I didnt know this was cheating until i saw how much it hurt him

So my boyfriend and I have been together 8 months. It's been pretty close to perfect over all until last weekend. We trusted each other before this where we would allow each other to go out with our friends to bars and clubs alone. We never went through each others phones or social media. When ever we had disagreements we talked them through. Rarely yelled never cussed or insulted each other. Both were quick to say sorry and rememdy mistakes.

So saturday night we went out to the club for his cousins bday with his friends. We were drinking before getting to the club so I was tipsy. We get inside he uses the bathroom and i go get myself a drink while at the bar an older guy offers to buy my drink. I accept and proceed to chit chat with him. My boyfriend comes as he is buying me my drink and i tell my boyfriend "shhh hes buying me a drink" yes i know mistake number 2 i really wasnt thinking, then he walks away and then the guy ask me for my number ao i give it to him. I know big big mistake number 3. Granted ive flirted to get guys to buy drinks and have given my number out before however with no intention of talking to them again. Nor do they even contact me and if they do i block them. So honestly in my head i knew it started and ended with a drink therefore no harm no foul. Longstory short we fought made up then fought again the next day i apologized, but he says i might as well should have slept with him. My boyfriend is highly upset and hurt and i am sincerely sorry and ow understand i crossed the line and would never do it again. It's been a few days but he is treating it like I cheated, and is saying he doesn't know what he wants. Im giving him space but some moments hes texrkng me happy then hes giving me the spanish inquisitoo and putting me down for what i did. All i do is apologize and reassure him i wont do it again. I want this to work i love him dearly and never meant to hurt him. Im not sure what else to do.

We have plans to get married even set a date and created budgets to buy a house and have a wedding. I told him marriage isnt a walk in the park and there will be times where i mess up and he messes up but we have to work together to move forward and come out stronger. Of course he understood and agreed to so this before the storm came but now it seems like he is going to throw in the towel. I know if it was the other way around i'd be hurt too but i wouldnt use it as grounds to give up on the relationship especially when it showed so much promise.

Your flirting isn't good, regardless of if you consider it cheating or not.

But I take more offense that you use men so liberally. You fake flirt to get free drinks? You give out your number to these poor guys who think they have a chance? That's awful. Do you realize that's manipulative and mean? Do you realize you're using them?

You're the kind of person men complain about. Do you get that?

By the way - I'm a female. Not some scorned guy.

i go get myself a drink while at the bar an older guy offers to buy my drink. I accept and proceed to chit chat with him. My boyfriend comes as he is buying me my drink and i tell my boyfriend "shhh hes buying me a drink" yes i know mistake number 2 i really wasnt thinking, then he walks away and then the guy ask me for my number so i give it to him. I know big big mistake number 3. Granted ive flirted to get guys to buy drinks and have given my number out before

 

My boyfriend is highly upset and hurt

I can totally understand why he is highly upset and hurt. What I find concerning is the fact that you flirt with guys to get them to buy you drinks and give them your number ...when you are already in a relationship. Really? You don't think this is crossing the line and very disrespectful to your boyfriend and your relationship? Would you be happy for him to do the same and hand out his number to strange women at the bar?

I say the best thing you can do is give him space. Hopefully you'll learn from this.

 

But I take more offense that you use men so liberally. You fake flirt to get free drinks? You give out your number to these poor guys who think they have a chance? That's awful. Do you realize that's manipulative and mean? Do you realize you're using them?

 

You're the kind of person men complain about. Do you get that?

 

By the way - I'm a female. Not some scorned guy.

I'm female too, and I'm highly offended at the way you use men to buy you drinks. And brush it off to your boyfriend like it's no big deal.

Let's turn this scenario around: Some girl posts that her boyfriend was buying another girl a drink. And tries to defend this by saying he does this all the time, it's no big deal.

This entire board would be slamming him, and telling her to leave him.

I don't blame your boyfriend for being upset. This is how you treat the man you want to marry?

Wow, just wow.

I cant believe how corrupt your moral compass is.

Using single guys to buy you drinks when you are almost engaged.

You should be ashamed.

My ex asked a guy she knew I didn't like to buy her a drink - right in front of me, then got mad at me when I got upset. Turn the roles around. How would you like it? I doubt you would. Then imagine your bf getting mad at you for getting upset with him for asking a girl to buy him a drink. Feel good?

This is either a troll or a sociopath.

I feel horrible i do i used to be a heartless person and changed so much for him. I ed up. I really didnt realize how horrible this was. I know ill never forget this lesson but i want him back. I support him financially i take care of his kid like he is my own i cook clean laundry everything i dont text or talk on the phone or so anything of the sort. I get it im a horrible person.

I made a mistake and have owned it since hit the fan and i continue to own it and apologize. I just want to know how to be better and how to fix it.

Changing for the future won't change the past. If your boyfriend wants to forgive you he will. If not, this will end.

It doesn't matter that you're supporting him. That doesn't give you a pass to treat him poorly.

OP, may I ask, how old are you?

I just want to know how to be better and how to fix it.

* First, you STOP with all the flirting and giving out your number etc.

* Learn from this.

* Give him all the space he wants and needs. It may not fix it - depends how forgiving he is.

I know i know i just i did everything right and made a bug stupid mistake. Im sorry. I feel horrible i really do.

You haven't changed, as you still use strangers.

Why do you support your bf, and play maid and mom to boot? How does he contribute to your household?

Trust me i will i dont even look at someone else i want to show him i do. Im giving it to him he talks to me some days and says he believes in us and loves me he just needa space then today was a bad day and he just went into me again. I took it because i deserve it.

I feel horrible i do i used to be a heartless person and changed so much for him. I ed up. I really didnt realize how horrible this was. I know ill never forget this lesson but i want him back. I support him financially i take care of his kid like he is my own i cook clean laundry everything i dont text or talk on the phone or so anything of the sort. I get it im a horrible person.

I made a mistake and have owned it since hit the fan and i continue to own it and apologize. I just want to know how to be better and how to fix it.

I'm pleased to see that you feel this way. This shows maturity, in that you are recognizing that this is a behavior that you want to stop. That is a great first step!

The best thing you can do is to express to him how truly awful you feel, and how you've realized what it means, and then give him space to make his decision.

I do hope that he decides to give you another chance, because you do sound truly remorseful.

BTW, you're not a horrible person. A horrible act does not a horrible person make.

He love and supports me and motivated me to go back to therapy and get help for my ptsd. Hea been a good friend and i see so much potential in him i just want to be someone he can lean and vice versa because i believe he is on his way to be amazing but i messed up, that wasnt okay and using people is not okay.

made a big stupid mistake. .

The trouble is, it seems to be a pattern. Do it once, yeah maybe call it a "mistake". Do it repeatedly?? That is no mistake. That is a choice. That is intentional.

Thank you i appreciate it. Its just hard. I miss him and am truly remorseful and wont do it again but of course words mean nothing without action im just praying he gives me the chance to show him. And im praying that god helps me to continue to give me the strength and wisdom to not use people and to think before i act

Why do you support your bf, and play maid and mom to boot? How does he contribute to your household?

You're right. It was selfish but since i knew in my warped logic that it meant nothing i thought it was okay and unfortunantley it took this for me to get slapped into reality and see how fed up it is. Honestly didnt realize until now.

I guess you are not going to answer my question.

This was my answer:

He love and supports me and motivated me to go back to therapy and get help for my ptsd. Hea been a good friend and i see so much potential in him i just want to be someone he can lean and vice versa because i believe he is on his way to be amazing but i messed up, that wasnt okay and using people is not okay.

Ive dated people who had it all also those who have nothing and in between. But i see potential in him he just needs support and someone to believe and him i know one day he will be able to provide the way he wants to thats why i do thoae things for him.

No. It is not.

Why are you supporting this man? Why doesn't he work? Why do you do so much housework and raise his child?

Ive dated people who had it all also those who have nothing and in between. But i see potential in him he just needs support and someone to believe and him i know one day he will be able to provide the way he wants to thats why i do thoae things for him.

OH god! You should never bet on potential. "potential" does not pay the bills.

What does he do during the day?