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Thread: Not giving presents: should I be worried?

  1. #1
    amycoh
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    Unhappy Not giving presents: should I be worried?

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years but we've been in a long distance relationship. He is not so much into giving presents and I'm a bit worried about it.

    Is it bad to be expecting gifts?
    Is it normal for guys?
    Should I talk about this with him (I don't want to make him think I'm childish)?

  2. #2
    Keyman
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    My question would be... If you have been together 5 years, has this always been the case and why have you not discussed it at some point during that time already?

  3. #3
    amycoh
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    I have told him that I like it, but he doesn't seem to mind it that much

  4. #4
    j.man
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    Do you give him gifts? Has he ever given you gifts over the last 5 years?

    What concerns me more than gifts is the fact a whole 5 years have gone by and you two are still LDR. Any plans on that looking to change?

  5. #5
    Andrina
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    Most people try to close the distance within 2 years. What is your situation that this hasn't happened? If you haven't read the book The Five Love Languages, I'd suggest reading it and discussing it with your bf. People value particular shows of love, and you need to tell your partner what you value. If the request is reasonable and your partner cares, he will want to please you. If he doesn't care, he will ignore your request.

    It's also important to ask him what you do that makes him feel most loved, or what he wishes you would do that would make him feel more loved. People aren't mind readers. Communication is key to make sure your needs are met in a relationship. What effort does he presently put in to show you how special you are to him?

  6. #6
    Vicky89
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    To echo someone else, 5 years is LONG LONG time to be long distance. I can understand maybe a few months or a year, but 5 years....

    Does he actively look to move closer to you ? Or have you move to him ? What are his plans for the future ? At this point most people that date 5 years are already talking marriage or married.

    I feel this looks more like a convenient long distance friends with benefit thing, he has no plans to change any aspect of his personal for you and is content with things as they are presently. May even have another friends with benefits over where he is at.

    I feel you are focused on something as unimportant as gifts and you are missing the bigger picture, like a 5 year long distance no commitment relationship.

    It's time to have a chat with him.

  7. #7
    Wiseman2
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    Have you met in person? Being in a LDR for 5 yrs sounds more disconcerting than the amount of gifts. Are there any plans to close the distance gap?

    No, you don't ask people for gifts.

    Just stop over-investing, getting over-attached and stop sending him stuff or money. Pull back.
    Quote Originally Posted by amycoh [Register to see the link]
    He is not so much into giving presents-Should I talk about this with him?

  8. 05-15-2017, 03:30 PM

  9. #8
    Rezie
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    There are several reasons why people are in LDR' s for longer than 2 years. Moving is not always possible just like that and for some it might work better that there is the distance in between. Also there can be a commitment in LDR that lasts longer commitment doesnt mean marriage, kids and living together for everyone.

    Now to the actual question. As someone mentioned the love language. Gifts mean different things for everyone. You should have a discussion about this and explain what presents mean to you and then he can explain what they mean to him. I know people who don't like getting gifts and then I know peope who expect them. Find a balance between your expectations.

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