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Thread: Thoughts, Rants, and Musings

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    I have such a hard time dealing with people that need to be micromanaged. It's like riding in a car that only goes 3 mph. What's the point? I'll just get out and walk!

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    I was in a meeting today with this girl in my department. We don't work together a whole lot. I've made some effort to be friendly towards her because 1) we are in a very male-dominated field, and 2) I like to get along with the people that I work with. I've been pretty successful in this effort. We chit-chat here and there, carpool when the group is going out to lunch, etc.

    But I was in this meeting with her today, and DAMN she is a pain in the ass! I don't know what it is with her. If you ask her if she's read something, she acts like you're accusing her of being lazy or avoiding responsibility. If you ask her to clarify something, she just repeats herself over and over, verbatim. It's really stressful. No wonder she works alone most of the time!!!

    Actually, that reminds me of another meeting I had today. The consulting engineer acted like a huge diva and bogarted the entire meeting! Every single thing was a sticking point. Stupid things. The guy was soooo freaking cumbersome. I felt like I was being suffocated by the heaviness of his stupidity. And of course he acted like every word he spoke was a big revalation!! I couldn't understand how my boss was able to patiently go through everything with this guy again and again and again and again.

  3. #23
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    In my old age (lol) I've learned to avoid expectations based on gender or parenting status as in -just because we're both moms, even of children the same age, doesn't mean we'll have a thing in common. Same for the gender thing . I get what you mean about male-dominated of course but I'd say take her off your potential buddy list ;-)

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I get what you mean about male-dominated of course but I'd say take her off your potential buddy list ;-)
    Oh, no. She was never on it--or off of it, for that matter! We don't really have much in common. I just like to pave the way, so to speak.

    She's just a harassed sort of person. I'd just forgotten because I rarely work with her. But she's always been kind of jumpy. I remember one time, when I first started working there, I'd sent her an email about something. When I ran into her an hour later, I said, "Did you see the email that I sent you?" And she started to launch into this "What do you mean? Do you think I don't check my emails?" thing. I was like, "No no no no! I just wanted to know if you'd seen it!!!" Some time later, she apologized to me for that. I don't know what her deal is. But if I have to work with it, then I have to work with it!

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    My mom is moving to Florida today. She's had a helluva time this summer. She put her house on the market at a high price, indifferent to whether it sold or not because she was in no rush to move. Well, it flew off the market at an even higher price than what she listed, and suddenly it was a mad dash for everyone to get their sht together. I still had a lot of stuff at her house, so I spent weekends throughout the spring and summer slowly picking through old crap and purging. I went at a leisurely pace at first, but then the closing date was suddenly upon us and towards the end I was just piling stuff into storage. I'm so glad that my boyfriend and I had forethought and upgraded to a larger storage space in March, when we first learned of my mom's plan. I'm also glad that I started the purging process immediately, and didn't wait until the very last minute because it would have been a MESS.

    Anyway, my mom had to rush to find a new house, which meant she had to fly down to Florida and do a house-hunting marathon. After a few trials and tribulations, she did find a house that she liked. Closing on her former home was September 7. The plan was to then have a leisurely drive down to Florida, stay with my sister, close on the new house on September 11, and take her time moving in. Well, unfortunately for her, Hurricane Irma was also scheduled to arrive in northern Florida on the same day! So, she of course postponed the closing. But she's been in a state of limbo for the last week. Closing on the new house is still indeterminate, but she does have a place to stay in the meantime. Depending how everything goes, she may have to reschedule the delivery of her belongings.

    Anyway, today I spent a couple of hours at the storage locker, going through just TONS of old files that I had. I felt really good, like I had all the time in the world. In fact, when I arrived at the storage place and realized that I'd forgotten my keyfob, I didn't have any panic/anxiety over wasted time. I actually felt very light and free and happily drove myself back home to get it. At first, I thought this pleasant, stress-free reaction was because I finally completed the A.R.E.s and no longer have that weight on my shoulders. But that was months ago, and this feeling felt almost new. I think it may actually be a release of sorts from the burden of my mother. I love her and I will miss her very much, but she can be a lot of work. She is in good hands with my sister, though. They are like two peas in a pod. And she's in a warm place with friendly people. My stepfather will be joining her soon, as well.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    A couple of months ago, I signed up for a mentoring program. The program helps military people to transition into the civilian workforce. Soon after, I was paired with a gentleman who planned to retire from the Army in 2018, after a 20 year career. I will call him Bill, for the purposes of this post.

    The mentoring program has some general guidelines. During our first conversation, Bill and I were supposed to determine whether our personalities meshed or not. Bill didn't have a formal education beyond high school, and he confessed that he was a little intimidated by all of these degrees that I have. But I reassured him that I am a normal human being, and after that our first conversation went smashingly well. We decided to do the program together. I hung up from that call feeling elated. I was really helping someone!

    For the next few weeks, Bill and I stayed in fairly close contact: emailed and texted back and forth probably every other day. He emailed his resume for me to review. The format was fine but the information was too general. I had a colleague review the resume and the colleague provided a similar critique. I returned the resume and the comments to Bill with the recommendation that he elaborate much more on the items that he listed. Bill agreed, still enthusiastic. Our regular communication continued. He sent me some videos of his day to day activities on his base, and I sent him some photos of the construction site that I was working on.

    Then Bill's enthusiasm seemed to wane. During our second phone call (the program suggests monthly check-ins), he sounded nervous and unsure to me. He said was feeling anxious about an upcoming class that he was going to take. He didn't know if he would do well. Knowing the class and what it entailed, I reassured him that he would do fine. Then I learned that he had been hoping to get feedback from me on one (or more?) of the videos that he'd sent me. I didn't realize this, and I felt bad. Was I was a bad mentor? He was so happy last month, and now this month his spirits were in the toilet. What if he felt so discouraged that he gave up on his dream career altogether? I resolved to be a better mentor and ask questions the next time he emailed me a video. F_ck it, I was going to ask questions about everything!

    A few days later, I got a phone call from one of the program coordinators. I was like, "uh-oh, I'm getting fired (or Bill is breaking up with me)." But I didn't get fired or broken up with. The coordinator was just checking to see how things were going. I explained to her about how Bill seemed to be withdrawing a little. She said, "You need to remember that he is intimidated by all of your accomplishments." I was like, "I understand that. But I don't know how to un-intimidate him. How do I make him understand that I'm just like he is?" The coordinator was like, "Thanks for your time, we'll get back to you." I was like, "Thanks?"

    Over the next few weeks, Bill and I exchanged some texts, and smattering of emails, but they were pretty brief and to the point. And there was no mention of his resume, which was one of his major goals. I started to feel like I crushed his soul with my critique of it. When the day came for our third phone call, he didn't answer....

    So now I'm not sure what's going on.

    But ANYHOO, the reason I am posting this here is because it reminds me a lot of online dating, when you meet the new person and you totally click, and you're both all Thelma-and-Louise about this New and Epic Relationship that you're both going to have, and then the dude jumps out of the car right as it's about to plunge off the cliff. And as he's getting ready to jump, you're sitting there thinking, "What is he doing? Is he jumping out of the car? Why would he do that? He's the one who said he wanted this!! Maybe he doesn't realize that we're going over the cliff now. 'Hey dude... This is the cliff, dude... Dude? Buddy? Are you really giving up?'" You know, all of the crazy/stupid ideas, hopes, doubts, and (finally) realizations that you have about people when you get involved with them before you actually know them.

    I have to say, I enjoy the show a lot more from this remote vantage point, where my heart is not actually in the car with the person!
    Last edited by Jibralta; 09-18-2017 at 08:25 PM.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    But ANYHOO, the reason I am posting this here is because it reminds me a lot of online dating, when you meet the new person and you totally click, and you're both all Thelma-and-Louise about this New and Epic Relationship that you're both going to have, and then the dude jumps out of the car right as it's about to plunge off the cliff. And as he's getting ready to jump, you're sitting there thinking, "What is he doing? Is he jumping out of the car? Why would he do that? He's the one who said he wanted this!! Maybe he doesn't realize that we're going over the cliff now. 'Hey dude... This is the cliff, dude... Dude? Buddy? Are you really giving up?'" You know, all of the crazy/stupid ideas, hopes, doubts, and (finally) realizations that you have about people when you get involved with them before you actually know them.

    I have to say, I enjoy the show a lot more from this remote vantage point, where my heart is not actually in the car with the person!
    That was funny haha.

    Although my take is different here.

    The guy was scared of your qualifications, that's an inferiority complex. Secondly, your are a woman and most guys have a difficulty accepting that a woman can be more competent than they are. Especially uneducated guys or guys with low self esteem. If you think about it mentoring is patronizing in a way because you accept subconsciously that somebody is better than you.

    As for the car and the cliff, well, if by cliff you mean the period when things are about to get serious then I am telling you that no man in this world wants to lose his "freedom". Why would he want that in the first place?

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dias
    The guy was scared of your qualifications, that's an inferiority complex. Secondly, your are a woman and most guys have a difficulty accepting that a woman can be more competent than they are. Especially uneducated guys or guys with low self esteem.
    I agree with you. This is probably more about Bill's inner dialog than anything else. In our last conversation, he said something about not wanting to accept certain jobs because they were 'beneath' him. I thought, "That's not a good mentality for someone going into a brand new field!"

    And I do realize that there are some men who have a hard time accepting a woman who could possibly be more competent. I've seen it before, and I will see it again. I can't account for it, and I'll never be able to change it. It's just one of those things.

    Originally Posted by dias
    If you think about it mentoring is patronizing in a way because you accept subconsciously that somebody is better than you.
    I'm not sure if "patronizing" is exactly the right word, but I think I understand what you are saying. Bill viewed the mentor/mentee relationship as better-than/worse-than arrangement: I am helping him, so I am better than him. But I joined a similar program when I first started my current job, and I didn't see my mentor as someone who was better than me. I saw him as someone who was interested in helping me to succeed. But I may have a different outlook on life than Bill.

    Originally Posted by dias
    As for the car and the cliff, well, if by cliff you mean the period when things are about to get serious then I am telling you that no man in this world wants to lose his "freedom". Why would he want that in the first place?
    I don't think anyone wants to lose their freedom. It took about 35 years for me to find a relationship that didn't oppress me in some way!

    But my analogy was more along the lines of what happens when hormones are doing the driving in a relationship--when you actually want a relationship. Hormones are liars!

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    I'm not sure if "patronizing" is exactly the right word, but I think I understand what you are saying. Bill viewed the mentor/mentee relationship as better-than/worse-than arrangement: I am helping him, so I am better than him. But I joined a similar program when I first started my current job, and I didn't see my mentor as someone who was better than me. I saw him as someone who was interested in helping me to succeed. But I may have a different outlook on life than Bill.


    But my analogy was more along the lines of what happens when hormones are doing the driving in a relationship--when you actually want a relationship. Hormones are liars!
    Yeah, patronizing is not exactly the right word but you got it. Thing is, males have way more ego than women. For a man, the act of asking for help is subliminally translated into ďI am lesser than the other personĒ. How many male coworkers ask for help compared to female coworkers in your workplace? Why men donít like therapists? You know, itís difficult to grasp it if you are not a man. What insecurities are for women, ego is for men (same difference in the end though). This comes from a guy with a huge ego and believe me, asking for help sucks big time. Everything that hurts your ego sucks big big time.

    Now, as you so accurately put it hormones are liars. Ego as well! Thatís why letting go of ego is necessary for success. Controlling you instincts/emotions and thinking logically is the way to go. Of course itís easier said than done as always!

  11. #30
    Platinum Member journeynow's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    A couple of months ago, I signed up for a mentoring program. The program helps military people to transition into the civilian workforce. Soon after, I was paired with a gentleman who planned to retire from the Army in 2018, after a 20 year career. I will call him Bill, for the purposes of this post.

    The mentoring program has some general guidelines. During our first conversation, Bill and I were supposed to determine whether our personalities meshed or not.
    I'm curious, Jibralta, do you have experience in the military? I may be wrong, but it may be that this isn't about you and your degrees, but that perhaps he feels your experience doesn't relate to his, and he can't relate to you (which isn't really personal). Or he may be going through the roller coaster that comes with retirement and transition.

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