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21, in a relationship and sexually frustrated


bananasxo

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I'm 21 (female) and I'm dating a 28 year old. Ive had my round of men before him so I know exactly what I like during sex and he's PERFECT. But what sucks the most is how I made him wait 4 months before I even let him kiss me and finally i gave it up to him...and now I don't get it as much as I would like. We had a lot of sex all the time when I finally gave in. But now after a year, I'm sexually frustrated what's wrong with me? Why doesn't he want to have sex with me as much anymore? I need some advice you guys...he's such a great boyfriend outside of sex but he just won't have sex with me. May 15th was first time we had sex in over a month..I'm going crazy. He gets mad at me when I use my dildo to get a release out but what am I to do? I don't wanna cheat on him nor do I want to leave him just because I'm sexually frustrated I'm just stuck. I try buying different sexy outfits and stuff and I just don't understand...I know I'm not ugly..I need your help you guys.

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What are the reasons you're not having sex? Is he too busy to see you? Is he saying he's too tired? Is he not initiating? I feel like there's not enough information here for us to help with the problem. Like what is the actual problem that's causing him to not be able to or want to have sex? Erectile dysfunction? Specifics please

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Sounds like you need to communicate your needs to him more effectively. You have every right to expect and ask him for more sex. Don't be afraid to have that conversation with him because talking about issues such as this is very healthy. Continuing to avoid the topic is NOT healthy and if allowed to fester and go unresolved will ultimately lead to the end of the relationship. Ask him! Tell him! Talk to him about it!

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Run!

 

He has control issues. That's a bigger problem. I say release whenever you can.

 

Good luck.

 

That's a rather irresponsible leap. The comment that drove you to assume control issues, points more to insecurity. He feels insecure because he knows he isn't giving her what she needs.

 

OP - If everything else is going well and you have been together a year, you should be able to sit him down and have an honest conversation about what's going on...even if it takes a few drinks to get there.

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That's a rather irresponsible leap. The comment that drove you to assume control issues, points more to insecurity. He feels insecure because he knows he isn't giving her what she needs.

 

OP - If everything else is going well and you have been together a year, you should be able to sit him down and have an honest conversation about what's going on...even if it takes a few drinks to get there.

 

Sounded like he doesn't allow her to masturbate. That's very controlling imo.

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The fact that he waited for 4 months is rare, but there has maybe been a price for that. Sounds like he's not into sex that much and is also controlling. Getting mad at you for masturbating when you'd rather have sex, is not on. Time to leave in all honesty.

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I agree with those who say that an open and honest conversation about the reasons WHY he is not having sex with you is in order. Importantly, be calm and don't be accusatory about it, but rather LISTEN to what he'll say to you and try to understand him.

 

From there, the action it depends on what the reasons are. He could be busy/tired or have a health issue or just a lowered libido or something. But it needs to be discussed, b/c we here don't know and can't tell you his reasons.

 

However, if it is something that doesn't have a solutions and can't be helped, I think you should totally be able to masturbate and use whatever tools you need to get you the release. Why would he be upset about a dildo? It is not a person, just a thing you use with yourself.

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What are the reasons you're not having sex? Is he too busy to see you? Is he saying he's too tired? Is he not initiating? I feel like there's not enough information here for us to help with the problem. Like what is the actual problem that's causing him to not be able to or want to have sex? Erectile dysfunction? Specifics please

 

He pretty much lives with me so he has the time. He tells me it's because he doesnt want me to get bored of it but I swear to god, he is the only guy that I have ever been able to squirt with and actually cum. It's so weird. No offense but he's Asian! Which is pretty ing outstanding. Like I cry when I feel the urge to ask because I know I'll e rejected. The sex with him is just so amazing. It sucks he doesn't want to have sex with me as much as I want to have sex with him. Our relationship outside of sex is great. We're best friends. And even when we actually have sex it's ing great but it's getting him in the mood that's the issue. He's always making up excuses like, "Oh I'm tired, Oh I'm not in the mood" but let me try to go to the bathroom and masterbate with my dildo, he'll start getting upset and say, "So I don't please you enough?!" Then I sit there and cry...and frustrated..wondering where I went wrong? Then I tell him, "You know you please me, but you're never in the mood so I don't bother asking anymore". Like I don't understand. I don't want to leave him, because that's a ed up reason to leave someone because they're not ing you enough. He's my best friend outside of all this sex mess...

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Sounds like sexual incompatibility. If he didn't have sex with you for a month and wonders why you are masturbating, he has his head in the sand. He isn't 30 yet. I don't get how his drive would drop down to 0. If he doesn't want to talk about it with you I would suggest counseling (barring any medical issue he isn't revealing to you, like ED). If he doesn't want to go to counseling then I would tell him the frequency at which you want sex, let him share his desired frequency, then try to compromise. If he doesn't want to face the reality that you are sexually frustrated and look at ways to fix it, I would leave him.

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He pretty much lives with me so he has the time. He tells me it's because he doesnt want me to get bored of it but I swear to god, he is the only guy that I have ever been able to squirt with and actually cum. It's so weird. No offense but he's Asian! Which is pretty ing outstanding. Like I cry when I feel the urge to ask because I know I'll e rejected. The sex with him is just so amazing. It sucks he doesn't want to have sex with me as much as I want to have sex with him. Our relationship outside of sex is great. We're best friends. And even when we actually have sex it's ing great but it's getting him in the mood that's the issue. He's always making up excuses like, "Oh I'm tired, Oh I'm not in the mood" but let me try to go to the bathroom and masterbate with my dildo, he'll start getting upset and say, "So I don't please you enough?!" Then I sit there and cry...and frustrated..wondering where I went wrong? Then I tell him, "You know you please me, but you're never in the mood so I don't bother asking anymore". Like I don't understand. I don't want to leave him, because that's a ed up reason to leave someone because they're not ing you enough. He's my best friend outside of all this sex mess...

 

I think he probably needs to see a doctor by the sounds of it. Not having or enjoying a healthy amount of sex is a warning sign of deeper issues, either relating to his libido, a hormone imbalance or possibly a mood disorder. Rather than make this about your needs, first try to have a constructive conversation about the possible reasons that his sex drive is so much lower than what it should be. If he doesn't have an obvious mental barrier, he probably needs medical advice to figure out what's going on. It isn't normal.

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I think he probably needs to see a doctor by the sounds of it. Not having or enjoying a healthy amount of sex is a warning sign of deeper issues, either relating to his libido, a hormone imbalance or possibly a mood disorder. Rather than make this about your needs, first try to have a constructive conversation about the possible reasons that his sex drive is so much lower than what it should be. If he doesn't have an obvious mental barrier, he probably needs medical advice to figure out what's going on. It isn't normal.

 

Wow, thank you so much! I will definitely bring this to his attention. You have idea how thankful I am for you right now.

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