reconnected in 2012.

I just heard it on a football documentary and it brought back these memories.....

Thank you, Milly and Reinvent! I have a few ugly pears which I'm probably not going to post, and some pumpkins which I probably will post if I get around to it. My next class is tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to it!

I want to see the pumpkins!

Also those movies... gosh, was it that far back. I liked The Last of the Mohicans when it came out. I think I will re-watch it this weekend. You gave me an idea.

I've been watching a lot of football and football documentaries, mainly about the Patriots because they're so good.

And Bill Belichick really reminds me of my old boss, who I have a lot of respect and affection for. They even look alike. For that reason, I see kindness, intelligence, and humor in Bill's steely demeanor, where others probably see doom and gloom. I can't help but like him.

There are other football figures who remind me of people I know. Personality-wise, Bill Parcels reminds me of Ivan, one of the principals at my current job. They're not exactly the same, but I think they have a similar approach to motivation.

Julian Edelman reminds me of my friend Mike. Mike's a bit of a sad story. Might write about that more one day.

Tom Brady reminds me a lot of an ex-boyfriend of mine named Erik. His face is so similar to Erik's face... And his expressions! Every time I see Tom Brady talk, it's like watching Erik talk. Even their voices and inflections are similar.

Tom Brady has the same enthusiasm as Erik did. He projects a sort of cockeyed idealism, almost bordering on naivety, and that is similar to Erik, too--even though Erik was on parole when I met him 20 years ago and has been in and out of prison ever since.

Its seems incongruent to describe a career criminal as idealistic. But he was that. And that makes this comparison sort of sad... Erik had a naturally good disposition, but he never had a chance.

He grew up very poor; his mom was crippled by schizophrenia. His father left and started a new family with another woman. Erik had no guidance growing up in a city with a high crime rate. He fell in, and his optimism wasn't enough to get him out.

One of my favorite memories of Erik is of when we were at his nephew's birthday party. It was held at a local zoo.

Erik and I were wandering around, following a peacock. We came upon an enclosure with a giraffe in it. Outside of the enclosure was a small tree.

The giraffe was leaning his long neck over the fence of the enclosure, extending his long tongue towards the tree. We stopped and watched his effort, and felt bad when it became clear that the tree's leaves were out of the giraffe's reach.

I wanted to feed the giraffe the leaves myself, but I was too chicken. I didn't want to get yelled at.

Erik had no such concern. I heard a soft sound of protest come out of him when he saw the giraffe's frustration. Without hesitation, he strode to the giraffe's enclosure. I grasped at his sleeve to stop him, "Erik, no!" but rooted for his success at the same time.

Erik pulled a branch off the tree and held it out to the giraffe. The giraffe looped his long tongue around the branch and ate it.

I was beaming from ear to ear as Erik walked back to me. I knew then and I know now that this was exactly who he was: a kind soul who didn't particularly care for rules.

I think every guy I've ever loved has had these qualities. Kindness and courage. Arnold has them in spades.

Anyway, since that day in the zoo, I've always had a soft spot for giraffes.

I want to see the pumpkins!

 

Also those movies... gosh, was it that far back. I liked The Last of the Mohicans when it came out. I think I will re-watch it this weekend. You gave me an idea.

Great! Let me know if it's still good.

I'll work on posting the pumpkins.

Here they are. You can see the actual pumpkins in the background, on the kiln. Note that my pumpkins are different colors than the model pumpkins--that's because I had to use desperate measures to rescue them! I ended up erasing their shape and contours when I took my teacher's advice. It was like watching the people in the photograph disappear in Back to the Future. I'm just not able to use her heavy-paint technique.

Here they are. You can see the actual pumpkins in the background, on the kiln. Note that my pumpkins are different colors than the model pumpkins--that's because I had to use desperate measures to rescue them! I ended up erasing their shape and contours when I took my teacher's advice. It was like watching the people in the photograph disappear in Back to the Future. I'm just not able to use her heavy-paint technique.

 

 

Wow... brava. Very nice. Your teacher probably has a certain style she's teaching and her eye is trained for her own style of painting or teaching. Do you know much about her background or have you seen any of her work? If you get some insight into her background you might understand better more about her style as a painter or artist. I think there's a difference between painting discovering your own style and painting according to a specific technique. I'm mentioning this so that it's not so frustrating having her around or breathing down your neck with her suggestions that often don't work out.

You should paint more outside of class. I think you'd be great.

The pumpkins in your painting look more real than the real ones lol Well done :)

Thanks, Dias! The real pumpkins look pretty washed out in my photo. It's from the harsh glare of the lamp that is lighting them and their background. It was a decent setup for painting, but not so good for photography!

Wow... brava. Very nice. Your teacher probably has a certain style she's teaching and her eye is trained for her own style of painting or teaching. Do you know much about her background or have you seen any of her work? If you get some insight into her background you might understand better more about her style as a painter or artist. I think there's a difference between painting discovering your own style and painting according to a specific technique. I'm mentioning this so that it's not so frustrating having her around or breathing down your neck with her suggestions that often don't work out.

 

You should paint more outside of class. I think you'd be great.

Thanks, Rose!

I'm actually pretty used to being frustrated by teachers (and frustrating them in turn!). Nothing new there, lol! I've never done well with normal curriculums.

All I remember of The Last of the Mohicans - my then husband was watching our 1 year old son and his buddies came by. So they watched the movie.

When I got home, there was a gory battle scene and every time someone got shot and fell off their horse, my son said "Oh no! He got boo boo!". He was captivated and I was not amused - not appropriate for him to see. On the other hand, my son is an adult now and likely has no memory of it. So he survived it.

I love the pumpkin painting. You have your own style - you don't need to change it to suit the instructor. (Not that I think you would, anyhow).

Is that your kiln? Or at the art place.

That's really cute, luminousone. That thing your son used to say when someone fell off the horse. I am sad to say I have not watched The Last of the Mohicans this weekend. I completely forgot and am heading out tonight and family commitments tomorrow. Aiming for next weekend. :) Looking forward to seeing what else you're painting, Jibralta.

I love the pumpkin painting. You have your own style - you don't need to change it to suit the instructor. (Not that I think you would, anyhow).

 

Is that your kiln? Or at the art place.

Thank you!

The kiln is at the art place. Makes me think about returning to ceramics, though.... I originally majored in Fine Arts when I was in college, and the ceramics program at my school had to be one of the best in the country. I learned a lot there and would love to take it up again.

Looking forward to seeing what else you're painting, Jibralta.

Thank you!! I skipped class lest week, so nothing new yet!

He said that with two people leaving Shannon’s group (Jolene and Ahmed (who just gave his notice recently)), they wanted to put me there to help Shannon and Jason run the department.

I am enjoying my new position at work. The people in my department are friendly. Shannon and Jason are very knowledgeable--what a relief. Working for them makes me appreciate how sh*tty I've had it over the last 8-9 years. Not to be a downer or anything, but finding a good work situation has been really difficult.

My first job out of graduate school was for a sole practitioner. He was a nice guy, but he didn't know how to run a business. I worked for him for two years and basically learned all about Revit. I did this on my own, during long and aimless days of drafting. Ideally, I should have been learning about construction documents, structural systems, building codes and zoning, mechanical systems, project management, etc.

My second job was for an enormous engineering company that happened to have an architectural department. I clashed with the architecture management immediately and ended up working for a civil works planning department (basically various forms of engineering mixed with economics). I had actually hoped to spend some time working for engineers, so I didn't view this as a bad thing. My managers were very smart and very competent. I spent about 5 years there, and learned about project management, construction documents, regulations, various types of partnerships, and a slew of other really useful things. But I wasn't doing any drafting, I wasn't learning about buildings per se, and I wasn't working with building codes. I was happy there, but I also felt some stress about making the jump back to architecture.

My third job is where I am working now. I spent my first couple months chained to a looneytoon and a moron. Then I spent the next 12 months scrounging for work between departments. Most of the big projects I was on ended up fizzling out. The smaller projects were.... well, small. It was difficult to find guidance or get questions answered and I often had to rely on my own best judgment, which I knew was imperfect. It was stressful.

Through it all, I persevered and gave it my best shot. But I didn't realize how anemic those situations were until I found myself in this robust department.

Finally, nourishment!

I am enjoying my new position at work. The people in my department are friendly. Shannon and Jason are very knowledgeable--what a relief. Working for them makes me appreciate how sh*tty I've had it over the last 8-9 years. Not to be a downer or anything, but finding a good work situation has been really difficult.

 

My first job out of graduate school was for a sole practitioner. He was a nice guy, but he didn't know how to run a business. I worked for him for two years and basically learned all about Revit. I did this on my own, during long and aimless days of drafting. Ideally, I should have been learning about construction documents, structural systems, building codes and zoning, mechanical systems, project management, etc.

 

My second job was for an enormous engineering company that happened to have an architectural department. I clashed with the architecture management immediately and ended up working for a civil works planning department (basically various forms of engineering mixed with economics). I had actually hoped to spend some time working for engineers, so I didn't view this as a bad thing. My managers were very smart and very competent. I spent about 5 years there, and learned about project management, construction documents, regulations, various types of partnerships, and a slew of other really useful things. But I wasn't doing any drafting, I wasn't learning about buildings per se, and I wasn't working with building codes. I was happy there, but I also felt some stress about making the jump back to architecture.

 

My third job is where I am working now. I spent my first couple months chained to a looneytoon and a moron. Then I spent the next 12 months scrounging for work between departments. Most of the big projects I was on ended up fizzling out. The smaller projects were.... well, small. It was difficult to find guidance or get questions answered and I often had to rely on my own best judgment, which I knew was imperfect. It was stressful.

 

Through it all, I persevered and gave it my best shot. But I didn't realize how anemic those situations were until I found myself in this robust department.

 

Finally, nourishment!

More great news Jib ! you won the case in the court and you moved to a department you like at work. Lots of good things happening :)

At my last job, there were three bosses: Tim, the big boss (in both stature and position), Matt (my boss, the Belichick-type guy), and Joe (the boss of other people). Tim was in his 70s, Matt was 60, and Joe was somewhere over 50.

They had all been coaches at one time or another. Tim coached soccer, Matt coached lacrosse, and Joe coached football.

I think their coaching experience made a huge impact on their leadership ability. I was constantly impressed by how smoothly our department ran. Not only were Tim and Matt technically knowledgeable, but they were able to deftly manage personalities as well.

I never worked for Joe, but since he was an integral part of the leadership I assume he was similarly capable.

Matt and Tim had a good partnership. Matt had a quiet approach to leadership. It's hard to explain how he was. You hardly noticed his leadership, yet it was firmly there. He never yelled, yet he didn't pull any punches (one of my favorite memories of him is him looking at my work and saying, "I hate this").

Tim, on the other hand, was like a bull in a china shop. I actually thought of him as a rhinoceros. He was a very nice, fair guy. But if you were taking too long on something or thinking a dumb thought--watch out. He'd run you through faster than you realized what was happening. Then he'd go back to being normal.

I remember one time, Matt left me an assignment as he was getting ready to go on holiday. He said, "If they give you any trouble with xyz, get Tim to back you up." I was like, yeah. Matt was the soft speaker. Tim was the big stick.

I think that Shannon is a lot like Tim. She's nice. But if you take too long or do something wrong, you're dead.

More great news Jib ! you won the case in the court and you moved to a department you like at work. Lots of good things happening :)

Indeed! I am grateful for it

Staff member insisting I file an incident report with the building mgmt because a pack of gum was missing from someones desk and then the following week someone took his box of tissue.

He's a new employee. Now he doesn't feel safe.

Actually, this reminds me of something that happened to me and my classmates while I was in college, but in our case, I feel we were justified.

Our school was in a notoriously bad area. After 5PM and on weekends, the buildings were all locked from the outside and you had to swipe in. Our building had an additional level of security because people often stayed overnight to complete their work. Groups of students were organized into studios and each studio had its own pass code. This gave everyone a sense of ensured personal safety. Also, people could have their own work areas where they could leave their computers and personal effects without worrying if some hooligan off the street would come in and steal it to pay for his/her drug habit, etc.

Well, one year, the pass code for our studio door didn't work and we had to keep the door wedged open at all times so that we weren't locked out. Nobody liked this arrangement because obviously it meant no security. There were numerous requests to the school administration to fix the problem, but they were basically ignored. Several people had laptops and other equipment stolen. But still the school ignored the problem.

One night, some kids we didn't know came in and wandered around our studio. When we questioned them, they said they were looking to borrow a blank CD. None of us had ever seen them around the building before, never mind our studio, so naturally we didn't like them walking around our studio for no reason.

My friend Jim emailed the director of our program and got the same runaround that we always got (Thank you for telling us, this is not acceptable, we will look into it and fix it yada yada yada bullsh*t, etc.....).

Jim forwarded their response to me and I also followed up with multiple emails, all of which were given the same lip service. Finally, I sent this email to the dean, the director, and basically all of the program leadership:

Good Morning,

 

I'm not sure who to address this email to. I haven't received a response from anyone. Please tell me who is responsible for addressing the issue of our broken door.

 

The latch has been completely missing from the studio door now for two days. There is no security in this room, and many people know it--even random strangers like the two who wandered through here the other night.

 

It's been an issue for many months, and things have been stolen. Cory, Danielle, and Julio can all attest to that. I do not want to have any of my stuff stolen, and I do not want to be assaulted by a random person or people wandering into this studio.

 

The nominal response to our legitimate concerns is very disheartening, especially in light of the circumstances from the other night. The campus may be generally safe, but that is no reason for me or anyone who shares this room to be offered up as part of the 'small percentage' who is harmed.

 

Last year, a woman and her daughter stopped me as they were touring this building as a prospective student. They asked me if I felt safe working at night in the middle of this crime-filled city. I told them, "Yes," that I was still careful to look around when I walked to my car at night, but that the university was very concerned for safety.

 

If someone came up to me this week and asked if I thought it was safe for their daughter to come to this school, I would tell them that their daughter would learn AT HER OWN RISK, JUST LIKE ME.

 

Please be assured that I'm not going to let this go until I see that it is resolved, and I am keeping all of these emails together in case something happens to me or to anyone else in this room.

 

I hope that you can understand my concern.

 

Thank You,

Well, you can bet that got to them!!! Our door was fixed PRONTO. lol.

This story is just bursting from me today, for some reason.

It happened at least 10 years ago, at a farm that rents horses out by the hour. They have a few wooded acres with a bunch of trails and they actually let you ride around without guides—an oddity for this state. The horses are all barn sour of course, and if you don’t know what you’re doing they will take you right back to the barn even before your hour is up.

I went with my cousin and his wife, who don’t ride at all. His wife got dragged back to the barn pretty early on, and my cousin followed not long after. So it was just me and the horse that I’d been given. All of my horse’s good nature pretty much disappeared when his comrades started misbehaving, and I had to put in some effort to turn him back in the direction I wanted to take.

I did get him in hand and we had a leisurely ride for a while. But at a certain point, the horse adamantly decided it was time to return to the barn. He stopped dead in his tracks and refused to acknowledge my cues to move forward.

To me, this behavior is something that I can’t permit. I have always been taught that as a rider it is my responsibility to maintain authority over the horse. This is for my own safety as well as the safety of others who ride the horse, among other things. So, when a horse is misbehaving, my job is to correct. It’s usually not a big deal—just a matter of gentle persistence in my cues and willingness to deal with a little crow hopping or bucking.

And that’s how I approached this situation. Instead of letting the horse turn around like he wanted, I contradicted him with my cues and urged him forward in the direction we were facing.

WELL. This horse had a plan specially prepared for insubordinate riders. He moved forward until we came alongside a tree and some underbrush on our left side. There, he stopped dead again. This time, when I urged him forward, he smashed himself broadside against the tree--which really meant that my left side took the brunt of the collision while being squeezed between a tree and a 1000lb+ horse!

He was a pretty smart horse.

I tried urging him forward several more times, and each time my left leg and shoulder were rewarded with bruises and scrapes from this obnoxious horse and his tree. It was painful—he really knew how to get in there! But it made me all the more certain that I had to win this battle.

So, I urged the horse forward again. But this time, I gathered the left rein in my hand, and when he smashed me against the tree, I cracked him in the mouth with the bit on that side. We repeated this process four or five times before he decided that smashing me against a tree hurt him more than it hurt me.

As soon as he let me urge him forward without rebellion, I turned him on the path that I wanted to take. Then I gradually eased up on my cues. Once I was fairly confident that he was willing to listen, I took a risk and let him have his head. All I did was use my legs to guide him away from the direction of the barn. This was my attempt to reward him and tell him that I wanted to be friends. But my heart was still pounding in my chest because I knew he was a devil.

And this is where the story gets really cool (at least in my opinion):

I let him take me onto a very narrow trail, deep into a thicket (all the while praying that he would be good). To my surprise, we came upon a herd of deer resting and relaxing! My heart leapt up in my throat—if the deer got spooked and bolted, the horse would no doubt take off after them. And in an unfamiliar forest, I would be in danger of getting my head knocked off by low branches.

But that didn’t happen. The deer were seemingly unphased by our presence. They looked at us, but made no move to flee, even when we passed right through the middle of the herd. It was the most amazing thing. I could have leaned over and touched a deer. A couple of them were standing there grooming each other, and some were actually lying on the forest floor. I felt like we were in their living room.

Now, I’ve seen herds of deer grazing in the distance. I’ve seen two or three in someone’s yard or standing along the edge of a forest. I’ve even met a very friendly deer who chased me as a child and who liked to be chased back. But I’ve never seen deer just hanging out like that and relaxing, and I've certainly never been in the middle of a herd of deer doing that or anything else. It was really cool being there, with the horse. I think about it a lot.

After that, I took the horse to a long straight path. We had passed by it before, and the spring in his step told me he liked to run there. So I brought him back there and let him open up a couple of times. He was actually an excellent horse.

I felt really bad for him, being in the situation he was in, ridden by anyone and everyone. It made him bitter, and that’s why he behaved like a pig. He was almost ruined. And maybe he eventually would be ruined. I never went back to that place and never will. It breaks my heart to think about the good horses who are stuck in places like that.

I'm just not able to use her heavy-paint technique.

I had my last painting class this week. I'm glad I took the class, but boy did that teacher annoy me!! And now I'm watching instructional oil painting videos on youtube and getting even more annoyed. I just learned that there's actually a method to that thick paint application technique which involves applying several "skinny" layers before starting on the "fat" layer. You know, I was on track for that all by myself and she just kept interfering! I think she has a lot of nerve imposing her own painting ideals on people without giving them the background they need to successfully carry it off. Argh.

She kind of reminds me of the first boss I had in architecture. Like, a lot. She's like his female incarnation. I used to refer to my old boss as a closet control freak. He had this outwardly easy-going and liberal aspect, but his true disposition was tyrannical.

I truly believe he was in deep denial about it. He was perfectly nice, but he had an almost desperate need for certain outcomes. For example, he needed to be a teacher at all costs, even when his incessant pontification eclipsed the actual lesson he was trying to impart. It was the most annoying thing. After a while, I stopped asking questions because it took less time to google the answer on my own, and (most importantly) I wasn't forced into being a captive audience.

That boss was also extremely timid. I mean, he had normal social skills and all but he wasn't particularly courageous. I remember one time, we measured a house in this deeply wooded neighborhood. I remarked at how nice it would have been to grow up there with so much forest to explore and trees to climb. But he took the opposite view--all he could think of was danger and injuries lurking at every tree!! I was like, Good lord! Live a little!

The painting teacher was similarly timid. She hovered around menacingly with her advice, but it didn't take much to chase her off. Barely a breeze and she fluttered away. It was just annoying having to do it over and over again.

It's a pity because I like the concept of her classes. This one was timed paintings where we weren't supposed to be "too precious" about out paintings--but she ruined that by being "too precious" for us. She's having a drawing class this spring and the concept for that was really appealing too. I don't remember the concept at the moment, but it's just as well-- there's no way I'm going to take it. Whatever it is, it's obviously the opposite of her true disposition!