Giving Him Space

So my boyfriend and I were dating and things were going really well, but then things started getting just kind of "off" like it was one little thing after another and he said he still had a crush on the girl who he was fooling around with before we got back together, and I said lets take a break for two weeks, see if we want to fix this then, after seeing other people. He is VERY IMPULSIVE. Three days into our break he called it quits, a week after that he showed up at my house tears streaming down his face saying he loved me but didnt think I would take him back because he had fooled around with that girl again, I yelled at first said everything was ruined but him crying and my love for him got the best of me and so I gave in, he showed me this poem that said he was meant to be with me for the rest of his life. We dated for a week until today and things were really good for that week, but he ran into the girl cause she showed up at his work like a stalker, and then i saw a poem he wrote that night that said he missed her but wish he didnt. I confronted him and said I cant be in a relationship with him when I know he has feelings for another, I told him I want him to take 21-35 days to just find out who he wants and not talk to either of us during that time and he agreed. I also told him to wait a few days after hes made a decision because hes so impulsive. Have I done the right thing? And what do you think the likely outcome will be? We dated for three years, and hes fooled around with this girl off and on for like four months. The main reason I'm giving him space is because I dont want anything about us being together to feel forced. The thing is we were so happy together for most of those three years, and he stuck around for four months after i broke his heart, but i waited to long so he moved on. Its just that i know we still love eachother and i really think we could make it work once he gets past this crush, if he does get past it during this break.

Stop giving him second, third, etc chances with 'space' and 'breaks' He uses those to date the other girl not reflect on you.

He's playing you both. He told you "I'm like 85-90% sure im in love with you." He's 19 you are 20. He much too immature for you and wants to play the field.

Stay no contact and stop being fooled by poems and crocodile tears.

I told him I want him to take 21-35 days to just find out who he wants and not talk to either of us during tht time and he agreed.

He agreed that he wont be speaking to either of us though? So he can actually reflect on who he wants to be with because he keeps hurting us both.

Why don't You decide you don't want to be with a player. Why let him decide to treat you as a back-up plan? He can and will be talking to plenty of girls when you give him the 'space' he manipulates you into giving him.

So he can actually reflect on who he wants to be with because he keeps hurting us both.

I dont think you understand the type of person he is. Hes just honestly confused and doesnt mean to keep hurting people so i told him to take the space to figure out what he wants. We dated for three years and i was to him for a month after the fact and treated him like an option for the three following and he finally got tired and caught feelings for someone else. He loved me when i didnt deserve it so i guess i feel like im returning the favor so we can be happy in the long run. Weve both only ever dated one other person.

He didnt ask for the space i insisted. When i brought it up he said hed get over it eventually and that we should keep dating and i said i couldnt be with someone that liked someone else.

The classic "I'm confused". When you're older you'll understand there's no confusion when it comes to love. He's not confused. He's enjoying the attention of two women. Listen to what Wiseman is saying. He's dead on. This guy is 19 and loving that two women are chasing him.

No, you haven't done the right thing.

The right thing would be to preserve your dignity and never play second fiddle to a "confused" guy. What is going to change in 21-35 days? That number is arbitrary and won't do anything to solve the underlying problem. He doesn't want only you, and if you really believe he won't talk to her in the next month you're fooling only yourself.

Listen, a guy who is really in love with you would never risk losing you to test out another girl. It's just that simple, despite you and he trying to justify his crappy behaviour. The right guy would not be "confused." He's 19 - he wants to sow his oats and believe me when I say he's getting off on the fact that you and this other girl are both after him.

Take it from those of us who are older and have been around this block a few times: you're going to get hurt if you don't put a stop to this.

get rid of him, go NC and move on.

wiseman2 is bang on teh money

good luck

I'm not going to just give up on him. He loved me when I didnt deserve and I'll do the sane so we can be happy together. I asked if I was dping the right thing, not for people to paint my boyfriend into someone he's not he's a good person and I'm giving him the space he needs to find his way back to me. The number is not arbitrary thats how long it usually takes to get over a crush and I told him to come back when he feels hes over her and can work on our relationship with me. Im not nieve for thinking they wont be speaking during this break because they wont be he's blocked her on everything. I appreciate the opinions, but none od them answered my question if youre not here to answer my questions dont comment.

I'm not going to just give up on him. He loved me when I didnt deserve and I'll do the sane so we can be happy together. I asked if I was dping the right thing, not for people to paint my boyfriend into someone he's not he's a good person and I'm giving him the space he needs to find his way back to me. The number is not arbitrary thats how long it usually takes to get over a crush and I told him to come back when he feels hes over her and can work on our relationship with me. Im not nieve for thinking they wont be speaking during this break because they wont be he's blocked her on everything. I appreciate the opinions, but none od them answered my question if youre not here to answer my questions dont comment.

According to?

I know you are defensive but you don't get to control the responses to your questions. You've posted on a public forum, so you have to realize and accept that you are going to get a wide range of opinions and replies. Some of them you won't like, because they're not what you want to hear. We took the time to answer you and share our thoughts, so remember that before being rude and dismissive to the posters.

And it's not true that we didn't answer you questions. You asked "Have I done the right thing?" I specifically replied, "No, you haven't." That is an answer, OP. And I also explained why I feel that way. Then you asked, "What do you think the outcome will be?" And I replied, "You are going to get hurt." That is also an answer. I encourage you to go back and re-read the thread if you missed that.

Look, you can stick around this guy if you want. You can keep yourself on stand-by and in second place. It's not a smart idea and most of us are speaking from personal experience on that and can easily see what the outcome will be, but since you don't agree, proceed with extreme caution. You're going to need it.

hes not for you im sorry. save yourself the pain now and let him go. trust me on this been there done that

I'm sorry you're going through this! I think taking some time apart is a good idea. I would recommend not talking to each other during that time and use that time to really evaluate how you feel. I know it's hard on this forum, it's difficult to understand with just a paragraph about the situation but it does sound like maybe you deserve better. Really evaluate how you feel, maybe talk to someone you trust or a therapist, and at the end contact him again and see how you both are feeling (but keep in mind that he might not want to come back).