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Ex Immediately in a New Relationship... Advice?


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I just joined this site on day 7 of NC. I'll try to keep this short.

 

My ex (30) and I (27) were together for 3.5 years. We were very good together, we had the same life goals, the same sense of humor, our families loved each other (we would have big family bbq's every summer), I don't believe in soul mates but I think we were as close as is possible.

 

In the second year he moved to Europe for a year, and then back into our apartment and then in the fourth year back to Europe. We had been having a bit of a stressful time over the past 7-8 months, he was writing his dissertation and I was completing graduate school applications. So I knew we were both really stressed but we would always talk about how we were feeling and he would say that it was just school and work and for me it was just school.

 

In March we got into a fight but because of the time difference had to leave it. Two days later I called him early in the morning and we had a quick chat where he said he loved me and missed me. Then a few hours later he called because we had more time to talk and I asked if he wanted to talk about the argument and he just broke up with. He said he hasn't been happy in a year and gave the whole I love you but not in love with you. I asked if there was someone else and he said he maybe liked this other girl (who's 6 years younger than him and from a different European country than the one they're in, but is living there for the year as well) but nothing has happened.

 

Him and this other girl (who actually looks like a younger me) started dating a week later and now he's taken a leave of absence from the university and is trying to extend his visa to stay in Europe for another year.

 

I tried to be friends with him for the first 6 weeks (he said we wanted to be friends and would be very upset if we didn't stay friends) but it was completely one sided and almost every conversation would end with me crying and wanting to get back together. A week ago we were talking and he said the new girlfriend is also going to be staying in for another year and I lost it and just got super upset I asked him if he loves the new girl and he said he doesn't know. So I decided to go no contact. I emailed him a list of the things we had together in the apartment so we could divvy up our things and he said he saw it and will let me know but hasn't replied as of yet.

 

I just don't know what happened, we barely argued and when we did it was always very civil and polite. I thought we were in love and we often talked about our future together. Now we've been broken up for 7 weeks, in NC for 1 week, and he's been in a new relationship for 6 weeks. I just miss him like crazy. He said he's happy and, while it's scary, he's excited about the fact that he is able to start his life over, so I don't think he's going to change his mind or come back.

 

I just don't know what to do, I just miss him so much. I've been trying to focus on myself, I have been exercising (I've actually lost a lot of weight), started learning Italian, working on my French, diving into work etc. but it's not getting easier. He obviously isn't missing me or wanting to come back to me if he's trying to stay in Europe with her. I don't know, I guess I'm just looking for advice/support? I want him to miss me and to realize he made a mistake.

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Advice? Stay nc completely. No social media stalking, no finding out what's going on in his life. Keep exercising, maintaining a healthy diet, spend time with friends and family. It will pass in time if you let it.

 

The new relationship was likely in the works while you were together and helped him make up his mind to end it. It happens a lot. You should not wait around for him in any shape, fashion or form. It seems the majority of this relationship has been long distance, which does not bode well when long term unresolved stress enters the picture.

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i am so sorry. i lost my fiance to another girl he lusted after. he left me and got right with her after a few days of breaking up with me- and we were together for years. he told me i was the one. and all of that cr@p. my best advice....don't talk to him. even if it pains you. even if your heart feels like it's gone through the shredder. don't say anything to him... you cannot make anyone miss you. and you especially cannot if you are the one who always comes around to say hi, ya know? give him your absence. and if it really hurts him enough he will come back around. also, to be with someone that soon after a very serious break up is usually a rebound. unless he's madly in love with her. but i doubt it. my ex did the same and they didn't last long.. best of luck to you. let me know if you need any help or support. its been 2 years for me and i still miss him from time to time. but i regret all the time i wasted trying to get him to miss me. the more you force things on men the more they become even more positive they do not want it. trust me lol.

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We were long distance for a total of 1 year and 5 months combined out of the 3.5 years but even in that time I went to visit him multiple times. Most recently I was there for 2 weeks over Christmas and I thought we had a lot of fun, but if he's telling me he was unhappy for the last year then why wouldn't he have just broken up with me while I was there rather than over the phone 3 months later? I deleted him off of facebook a few weeks ago so I wouldn't have to see him with her. I don't know that it was in the works while we were still together, when we broke up he just said that he kind of had a crush on her and had maybe been flirting with her.

 

It just doesn't make sense that he's broke up with me, dropped out of school a year away from finishing his PhD, and now wants to stay there half way around the world.

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Oh man I feel for you what he's done sounds so cruel and unfair to you, particularly when he said he was excited about starting his life over - way to stick the knife in and twist it! Perhaps as he's reached 30 he's having a bit of a crisis and chucking his life away for something more "exciting" - eg the younger girl. Ugh!

 

I know it's hard, but mourning your relationship will be a good part of the healing process. I'd suggest the same as the others - no contact and avoid social media etc. It's tempting to want to check up on him but it's causing you more upset. .

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Trying to stay friends was a HUGE mistake. Don't. Dumpers ask that so that they can feel less guilty and avoid feeling the void of missing the dumpee. Try to stay nc as in learning absolutely NO new information about him in any form - Pretend that he is DEAD. That also means NO cyber stalking and no talking about him to common friends or his family. The reality is that anything new you learn about him is TOXIC. As long as he is with her, any contact with you only serves to relieve his guilt and facilitate his transition to the new girl. Plus, you cannot count on her being a rebound. Rebounds have been known to develop into long-term relationships. Consider any contact he initiates as an effort to feel less guilt. And get angry. This guy monkey branched to another relationship. This was a man who lacked loyalty and emotionally cheated i.e. no integrity. That's one of the worst betrayals. He proved that he cannot be trusted and with no trust there is nothing. You lost nobody special. Treat him like dead and focus on your healing as you have been doing. It will take time but it WILL get better. However remember that any contact / learning anything new about him = prolonging the pain. Good luck with your healing.

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Sorry to hear this. It sounds like the the stress of a LDR took it's toll. You were wise to not stay friends and listen about his new gf. No contact is best for healing and moving forward.

 

You are doing everything right and it will be a while. It sounds like they met and he didn't want to cheat, so broke up. There was nothing you did wrong or could have done. Don't wait around for him. Continue to move forward with your life.

He said he hasn't been happy in a year and gave the whole I love you but not in love with you. I asked if there was someone else and he said he maybe liked this other girl . Him and this other girl started dating a week later.he said the new girlfriend is also going to be staying in for another year
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i am so sorry. i lost my fiance to another girl he lusted after. he left me and got right with her after a few days of breaking up with me- and we were together for years. he told me i was the one. and all of that cr@p. my best advice....don't talk to him. even if it pains you. even if your heart feels like it's gone through the shredder. don't say anything to him... you cannot make anyone miss you. and you especially cannot if you are the one who always comes around to say hi, ya know? give him your absence. and if it really hurts him enough he will come back around. also, to be with someone that soon after a very serious break up is usually a rebound. unless he's madly in love with her. but i doubt it. my ex did the same and they didn't last long.. best of luck to you. let me know if you need any help or support. its been 2 years for me and i still miss him from time to time. but i regret all the time i wasted trying to get him to miss me. the more you force things on men the more they become even more positive they do not want it. trust me lol.

 

I totally agree with this.

 

I'm very sorry for this.

 

The more we ask for closure, the more we contact after break up, the more we try to be near them after breaking up, the more they want to run away or keep us on the emotional back burner. No, it's not possible to be friends with exes right after break up while you're brokenhearted and is selfish and unfair for an ex to ask that. Please stick to NC to heal and delete and block all his social media so you don't fall into the temptation of checking what he's up to. You're doing all the right things to move on by exercising and focusing on doing good things.

 

You'll never know exactly why he's done this and knowing details will only hurt you more. Closure is that tricky bastard that we expect from others but can only be given by ourselves.

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Trying to stay friends was a HUGE mistake. Don't. Dumpers ask that so that they can feel less guilty and avoid feeling the void of missing the dumpee. Try to stay nc as in learning absolutely NO new information about him in any form - Pretend that he is DEAD. That also means NO cyber stalking and no talking about him to common friends or his family. The reality is that anything new you learn about him is TOXIC. As long as he is with her, any contact with you only serves to relieve his guilt and facilitate his transition to the new girl. Plus, you cannot count on her being a rebound. Rebounds have been known to develop into long-term relationships. Consider any contact he initiates as an effort to feel less guilt. And get angry. This guy monkey branched to another relationship. This was a man who lacked loyalty and emotionally cheated i.e. no integrity. That's one of the worst betrayals. He proved that he cannot be trusted and with no trust there is nothing. You lost nobody special. Treat him like dead and focus on your healing as you have been doing. It will take time but it WILL get better. However remember that any contact / learning anything new about him = prolonging the pain. Good luck with your healing.

 

100% this. Amen.

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i will never understand men. i literally just went thru something where this guy added me on facebook right? and he pursued me so much. called me and said good morning every single day for five months. yet he kept making excuses to see me. so i ask one last time saying hey i liked u a lot can we please hang soon? and he says works been crazy but he wants to take a vacation and will let me know asap. he seemed totally happy. we joked around like usual the rest of that day...then poof! he ignores me. yet doesn't block me or unfriend me. he wont even open my facebook private messages to see what i had to say to him...just like im a ghost to him...i'm still crushed over it and very much confused. his family even know me by name and recognized me when we would video chat. teased him saying im the new girlfriend..he was super nerdy but cute looking to me, and id like to think im attractive, and made it very obvious i liked him. i dont get it. lol..

 

 

my serious ex left me after he met a girl PLAYING VIDEO GAMES. we were going to be freaking engaged. and he left me then got with her right away. but karma doesn't play nice and she ended up cheating on him! lol...he's with a girl from his senior college class now. they are still together. yet he will still "check in" and ask how i am from time to time. and stalks me on social media. very strange. once again, i will never understand men. i know there are some great ones out there. but def a rarity and hard to find. even harder to find out who fits all your interests etc....good thing i got a dog.

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I am going through the same thing as well so I understand how hard it is.

 

My ex broke up with me last Wednesday. Everything was normal so it was a big surprise for me. We have been dating for almost two years. Last September, he decided to move out of New York and move to Hawaii. Before his move we discussed to continue our relationship because we both loved each other. I was going to move at by the end of 2017. We agreed that if we think long distance is not working out, I will move to Hawaii immediately and if I cannot find job there we will move to California (I am on h1 visa so it's hard to switch job). We were talking about moving together, buying an apartment in Hawaii and getting married.

 

I have meet his family and travel with them. Since he couldn't take time off from new job for 6 months, I have been visiting him frequently. I went with him in September to help him move. I looked up apartments, scheduled appointment and helped him organize his apartment. Since he was busy with work, I stayed two week and bought everything for the apartment (except bed) because for me it was my apartment too...I was planning to move there in a year. Then I visited him in December for Christmas and New Years and stayed there two weeks. I recently went in March with my family. So this time it was his turn to visit NY, he was supposed to come this Thursday and we were going to run a half marathon together. But he called me last Wednesday and said that he is not coming and he wants to break up.

 

He said he hasn't been happy recently and think it's not working out. I was in shock because till that phone call, we were having normal conversation...discussing how our day went, saying love you and miss you etc. I asked him if he doesn't want long distance then I can try to move immediately and he said he doesn't want to continue and it won't change anything. I asked him if he found somebody else, he said no. I asked him if he doesn't love me anymore the same way and he said he still loves me but that doesn't mean the relationship will work. Recently we had some arguments and I complained about long distance because of the 6 hour time difference and him not calling me on time. So I asked if that was the reason then he doesn't have to call me often. He said that was not the reason.

 

I asked him to give us one more chance because we never had a big fight or argument before, he said that there is nothing to change to make it work...I have been great, there is no 3rd person involved so nothing for us to work on. He said I deserve someone better and someone that can be there with me physically. He said he still wants to be friend but not to keep in contact in the beginning. We said goodbye to each other and I cried the whole night.

 

It was his birthday this weekend, and I had ordered him gifts before the break up so he messaged me on Friday saying thank you for the gift and sorry for hurting me and if I need to talk I can call him anytime. I really missed him so I called him. I asked him the reason that it went from moving in with someone and buying an apartment together to 100% sure breaking up in one phone call. I asked if he was stressed from work or he needed some time to think and we can talk about us after few weeks or month. He said he is 100% sure that it's over and doesn't need time to think and wants me to move on.

 

I requested him to meet me once, I was willing to fly down to Hawaii just to see him even for 5 minutes to say our goodbye in person. He said no because that's not going to change anything and I told him I understand that but he means a lot to me and I just wanted to see him once in person before I can move on peacefully, and after investing so much time I don't want our last contact to be a phone call. He said it's been only two days from break up and it would get better. He doesn't want to see me right now, and I should try to understand that it's very hard for him, he needs some time and space. So I told him that he should also understand how I am feeling and if he ever loved me me then if I give him some time, he is willing to meet me once. He initially said no but eventually he said he will consider it but for now he doesn't want to see me at all.

 

Today, it will be a week that he broke up with me and only second day with no contact. It's very hard, I can't stop crying, I have zero appetite and everyday I have to fight myself not to buy flight ticket to Hawaii. Since he said he needs some time and space to see me, I am trying to respect his request and also give myself sometime to think rationally. I want to give it a month and see if I still have the feeling that I need to meet him once.

 

I have been trying to keep myself busy and hanging out with my friends. Everyone keeps saying that it's not my fault, I deserve someone better, I should try to forget him and time will heal everything. I understand that they all mean well and it's truth that time will eventually heal this pain. But until then it's very hard and painful.

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I am going through the same thing as well so I understand how hard it is.

 

My ex broke up with me last Wednesday. Everything was normal so it was a big surprise for me. We have been dating for almost two years. Last September, he decided to move out of New York and move to Hawaii. Before his move we discussed to continue our relationship because we both loved each other. I was going to move at by the end of 2017. We agreed that if we think long distance is not working out, I will move to Hawaii immediately and if I cannot find job there we will move to California (I am on h1 visa so it's hard to switch job). We were talking about moving together, buying an apartment in Hawaii and getting married.

 

I have meet his family and travel with them. Since he couldn't take time off from new job for 6 months, I have been visiting him frequently. I went with him in September to help him move. I looked up apartments, scheduled appointment and helped him organize his apartment. Since he was busy with work, I stayed two week and bought everything for the apartment (except bed) because for me it was my apartment too...I was planning to move there in a year. Then I visited him in December for Christmas and New Years and stayed there two weeks. I recently went in March with my family. So this time it was his turn to visit NY, he was supposed to come this Thursday and we were going to run a half marathon together. But he called me last Wednesday and said that he is not coming and he wants to break up.

 

He said he hasn't been happy recently and think it's not working out. I was in shock because till that phone call, we were having normal conversation...discussing how our day went, saying love you and miss you etc. I asked him if he doesn't want long distance then I can try to move immediately and he said he doesn't want to continue and it won't change anything. I asked him if he found somebody else, he said no. I asked him if he doesn't love me anymore the same way and he said he still loves me but that doesn't mean the relationship will work. Recently we had some arguments and I complained about long distance because of the 6 hour time difference and him not calling me on time. So I asked if that was the reason then he doesn't have to call me often. He said that was not the reason.

 

I asked him to give us one more chance because we never had a big fight or argument before, he said that there is nothing to change to make it work...I have been great, there is no 3rd person involved so nothing for us to work on. He said I deserve someone better and someone that can be there with me physically. He said he still wants to be friend but not to keep in contact in the beginning. We said goodbye to each other and I cried the whole night.

 

It was his birthday this weekend, and I had ordered him gifts before the break up so he messaged me on Friday saying thank you for the gift and sorry for hurting me and if I need to talk I can call him anytime. I really missed him so I called him. I asked him the reason that it went from moving in with someone and buying an apartment together to 100% sure breaking up in one phone call. I asked if he was stressed from work or he needed some time to think and we can talk about us after few weeks or month. He said he is 100% sure that it's over and doesn't need time to think and wants me to move on.

 

I requested him to meet me once, I was willing to fly down to Hawaii just to see him even for 5 minutes to say our goodbye in person. He said no because that's not going to change anything and I told him I understand that but he means a lot to me and I just wanted to see him once in person before I can move on peacefully, and after investing so much time I don't want our last contact to be a phone call. He said it's been only two days from break up and it would get better. He doesn't want to see me right now, and I should try to understand that it's very hard for him, he needs some time and space. So I told him that he should also understand how I am feeling and if he ever loved me me then if I give him some time, he is willing to meet me once. He initially said no but eventually he said he will consider it but for now he doesn't want to see me at all.

 

Today, it will be a week that he broke up with me and only second day with no contact. It's very hard, I can't stop crying, I have zero appetite and everyday I have to fight myself not to buy flight ticket to Hawaii. Since he said he needs some time and space to see me, I am trying to respect his request and also give myself sometime to think rationally. I want to give it a month and see if I still have the feeling that I need to meet him once.

 

I have been trying to keep myself busy and hanging out with my friends. Everyone keeps saying that it's not my fault, I deserve someone better, I should try to forget him and time will heal everything. I understand that they all mean well and it's truth that time will eventually heal this pain. But until then it's very hard and painful.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this! I know it's hard but if I could go back one thing I would tell myself is start no contact right away! If you can start it now! I think it made it much harder on myself to keep trying for so long. That being said, if you can't don't be too hard on yourself.

 

I also understand what you mean about people's support. At this point I'm so tired of people telling me it will get better and I need to move on. Like 'oh I never thought of that, thank you, I will just move on!' If it were that easy this site wouldn't exist - but I also know they mean well...

 

I lost 7 pounds in the first week so I know what you mean about no appetite! If you want to talk I'm here! You're right the two scenarios do sound pretty similar!

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Thank you. I am trying to do no contact, it's just second day of no contact so it's very hard. He was supposed to come tomorrow and I still keep hoping that he will come.

 

I still do not understand the reason for breakup. I have asked him everything I can think of but he keeps denying those reason. He still says he loves me and misses me and cannot explain the reason. He just hasn't been happy recently for few weeks and thinks it is not working out. I asked him just to give any reason so it easier for me to accept, but he keeps saying loving someone doesn't mean it will work out. We both are 30 and we had plans to get married, we even discussed that we will have a very small wedding. I can't stop thinking that I should have moved to Hawaii sooner or not push him too much about phone calls. The hardest part is he broke it off so easily without hesitation or even discussing what the problem was and if we can work it out together.

 

Yeah I agree with you. I know they mean well but tired of people saying to move on and I will find someone better. It is easier said than done. I found this site only today and it is very helpful.

 

7 pounds in a week is a lot, hope you are feeling better and have gained some appetite back. I know it is very hard and I am have lost weight too. I am trying to eat since I am planning to run this weekend. Even though I signed up for the race just for him and he helped me train, I will do it on my own.

 

I would love to talk. It was very nice of you to reply back so thank you

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I still do not understand the reason for breakup. I have asked him everything I can think of but he keeps denying those reason. He still says he loves me and misses me and cannot explain the reason. He just hasn't been happy recently for few weeks and thinks it is not working out. I asked him just to give any reason so it easier for me to accept, but he keeps saying loving someone doesn't mean it will work out. We both are 30 and we had plans to get married, we even discussed that we will have a very small wedding. I can't stop thinking that I should have moved to Hawaii sooner or not push him too much about phone calls. The hardest part is he broke it off so easily without hesitation or even discussing what the problem was and if we can work it out together. .

 

 

This sounds like you:

 

How did you do today? Did you maintain no contact? I sent a text today about our apartment (with him breaking up with me we're obviously giving it up). I told myself I had to but I think in all honesty I just wanted to talk to him. He hasn't replied (with the time change it was very late when I messaged him). I wish I were stronger...

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This sounds like you:

 

How did you do today? Did you maintain no contact? I sent a text today about our apartment (with him breaking up with me we're obviously giving it up). I told myself I had to but I think in all honesty I just wanted to talk to him. He hasn't replied (with the time change it was very late when I messaged him). I wish I were stronger...

 

That does sounds like my situation. I am going crazy trying to find a reason. I think I was too clingy for him. It was change of lifestyle for him and new place. He is out everyday hiking and surfing and probably didn't want to spend time calling me.

 

I did not do well today. I had bought him a gift that I was going to give him as a surprise when I move to Hawaii. I posted it immediately after break up and he received it only yesterday. He messaged me late last night, thanking for the gift and it's was great surprise, I am great at keeping secret and he really appreciates it. It was just friendly text that required no response back. But I was weak and I texted him back today morning and broke up no contact. I told him I bought in January when I was visiting him in Hawaii and I was hiding in my luggage and wished him a good day. I know he is not going to message me back but I keep hoping he does.

 

Aww I feel bad for you that you still have to deal with apartment issue. I understand your feeling, I just keep trying to find something to talk to him as well. I know it's very hard. But stay strong even when he replies back to your text

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I know how you feel, I think that's part of why I stayed in contact for so long - to try and find a reason and make sense of everything. I also offered to fly there to talk to him but he refused as well.

 

I wish I could tell you what to do! If I knew I'd be doing it myself... If it was that you were too clingy then giving him space might be best to give him room to breath and miss you. I really hope he comes back after a bit of a breather! I really hope that mine comes back but at this point it seems unlikely, he started seeing this girl right after we broke up and he clearly had some feelings before we broke up or else he wouldn't have gotten in a new relationship so quickly. I just feel like I can't compete with a younger girl and the Mediterranean. I haven't given up hope but it seems like if we do get back together it will be in the distant future.

 

This forum ( ) has been very motivating when I am having a particularly hard day!

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I know how you feel, I think that's part of why I stayed in contact for so long - to try and find a reason and make sense of everything. I also offered to fly there to talk to him but he refused as well.

 

I wish I could tell you what to do! If I knew I'd be doing it myself... If it was that you were too clingy then giving him space might be best to give him room to breath and miss you. I really hope he comes back after a bit of a breather! I really hope that mine comes back but at this point it seems unlikely, he started seeing this girl right after we broke up and he clearly had some feelings before we broke up or else he wouldn't have gotten in a new relationship so quickly. I just feel like I can't compete with a younger girl and the Mediterranean. I haven't given up hope but it seems like if we do get back together it will be in the distant future.

 

This forum ( ) has been very motivating when I am having a particularly hard day!

 

I wish I could tell you what to do too. I am a complete mess right now and cannot give any suggestion.

 

That's what I am thinking, to give some time and space. I am giving him a month and call him to if he is willing to meet me once. He already said he is not going to change his mind so I don't think he will agree but I just want to give it a try.

 

He was supposed to be here today, so it's very hard. I really miss him. I know he is off today and tomorrow so will be home. I just have to be stronger not to call him today or tomorrow. I dreamt today that he called me to say sorry and he wants me back. He spoke with his mom and realized his mistake. His parents really liked me and his mom used to text me frequently. He is very closed with his mom.

 

It's definitely hard when your is ex already started seeing someone else. I hope it's just a rebound for him and they break up soon. Thanks, I will check the forum. That's what I have been doing mostly, reading the forum to keep myself going. I took off from work for a week because I couldn't stop crying but now at home I feel even lonely. I can't wait till it's 5 so I can see my friends. Come home sleep and don't feel like waking up.

 

Day 1 of no contact for both of us, hope we can stick to it.

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Not good... we spoke on the phone and I found out he'd been lying to me for months (I made a post about it here ) he broke up with me to be with her and the two had been having an emotional affair for months. They got together immediately after he broke up with me.

 

I don't know, I feel like how can you learn someone treated you so poorly and still love them? Shouldn't you learn something like that and it should just turn off? I don't understand how, knowing all I know now I can still hope that he might wake up and realize what a terrible mistake he's made...

 

I equal parts furious and just sad... I don't know what other word to use just really really sad.

 

I deleted all his contact info from everywhere so I won't be tempted to contact him again, expect of course we still have to deal with apartment - he's coming home mid June to get his stuff and I just know it's going to be awful

 

How about you, I know you said you had a crappy day, did you maintain NC? Have you started trying to do anything for yourself? I started trying to learn Italian, it's something I've always wanted to do and I find it helps. I know it's still pretty new for you though so you might not be there yet.

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You are very brave, its great that you are taking care of yourself and occupying your mind with things that will add to you. I'm just a few hours into the pain, and I caused the end myself, and in a way you inspire me. Right now I dont want to do anything with my life, its like it lost its purpose altogether and ill pray to wake up better tomorrow. I wish you will to better day by day. I want to say that people sometimes dont even know how much they are huring another, because I did that myself. And boy do I regret it... I ed up and lost what was probably the love of my life. Stay strong and wish you to find peace and strength to keep going.

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Oh that's not fair to you at all. Why would he keep lying to you till now. He is been seeing that girl 2 months before break up. That's really bad. Sorry you had to go through this. And sorry you will still have to see him again after all this. That's good you deleted all his contact, I am not sure if I am strong enough for that right now.

 

I didn't break my NC. I went out with my friends who kept saying I need to snap out of this and realize he was immature for not discussing problem and just breaking up all of sudden without giving me reason etc. I know all that is true but still hope he will come back, I still want to call him and see him. I haven't done much, will be starting hot yoga again. Nice that you are taking Italian. Hopefully slowly I can focus on things as well. Today is half marathon, which we we were supposed to run together. I signed up because of him and I really miss him. I started running because of him and I was hoping he would message me good luck last night but he didn't. I guess he is maintaining his NC as well. Heading for my half marathon, hopefully will feel better after that.

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Broke my no contact today. He messaged me at 7am (1:00am Hawaii time) before my race. Wishing me luck for my race. I messaged him back thanking him for training me for my race.

 

He message me back again later today congratulating me and asking how my race went. I just replied back to him.

 

I really missed him since we were supposed to be doing it together. I am very happy he called, but it's hard because it makes me miss him even more and keeps giving me false hope.

 

How are you doing today? Hope it's getting better and your Italian class is keeping you busy.

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Hi, I had been seeing my bf for 18 months, then a almost three weeks ago he ended it, completely out of the blue. We'd had a great relationship, only had a couple of minor fall outs and still had all the passion even up until the end. He'd confide in me, never keep secrets and was always one hundred percent honest with me; even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear, if I needed to he would tell me. We supported each other, me through his dad being diagnosed with terminal cancer, him with problems I was having with my previous job.

 

Anyways, a few weeks ago he stayed the weekend at mine, we had a fab time, lots of sex, which he initiated and he went back home (he lives 30 miles away. When he got back he messaged me asking me to take a video of him off Facebook because he wasn't a 'performing monkey'. He's never had a problem with these before and is like a clown always messing around, but I took it off and apologised. Then came the silent treatment. He sometimes has to work in other parts of the country and the one immovable rule of our relationship is that if he's working away he lets me know that he gets there safe, no matter what. Anyway the day after he left mine he was working away. Nothing. The first I knew that he was ok was when he posted on Facebook that he was having a drink in the pub after work. Then he replied to a comment on a post about a gig that he'd posted a few days earlier from his mate's ex gf. And basically asked her out on a date. Like ? I commented 'do you fancy taking me' and he texted me accusing me of stalking him and that it was over. Saying that he wasn't 'feeling it anymore'.

 

I rang him and he told me that he'd been feeling like that for a few weeks then told me that it was because I had put weight on!!! I had, but with his 'support' I'd changed my diet and already lost a stone (which he didn't even notice). I've since had more reasons. He needs to spend time with his family; needs to spend time on his own; I remind him of his dad dying. Then he said that he was attracted to his mate's ex.

 

I had a few doubts a while ago, he took his relationship status off Facebook and said that he must have done it accidentally and that he didn't think that it was a big deal. I told him that it was to me and he changed it back. After that I had a look how to do it and there's no way that you can do it accidentally. But I convinced myself that I was being paranoid. After that his dad started getting worse and though we didn't see each other as much we were constantly in touch by text or phone. Sometimes act as if nothing was happening if he didn't want to talk about his dad and sometimes being a shoulder to cry on, depending on what he needed. Everything else was the same. Then in January his dad died. I supported him through it and things started to get better. Then it started to change. He hid his status again, but this time I didn't mention it and he started being distant, which I put down to him grieving. He started 'liking' everything that this girl put up and stopped liking any of my posts, even ones I'd tagged him in. He's always been a bit obsessed with his phone and social media, which I and his kids and mum have mentioned to him. It was my birthday last month and while we were out to dinner he kept on messing around with it, despite me asking him not to. I stayed at his for the weekend a few days after my birthday and from the moment I walked through the door he was all over me like a rash.

 

Then Saturday night he put a photo on Facebook of him and this girl out on a date. It's not even been three weeks since we broke up and he's refused to give me my stuff back or pick his up until now, but has now promised that he will come next weekend to get it and so we can talk. I don't really know what to think. He's denied cheating, kind of, last night he texted me that he didn't cheat and that he ended it before anything else happened. But cheating isn't just physical, is it? I need to know so I can move on, I convinced myself that I was paranoid and I need to know the truth.

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