I am a terrible wife...

I came clean about my affair last month... Had an abortion because my child was my lovers'. I am going insane... I am going crazy.... I quit my job... My husband and I are still fighting and arguing...

I don't have anyone to blame but myself...atleast I admit my part. I apologize many times... He had never apologize his part...which I am not gonna get into.

I feel like killing myself... I found good spots. I don't want to cause any traffic accident, so maybe not the bridge on top of the freeway.

What about my two children? They will miss me... I think they'll get over it. Soon he'll bring a new wife home to replace me... Hopefully he loves her, won't hit her... Hopefully he'll celebrate Valentines & Mothers day with her, don't call her names - stupid, b*tch... Even if she isn't perfect, don't express about how much he regrets marrying her... Don't compare her to other women... Hopefully he gives her the love and attention he never gave me.

I think I know what to do... He always said he bought me off my family, I can repay him back in 20 times I was given to him for...

My family is worried about me... Especially my mom, she has been stressing out and wants me to reach out. I don't want to, I don't want to bothered. I just want to close my eye and not wake up...

My existence will be nothing more than a piece of memory...

If next life does exist, let us be strangers...

Are you still there? Can you please call a suicide line or someone you know? Can you move in with your family for a while?

^

I second Annia's post. We're here for you, and we care...

if he is using your cheating as "reason" to belittle you, treat you as property with a cheap price tag, hit you and call you names you need help for abuse.

you would do well to record it, and save any abusive texts.

your children are growing up in an abusive home. yes, yes they need you and you need to stay alive for them. you cannot leave them with an abusive man.

start the divorce proceedings.

report physical abuse.

Soon he'll bring a new wife home to replace me... Hopefully he loves her, won't hit her... Hopefully he'll celebrate Valentines & Mothers day with her, don't call her names - stupid, b*tch... Even if she isn't perfect, don't express about how much he regrets marrying her... Don't compare her to other women... Hopefully he gives her the love and attention he never gave me.

Refer to Annia's link and get some help. Then figure out how to cut this man out of your life before simply ending it.

There's always two side to a coin. i don't know he actually treated you like that. Many women that engage in affairs create an environment and a reality to suite their immediate wants. If he did then maybe you're better off going to boyfriend.

Ending your life is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Your children need you and you cannot leave them to this abusive man. You need help to get the strength to deal with the issue at hand. Look to the church for help. There is housing for women and children who are being abused. You need a support group. Please keep us informed. chi