Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Not giving presents: should I be worried?

  1. #1
    amycoh

    Join Date
    May 2017
    Posts
    3

    Unhappy Not giving presents: should I be worried?

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years but we've been in a long distance relationship. He is not so much into giving presents and I'm a bit worried about it.

    Is it bad to be expecting gifts?
    Is it normal for guys?
    Should I talk about this with him (I don't want to make him think I'm childish)?

  2. #2
    Keyman
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    London, England
    Age
    45
    Posts
    2,157
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    202
    My question would be... If you have been together 5 years, has this always been the case and why have you not discussed it at some point during that time already?

  3. #3
    amycoh

    Join Date
    May 2017
    Posts
    3
    I have told him that I like it, but he doesn't seem to mind it that much

  4. #4
    j.man
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    7,124
    Thanked
    8469
    Do you give him gifts? Has he ever given you gifts over the last 5 years?

    What concerns me more than gifts is the fact a whole 5 years have gone by and you two are still LDR. Any plans on that looking to change?

  5. Thanks Vicky89 thanked for this post
  6. #5
    Andrina
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    1,736
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1140
    Most people try to close the distance within 2 years. What is your situation that this hasn't happened? If you haven't read the book The Five Love Languages, I'd suggest reading it and discussing it with your bf. People value particular shows of love, and you need to tell your partner what you value. If the request is reasonable and your partner cares, he will want to please you. If he doesn't care, he will ignore your request.

    It's also important to ask him what you do that makes him feel most loved, or what he wishes you would do that would make him feel more loved. People aren't mind readers. Communication is key to make sure your needs are met in a relationship. What effort does he presently put in to show you how special you are to him?

  7. #6
    Vicky89
    Bronze Member Vicky89's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Planet Earth
    Posts
    113
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    48
    To echo someone else, 5 years is LONG LONG time to be long distance. I can understand maybe a few months or a year, but 5 years....

    Does he actively look to move closer to you ? Or have you move to him ? What are his plans for the future ? At this point most people that date 5 years are already talking marriage or married.

    I feel this looks more like a convenient long distance friends with benefit thing, he has no plans to change any aspect of his personal for you and is content with things as they are presently. May even have another friends with benefits over where he is at.

    I feel you are focused on something as unimportant as gifts and you are missing the bigger picture, like a 5 year long distance no commitment relationship.

    It's time to have a chat with him.

  8. #7
    Wiseman2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    22,430
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    16552
    Have you met in person? Being in a LDR for 5 yrs sounds more disconcerting than the amount of gifts. Are there any plans to close the distance gap?

    No, you don't ask people for gifts.

    Just stop over-investing, getting over-attached and stop sending him stuff or money. Pull back.
    Quote Originally Posted by amycoh [Register to see the link]
    He is not so much into giving presents-Should I talk about this with him?

  9. 05-15-2017, 02:30 PM

  10. #8
    Rezie
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Age
    27
    Posts
    140
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    67
    There are several reasons why people are in LDR' s for longer than 2 years. Moving is not always possible just like that and for some it might work better that there is the distance in between. Also there can be a commitment in LDR that lasts longer commitment doesnt mean marriage, kids and living together for everyone.

    Now to the actual question. As someone mentioned the love language. Gifts mean different things for everyone. You should have a discussion about this and explain what presents mean to you and then he can explain what they mean to him. I know people who don't like getting gifts and then I know peope who expect them. Find a balance between your expectations.

  11.  

Top Threads
breaking up purely because of distance
Have any of you broken it off with your partner strictly because you did not like the distance - that you needed physical contact and his/her actual
will it last
so my boyfriend of nearly seven months does not live in my country and he was here to visit for a few months thats how we met and started seeing each
Am I just his booty call?
I am 20 yrs old and me and this guy who is 28 years old . We are in a long distance relationship, we have been together for four months now but we

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
He Left My Clothes in His Yard to Pick Up
Here is a follow to my situation: After I spent four days with this guy I met online, I inadvertently left a few clothes at his place. Almost two
Does he really think I'm trolling him/can't trust me or is just an excuse?
Met a guy last summer. I broke it off with him 3 times in 6 dates, over concern about distance, but kept apologizing. The last break off he said he
My 8 year old won't go to sleep or stay asleep 😣😣
Feel like I am losing my mind. My 8 year old just won't go to bed.. or she at least won't stay in bed. She is still up now at 9.45pm (after being
HSP in LDR, about to move to be with him and get married
Im a Highly Sensitive Person. I get very overwhelmed very easily. If i dont sleep well, if theres too much noise, if there are too many
Am I being selfish or unreasonable?
Hi everyone, Sorry for my first post to be one of all doom and gloom, but I'm stuck and don't know what to do. I want to start by saying that I
Stomach flu fears
I have a huge fear of stomach flu, if i am exposed or know someone has had it a have really bad anxiety and stress over it. Yesterday at 11am at my
Boyfriend Likes Questionable Pictures on Instagram– Should I Be Worried?
Long story short, he's been liking some questionable pictures that this other woman (whom he knows irl) posts. In one of the pictures he liked, she's
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •