Getting Divorced, ex left for someone else

So I'm sharing my story and hope I can use this to help me move forward. Please any guidance will help.

My husband or shall I say ex husband 1.5 months ago said he wanted a separation because he was depressed we've been married almost a year. That same day I told him I wanted a divorce because I caught him talking to another girl. This wasn't the first time and I had enough. We met at age 19 and were each other's first and he did cheat on me before we got married. I guess I knew what I was getting myself into but really thought he changed. We were codependents of each other and I gave a lot but he always felt that I never satisfied him. We don't have any kids as in I was planning on going to medical school soon. Anyhow after 3 weeks of NC because I ignored him, he contacted me to talk about separating out accounts. So we met up. The moment he saw me he instantly started crying and I comforted him, he would cry during our conversation sporadically, and we talked as in best friends like before. We decided to postpone the divorce. Then we endlessly started talking again all weekend and we met up for lunch his invite to talk. We met and started talking and he seemed like an emotional wreck, I realized this wasn't healthy for myself and him so I decided to leave the separation NC in order to heal. A week later he sends a message about wanting to file the divorce. So I proceed because I've had enough of his games. And when we meet up at the court he acts like nothing and talks to me as in best friends. Before I continue side note: before we entered the court house to file, a pastor went up to us and evangelized to us, we both are christians so I know this is no coincidence. The pastor spoke about him about me being the women for him and how an amazing women I am and how he should care for me, great ego boost. After that conversation with the pastor my ex husbands ask what did I think about it? I told him I don't know. We continue to talk as best friends and he mentions how we always had a wonderful friendship and love between us, but in my mind we are still getting a divorce which makes no sense! He asked if I was dating anyone I told him that there was a couple of guys asking me out but I didn't want anything, he didn't want to tell me anything about his dating life but I figured he was up to something. We continue to file for divorce and at the end he drops me off at my car and hugs me for 5 mins, very tight, and he tears up. I haven't talked to him since, but today 2 days after filing I find out he posted on social media pictures with his new gf. Now that it's the end before he left he met this girl at his job, he is an ambulance driver. She is my same age 24 and has a child. He posted saying how this wonderful women gave him her heart and he won't take it for granted. This is the girl I caught him talking to. I am in so many mixed emotions and of coarse heart broken! I've been through so much with him and he does have a lot of problems, clearly he's messed up in the head but all his actions are confusing! Ps we have the same therapist and she tries to help me understand, all I can see is that he's a very confused person and doesn't know what he wants. I'm Just trying to move on and It's very painful giving so much to this man for four years and him walking away like nothing... I'm glad I'm getting away... but very painful....

Oh dear, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Sounds like he is a very manipulative person. He is playing emotional games at your expense. There is only one thing you can do, and I believe you know what it is. You sound like you have a really good heart and a healthy soul, don't let an emotional wreck ruin your life. Keep your head up high, have self-respect and know that one day you'll be happy again. He'll still be a wreck, don't even feel sorry for him, just co centrate on yourself. I know it's hard but you got your whole life ahead of you!!

good riddance to him! time for you to move on. forget about this loser. you deserve much better.

good luck to you. i hope it goes well.

To say that he does not know what he wants is an understatement. I can guarantee you that he will be dumping this new girlfriend very soon and will have a new woman on his arm in short order. The man is lost. Only he can fix himself, so don't even waste your precious time trying to help him. Just lick your wounds, pick yourself up and start all over again. You have a great goal to work for, so concentrate on that....Blessings to you. chi

Oh dear, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Sounds like he is a very manipulative person. He is playing emotional games at your expense. There is only one thing you can do, and I believe you know what it is. You sound like you have a really good heart and a healthy soul, don't let an emotional wreck ruin your life. Keep your head up high, have self-respect and know that one day you'll be happy again. He'll still be a wreck, don't even feel sorry for him, just co centrate on yourself. I know it's hard but you got your whole life ahead of you!!

Thank you for your words! I definitely appreciate them! I know what I am and believe me it's a lot better than this. Just gotta keep pushing, only sucks when I hit those roller coasters of emotion.

good riddance to him! time for you to move on. forget about this loser. you deserve much better.

good luck to you. i hope it goes well.

Thank you! I'm very hopeful this will be good for me, and in time I will be ok. Thanks again for your kind words!

To say that he does not know what he wants is an understatement. I can guarantee you that he will be dumping this new girlfriend very soon and will have a new woman on his arm in short order. The man is lost. Only he can fix himself, so don't even waste your precious time trying to help him. Just lick your wounds, pick yourself up and start all over again. You have a great goal to work for, so concentrate on that....Blessings to you. chi

Yes that's the only thing that's keeping me forward! Just trying to get myself out of this mess. I'm grateful that things happened like this. He really was messing with my emotional and mental state. Now I'm so much better! Just trying to keep my mind of things and I think this will do me well.

It's action(s), not words that make a boy a man, and a man a husband.

It's action(s), not words that make a boy a man, and a man a husband.

I know that now, just I feel stupid to ever believe anything he said. It hurts a hell of a lot. My heart feels like it's In my stomach.

Also I would like to add after we met up and ate lunch, he asked me to be his best friend. I told him no, after that couple hours later I started ignoring him for NC he went ballistic and started calling and texting like crazy for two days. Telling me how he loved me, that I am the girl he loved the most, that he sold me his heart and he will never have it back, that he honestly rather ruin someone else's life than mines because he cares for me so much, and never wants to hurt me again. This was two weeks ago...

Soul, people are increasingly marrying for all the wrong reasons.

Non-marriages based on companionship, sex, financial needs, inertia and twisted interpretations of genuine love, are seemingly becoming the norm.

While it's normal rehash the whole marriage in your mind, I recommend concentrating on the earliest days of the relationship.

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like the relationship never worked. At least the marriage was less than a yr and no kids. Hopefully the divorce will go smoothly for you.

It seems possible he was with this other woman all along or most of your marriage. Why did you get married?

Do not stay friends or get religious people involved, except for your private counselling.. Communicate only through lawyers. Excellent you are going no contact. Delete and block him from all social media

he did cheat on me before we got married. when we meet up at the court he acts like nothing and talks to me as in best friends. This is the girl I caught him talking to.

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like the relationship never worked. At least the marriage was less than a yr and no kids. Hopefully the divorce will go smoothly for you.

 

It seems possible he was with this other woman all along or most of your marriage. Why did you get married?

 

Do not stay friends or get religious people involved, except for your private counselling.. Communicate only through lawyers. Excellent you are going no contact. Delete and block him from all social media

No this girl is completely different they met about two months ago at work. We got married because he wanted to.

SS.

"We got married because he wanted to."

Usually it is two who want to. Did you also want to get married?

SS.

 

"We got married because he wanted to."

 

Usually it is two who want to. Did you also want to get married?

Honestly now that I think about it, I was still numb from the first time he cheated on me at that time. I loved him but felt rushed. I did want to marry him because I thought he changed and we could work.

I'm depressed now trying to keep my head up but it's not easy. I know I'm overthinking.

Honestly, this guy is a wreck. As soon as you have had a little time to heal, you will realize you dodged a lifetime bullet. He did not honor his marriage vows and he is already coupled with another girl. He is disgusting in my book. Good luck, you deserve better.