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Thread: My wife has zero trust in me

  1. #1
    jumparound80
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    Angry My wife has zero trust in me

    So we have been married for about 8 months now, everything was fine prior to marriage. From the day we got married to today, it has been a living nightmare! She all of a sudden has become this extreme control freak! She wants to know every single aspect of my life, every single message on my phone, every single step I take. She expects me to just go to work, and come straight home. And if I take any detour or stop anywhere I must inform her first.

    Let me tell you how extreme it is.... If I was running out of gas on the way home and stopped at a petrol station and didnt tell her, all hell would break loose. Why didnt I call to say I'm stopping at a gas station to fill up.

    She basically made me cut ties with every single friend of mine because they are all "perverts" and because all men are perverts and she doesnt trust any of my friends..... when I confront her saying that she doesnt trust me, she goes "no i definitely trust you, its just everyone else around you I dont trust". For that reason I cant see my friends, I cant even go to the shops or have a coffee with a friend. If I even dare to speak about going to the shops she goes ape and asks why I want to go so bad, to perve at other women? Like seriously, I cant take this any longer. I love her but its getting too much.

    I gave up swimming because beaches are full of women in bikini and she doesnt want me around that environment. I gave up going out to dinners with friends. I gave up my entire social life just to keep her happy.

    The latest one was, a friend of mine sent me a photo, a funny meme, slightly rude but not THAT rude. She went ape over it saying we are disgusting animals if we think stuff like that is rude. And said she cant believe I have a friend that would send such disgusting photos..... The photo was a bloody sand castle in the shape of a vagina....

    Oh and dont I dare watch any movies with rude scenes in them! I need to look away instantly if a woman is showing her cleavage even..... Its pathetic, its childish, I feel like we are back in 8th grade...... Never in my 25 years of life have I experienced such odd behaviour... My wife is 24.

    I need help, actually she needs help, but in her mind when I confront her, she thinks that every woman is like her and shes in the right and every woman is like her. This aint normal, far from normal.....

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  3. #2
    shellyf62
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    No, every woman is not like her.

    So she honestly has changed to this extreme in 8 months? There was no inkling whatsoever of this kind of controlling behaviour?

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    Capricorn3
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    I find it hard to believe "everything was fine before we got married" and then she miraculously changed overnight when you got married? Surely she displayed some kind of signs of this weird, extreme behaviour before you got married?

    How long were you dating before you got married?

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  7. #4
    jumparound80
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    I kid you not, she never behaved this bad prior to us getting married. And nothing ever happened between us to suddenly trigger such nasty behavior. We were together for about 2 years prior to getting married & we never lived together until we got married. I seriously cant fathom why or how she changed so suddenly.

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  9. #5
    Careerchoice
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    It's up to you to tell her to stop or you'll leave. Then you have to follow through. No one else can do it for you.

  10. #6
    Rezie
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    That's sick behaviour and you don't need to tolerate it. If she thinks it's normal then that is a massive problem. I would strongly suggest seeing a professional individually and as a couple. If her family is normal and thinks that's crazy then talk to them and maybe she will listen to them.

    Could be that marriage triggered something in her. Maybe it causes her some anxiety and this is how it comes out.

  11. #7
    RainyCoast
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    i can't believe nobody has said it.

    she is controlling and possessive and intimidating as all abusers are. whether she is an outright abuser or not, this is abusive behavior.

    all of them treat spouses as their property.

    I kid you not, she never behaved this bad prior to us getting married. And nothing ever happened between us to suddenly trigger such nasty behavior. We were together for about 2 years prior to getting married & we never lived together until we got married. I seriously cant fathom why or how she changed so suddenly.
    first, she trapped you by being perfect.

    a marriage being a legal binding contract, it did two things to encourage her: 1. it finalized it officially, to her A-hole mind, that you are indeed bound to her, thus her crazy excessive claims on you are "legitimate" and 2. she is aware that marriage is more unpleasant and difficult to leave for victims than a relationship without legal binding.

    first of all, see a lawyer to protect your assets.

    secondly, see a therapist or counselor for victims of marital abuse. you don't have to be hit, and you don't have to be a woman to fall into this category. they will educate you on abuse cycles and support you, and provide assistance if and when you want to get out of this marriage.

    thirdly: ahhh the psychological war:

    -never ever show that you are intimidated and that you are willing to comply to her irrational demands to avoid her outbursts. that means, don't answer the phone when you are running errands. you are not an aircraft reporting your coordinates. she will flip, and you will let her, acting like you don't have a care in the world. she will flip more, and you will tell her it's unacceptable and she can chose between shutting up and scheduling a psychiatric appointment and therapy for herself pronto or divorce. say it calmly like you're watching the simpsons and eating doritoes, act like you're having a very pleasant day. she will resort to transferred aggression, break things, yell, hit things, post sh1t about you on facebook. record everything. save and file away all her abusive texts, record the crappola she says and does at home. reiterate her choice. scratch your package like a bored happy racoon and yawn, then say "oh spongebob, you rock" as you turn on the telly. (when you don't answer calls, this has an added benefit. they absolutely can't just leave it be when you are not compliant and intimidated, so they proceed to send abusive texts. that's exhibit A, and you file that away. the more she flips, the more useful the texts become. threats will likely happen eventually, and would be ideal, even just threats of breaking your things, smearing your reputation etc)

    -go swimming with your male and female friends now, while she trashes the apartment in fury if she wants to (just make sure it's recorded). tell them why you have been out of touch. abusers isolate their victims from everyone. i would venture a guess she also doesn't want you talking to your family, and has convinced her mother you are a p.o.s husband?

    -then, watch whatever the heck you want. if she has a problem with what you watch (i suggest the blue lagoon, whichever part, it'll pi$$ her off), reiterate her choices to her.

    -each and every boundary needs to be reestablished by you. you need to start doing everything normal that she has told you is out of line (wear that skin-tight shirt that "makes you look too good to be out in public....where there are wimmin"), and you need to act chill, as opposed to upset and exhausted by her. it's a war of attrition and she knows it's easier for you to comply than put up with her %&&/, she is counting on that and you need to show her it aint happening.
    no matter how crazy her behavior makes you feel, and how much it has exhausted you, remember she is exhausting herself far more and is far more unstable and weak because she has to do everything in her power to constrict your life to an increasingly narrowed little spot around her finger, and if she fails it's unbearable for her because she cannot live without a victim, and with someone who has resources and a life outside of that little spot and is free to go any time. she is the wreck. mark my words, you will see infantile begging and crying in a fetal position if you stand your ground and it'll take all you've got to not fall for it.

    -as you remain cold-blooded, also be prepared for this sudden switch to crying and begging and guilt tripping.

    -with people who have it in them to be controlling, possessive i personally wouldn't even give therapy a try, because they usually lack the empathy to genuinely work on being better partners, and instead, if they agree to marriage counseling etc they may succeed in manipulating therapists, and they show up for sessions only because it is necessary in order to keep their victim (not keep a partner, a relationship, to learn to relate to their partner better because the partner deserves it or any of the normal stuff).

    my honest advice is get out yesterday. if not, insists on counseling. for yourself, because you will likely need it if you stay, but certainly for her individually, and couple's counseling.

    -they will always normalize their behavior ("all women/men are like that, it's normal, you are irrationally wrong")
    when I confront her, she thinks that every woman is like her and shes in the right and every woman is like her
    and they will go as far as saying you can consider yourself lucky you have them "because a different spouse would've beat you/cheated on you/took your children/took you to the courts etc. you are provoking the behavior, you make them do it, by being horrible and she is a martyred saint to put up with you".


    now go turn on every recording device in the house and on your person, call ALL of your friends and plan a huge get together with them at the pool.

    report back any time.
    Last edited by RainyCoast; 05-19-2017 at 08:10 AM.

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  13. #8
    RainyCoast
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    paging Paris Paulette, are you here to preach it, sister?

    OP, please read Paris's posts on abuse.

  14. #9
    LaHermes
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    Jumparound.

    I echo all that Rainy said. To be brief, I think she is plain crazy, and needs immediate help.

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  16. #10
    used2blue
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    My wife has zero trust in me

    I am sorry to hear this.

    I have one word for you friend: Run!
    Well, maybe three words: Run like hell!

    This is certainly not correct and is not a loving supportive relationship.

    She is controlling and these issues are hers.

    Stand up for yourself and what is right. Never stop doing something that is positive for you like swimming and friends because of someone else.

    Have more self respect than giving in and enabling bad behavior.

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