Anxiety around crushes

Does anyone here get anxiety attacks when they have a crush on people?

At the end of last year I overheard a conversation where I thought someone was interested in the woman I had a crush on at the time. That made me really anxious and I ended up panicking and ruining any chance I had with her. Although I got over that crush relatively quickly I still felt ashamed about how I'd acted, which made me more anxious. Then I probably blew everything out of proportion and made everything worse...

Needless to say, it's been about seven months since it started and I still feel anxious around her, and I worry that I make her uncomfortable just by being around (we're at university, so it's not always easy to avoid her). A couple of months ago I sent her a message on Facebook, apologising:

[Her]

I'm not sure I can fully express how ashamed I am about my behaviour last year. I remember how frightened you looked when you saw me waiting for the lift, during the last week before the Christmas break. I'm sure I also embarrassed you a few times as well. I'm so sorry I put you through all that.

After [another campus we had to go to for a few weeks] last year, I was so focused on my own anxieties I didn't consider how my attention would make you feel. There's no excuse for that.

I know it doesn't mean much after the fact but I wish I'd just stayed away from you from the start and I hope I haven't significantly tainted your university experience.

I'm not looking for forgiveness. I just want to make a promise that I should have made long before now. That is, whether or not we run into each other in the future, I promise I will never bother you again.

[Me]

When I'm feeling anxious and ashamed, I tend not to think things like that through.

I saw her again yesterday and I might be seeing her again today, so I'm not feeling that good right now. Combined with a presentation I had to do yesterday (at which I noticed she was just staring straight ahead, rather than at the screen, with a stern look on her face), I haven't had the best couple of days.

I was in high school when I found out the guy that I wanted to be with began dating another girl. We were in class and someone mentioned it, I froze. I also had a very physical reaction when I read in the newspaper years later that a my "crush" was engaged. It was my version of the anxiety attack.

Yes, you are blowing this way out of proportion If she was interested in you before, maybe it would be an issue for her, but you said nothing that makes me believe she did have feelings for you. If she feels uncomfortable around you, it's not because she could sense your feelings for her, but because you had the attack and she doesn't know if it will happen again. Being around a person who has anxiety attacks is not a good feeling, because of the unknown. I wish you had not promised that you wouldn't bother her anymore. You set yourself up for trying to avoid her when you can't do it. Find someone else in the class that you can relax with and let the real you show. It will put everyone at ease if you are comfortable in your own skin.

Your anxiety is real, but it can be remedied. How do you feel about essential oils? There are many that have relaxing properties, lavender for instance, chamomile, Vetiver, ylang ylang, etc. Put a drop of it on your inner wrist to help with anxiety.

I don't know how vetiver smells, it might be more masculine.

If there's anything I've learned about crushes it's that maturity helps with the anxiety. Treat them like regular people. Your crush was a person before they were your crush. As soon as you establish that in your mind, it should be easier to talk to them. Hope this helps.

I was in high school when I found out the guy that I wanted to be with began dating another girl. We were in class and someone mentioned it, I froze. I also had a very physical reaction when I read in the newspaper years later that a my "crush" was engaged. It was my version of the anxiety attack.

 

Yes, you are blowing this way out of proportion If she was interested in you before, maybe it would be an issue for her, but you said nothing that makes me believe she did have feelings for you. If she feels uncomfortable around you, it's not because she could sense your feelings for her, but because you had the attack and she doesn't know if it will happen again. Being around a person who has anxiety attacks is not a good feeling, because of the unknown. I wish you had not promised that you wouldn't bother her anymore. You set yourself up for trying to avoid her when you can't do it. Find someone else in the class that you can relax with and let the real you show. It will put everyone at ease if you are comfortable in your own skin.

 

Your anxiety is real, but it can be remedied. How do you feel about essential oils? There are many that have relaxing properties, lavender for instance, chamomile, Vetiver, ylang ylang, etc. Put a drop of it on your inner wrist to help with anxiety.

 

I don't know how vetiver smells, it might be more masculine.

 

 

I don't think she was ever interested. I knew I didn't have a chance, but I thought a quick rejection would be easier than suffering with a hopeless crush for months.

 

There was someone else for a while earlier this year. I would occasionally notice her looking at me between lectures last year, but I never reacted to it at the time. Then in January I started talking to her and she was quite flirty. But she was rather confusing to a guy with virtually no experience with women, like me. To cut a long story short, I asked her out in February and it turned out she's in a relationship. Thankfully, she was quite insistent that things not become awkward, so we still get on well. Although she can still be rather flirty.

 

As for my former crush. I sent her a message 10 days ago, asking if she'd like to see the fossils I've been using for my MSc project. It was just a small attempt to clear the air before our course finishes in September. I saw her in the restaurant on Friday with a friend. I noticed she kept looking over at me, so I nodded hello, but I don't know if she didn't notice or ignored it, because she was saying something to her friend at the time, while looking over in my direction. I thought about going over to say hello but as soon as I finished paying for food she started playing with her phone. I decided it would be best if I didn't, so I left.

Before overcoming anxiety first requires the awareness to the root of the cause. Without truly understanding the depth of your consciousness during discomfort I could only assume that you're subconsciously over analysing the process of taking action and the fear of what lies ahead with more emotional involvement. Maybe you feel pressured to act, yet would rather jump on the waiting boat knowingly but disregarding that the 40 year old virgin is in the making.