Not sure why I'm alive

I'm nearly 35 and I feel my death would be beneficial. I don't have anything to live for, anxiety makes it hard to make friends, but if it wasn't for the loneliness I'd be content with my life; I definitely wouldn't be conflicted. On one hand I'm glad I have no one in my life, no expectations to meet, no drama and yet I feel lonely and worthless.

If you weren't meant to be alive, a boulder would have come along and crushed you into goo already.

 

Try making friends online with people. Find a chatroom or gaming group that you like and go at it. Find a therapist in your area (like yesterday) who can help you with your anxiety, which might include some sort of medication. Further, suicidal ideation is another HUGE reason to seek help. You can also visit this site for a huge list of call lines:

 

You're not worthless, and you would be missed. When we're depressed, it can feel like we're nothing but a burden or a nobody, but I can guarantee that there are people who would miss seeing you around at the very least. You are a someone.

 

Please don't hurt yourself.

Suicide causes a horrid ripple affect. My moms friends lost their son to Suicide and the parents ended up getting divorced and his siblings were never the same afterwards! I know it's easy to think it's the only option with despair but it's not!

 

It ruins lives! Anyone you have come into contact will be greatly impacted by it!

 

We only get one life! You can make your life happy with small steps, you are my age! There is more to your story!

 

I suggest volunteering or getting out to take walks. Seek counseling.

 

Don't do anything to end your story far too soon!

 

Lisa

I'm already on medication for depression and anxiety which helps. I've tried online dating sites but from my experience majority of the people are there for attention.

 

However if my goal was to commit suicide a hotline would be a last place I'd call.

 

I'm sure some people would miss me but then they'd get on with their own life.

Getting on with their life isn't how it works. You would take away this light inside of them and they would never be the same. They would feel guilty all the time! Like they did something wrong. Suicide isn't just about you, it's not up to you really to take your life! What you do affects everything in motion. Those people you think would just move on really wouldn't. How would you feel if one of them took their own life? Would you just move along?

 

Think about that.

 

Lisa

Suicide causes a horrid ripple affect. My moms friends lost their son to Suicide and the parents ended up getting divorced and his siblings were never the same afterwards! I know it's easy to think it's the only option with despair but it's not!

That's why if I did do it I'd want to at least wait for my mum to go.

 

We only get one life! You can make your life happy with small steps, you are my age! There is more to your story!

What do you mean there is more to my story?

I looked through your post history and noticed you've been struggling with your emotions for a while.

 

I've experienced that same feeling of dread in the middle of the night, by the way. It's agonizing. I deal with it by getting up out of bed.

Getting on with their life isn't how it works. You would take away this light inside of them and they would never be the same. They would feel guilty all the time! Like they did something wrong.

Depends how close they are to me. Like I said I don't really have any friends, I'm not in a relationship.

 

Suicide isn't just about you, it's not up to you really to take your life! What you do affects everything in motion. Those people you think would just move on really wouldn't. How would you feel if one of them took their own life? Would you just move along?

I'm the one who has to live my life, I'd say it's completely up to me.

 

If someone I knew committed suicide, my feelings would depend on their reasons. Sure I'd feel sad but I may also understand why they did it.

I looked through your post history and noticed you've been struggling with your emotions for a while.

 

I've experienced that same feeling of dread in the middle of the night, by the way. It's agonizing. I deal with it by getting up out of bed.

Increasing my medication helped a lot with that feeling of dread when waking.

Why would you kill yourself or think about doing that ?

 

There will be plenty of time to be dead when you die !

 

Think about it, you will be dead for eternity, that's a long time, that's forever, so what's one tiny 80 year life span against an eternity ?

 

What you need to do is come to terms with the fact that you are here now, and go out and enjoy a good time with someone.

 

Also, you are not even 40 yet and already you sound as if you are 73.

 

You need to work on yourself so you will feel better about yourself and when you feel good about you it shows outwardly in the form of confidence and that makes people find you more approachable than being fat, letting yourself go and looking like a funeral everyday of the week.

 

Online dating is a numbers game, you will not get any results if you email 10 people and sit around waiting for them to get in touch with you, or worse, spam email the same email to everyone, people can tell when you didn't take the time to look through their profile better you send the email and it's generic.

 

Be more open minded and realistic, send out maybe 90 emails a month, out of those you might get 11 or 15 that reply back and then out of those maybe half will turn into actual dates where you can further see if you guys are compatible.

 

Like with anything in life that is worth having, it takes time, dedication and work, if you are too lazy or give up too easily, you will go without.

 

So hit the gym, start getting some muscles, buy you some clothes that fit you nicely, take care of your appearance, you will feel better when you make the effort to and then the confidence you get from that, use it to do some online dating if you don't feel comfortable approaching women in real life.

 

Also, when you are depressed and have anxiety, the answer is not to heavily drug yourself with medications that have a lot more side effects than good ones, learn to cope with your feelings and not look for a drug to cure you of your problems.

90 emails a month? That's like 3 emails a day. That's awfully desperate. Besides I'm not sure I can find that many people who I share interests with.

See my post tired of selfishness

Why would you kill yourself or think about doing that ?

I could list many reasons why someone would want to die. You don't have to look far.

 

Think about it, you will be dead for eternity, that's a long time, that's forever, so what's one tiny 80 year life span against an eternity ?

That is a poor justification for suffering.

 

Online dating is a numbers game, you will not get any results if you email 10 people and sit around waiting for them to get in touch with you, or worse, spam email the same email to everyone, people can tell when you didn't take the time to look through their profile better you send the email and it's generic.

Complete BS. Online dating is literally an ocean of penises, good if you're a women or a homosexual man. Most their profiles are either not worth reading or chockfull of crap. Many people are only there for attention or to hook up.

 

Be more open minded and realistic, send out maybe 90 emails a month, out of those you might get 11 or 15 that reply back and then out of those maybe half will turn into actual dates where you can further see if you guys are compatible.

That's not realistic then again neither is online dating. I've wasted enough energy on attention .

I've finally accepted the fact I have no future, that last bit of hope and motivation has died. Certainly people playing dumb with "Why would you kill yourself?" hasn't helped.