Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 31

Thread: I didnt know this was cheating until i saw how much it hurt him

  1. #1
    imperfect123

    Join Date
    May 2017
    Posts
    9

    I didnt know this was cheating until i saw how much it hurt him

    So my boyfriend and I have been together 8 months. It's been pretty close to perfect over all until last weekend. We trusted each other before this where we would allow each other to go out with our friends to bars and clubs alone. We never went through each others phones or social media. When ever we had disagreements we talked them through. Rarely yelled never cussed or insulted each other. Both were quick to say sorry and rememdy mistakes.
    So saturday night we went out to the club for his cousins bday with his friends. We were drinking before getting to the club so I was tipsy. We get inside he uses the bathroom and i go get myself a drink while at the bar an older guy offers to buy my drink. I accept and proceed to chit chat with him. My boyfriend comes as he is buying me my drink and i tell my boyfriend "shhh hes buying me a drink" yes i know mistake number 2 i really wasnt thinking, then he walks away and then the guy ask me for my number ao i give it to him. I know big big mistake number 3. Granted ive flirted to get guys to buy drinks and have given my number out before however with no intention of talking to them again. Nor do they even contact me and if they do i block them. So honestly in my head i knew it started and ended with a drink therefore no harm no foul. Longstory short we fought made up then fought again the next day i apologized, but he says i might as well should have slept with him. My boyfriend is highly upset and hurt and i am sincerely sorry and ow understand i crossed the line and would never do it again. It's been a few days but he is treating it like I cheated, and is saying he doesn't know what he wants. Im giving him space but some moments hes texrkng me happy then hes giving me the spanish inquisitoo and putting me down for what i did. All i do is apologize and reassure him i wont do it again. I want this to work i love him dearly and never meant to hurt him. Im not sure what else to do.
    We have plans to get married even set a date and created budgets to buy a house and have a wedding. I told him marriage isnt a walk in the park and there will be times where i mess up and he messes up but we have to work together to move forward and come out stronger. Of course he understood and agreed to so this before the storm came but now it seems like he is going to throw in the towel. I know if it was the other way around i'd be hurt too but i wouldnt use it as grounds to give up on the relationship especially when it showed so much promise.

  2. #2
    mustlovedogs
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    2,603
    Your flirting isn't good, regardless of if you consider it cheating or not.

    But I take more offense that you use men so liberally. You fake flirt to get free drinks? You give out your number to these poor guys who think they have a chance? That's awful. Do you realize that's manipulative and mean? Do you realize you're using them?

    You're the kind of person men complain about. Do you get that?

    By the way - I'm a female. Not some scorned guy.

  3. #3
    Capricorn3
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    13,331
    Quote Originally Posted by imperfect123 [Register to see the link]
    i go get myself a drink while at the bar an older guy offers to buy my drink. I accept and proceed to chit chat with him. My boyfriend comes as he is buying me my drink and i tell my boyfriend "shhh hes buying me a drink" yes i know mistake number 2 i really wasnt thinking, then he walks away and then the guy ask me for my number so i give it to him. I know big big mistake number 3. Granted ive flirted to get guys to buy drinks and have given my number out before

    My boyfriend is highly upset and hurt
    I can totally understand why he is highly upset and hurt. What I find concerning is the fact that you flirt with guys to get them to buy you drinks and give them your number ...when you are already in a relationship. Really? You don't think this is crossing the line and very disrespectful to your boyfriend and your relationship? Would you be happy for him to do the same and hand out his number to strange women at the bar?

    I say the best thing you can do is give him space. Hopefully you'll learn from this.

  4. #4
    LHGirl
    Forum Supporter
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Posts
    923
    Quote Originally Posted by mustlovedogs [Register to see the link]

    But I take more offense that you use men so liberally. You fake flirt to get free drinks? You give out your number to these poor guys who think they have a chance? That's awful. Do you realize that's manipulative and mean? Do you realize you're using them?

    You're the kind of person men complain about. Do you get that?

    By the way - I'm a female. Not some scorned guy.
    I'm female too, and I'm highly offended at the way you use men to buy you drinks. And brush it off to your boyfriend like it's no big deal.

    Let's turn this scenario around: Some girl posts that her boyfriend was buying another girl a drink. And tries to defend this by saying he does this all the time, it's no big deal.
    This entire board would be slamming him, and telling her to leave him.

    I don't blame your boyfriend for being upset. This is how you treat the man you want to marry?

  5. #5
    shellyf62
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Sydney Australia
    Posts
    2,777
    Gender
    Female
    Wow, just wow.
    I cant believe how corrupt your moral compass is.
    Using single guys to buy you drinks when you are almost engaged.
    You should be ashamed.

  6. #6
    Seymore
    Platinum Member Seymore's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Age
    38
    Posts
    4,290
    Gender
    Male
    My ex asked a guy she knew I didn't like to buy her a drink - right in front of me, then got mad at me when I got upset. Turn the roles around. How would you like it? I doubt you would. Then imagine your bf getting mad at you for getting upset with him for asking a girl to buy him a drink. Feel good?

  7. #7
    j.man
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    8,247
    This is either a troll or a sociopath.

  8. #8
    imperfect123

    Join Date
    May 2017
    Posts
    9
    I feel horrible i do i used to be a heartless person and changed so much for him. I ed up. I really didnt realize how horrible this was. I know ill never forget this lesson but i want him back. I support him financially i take care of his kid like he is my own i cook clean laundry everything i dont text or talk on the phone or so anything of the sort. I get it im a horrible person.
    I made a mistake and have owned it since hit the fan and i continue to own it and apologize. I just want to know how to be better and how to fix it.

  9. 05-19-2017, 12:18 AM
    Reason
    Duplicate

  10. #9
    mustlovedogs
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    2,603
    Changing for the future won't change the past. If your boyfriend wants to forgive you he will. If not, this will end.

    It doesn't matter that you're supporting him. That doesn't give you a pass to treat him poorly.

  11. #10
    Capricorn3
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    13,331
    OP, may I ask, how old are you?

  12.  

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Top Threads
Yall ready for a messed up one...
Okay, so i cheated on my bf about 6 month ms into our relationship with a guy 20 years older then me at our work. And it was a rule that it was only
Should you and can you forgive infidelity?
Itís terribly hard to forgive infidelity because we become vulnerable when we love someone and respond emotionally, and not just sensibly. The person

Featured Threads
What eNotAlone gave you?
I wonder mostly about long-time members who decided to be a part of this community. Has this forum enriched your lives, and if so, in what
How to end things with him
Iíve been dating this guy for 2 months. In the beginning he was very sweet and romantic, however I learned in the last month or so that he is
My ex bf told me he wants sex, nudes and me to loan him money until he's stable... Should I lend $?
Hello.. I am 22 I met my ex bf (21) 3 years ago in college. He dropped out of college after the first semester.. he didn't go to finals. He stayed in
How Should I have handled it?
My GF and I were together for about 5 months. Things were great except for some of my questioning her online activity which challenged her. All
My Ex Husband still berates me
Hello, first off I am not sure why I am on a forum but.. I need an anonymous outlet I guess because my friends and family all say the same thing
Yall ready for a messed up one...
Okay, so i cheated on my bf about 6 month ms into our relationship with a guy 20 years older then me at our work. And it was a rule that it was only
Iím at a really bad state of mind right now
Itís been a little over the month since the breakup, since then, heís messaged me 2-3 times about random topics (that I donít care about), and has
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •